As it gets colder and colder, Allen realizes that back in January he was thinking Louisiana was relatively warm compared to London; it is, really, but he's been here so long his body's gotten used to the warmth and now that it's a bit colder, it feels insanely cold. It's only about thirty-five degrees Fahrenheit outside (America's even got him using their bloody system…) but he has his sweater with an overcoat of medium thickness on.
He feels weird, as it's a week and a half before his birthday. Mainly because, well, eighteen feels like it should be a bigger step than he's treating it. Eighteen makes him a legal adult. Eighteen gives him the right to vote (not that he really has any desire to vote for anything in America) and he can go buy Cross's cigarettes (Which really, he has his ways to get them anyway, regardless of if it's entirely legal or not) and – well, that's about it. So maybe it isn't that big of a deal to him for good reason, but it feels like it should be.
He's more excited, really, that the day before his birthday they're going to Celebration in the Oaks; it's gonna be him and Lenalee and Lavi and (by association) Kanda. He's never been to it (or City Park at all, really), but Lenalee and Lavi go on and on about it. There are lights and all kinds of foods and festive moods. It seems like it's going to be a lot of fun.
But that's in a whole week and a half, and even though everyone is home and they hang out together a lot, they all have jobs, so they can't hang out as much as they did before.
When he wakes up Christmas Eve, he finds himself in one of the best moods he's been in in a while. It's one of those 'content to be alive' moods, where he feels most alive and happiest about it. He hasn't felt this way since – probably July. He'd been taking the mornings for granted, waking up in Kanda's arms and having everything just feel right and nice; hot too, because the man is a damn heater all his own, but still nice.
He slaps a hand to his face. That is certainly not the right train of thought for a good morning. But he's excited, he supposes, because he's going to Celebration in the Oaks with everyone. He's never been anywhere like they described, so festive and fun. There's a carousel, and choirs, and little cafes. It's going to be a lot of fun. And Kanda's going to be there, which is an added bonus. If everything goes well, tonight'll be the end of all this shit between them. He doubts everything will go back to the way it was, but if some part of it could be rectified…?
Since the park doesn't even open until six, he has plenty of time to kill. The best and fastest way to do that, he figures, is to sleep. So that's what he does. Around noon he turns off his light, sets his alarm for four-thirty, and closes his eyes. Perhaps out of sheer willpower, he falls asleep in minutes. Or perhaps he's just exhausted. It's not like he's really been doing a lot besides practicing piano – but he's been practicing a lot. Apparently NOCCA isn't a pushover school.
He wakes up all of about three minutes before his alarm goes off. Groaning, he blearily turns off the alarm before plopping back down into bed and sighing. It's so nice and warm under these blankets; he doesn't wanna move. He has to, he realizes; he's so slow moving nowadays. If he doesn't start getting ready now, he'll never be done in time.
Lavi, Lenalee, and Kanda are all coming in Lavi's car, apparently, so he just has to meet them at the park for six-thirty. He already made plans with Cross to take the Supra, so his godfather knows, and hopefully will remember, that he has the car for the night.
He climbs in the shower – a cold one because he can't seem to get through one REM cycle without dreaming of Kanda (a stupid notion, he realizes; it's just that the only ones he ever remembers are with Kanda) – and takes his time. He does have a good hour and a half before he has to leave. He also wants his hair to be completely dry before going out, however, so he doesn't take too long.
He dresses simply – in jeans with a long sleeve shirt, cardigan, and has his heavy jacket hanging on the chair by his desk. Tim flutters around in his cage and, realizing he hasn't spent much time with the finch, lets him loose to fly around the room. The bird flaps around happily, finally landing in Allen's still drying hair and chirping a short song.
At five-thirty, he brushes out his hair – it's still slightly damp, so it listens to his comb quite nicely – and plays around with his phone a bit. He leaves five minutes to six.
The traffic is kind of horrible, but he's driven through worse. He gets to the park about ten minutes early, and sits around on the inside on a bench and waits. The three arrive about ten minutes late, but as soon as he sees them, he jumps up from the bench and beams at them.
"Allen!" Lenalee exclaims, laughing and jumping into a tight hug.
"Hey, Al," Lavi waves, smiling.
