A/N: Blame the damn game, lol. Enough said! Don't take this story seriously people, that's why it's under the humor/parody category :p
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Summary: Fruit Ninja is ever so addictive to normal people. What happens when our resident ninja gets a hold of the game? Fruit lovers beware; there will be carnage!
"Happy birthday, Snake Eyes!"
The ninja looked at Scarlett then at the others behind her whom had smiles on their faces. How did they know his birthday? All of that information as confidential as far as he was concerned. Heck, he didn't even know when his own birthday since the information was pushed out of his mind years ago. Snake wasn't one to count numbers of how old he become. It only mattered to the fact how well he felt; that was good enough. Besides, who would care about a shadow?
Scarlett pushed the box into Snake's arms.
"All of us pitched in," she began. "It's nothing much but because you're a valuable part of the team, we thought that you at least deserve our gratitude for all you've done."
Snake Eyes looked at her blankly. "What?" He signed.
"What did ninja man say?" Tunnel Rat asked.
"He's in shock," Scarlett answered. Turning around to the rest of the group she continued, "Snake Eyes' birthday is classified. Regardless of when he's actual birthday is, I thought this thank you gift would be great for him. You know, for all the things he's done."
Duke turned to the ninja. "Well, go on. Open it,"
Snake Eyes looked at the gift wrapped box wearily. Looking at Scarlett he signed, "This is a joke, right?"
Scarlett shook her head. Lowering his guard down (for the moment) the ninja tugged on the white bow. Floating down to the ground Snake Eyes proceeded to open the box. Removing the lid, he tilted his head.
"Ya like it?" Roadblock asked, breaking the silence.
Pulling out a rectangular plastic box, Snake Eyes showed it to the rest of the team.
"See? I knew he'd like it!" Roadblock said proudly. Roadblock was damn proud with the gift. Why? He was the one who suggested it considering Scarlett outright refused the idea at first but she caved in.
"I still don't think it's a good idea to give him that," Tunnel Rat added.
Snake Eyes broke the seal and pulled out his 'gift'. Usually he would be close to happy when the gifts he got were weapons. You know, things that are sharp as hell and things that go boom? Those were the types of presents he usually got. Plus, let's not forget: they were practical! But this? This was… a whole new experience.
Snake Eyes looked at the rectangular device; a touch screen. What was a ninja like him supposed to do with this hi-tech gadget? It's not like it could be useful to him on missions. Well, maybe it could cure boredom during downtime… maybe. The box came with: headphones, a usb cable, instruction manuals and an apple sticker.
"Turn it on!" Roadblock suggested.
Pushing on the button, the device turned on. It took a moment to load everything. Snake Eyes had to look to his team mates again. Well, this was awkward.
"What? Don't like it?" Duke asked.
Snake Eyes shook his head. "Strange."
Scarlett said, "He finds this strange." Turning to Snake Eyes, Scarlett continued, "Well, let's get back to work now. We still have a lot of ground to cover."
Turning to Roadblock, she gave him a nod.
"Alright everybody! Buckle up!"
The Coyote roared back to life. Driving down an abandoned road, everybody was minding their own business. Roadblock hummed his favorite tune, Duke sat in the passenger's seat wondering what lies ahead of them in the future, Tunnel Rat was still not convinced giving Snake Eyes an iTouch was a good idea and Scarlett remained peeled to her handheld. And the ninja? He continued staring at the iTouch in his hand. What on earth would he do with this anyway? Sliding through the screens, there was nothing amusing other than the default apps. He noticed that when he opened his gift, it came along with a $25 gift card to use at the app store.
Nothing was amusing to him at this point in time; making a false account and successfully signing into it, the app store was littered with apps; the good, the bad, the ugly and the useless. Nothing seemed appealing to him until he went to the search option and typed in 'ninja'. The first result was Fruit Ninja. Redeeming the gift card, Snake Eyes bought the game. It was an interesting concept, slicing fruits for points and avoiding bombs. Staring the game, Snake Eyes swiped his finger across fruits. Splat! Swiping his finger again, he connected three fruits in a row gaining him a +3 combo. Interesting. Swiping his finger again, he unfortunately connected to a bomb. Boom! There goes all his fruits and the timer continued to tick.
