"Thirty-one down, seventy-three to go."
Kelsey Swanigan hated her job at the Danville Depot of Delightful Beauty Products. She'd been working there for all of a month so far, and every second she despised it more. It was a sacrifice of time, patience, and brain cells, but she needed the money if she was ever going to get that car. She knew she could never ask her father for one- he immediately say no, demanding that she only wanted one to make out with boys in the backseat. Nor her mother- her mother was on sabbatical in India, helping poor people and performing research for Danville University.
She sighed and looked around at the other passengers on the bus. She was easily twice as young as every other passenger; most of them were the old ladies she saw every day on their way to the Danville Community Center to play bridge. Here she was, a seventeen-year-old girl, sitting in a bus full of women well past their seventies.
The bus stopped right in front of the strip mall where the store was, and Kelsey dusted off her kelly green capri pants, straightened her white blouse, and grudgingly marched into the store.
"Morning, Jada," Kelsey said to the large black woman behind the counter.
Jada barely looked up from her cheesy romance novel. "Mornin', Kelsey. Listen to this- the dashing matador is going to tell Rosa what he likes about her!"
Kelsey put on her best fake smile, though admittedly she'd never been much of an actress. "That's great, Jada."
She walked into the employee break room and put her bag down on the bench. Her one friend in the world, Marvin, who also happened to work here, was tying his yellow "Depot of Delightful Beauty Products" apron on.
"Hey, Kelsey," he said. "Better watch out- Crazy Lady called. She's coming back again to look for Stiff Beauty Hairspray."
Kelsey laughed. Crazy Lady, as the employees affectionately called her, often tried to take over the world with their products. Once, she'd bought the store's entire supply of Chapstick- that had been a fun call to Corporate. Her name was apparently Priscilla Poofenplotz- at least, that's what she always signed on her receipts. Personally, Kelsey didn't believe it was her actual name.
"You told her we don't carry it anymore, right?" asked Kelsey, remembering she'd pulled the remaining bottles from the shelves last week.
"No duh. It's Crazy Lady, of course she didn't listen to me. She said she's coming at, like, ten o' clock. So watch out for her."
"No prob, I'm on price tag duty this morning anyway. I'll watch the hairspray aisle." Kelsey began tying her apron on as well. "When's your shift over?"
Marvin pinned on his name tag. "Eh, two-ish. Why?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to do something after work. I'm done at two, so maybe we could go chill at the park or something..." Kelsey said, also pinning her name tag to her apron.
"Sure. Sounds cool."
Kelsey smiled. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad.
Ten o' clock rolled around, and sure enough, Crazy Lady came barging in. Jada paged Kelsey on her walkie-talkie.
"Crazy Lady's here. Better get to that hairspray aisle, girl."
When Kelsey arrived in the hairspray aisle, Crazy Lady was already standing there waiting for her, with her signature pink dress and white handbag, looking condescending just by standing there.
Kelsey put on her game face, and asked, "Can I help you with something, ma'am?"
Crazy Lady smiled in her slightly creepy way. "Yes, can you tell me where you've moved your Stiff Beauty hairspray?"
"Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am," said Kelsey, attempting to look sorry, but not succeeding in the least, "that product has been discontinued." She went on, passive-aggressively taking out her anger at the sheer unfairness of her life on this criminally insane woman. "As it turns out, only amusement park clowns used it...and ever since the old amusement park shut down, Stiff Beauty hasn't been selling..."
Crazy Lady looked shocked. "...Discontinued?"
Kelsey nodded, hoping she could get this over with quickly. "Discontinued."
"So what you're saying is Stiff Beauty is no longer going to be sold."
Kelsey grimaced. "Right...that's what discontinued means."
They stared each other down for a few long, excruciating seconds.
Then Crazy Lady took what appeared to be some sort of dart gun out of her handbag. Aiming it at Kelsey, she screamed, "HOW ABOUT I DISCONTINUE YOU FROM THIS DIMENSION?"
A flash of purple light, and the store was gone.
Kelsey scanned her new surroundings. She seemed to be stuck to a gelatinous red mass covering everything she could see, being held to it due to stickiness. It was burning hot. Kelsey was sure the back of her clothes were ruined. She couldn't believe how horrible her day had become in a matter of seconds. And just when she was about to go out on a quasi-date with Marvin!
A yellow octopus-like creature with one eye floated past, snorting like a pig.
She stared at it as it passed, then looked straight ahead at whatever was emerging from the red gelatin across from her.
"This so isn't worth minimum wage."
A/N: Phineas and Ferb are not mine. I wish. Also I wish they would have visited this dimension in the movie!