Kanda is there, but as Allen surmised, doesn't make any move to greet him. And Allen lets it be, just sends him a smile and lets Lenalee link arms with him. Ever since he and Kanda…separated, there's been an unspoken rule – Lenalee doesn't bring Reever around and Lavi doesn't bring Miranda when they're doing something with all four of them. He isn't sure of whose benefit it's for, but he guesses they're doing it for him. He doesn't particularly care either way if Reever and Miranda are there, in fact, he enjoys their company, but he gets why Lavi and Lenalee do it. And in the end he supposes he's really grateful for it.
With that, they head off into the park.
After they've finished everything, and they're just walking around, Allen realizes they're probably going to leave soon. And this would be it. The last time. He probably wouldn't see Kanda again in months. They would split up here, Kanda would go to his house and pack, then go to the Armstrong International Airport, and be…gone. Lenalee's been giving him these looks all night. Looks that scream her incredulity at him being so weak. Or at least, that's how he interprets them – because he feels weak. He feels like he can't do anything. Like he's just standing there, alive but not even remotely living. So he should change that, right? Do something about it?
Kanda is only a few steps in front of him, scarf wrapped tight around his neck, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his pea coat. He's kind of – hunched forward and speed walking, like he's on some mission to get to the entrance of the park and leave eternally. Which, well, he probably is. That's just like Kanda, to try and escape from social situations early.
He can't let that happen, though, so he gives Lenalee a look, who promptly says, "Oh, Lavi – let's go ride the carousel again!"
Lavi's exuberant, "Yeah!" is not altogether surprising.
Kanda turns quickly on his heel, letting out a sound of frustration. He obviously wanted to leave now, and there's no way he can do that without Lavi and Lenalee. But now he looks at Allen, eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched in distaste. Is he…disgusted by Allen? That doesn't even make sense. Well, it does, but not anymore. Not when they've known each other for a year.
"While they're in the carousel, do you wanna go get something hot?" Allen asks. Kanda gives him a one-over, then shrugs. He mutters something, but Allen can't really hear him. So they walk to this little, nearby café. Checking his phone, Allen sees that it's only a little bit past eight, and that they've really only been here an hour and a half – seems like longer.
As he thought, not many people are in the café. A few, yes, but the fact that it's Christmas Eve and most people want to spend it with their families, Allen and Kanda have a gracious kind of privacy they wouldn't otherwise have. Together, they go up to the counter, and Allen leans over it a bit, using it to support his weight and get it off his feet. A pretty barista smiles at them and walks over. "Can I help you two?"
"Yes," Allen smiles. "I'd like a – um – hmmm, what do you recommend?" Behind him, Kanda snorts in derision and Allen rolls his eyes, but doesn't say anything.
"Well," she starts. "I'm rather fond of the hot chocolate."
"Then a hot chocolate!" Allen tells her, then he turns to Kanda. "What do you want?"
He looks up at the menu, briefly, then says, "Black tea." She nods to him, and Kanda shoves Allen to the side, says, "Go get a fucking seat."
"Um, no," Allen replies, quite simply. "These are my treat, you go sit down." Kanda shoots him a look, then scoffs harshly and walks away. The barista comes back, and he pays. She gives him a bright smile, then looks over at Kanda and gives him one as well.
When she comes back with the mugs, she says, "Have a merry Christmas," quite warmly. "I hope it goes well for you."
"Happy Christmas to you as well," Allen smiles, taking the mugs. Then, almost belatedly, wonders what she hopes goes well. Is she psychic or something?
Kanda chose a small, circular table towards the back, fairly far away from the other two patrons of the café, and slowly, Allen makes his way towards it. He really hopes this isn't going to get too awkward, that everything will go smoothly. The way he wants it to go. Which, in his mind, means the night will end with them together again – something tells him that's not going to work out, however.
He sets Kanda's tea down in front of him and sits in the other, white chair. Their knees bump together, and the contact – the first real contact they've had in a while – sends shivers down his spine. Kanda sips at the tea lightly, looking outside, and well, Allen didn't really think that he'd be the first to start up conversation, but he doesn't have to look so…apathetic. He can at least pretend to care that this might be the last time they'll see each other in five or six months.
"So," Allen starts, and Kanda turns to him and raises an eyebrow. "How are you?"
Kanda sneers at him a bit. "You act as though we haven't been together half the day."
"You know what I mean – overall. How are you?"
The dark haired man frowns at him, deeply. "What does it matter to you?"
Allen's a bit taken aback; Kanda didn't reply with a one word answer. "Because I like knowing how you're doing? I don't know."
