Oh lookie here, more crack from Alyssa! At least it has some semblence of a plot...
ANYWAY! This was originally an RP between me and Melissa. She was Poland, and I was poor, poor Liet (pity me!). Nothinging much to say here besides... nothing. Go read the feaking story.
Disclaimer: Hetalia. Not mine. Wish it was. That is all.
Poland burst through the door of the Baltic nations' shared home.
"LIET!" He called into the house for his 'BFF'. Lithuania sighed from his chair in the kitchen, and got up to go greet the blond Polish man at his door.
"What do you want, Poland?" The aforementioned Pole's eyes seemed to gleam.
"Check out my brand new miniskirt! Totally cute, right?" All poor Lithuania could do was facepalm at his friend's transsexual tendencies.
"Felix... you know men aren't suppose to wear skirts, right?" He asked the blond. Poland just stared at him for a moment, before going red in the face.
"SO? ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT TOTALLY PRETTY, LIET?" Poland shrieked. The Lithuanian put his hands up in a defensive position and tried to explain himself.
"Nonononono! I'm just saying that maybe you could try wearing, I don't know, PANTS?" … Unfortunately for him, it came out like even more of an accusation. Even so, Poland's face visibly brightened at this, and Lithuania heaved a sigh of relief at the averted crises.
"...Like my totally hot new skinny jeans? I got them on sale with a rad new pair of high heels! BRIGHT. PINK!"
And the sigh turns into a groan.
"I need some aspirin..." To this, the cross-dressing blond began rummaging through his... purse.
"I have some in my purse... No, I only have pony treats." Poland said with a frown. The brunette plopped down on the sofa, his face in his hands.
"Good grief... I don't know why I hang out with you, I really don't..."
And then Poland bursts out laughing for seemingly no reason.
"...HA HA! LIET, YOU SOUND LIKE CHARLIE BROWN. He's not as totally rad as me, though." The Polish man gushed.
"Because I feel his pain..." Lithuania responded, head still in his hands.
"Um… like, why?" Poland asked, arching an eyebrow.
"We're both friends with people who act like the opposite gender. Who do you think that is, Felix?" He asked, taking his face out of his hands and giving the blond an exasperated look.
"...Hungary?" At this Lithuania facepalmed once again.
"Yes, Poland. It's Hungary." He sighed.
For a moment, both were completely silent. Before it was broken by Poland, that is.
"Hey Liet, I got you a skirt, too." He said with the smallest hint of a smirk. The other man could only gape at him in pure shock and horror.
"NO. I will NOT wear a skirt! Nothing you say or do can make me! Not money, not power, not even a date with Belarus!" He exclaimed angrily. Poland looked thoughtful for a moment, before a sly grin appeared on his face.
"… Week away from Russia?" He asked, already knowing the answer. Lithuania looked unsure, but could not deny the appeal of a week away from the terrifying Russian.
"... Not until you tell me EXACTLY how you will manage that." He said sharply. Poland grinned at his victory.
"Okay, so he goes on this rad all-expense-paid trip, but here's the catch: someone totally "accidentally" booked Belarus the same one." He explained gleefully. The burette was extremely skeptical of this idea.
"Are you sure that will work? Last time Mr. Russia went on a trip alone, he brought Estonia, Latvia and I, too! Apparently he only takes trips alone when we're there... And if I say no, he'll... Oh God... DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE?" He almost screamed, grabbing the collar of the blonde's shirt. Poland loosened the other man's hold on his shirt, nonchalantly brushing the comment off.
"He's totally not alone. I gave him a passenger ticket for his totally un-cool crush, too. America." He said with a triumphant grin. Lithuania pulled back slightly.
"Mr. America? He's my friend, and I think he's pretty cool!" He defended his friend. "And Russia does seem to like him... maybe this could work... But I won't put on the skirt until I KNOW that he's gone!"
Suddenly, Poland jumps to his feet, pulling the confused Lithuanian with him. He dashes off towards Estonia's video surveillance room, his friend in tow. He plops down in the chair infront of the monitors, searching through a stack of DVDs for the recording he wants. He gives a little "Ah ha!' when he finds the one for Tuesday, and pops it in to the player. He sits back smugly and points at the screen.
"I TOTALLY anticipated your moves, Liet." Lithuania just stared at the video as he watched Russia leave the house, baggage in hand. He glared at Poland.
"YOU MEAN HE'S BEEN GONE ALL THIS TIME AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?" He yelled. Poland shrunk back slightly at the increased tone of the burette's voice.
"No... He only left on Tuesday... And Wednesday SWEDENWASHEREOHDEARPONIES! So only today he's been gone!" The blond's face flashed in brief horror, but then took on its usual calm and slightly smug appearance. Lithuania cringed at the thought of the scary Swede.
"Wait... SWEDEN? That guy gives me the creeps! I don't know how Finland can be around him, much less be married to him!" He was hoping that this diverge in the conversation would make Poland forget exactly why he had sent Russia away, and leave Lithuania with his pants on.
"So…?" Apparently luck wasn't on his side as the Polish man held up a tiny lime-green miniskirt to match his own.
'Damn!' Lithuania thought franticly. 'I should have known, changing the subject never works on Poland! Bu-but it's so short! Oh come on, Toris, you can do it! It's just a skirt right? A really short, revealing, girly skirt...'
He sighed in defeat, and grabbed the skirt from the blond.
"O-okay…" He said in passing as he went to the bathroom to change. After a few minutes, he emerged from the bathroom, his head hung in obvious shame. Poland, on the other hand, can't keep the grin off his face.
"KAWAII DESU! Wasn't I totally right, Latvia? Estonia?" He exclaimed girlishly. He had already taken several pictures of the other, his smart phone having been retrieved from his purse while his friend was changing. Next to him stood an amused Estonia and a giggling Latvia, both with cameras in hand.
Lithuania gasped in horror and tried vainly to cover himself up.
"Wh-WHAT? G-guys, what are you DOING HERE? POOOLAAAND!" He shrieked. Poland just shrugged.
"Liet, its you guys's house. They just walked downstairs. But I totally told them to grab their cameras."
"POLAND YOU BASTARD!" Lithuania screamed as he ran to hide in the nearest closet. The blond made a little 'hmmph' sound as he went through the pictures he took.
"At least I took pictures. Liet, is like, so cute!" He said smiling.
"WHAT CAN YOU GAIN FROM THIS?" The angered Lithuanian yelled from the closet.
"Aaw! You're so cute in a skirt, Liet! And I totally want to, like, email this to all your friends!" The blond gushed. This only seemed to piss off the hidden brunette even more.
"DO THAT AND YOU DIE!" He practically roared. There was silence for a moment, before it was shattered by the most horrifying sentence to ever pass Lithuania's ears.
"...So are you, like, mad if I already did it?"
Review and ye shall be spared from thy terrible fate of seeing Russia in a miniskirt!
Unless you're into that... *shudders*