Hearing the massacre behind him, Tunnel Rat commented, "I think the ninja found his game."
As the day progressed, the only sound the Joes heard were the sounds of slaughtered fruit. Snake Eyes was at the game for at least four hours and counting. Every time Scarlett went to check on his score, his score was higher than the last. She understood the game was addictive but this addictive? Ugh, just thinking of the fact if Cobra published a game such as this, teenage minds would be instantly doomed.
"Having fun, Snake Eyes?"
The ninja didn't reply. Instead, he was dead focused on slicing as many fruits as he can during frenzy mode. Scarlett frowned a little.
Scarlett's eye brow arched. "O-kay."
"Told ya this was a bad idea," Tunnel Rat said, throwing out his comment.
"Head's up people! We have Cobra drones on our tail!" Duke yelled.
Everybody instantly was on their toes, waiting for the drone to strike. Showering the Coyote with bullets, Duke rolled down the window, retaliating with shots from his gun. Several shots after and the drone swirled out of control, slamming into the next drone. With two down, one was left. Tunnel Rat climbed into the elevated weapons unit and shot the remaining drone. It was unlike Snake Eyes to be not fighting. Instead, he was fixated onto the handheld. Scarlett hated to admit it but perhaps Tunnel Rat was right.
Finally the battery died. Slightly annoyed with the now useless iTouch, Snake Eyes tossed the device onto a pile of newspapers. Okay, the fun was over. Now, the next best thing to do was meditate. Sitting crossed legged, he closed his eyes and the visuals of massacred fruits developed. His finger twitched. No, this was not the time to be thinking of the game. He needed peace. Trying again, he cleared his mind, going to that personal space in his mind where… he found tons of flying fruit and that hard to get combo.
"Hey, look," Roadblock's voice echoed. "Fruit stalls!"
"And I see Cobra as well!" Tunnel Rat shouted. "INCOMING!"
Bullets rained on the Coyote as Roadblock swerved left and right, dodging incoming soldiers. Snake Eyes popped the back door open and leapt out, slicing down each bio-viper soldier and dodged an incoming attack. The rest of the Joes left the truck and assisted Snake Eyes. A bio-viper slammed into a fruit stand. Slightly smirking under his mask, the situation suddenly turned into a game. It was unusual for him of visualize the situation into a virtual game but hey, he can put two and two together: fruits and enemies. Jumping over a bio-viper and decapitating it, Duke noticed the change in Snake Eye's movements; he was rapidly slicing three or more bio-vipers in one go. Tapping Scarlett's shoulder, she turned around.
Duke pointed to Snake Eyes, "I think your ninja is going insane,"
"+3 combo." Snake Eyes counted.
Her green eyes looked over Duke's shoulder and sure enough, she found Snake Eyes slicin' and dicin' bio-vipers like there was no tomorrow. The amusing fact was most, if not all the bio-vipers had some sort of fruit on them. "He's playing a game."
Roadblocked ducked from incoming fire, "A game? You serious?"
"Six in a row."
"As serious as I'll ever be,"
Unknown to everybody, Snake Eyes was tallying up his score. So far he had over a hundred combos, frenzies, double scoring and 'slow-mo' moments. This score thus far? Not quite sure actually; it would be safe to say his score was over a thousand, plus.
It didn't take long for the bio-vipers were defeated into a pile of mush. Picking up a watermelon, Snake Eyes sliced it into four even pieces, giving it to his teammates.
"Thanks," Scarlett said. Taking a bite out of the watermelon she said, "I see you enjoyed yourself."
"I did," he signed.
"Yeah, what she said," Tunnel Rat added as he took a bite into the watermelon. "Ooo, juicy!"
"So I guess that game did help, did it?" Duke asked.
Snake Eyes nodded.
"Man this watermelon is good!" Roadblock exclaimed. "It's good to know there's bio-viper guts on—"
Everybody spat out the watermelon. A string of complaints followed and Snake Eyes? He shrugged it off and walked back to the truck. Today, he had his fill.
"Ugh, gross!" Tunnel Rat wiped his mouth. "Bio-vipers are gross!"
Turning to the ninja, Snake Eyes hopped into the van and shut the door tight. It was time resuming being the Fruit Ninja.
Final A/N: So the author failed epically on attempted humor! D: