Disclaimer - I don't own anything. Just the story.

Summary: After an incident at school, Tai is forced into therapy sessions twice a week. After refusing to talk, his counselor makes him write down his side of the story in a non-censored, tell me how you're feeling, journal of sorts. He thinks it's stupid at first but once he gets into it he starts to realize some things about himself he never knew before. This story will be a Tai x Sora x Yamato triangle.

My first shot ever at getting in the mind of Tai Kamiya... The whole story will be in his point of view. I'm very excited. Enjoy.


Ramblings of a Disgruntle Teenage Boy


"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." -Unknown.

Chapter One

Walls. White walls. White concrete walls. Bars on the windows? Just kidding. You probably think I'm in a mental institute at this point but no. I'm actually sitting on a hard metal chair in my school counselor's office. She's talking, I'm not listening, like usual. Instead, I'm staring at the white walls wondering when the hell I can leave.

I read through the same documents framed on the wall that I've seen twice a week for the past six weeks. A bachelor's degree in Psychology and Human Behavior in one. A master's degree in another. A doctorate is framed as well. All say "With the highest honors" and have raised seals on them. I smirk in spite of them. I bet she spent a ton of money getting those degrees and now she's stuck in a crappy job dealing with little jerks like me who won't even talk.

"Mr. Yagami are you even listening to me?" I hear her say, but ignore her. "Mr. Yagami." I still don't respond, "Taichi."

The use of my full name, for whatever reason, always snaps me into attention. Maybe it's because I only ever hear it used when I'm in trouble.

"What?" I ask her.

"The whole point of these sessions is for you to talk about how you're feeling. I seem to be the only one that's ever talking," she, Dr. Anderson, says.

"I don't have anything to say," I reply.

She takes in a deep breath and pulls the glasses from her face so she can rub her forehead like she's thinking really hard or something. I probably gave her a headache because I refuse to cooperate. It's not my fault though. I'm being forced into these stupid therapy sessions because of a huge misunderstanding. Now they all think I'm depressed, or angry, or both.

"Well, let's talk about Yamato," she says and the skin on my arms stands on end. Just hearing his name upsets me.

"What about Yamato?" I reply.

"Well, he is kind of the reason you're here. Why don't you talk about what happened that day."

"I don't want to talk about it. No one believes me anyways."

"Mr. Yagami-"

"Call me Tai, please."

"Okay... Tai. You two had a pretty physical encounter with him ending up with a concussion. Your chances of graduating high school are already slim. You're lucky Yamato decided not to press charges. Why not just talk about what happened so we can both go about our lives without having to meet every Wednesday and Friday afternoon?"

I waited. The glorious bell to announce my hour was up rang throughout the hallways of Odaiba High School. I jumped out of my chair and gave a weird peace sign parting.

"As always, it was a pleasure," I say before trying to exit the room.

"No," she almost shouts, standing up, "Sit. Now."

Just because her tone sounds kind of threatening I do as I'm told. Normally, I would have just told her to eff off but that probably wouldn't go over so well. I'm pretty convinced everything I say is being recorded. Or maybe I'm just paranoid.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell me your side of the story," she says, "All I have are witness accounts and even then they're all pretty overexaggerated."

"You already know the story. Can I please go?" I argue, still not giving into her requests.

"Fine," she says, somewhat admitting defeat, "I've been trying to get you to talk for six weeks now. If you won't talk to me that's fine. I don't blame you. You don't know me you're just being forced here against your will. But I have another idea. From this point on, I want you to write your feelings down in a journal. I don't care what you say in said journal as long as you actually do it. There are eight weeks of school left. Each session you will give me what you've written down and maybe I can finally understand you as a person. Again, nothing is off limits. Express yourself. If you want to get out of high school with a clean slate, I suggest you do as you're told."

"You want me to keep a diary? I'm sorry, Dr. Anderson, but that sounds kind of gay."

"I didn't say diary. I said journal. It doesn't even have to be full entries. I just want you to start off by writing down your side of the story and then we'll go from there. I think it will help."

"So basically you want me to blog about my life? Perfect."

"If you want me to write a recommendation saying that you're adequate enough to graduate with the rest of the seniors then yes, you will do it. It's really not that hard. Just do it."

"Fine," I say, "But I don't like it at all."

"I don't care. You're dismissed."

I give a nod and hurry out the door before she can stop me again.


I get home about thirty minutes later and drop my school bag by the front door like I always do. As usual, no one is home. Dad is at work, more than likely, mom is probably at one of her crazy cooking classes, and Hikari... well, she's probably with Takeru. Traitor.

I sigh. I'm not being fair. It's not Takeru's fault I'm in this current predicament. He's unfortunately just related to the reason my life currently sucks. He has been surprisingly neutral throughout the whole thing though. I guess that's to be expected though because of Hikari. They are best friends after all.

I sigh again. I remember what it was like having a best friend that was a girl... except now she won't even talk to me.

I walk over to the TV and turn it on as I veg out on the couch with a bag of chips. I begin to think about how everything has spiraled so out of control recently. I used to be happy and outgoing and laid back. I had a ton of friends... well, I still do, but not like I used to. Now everyone talks to me like I'm a ticking time bomb ready to go off at any minute. I guess they figure 'if he can beat the crap out of his best friend then he's probably capable of just about anything'.

I sit up and turn off the TV, thinking about Mrs. Anderson's "assignment". She wants my side of the story. The side that no one has heard because everyone was so quick to jump to conclusions. But how can I tell her that story? It's so complicated and so involved it would take forever to put it into words. There are so many factors leading up to that day it's just ridiculous.

I stand up from the couch and walk into my bedroom. Hikari's cat, Miko, is trailing at my feet. I'm not a big fan of cats but she's lonely and I can sympathize with her. She's locked up all day in this stuffy apartment with almost no human interaction most of the time. Well, until recently I guess since I'm being held here against my will too. She's grown attached to me because of that; me being the only one that's ever home and all.

My computer isn't anything up-to-date so waiting for it to turn on and boot up is like pulling teeth. Hikari and I only ever use it for school projects and occasionally getting on social networking sites. But even then it doesn't get used very often since we both have internet on our cell phones.

When it's finally up and running I avoid clicking on anything except a blank Word document. The more things open on the computer, the slower it is. I make a mental note to get Koushiro over later to clean it up so it runs better.

I sit down on the wheeled chair and just stare at the screen. The cursor blinks indicating it's ready to be used. The only problem is I have no idea where to begin. Dr. Anderson wants my side of the story, I get that. She also said I could use this as a way to express myself. Maybe I should start by explaining who I am and what my life is about. That would probably help her understand me a little better.

"What am I supposed to call this?" I ask myself out loud.

Tai's thoughts? Tai's journal? No. Those both just sound stupid. I think about it for a minute. Well, I'm supposedly angry... or disgruntled as Dr. Anderson puts it. I like to ramble. I'm a teenage boy who uses fists more than words... And then it hits me.

"Ramblings of a Disgruntle Teenage Boy - As told by Yagami Taichi"

I grin at my cleverness. It's perfect. Well, now that I have a title, I start typing away.

"My name is Taichi... better known as Tai. I am eighteen years old and a senior at Odaiba High School. My birthday is July 27th. My favorite colors are blue and orange. I have a younger sister named Hikari. She's fifteen. She's probably the only person in this entire world that understands me because she doesn't judge. All-in-all, she's probably the greatest person you'll ever have the pleasure of knowing.

Let's see what else... Oh. I play soccer. Well, played soccer. I was the best striker on my team until I was kicked off because of the fight. Soccer is the greatest sport of all time. Don't fight me on it because you will lose miserably.

Hmm... okay, this is harder than I thought. Well... I have some pretty cool friends. Well, some of them used to be good friends, up until "the incident". I guess I'll talk about them now.

First and foremost is Takenouchi Sora. I've known Sora since we were five years old. We went to Odaiba Elementary together and sat next to each other in Kindergarten. Sora wasn't like the other girls in school. The other girls were interested in playing with Barbies and coloring and being lame. Sora though... she was just as passionate about soccer as I was. I guess that's where our connection started. She was so easy to talk to. We shared the same interests and even played on a little league co-ed team together. Well, until we were in middle school when they decided Sora wasn't allowed to be on the boys' team any more. That pissed me off. She was better than majority of the people on the team but because she was a girl they told her no way. The coach was a sexist piece of shit and said having a girl on the team wasn't appropriate. Whatever... just goes to show you how narrow-minded some people are.

Anyways... Sora got hurt during a soccer game when she was fourteen years old. She tore something in her knee and the doctor told her she shouldn't play such an intense physical sport any more because it could be a recurring problem leading to a lifetime of problems. Needless to say, she was devastated. I remember her coming over to my house in the middle of the night, having run away from home, and just crying until she fell asleep. It was heartbreaking. Being so passionate about something and then having it ripped away like that? Yeah, I'd be upset too. My rage would be more concentrated toward dry wall and doors though. But I guess that's the difference between having a penis and a vagina. Girls cry, boys punch things... it happens.

So, with her soccer career down the toilet, she convinced her mom to let her play a less physical sport. Her next sport of choice, you ask? Tennis. It's a MAJOR downgrade from soccer... but what can you do? Sora was born to be an athlete. She's a lot like me in the fact that she has to constantly keep active or she'll go crazy. She's pretty good though, at tennis that is. She picked it up really quickly and is now the captain of the high school senior girls team. Scouts from various colleges have offered her a full-ride scholarship to attend their schools. She's still thinking about their offers... well, as far as I last heard.

Well, enough about Sora. My next best friend is (was? still is? I'm not sure. It's complicated) Ishida Yamato. Yeah, shocker. Before the shit went down we were best friends. I guess we still kind of are... but with a little more trust issues. Okay, we're civil. We haven't really talked much since the fight actually...

Yamato and I met when we were eleven at a summer camp. He thought he was the coolest thing since sliced bread. Well, he still kind of does, he's just a little more humble about it. My first impression of him was that he was a cocky little shit who needed a reality check. We fought a lot as kids. Our arguments usually were resolved by physical altercations. I don't know why, but every time we beat the crap out of each other, we seemed to grow closer as friends. It's messed up, but that's just always how we have been. It's always worked up until now.

Yamato and I have barely anything in common. He's regarded as some kind of emo rock star God and I'm just a meat head. He's into his music, and I'm into sports and constant workouts. The laws of the universe say we shouldn't be friends because we are so different. I disagree though. I think that the differences are what make people such great friends. We do have one thing in common though and that's Sora. She's my best friend and his (was his, is his... I'm not really sure) girlfriend. But we'll get to that story later...

Next in the line of friendships are Izumi Koushiro and Kido Jyou. Koushiro is a computer geek. He can fix, program, infect, upload, download any computer is known existence. His brain moves a million miles a minute and sometimes it's hard to keep up with him. He's taught me a lot though. Heck, without him I probably wouldn't have passed half my classes!

Jyou is... for lack of a better term, nuts. He is probably one of the most reliable yet panicky people I've ever met. He's super paranoid, all the time. Well, not so much any more, but he's still kind of a spaz. He views the world from a pessimistic point of view. His motto is "Expect the worst and hope for the best", which, I can see being a good thing because it doesn't get your hopes up... but at the same time he's always looking on the negative side of things. It can get pretty depressing.

Jyou is studying to be a doctor. Not by choice, let me assure you, but he's still doing it nonetheless because of his father. Jyou does a lot of things to make his father happy. He's always trying to keep on his dad's good side and impress him constantly. It's kind of sad because Jyou often feels like a failure behind his older brother. He's smart though. He's going to make a difference in this world with his knowledge of medicine and constant need to want to help people.

Next up is Tachikawa Mimi. Mimi lives in New York City with her parents. She moved there the summer before (American) high school, which I'm told starts in their ninth grade year instead of tenth like here in Japan. She absolutely loves it there. She's constantly talking about the fashion and fast-paced city life which seems to suit her perfectly.

If I could sum up Mimi in a few words they would be flaky, unreasonable, stubborn, and immature (sometimes). She is, however, one of the greatest people you will ever meet. She has a "seize the day" point of view. She's always finding a positive side in everything (a complete opposite of Jyou).

Rumor has it she's moving back to Japan for the summer once she graduates high school. She's taking a year off from school to travel the world. She said, and I quote, "I want to experience everything this world has to offer. I've been in school for the past twelve years of my life. I'm ready to see the world." I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that she will actually travel the world. Her family is pretty well-off in the money department so it won't be that hard for her. But that's Mimi for you... school isn't really her thing. She has more of a go-get-em attitude than a sit around and see what happens. I think she's destined for great things.

Now, if the world worked the way it was supposed to, Mimi and I would probably be together. We'd be the most cliche couple of all time, what with me being an athlete and her a cheerleader, but ya know. We tried the dating thing once... back before she moved. Needless to say, it didn't work out. It's cool though. It made us closer friends in the end.

I guess I should mention Daisuke, Miyako, Iori, and Ken next. They're really more of my sisters friends, being that they're all in the same age range (except Iori whose only thirteen), but I still hang out with them from time to time. Mostly just Daisuke though.

Daisuke is... a character. Hikari says we were separated at birth (even though we're three years apart). We apparently have the same personality but I don't see it. We do have one thing in common though and that's soccer. We live it, breathe it, sleep it. He more or less took my position as lead striker on the varsity team once I was kicked out. Sucks for me, but good for him. He's the second tenth grader (Ken's the third) in Odaiba High history to ever make the varsity team (I was the first).

Moving on... Mikyao and Iori. Miyako is my sister's best friend. She's loud, eccentric, and boy-crazy. She's the total opposite of Hikari (see how the universe works?). Iori is basically Miyako's kid brother from another mother. He tags around with her like her shadow. He's a nice kid but we really don't have much in common at all what with our five year age difference. Plus, he's really smart and into Kendo or something. (Totally not my thing)

Next, Ken Ichijoji, aka "Boy Genius". Ken is very smart, very quiet, and well-rounded. Oh, and what's that? Also a star soccer player! Ken is Daisuke's best friend. The two remind me a lot of my own friendship with Yamato. Daisuke is loud and obnoxious (like me) and Ken is quiet and probably embarrassed most of the time because Daisuke is so crazy.

I think the only person I have yet to mention is Takaishi Takeru. Now, don't let the last name fool you, he is a full-bred Ishida. That's right, Yamato's kid brother. He took on his mom's last name when their parents divorced back in the day. He had the choice to go back to being an Ishida once he was older but he felt he owed it to his mom to keep her name. (He's such a genuinely good person. It's so hard to even try and hate him).

Takeru and Yamato are almost exact clones of each other. Both are blonde, use way too much hair gel, and have striking blue eyes that Hikari says are "to die for". The main difference between them is that Takeru is really tall. He stands about six foot one, six foot two... somewhere in that range, whereas Yamato is only about five foot ten or so. Takeru is pretty much all muscle too. His height and build can all be attributed toward his years of playing basketball. He's pretty damn good at the sport.

So, Takeru and my sister are best friends. They remind me a lot of how mine and Sora's relationship used to be. Hikari says they're "just friends" and that there is not and never will be a romantic connection between the two of them. I can understand that. I've never actually seen either of them look at each other in that "Omg I want you" kind of way. He would take a bullet for her though. I sleep better at night knowing that she's always protected as long as he's around. Yes, I play the protective big brother card a lot.