"I'm fine," he grumbles.
"Why are you lying?"
"Yes you are. Kanda, we were together fo-"
"That's right. We were together. We aren't now. Why must you fucking harp on this?"
"Because it never should have ended!" Allen snaps, louder than he meant to. He looks around, and notices everyone pointedly not paying attention to them, which he's grateful for. Kanda purses his lips in distaste and Allen continues with, "I still want to be with you."
"I don't give a shit what you want."
"That isn't fair, Kanda, and you know it. What you did wasn't fair. You know – you have to know – that I'm no part of NOAH." He kind of – well he's conveniently leaving out that he kind of is, but not because he wants to be. And the fact that in a years' time they'll be back and – holy shit what is he going to do about that? He shakes his head, trying to loosen the thoughts from his mind. He doesn't need to think about that right now. Only Kanda. "You can't tell me that everything ended for you."
"I thought you said you were going to be over me – that you weren't going to wait."
"I'm doing what I can!" Allen yells, and he doesn't care anymore. "I'm tired of this, Kanda. I just want you to forgive me. I'm not that strong; I can't just leave it all behind."
Kanda's eyebrows pull together, in either confusion or agitation or both. "I'm leaving. You better learn to leave it behind."
"I know you're leaving. I know," Allen calms down a bit and looks at the table, dejected. "But I can't. I know I said those things, but I never meant them. I was just saying them so you wouldn't leave and it didn't work." He reaches his hands across the table and puts them over Kanda's. The man visibly flinches, but otherwise doesn't pull away. "I love you."
Kanda scoffs and turns away. "You're an idiot."
"I don't forgive you."
Allen doesn't know what to say to that, so he sighs and settles with, "I'll just keep trying until you do."
This is it. He has to try. Right now. He can't leave it open like this. Kanda has to understand – he has to. If he doesn't…
Allen bites his bottom lip, then leans over the table and presses his lips to Kanda's lightly. The dark haired man freezes, stiff as a board, and Allen kisses him a bit more deeply, wants him to feel what he feels. Kanda doesn't push him away, just kind of sits there and relaxes a bit as the milliseconds wear on. As Allen's about to pull away, he maybe feels Kanda's lips move against his, but he's already moving away. His jacket sleeve, however, catches on Kanda's tea and in a feeble attempt to keep it from tipping over, he maneuvers forward and the entire mug ends up on Kanda's front anyhow.
With a loud scoff, Kanda stands up quickly. "Are you okay?" Allen asks quickly.
"Arg – that's fucking hot!" he shrugs off his jacket then mutters a few curses and stomps off towards the bathrooms.
"That…probably didn't help my case…" Allen frowns, running after him. He pushes the door open and looks around, finds Kanda by the sink, shirt off and skin a blotchy red. The dark haired man is probably really wishing his coat had been buttoned up now.
"What the fuck do you want?" Kanda grumbles, dabbing at his stomach with a wet towel. He grimaces deeply and doesn't take his eyes off the mirror.
"I'm sorry. It was an accident."
"Whatever," Kanda retorts, voice muted but still angry.
"Shut up, okay? Just go away."
Allen pauses, then remembers something. "Hold on, I'll be right back."
"Whatever," Kanda scoffs. He doesn't seem too keen on holding an actual conversation anyhow. Sprinting from the bathroom, Allen leaves the café altogether and fights against the biting cold to get to the car. He unlocks it and buries himself in the backseat, pulls out a sweatshirt and an ice pack. He didn't really think he would ever need such a thing in the winter, but now he's grateful for the fact that he kind of hoards shit back there.
After he gets back through the gates, he makes a beeline for the café again and barrels into the bathroom, holding both the sweatshirt and the ice pack out at arm's length. He's panting, rather heavily, and Kanda's looking at him as if he's crazy.
"Your shirt is going to be soaked through. Wear this."
"I don't fit in boys medium," Kanda snarls, folding his arms and leaning against the wall, shirtless. That's probably so unsanitary.
"Come on. It's just a regular medium. Put it on."
Grumbling, Kanda takes it from him, frowning, and slips it on. It's not baggy on him like it is on Allen, but it fits well. He zips it up and straightens his sleeve before grabbing his discarded shirt and storming out the bathroom.
