It all started when Japanese Teeth posted a portion of one of his stories (specifically A Bunch of Chisame Shipping Fics chapter 8.3, which hasn't actually been published on this site yet, but will be soon so go read it) on the TvTropes Negima fanfiction forum.
As it dealt with the matter of Evangeline's birthday, it sparked the realization that for Evangeline, birthdays are actually a pretty terrible thing. As such, the natural reaction was to try to make her birthday a little less terrible by means of bombarding her with birthday cards. This may or may not have been a good idea. In any case, we decided to preserve them for posterity. Enjoy
Marq FJA: Here, Eva-chan, have a hug. glomp
Evangeline: flushes with embarrassment/indignation LET GO OF ME! YOU'RE RUINING MY EVIL REPUTATION!
Marq FJA: Nuh-uh. You deserve warm hugs for all the tragedies you've suffered. A birthday should be a day of joy and innocence, not a day of misfortune and child abuse.
Evangeline: What's this doll doing in the kitchen?
* reads note * Despite what happened all those years ago, birthdays should still be celebrated, not mourned. Happy Bithday~ starwavegal.
Love Is Weird
Evangeline stared at the giant card that was now taking up most of the room. Her eye twitched as she read the greetings on it.
Happy Birthday, Eva-chan! Remember, your birthday is the one special day out of 365 days in a year. Cherish it and celebrate it!
"I hate these fanfiction writers, " she muttered. "Who sent this one, anyway?"
She opened the card...and stared.
From LoveIsWeird. Hope you enjoy the games!
Indeed, on the inside of the card was an elaborate mural of various video game characters, plus a few poorly-rendered depictions of her classmates. Below it, a vast collection of games and game-related material had spilled out somehow.
Evangeline was silent, before picking up one of the games and marching off.
I know that what happened to you today sucked, but birthdays should be used to celebrate your life rather than occasions to feel depressed about the past. Here's wishing you a happy one in spite of all that's happened to you.
Accompanied by a large stuffed bear.
Eva: Haven't they got the message already!-?
"You called for me, Master?"
"Chachamaru, you know the birthday cards from those fanfiction writers that never want to leave me alone?"
"In my hand is a $50 dollar gift card to Gamestop, and what burns in the fireplace is a letter sent by someone called 'Watchtower'. All 20 pages of it."
"The past letters have shown that these writers send their regards, although the others have never had to be this long."
"Funny you should mention that, because it seemed like this person was trying to piss me off. The card's 6 months past its expiration date and the letter was filled with sarcastic comments about me. Several pages were devoted to suggesting that Negi and I were a 'good couple''. I would be angered of this boy's knowledge of my life if his letter wasn't so boring and desperate."
"What would you have me do, Master?"
"Bring Negi here. These cards are beginning to frustrate me, and I am in need of venting."
Calm and Insane
I'm sorry for you tragedy many years ago. But I hope you can one day forget about the bad and remember the good. You are sill you and you are special. It doesn't matter if you're and vampire or not, we all love you anyway... Well not all in that way, but I'm sure some of us do in that way too. I wish you a great day and a wonderful year.
Another small note is inside the envelope. It's written on an index card in red sharpie.
Get the fuck over it.
"Ha ... pee ... bir ... theday ... to ... Kitty, " Kitty spelled out with a frown. She hadn't really had the opportunity to learn her letters, though she was developing quickly. Still, sounding out the word didn't really do much to tell her what they meant.
"Negi, what be a birthday?" she asked her teacher confusedly. "And wherefore should I be made happy by it? And who might this Darkenning person be?"
"I think that's one of the college students, " he said absently, before explaining what a birthday was and why they were celebrated.
"Ah, " said Kitty, still a bit puzzled by all of this ...
Shadow Crystal Mage
I humbly submit this sacrifice to this, your most sacred of days.
A devout worshipper.
Eva looked at the rest of 3-A, bound, gagged and naked. "I could use this…"
Evangeline practically screamed as she flung herself down the stairs of her cabin. "CHACHAMARU, I SWEAR TO CHRIST, " she shouted, landing neatly on her feet. "If you let another one of those damn authors into my cabin, I'M DONATING YOU TO SHIELD!"
"Oh, you're hands are so warm Chacha-chan."
"I, I have never been screwed like this before Maria-san"
"OH don't worry, I'll be gentle. I've had plenty of practice."
Chachamaru was sitting on the couch with two cat girls. One of them was lying in her lap, getting her ears scratched by the gynoid, while the other was turning her key. It was the most bizarre sequence of softcore porn the vampire had ever seen.
"Leave 'em be Eva-chan."
Spinning on her heel, Evangeline came face-to-face with a tall man in a fedora sitting on her counter. She hissed as he hopped off and walked up to her.
"I thought I told you idiots, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" She shouted, lunging at him. Much to her indignity, the man simply put his hand out, catching her forehead and keeping her from ripping him in two.
"Hey, easy Eva-chan, " Anemoi sighed. "You know I don't attack loli's. Besides, I come bearing gifts."
Evangeline stopped, trying to look up at the author through his fingertips. "It better not be a stuffed teddybear with Nakama on it."
"Please Eva-chan. I know my audience better than that."
Out of nowhere, the man produced a large box. No wrapping paper, no ribbon. Just a large, cardboard box. Eva neatly sliced the packing tape with her fingernail and opened the lid.
It was potentially the greatest birthday present ever.
In one corner of the box, several bottles of whiskey stood wrapped in celephome. The rest of the space was dominated by a Playstation 2, and a nice collection of games. Eva thumbed her way through the titles: Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Fatal Frame, Halo, Gears of War. Her favorites.
The blond vampire looked up at the author. There were no tears in her eyes, no unlocked wellspring of emotion, no desire to hug the man. However, he did know his audience, and she was grateful for the gift.
"Thank you, " she replied sternly. "Now get the fuck out."
Shrugging, the Brooklynite author calmly strode from the cabin. "Hey, I just came in to give you that. I do hope you enjoy it."
"Video games and booze, " Evangeline sighed. "How the hell can I not?"
Happy Birthday Evangeline!
''I know what you're probably thinking. Something along the lines of "It's been hundreds of years since I had a 'Happy Birthday'." And that might be true. But you know what? It doesn't have to stay that way. You have friends now. As awkward as it is, you have people who care about you. Negi cares, your classmates care, even Chachazero cares in her own weird psychotic way. (Don't think about that last one too hard)
To that end, I took the liberty of renting out the local Chuck E Cheese's for your entire class. Yes, I'm aware that the place is kinda lame, but there's and arcade and you'll laugh your head off at the lousy animatronics. I've also enclosed a gift card for like a billion Wii points, so you can pretty much buy the entire virtual console.
To make a long story short, you've been through some terrible stuff in your life, but you don't have to do it alone anymore. So go enjoy it with them and make some good memories.
Again, Happy Birthday
Evangeline scratched her head as she looked at the card.
"Chachamaru, who the heck is this 'Japanese Teeth' person?"
"I have no idea. Would you like me to add it to the stack with Sereg, Anemoi, and all those other people you don't know."
"Sure. And give the Class Rep a call to announce that the class is going out for pizza tonight."
"... I'll write it tomorrow, " he finally decided. "I'm sure she won't care anyway..."
Schedule Slip even in that. A true shame in all senses, that Over Master.