Daisuke cannot stand the fact that the two of them are so close. He's jealous... he thinks Takeru is secretly plotting to win Hikari's affection but he's sadly mistaken. I feel for the guy though. He's liked Hikari ever since the day he met her. Well, let me rephrase that. Like isn't a strong enough word. It's more of an obsession. Hikari though, she doesn't like him in "that way". She never has. He keeps trying but she refuses to budge. I might have to step in if she keeps complaining about it. Hell, Takeru will probably pound him too if he doesn't back off.

Well, that's it as far as my close-nit group of friends goes. I don't really know what else to say so I guess that's it for this entry."

I quickly save the document and lean back in my chair while cracking my knuckles. I then hear a voice call from the kitchen.

"Tai?" Hikari calls out.

Miko goes sprinting out the door and toward the sound of Hikari's voice. I follow soon after.

"Awe, hey Miko!" Hikari says with a smile as she picks up the purring cat and strokes her fur.

"I'm surprised to see you home," I say crossing my arms and leaning against the wall, "I thought for sure you'd be with Takeru."

"It's Friday, Tai. Takeru is getting ready for the big game tonight. Which, speaking of, I need you to bring me to if you're not too busy."

"Hikari," I begin, "I'm grounded. What the heck else would I be doing?"

She considers this for a minute but then pushes the thought aside, "Can you bring me, please?"

"You know I can't. Mom would freak if I left the apartment."

"I already talked to mom she said it was fine."

"Really?"

"Yep. We just have to be home by midnight. Curfew and what not."

Permission has been granted for me to actually leave my apartment. On a Friday night nonetheless. I almost can't contain my excitement. I get to socialize for the first time in six weeks!

"What time is the game?" I wonder.

"Six. Which means we need to leave here around four thirty. It's the cross-town rival game so there's going to be a ton of people there and I want to get a good seat," she replies.

"Four thirty," I repeat glancing at the clock on the oven, "It's four fifteen! Thanks for the heads up!"

I rush to my room and strip out of my sweats into something more school-function appropriate. I end up choosing a pair of dark jeans and find a baby blue sweater that looks/smells clean. Complete with a pair of sneakers and I'm good to go.

"I'm ready when you are," I say.


Hikari is right. The line to buy tickets for the game is already kind of long and getting longer. It's moving pretty quickly though and soon enough we're inside the gym scouting out where to sit. We spot a couple of familiar faces (Ken and Daisuke) and make a beeline toward them.

"Tai!" Daisuke greets with a huge goofy smile and a fist bump, "I thought you were under house arrest?"

"My mom let me out for the night. Granted I chauffeur Hikari around," I reply.

"Sweet deal. How much longer is she keeping you locked up?"

"Until graduation. She's royally pissed. I don't think I've ever seen her so mad before."

"Ah, she'll get over it. It wasn't like what you did was intentional."

"Yeah... anyways. Is anyone else coming?"

"Well, Miyako and Iori are here somewhere. I think they went to get snacks or something. Koushiro said he might make an appearance. Not sure about Yamato or Sora."

I see Ken's eyes look in my direction at the mention of their names. I kind of flinch but then blow it off quickly. Ken almost sighs in relief. If I know Yamato, he'll be here for sure. He doesn't miss Takeru's games for anything. He's not into sports at all but he always comes for the support. He usually sits with his parents so it's not so awkward for the both of them. The only way Sora will show up is if her and Yamato worked out their shit and decided to get back together. I'm so out of the gossip loop though I have no idea whether they reconciled or not. No one would tell me regardless.

Daisuke, Ken, and I start talking about who knows what and once Miyako joins us she's instantly pressing Hikari with the schools latest gossip. I just roll my eyes and try to block her out. She reminds me so much of Mimi. How do they know all these rumors going around all the time?