Allen follows close behind. He watches as Kanda flops down into the seat he'd been in before and sits down across from him. He's rather surprised the dark-haired man isn't just storming out and leaving, but he doesn't comment on it. Instead, he says, "Do you want me to buy you another tea?"
"No, you'll just spill that on me too. I like my skin without the third degree burns."
"You're over-exaggerating," Allen mumbles, rolling his eyes. What a drama queen.
Kanda snorts and looks out the window. He's silent for a few moments before commenting, "It's snowing."
Turning in his chair, Allen looks outside the window as well. It is snowing, not that he figured Kanda was lying, but it feels – well like a miracle, really. From what he's gathered, it doesn't often snow in New Orleans, and he hasn't seen the stuff since last Christmas in England. It's beautiful, coating the hard ground lightly and illuminated by the lampposts.
The silence that falls over them is awkward – not comfortable like they used to be, but filled with unsaid words that neither of them really want to hear. But Allen figures that if they just sit here ignoring each other, nothing will ever get done.
"I know you don't like talking…or listening for that matter, but before you – before you leave I want you to understand that I am not NOAH, that I would never hurt you or anyone you care about. And I get the feeling that you do, that deep down you believe me, but you just won't accept it."
"Why do you even care so much?" Kanda sneers. "Yeah, sure, you love me or whatever, but why does it matter if I'm leaving anyway?"
"It's not obvious? I told you, I still want a relationship between us."
Kanda coughs a bit, similar to his one of laughter, but closer to one of awkwardness and disbelief. "You can't be serious. I told you this was over."
"I don't care. You can tell me a million times, but you and I both know how stubborn I can be."
"If you wanna stay dead-set on me and get your heart broken, then whatever," Kanda growls, standing from his chair and stomping off.
Allen stays there for a minute, staring out of the window, watching the light bits of snow fall. He kind of figured it would end up like this. He might be stubborn, but he's not stupid. Kanda's been like this. He runs away. He's always run away; and maybe Allen isn't being totally fair to him, but he feels like he has a bit of a right to be selfish after everything he's gone through. It sounds horrible, but it's true, he does feel that way.
The waitress comes up to him then, and sets another warm hot chocolate on the table. "It's on the house," She tells him, giving him a warm expression and walking away. How kind of her.
Sipping the hot drink, he stares at a spot on the table and lets his mind wander a bit. What if Kanda's completely serious and never takes him back? He supposes it won't be the end of the world, but it won't be very pleasant either. Even if he keeps persisting, if he keeps on fighting for Kanda, the dark-haired man can be just as stubborn (if not more so) than he is. So what does he do then? Does he heed Kanda's (and kind of his own) advice and just give up? He doesn't want to do that. He's thought about it, and it doesn't seem right, but in the end, what other choice will he have? He can't win Kanda back through sheer will power. He isn't going to just return because Allen wants him to.
Why can't anything ever be simple?
When he finishes his hot chocolate, he brings the mugs back to the waitress at the counter and leaves. Lavi and Lenalee are leaning against the building housing the carousel and talking with Kanda. Lenalee looks rather animated, but Lavi and Kanda just look bored. And Lavi being bored is something one doesn't see every day, so whatever Lenalee's nagging them about has probably been said about thirty other times today.
He walks up to them, and Lenalee shuts up immediately, which seems really suspicious and gives him a bad feeling.
"So, Allen…you turn eighteen at midnight!" Lavi exclaims, looking grateful for the change of topic from whatever it was before. "How are you feeling?"
"Oh, fantastic," he says, sarcastically. It's not like Lavi could ever know what's actually troubling him, though, so he amends his statement with, "It's not really that big of a deal to me. It's not like I'm going to be doing anything I couldn't do before."
"How not scandalous…" Lavi groans. "No late night clubbing? You can do that at eighteen in some clubs. No – um…voting for the American President? That is such a fetch thing to do!"
"Did you just use the word 'fetch?'" Allen asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Better question," Lenalee starts. "Did you just use a Mean Girls reference?"
"I may have. I vote Kanda as Regina George."
"I agree, but then that makes you Gretchen Wieners and I really feel you're more of a Karen Smith." Lenalee says, tapping a finger to her chin. "I call Gretchen Wieners."
"So the whore no one likes."
"No, that's still Karen."
"Wait, wait, wait – doesn't this make me Lindsay Lohan's character?" Allen interjects, waving his arms.
"Yeah, the exotic new kid from overseas. And her name was Cady." Lavi informs him matter-of-factly.
"You're all a bunch of fucking idiots." Kanda puts in. Together, they start walking towards the exit.
"I actually believe the line is 'Get in loser, we're going shopping.' Or, something about fugly sluts."
"I'm sorry…fugly?" Allen asks.
"You know, fucking ugly. Fugly. Have you never seen that movie?" Lavi returns, incredulous.
"Maybe once, forever ago…"
"But it's so good!"
"Can you shut up now? Stupid fucking red head…" Kanda grumbles, stomping now more than walking. Allen lets out a sigh and watches as Lavi tries (and fails) to bring Kanda into the conversation. It's as if he doesn't realize how stubborn Kanda is, and how much he probably doesn't care about the film. Perhaps he underestimates Kanda's apathy.
They leave the park; since Allen drove the Supra and Lavi drove his separate car, they have two vehicles, going in two different directions. It wasn't a big deal before because Kanda was over by Lavi's, but now that they're all going home, and Allen lives much closer to Kanda than Lavi does, they have a bit of a dilemma. Allen doesn't have a problem with driving Kanda home, but he figures Kanda would. From what he's gathered tonight, Kanda isn't keen on them getting back together – the kiss was just a natural reaction.
But Kanda doesn't say a word, just swings the door open harshly, then climbs into the passenger seat of his car, slamming it shut once he does. Lavi and Lenalee both give him sympathetic looks.
"I tried," Allen shrugs a bit and Lenalee hugs him tightly.
"It'll work out eventually. It always does. Don't you remember I told you that? When you called me up on the phone freaking out because you just realized you liked him?" She laughs a bit, and Allen smiles.
"Bye, little man," Lavi says once Lenalee lets him go. The red-head envelops him in a tight embrace as well, and Allen grumbles before lightly returning it. When the two are gone, Allen climbs into the car, starting it.
"About damn time," Kanda growls. "It's fucking cold."
"Just because you're adversative to social interactions, it doesn't mean everyone is."
"I'm not adverse to it; I just think it's fucking stupid."
"Right," Allen rolls his eyes, backing out of the parking spot and driving back towards their home. It's silent – the only source of noise is low music and the road beneath them. Snow hits the windshield in light waves and Allen turns on his windshield wipers, frowning a bit because even though it's not a snow storm or anything, it's kind of aggravating when he's trying to drive.
"I never thought I'd see snow in fucking New Orleans again," Kanda says, voice low and gruff.
Allen furrows his eyebrows, but keeps his eyes on the road in front of him. Is Kanda trying to start conversation or something? "I didn't know it ever snowed here," Allen laughs a bit, trying to break apart the tension in his own chest, not just the surrounding one of the car. "When I first came here, I felt like it was some kind of subtropical hell with the kind of weather we have."
He isn't watching, but he's sure Kanda rolls his eyes. "Idiot."
"To my defense, I'd never been somewhere so humid. India was much hotter, but it wasn't near as humid where we were. It never snowed there, anyhow. Of course, I only stayed there a few months. Not as long as I've been here." He pauses. "Come to think of it, I've never stayed anywhere as long as here, not except for England."
Kanda snorts, "Why are you still here?"
Allen frowns, looks over at Kanda then shrugs. "I go wherever Cross goes, mostly. Wherever he takes me, to be more accurate. That he's stayed in New Orleans so long is kind of a miracle. He must like it here." Silence settles in again and Allen adds, "I wouldn't leave now anyway. I'll be eighteen tomorrow and he can't drag me around anymore. Not legally anyway; I'm sure he'll still try. But I can't leave you guys."
A scoff this time. "Why the fuck do you do that? You're so goddamn dependent on others."
"I just cherish others." Allen interjects, correcting him. "I've never had friends like the three of you. I've never had anyone like you three, actually. Except for Mana and Uncle Neah, I suppose – but no one else has ever cared about me."
"You underestimate that Cross guy," Kanda frowns, stretching a bit in the confines of the passenger seat.
Allen sighs. "It's hard to decide what his priorities are. Sometimes I get that – glimpses of perhaps something like affection or caring, but it's always gone as quickly as it comes." Not wanting to let the conversation drop, realizing this is probably one of the last times they'll talk for a few months, he says, "If none of this…NOAH business had started…would you have still gone to Japan?"
Kanda is silent for a moment, then, "Yes."
"I want to."