"And I was all oh em gee I can't believe you actually said that to him and she was all I know right? And then she said that he kissed her and tried to apologize for everything but she still doesn't know whether she's ready to jump back into the relationship or not. She said she needs time to find herself. Whatever that means," I hear Miyako say.

Hikari sighs, "Poor Sora."

That catches my attention. So I guess that means Yamato and Sora aren't back together...

"I'm going to get something to eat. You guys want anything?" I ask quickly.

Ken and Iori just shake their heads. Hikari asks for a soda and Daisuke starts reading off a freaking list of things he could go for right then.

"I'll get you a hot dog, Daisuke" I say and quickly walk away.

I hear him shout something along the lines of "Don't forget ketchup... and mustard! Oh, and relish! Throw some onions on there too!" I'm sure he said more but the crowd drowned him out.

As I'm walking to the concession stand I spot Koushiro walking around looking clueless. I wave him over and he joins me in the line.

"I can't believe your mom let you out," he said.

"I know right? I guess she had to make an exception because her and my dad were both busy tonight and it's not fair to punish Hikari since they can't bring her. Whatever though it worked out for me," I reply.

"Yeah, that's good. I just ran into Yamato standing in line outside. Have you two spoken since the fight?"

I sigh, "Not really. I've apologized a hundred times but it doesn't do any good. He says everything's fine but I know it's not. I know I went behind his back and betrayed him and he had every right to come at me... but I took things too far. When he pushed me I just saw red and went crazy."

"How's the therapy going?"

"It's so lame. Dr. Anderson usually just talks and I sit there wishing I was somewhere else."

"You know, the whole point of those sessions is for you to get your feelings out so they can make sure you're mentally stable. That, and to make yourself feel better."

"Of course I'm mentally stable. I'm tired of people thinking I'm some psychopath."

"I know you're not a psychopath, Tai. No one thinks you are. You felt strongly about something and you expressed yourself. The end result wasn't exactly ideal but what happened, happened. It's too late to change anything now. I think it's going to take some time but things will be okay, in the end."

This is what I like about Koushiro. He doesn't take sides and doesn't bullshit you. He's a really good guy.

I order our food and then Koushiro and I join the others just as the game is about the start. The gym is totally packed out. I see them having to turn people away because there's no seating. Hikari was smart to make us come early.

After some initial words from the school principal and some other stuff no one cares about, the game begins. Basketball isn't really my sport so I kind of just scan the crowd and people watch; occasionally cheering when everyone else does. There's a woman across the gym ringing a cow bell every time her son steals the ball. I can see the people around her getting really annoyed and just smirk. Another woman is screaming at her young child that refuses to sit still. I'm pretty sure he spilled his soda all over the person sitting next to them. I forsee a fight breaking out. That would be awesome. And then I spot another woman. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Yamato's mother...

My heart somewhat skips a beat when I realize that Sora and Yamato are both sitting there together with Yamato's and Takeru's parents. He's got his arm around her shoulders which makes me believe that they are in fact back together. She looks uncomfortable though. Like she doesn't want to be here at all. She's not paying attention to the game. Like me, she's scanning the crowd. Her eyes suddenly lock with mine. I see her face turn red and she looks away, turning her full attention to Yamato. She laces her fingers through his and smiles brightly at him when he looks at her. I can see in his eyes how happy he is that she's being affectionate toward him. It makes me wonder if they actually are together or if he's trying and she's just along for the ride. The whole hanging on him knowing I'm watching thing really irritates me.

Kind of enraged/upset at seeing them together, I excuse myself and walk outside beyond the madness. Suddenly, I can't wait for this night to be over.


To be continued...


Well, I know you probably have questions. What happened between Yamato and Tai? What's Sora's problem? Etc., etc. Well, we'll get there eventually. Thanks for reading. Please review!