Kanda looks at him. "Why not?"
Allen is kind of…stumped at that. Why not, really? "You have us."
"Fuck you. Relationships are temperamental. I'd rather do what I want to do."
"That sounds so childish," Allen says, not able to decide between amusement and slight offense. "Relationships don't have to be temperamental. Ever thought it's up to you what happens and what doesn't happen?"
"Sometimes," Kanda replies simply, and Allen figures Kanda took it in a totally different manner than he meant. Judging by his reaction, Allen supposes he did. "But if it's just up to us as individuals, why aren't we together? You have it your way, we'd be together. It's not just one side."
Kanda is right, but, "But see," he smirks. "Because you don't want us to be together, we aren't. So that's up to you, isn't it?"
"Whatever. You're an idiot. Relationships are temperamental because they do require two parties with sometimes differing opinions. So just shut up."
Allen shakes his head, and they're quiet for the rest of the ride home. When they pull up to Kanda's house, however, Allen stops him from getting out the car. He holds onto Kanda's arm and the man growls before turning in his seat to look at Allen expectantly.
"I have one more question. You said you were always going to go to Japan. Were you going to break up with me before as well?"
Kanda lets out a harsh noise and looks at the center console. "Probably. If you didn't notice, things weren't the same."
"That wasn't just because you were suspicious of me? Because of Daisya and everything? We were fine."
"Are you trying to blame this on the NOAH, on Daisya? Because-"
"No! Of course not! I just want to know if you really didn-don't love me anymore."
A long, harsh sigh. "What the fuck do you want from me? I don't love you. That's all that matters. What good does it do to talk in hypotheticals?"
"You're the scientist, not me."
"We form hypotheses before the fact, not after."
Allen sighs, realizes his hand is on Kanda's arm still, and musters courage to say what he's going to say next – something that's probably going to end horribly and leave him totally upset. But he goes for it anyway, "Um. Before you go, will you…just one more time…kiss me?" Kanda looks at him as if he's crazy and Allen adds, "You can say no."
"I can obviously say no," Kanda rolls his eyes. "Why?"
"Why not?" Kanda looks to the side, visibly uncomfortable and Allen resists the urge to throw up his hands in exasperation. "Oh, just go. We're wasting gas sitting here." Allen frowns and looks straight ahead, watches as the windshield wipers angrily swipe back and forth. With a sigh, he turns them off. The snow isn't so bad so that he couldn't get home without them.
"Close your eyes," Kanda demands out of nowhere, and then Allen is tugged to him. Shocked, but not altogether unsatisfied, Allen relents, closing his eyes and reveling in the feeling and taste of Kanda as the older man closes the distance between them and kisses him. It's not the same as when Kanda used to kiss him, no, but it's not bad. It doesn't feel completely like Kanda is just doing it for Allen's sake, but it doesn't feel like it's completely sexual, either. It's just a kiss.
Sated, Allen leans back, eyelids heavy, and Kanda growls before dragging him in for another kiss, this one much more hurried and perhaps a bit more sexual. Groaning, Allen climbs over into the passenger seat and straddles Kanda's hips, kisses him as much as he can because this is all he's going to get. Kanda is leaving, going halfway around the globe, so he needs to drink as much of the dark-haired man in as he can. When they break apart, breathing harshly, Allen very quickly realizes where this is all heading. But – he doesn't want that. Doesn't want to just be fucked and then left. He'd feel even worse than he already does.
So he kisses Kanda one more time, slowly, passionately, before climbing back into the driver's seat. Kanda looks over at him, perhaps a bit of frustration in those dark eyes, then climbs out and slams the door shut before walking up to his door. He turns when he's there, looks back at Allen in the Supra and seems to relax a bit.
He smiles, then walks inside his house.
Oh man, how much do you guys hate me for that ending? On a scale of 'I want to have your babies I love you so much,' to 'I hope you die in a fire.' Probably somewhere around, 'fall in a pit of needles' I guess. And that's fair XD I would hate myself too.
But it's not over! 'Promises' starts up December 25th! Which seems like a long ways away, but it's only 39 days, 6 hours, and 17 minutes as of right now. Which, okay that does seem kinda far away, but I will be updating other random shit in the meantime, so put me on author alert or just check back periodically when you're bored. You'll most likely see something new each time. X)
Goodbye, loves, but not for long!
(I am SO sad right now for some reason...)