Aborted From Time
Chapter 1:The Abortion
It was an average looking day outside. But then again I never really go outside unless I want to get a game. Getting out of bed, I went into the kitchen to get some coffee to help wake me up. Walking in the kitchen I saw two plain white mugs of coffee on the counter. Knowing the the on right was meant for me, I took the one on the left. I knew that Leo the idiot was up now, so there went a relaxing morning of fanfic writing. Deciding to at least make the most of my morning, I drank the rest of my coffee and went to the living room to play a game I downloaded yesterday of the XBLA called Castle Crashers. When I just started playing I heard a loud obnoxious voice behind me say, "Hey its a good thing they call this game Castle Crashers."
Nearly jumping out of my skin, I looked behind me to see Leo the retard. He was smiling that big stupid smile of his. He then continued, "Because it crashes so much."
I could feel my annoyance growing for that stupid joke, and I'm pretty sure I had that look on my face too, but still he went on, "Get it? Castles? Crashing? CRASHERS! LOOOOOOOOOOOOL!"
My annoyance turned to anger, but then he turned around and said, "Oooh, I am so telling the internet that one."
It looked like he was about to leave but then he turned around and said, "Oh hey here's another one. What do you call a 360 that can't play games?"
He paused for me to figure it out, but right now all I wanted to do was beat that piece of shit into a pulp, but I didn't get the chance to do that because he continued, "Yours! Red Rings are 100 % failure rate with me!"
I was about to interrupt him with a punch to the face, but on he went, "But hey. Its not like you can't find another one. They're easy to find."
It looked like he was done, but then the next few words sealed his doom, "Easy like your mom. Real easy! I mean, she's no Wii, but she is cheap!"
I was giving him my best death glare hoping to make him stop, but he didn't take the hint, "What? I'm just going by what people have told me.", he then whispered, "People who fucked her.", and then he shouted, "Many people."
I turned around and stomped my way into my room, with Leo still rambling on, "Get a stamp every time! Twelve stamps and you get anal! Its like a free sub! Only its buttsex!"
I slammed the door to my room at the same time he shouted, "FOOTLONG!"
I angrily sat down on my bed and began whaling on one of my pillows. It took me about an hour until I could think clearly. A list of revenge plots came into my brain, and every one of them resulted in his beating, but that would only be temporary. I needed a permanent solution to get Leo out of my life once and for all. Of course killing him was out of the question. I may beat him like a rug, but I wouldn't kill him. Besides, I'd probably be found out really quick too. I looked around my room for ideas until my eyes rested on a glass panel. Inside was a pair of sunglasses, an orange vest and a car key. The glass was labeled, 'Break glass in case you need to make like a tree and get outta here.'. I gave an evil grin as I walked over to the glass case. With nothing else to break it, I used my fist (It was candy glass so I didn't hurt myself). I put on the sunglasses and vest, grabbed the car key, and hoped that Pantsman didn't move the DeLorean out of his garage.
Mrs. Leonardo was walking home in a good mood. After a check-up at the doctor's, she found out she was pregnant! As she walked through the gates of her home she saw her husband, Leo Leonardo the Second was enjoying a nice cup of earl gray on the porch. She called out to him, "Leonardo the Second, I've got great news.", She paused slightly and walked closer, "I'm pregnant!"
Mr. Leonardo seemed overjoyed at the news, because as soon as she said that, he exclaimed, "Bolly!" (Did I mention he's British?).
But with good news must come bad news, as demonstrated by Mrs. Leonardo when she said, "Now, the doctor said that there is a slight chance he'll be born retarded."
The British cat then exclaimed, "Tea and crumpets! How retarded?"
Then out of nowhere a few bangs followed by a flash of light heralded the coming of a De Lorean that looked like it came straight out of the Back to the Future movies. After a few seconds of it just staying there, the door opened to reveal Aeris with a Marty McFly vest, and Terminator sunglasses.
As she lifted her sunglasses and gave both of the Leonardo's a menacing stare, Mrs. Leonardo asked, "Um... may we... help you?"
Aeris answered slowly, "Yeah...", then with an evil smile she pulled out a metal coat hanger and said, "Bend over."
Meanwhile in the present, Leo was playing Castle Crashers (The reason he was annoying Aeris so much was so that he could play it). But for some reason he was starting to suck at it, as if all his experience at gaming was fading out of existence. Speaking of fading out of existence, he eventually felt a tingling sensation in his hands. Looking down, he saw that his hands had started to turn transparent! They both eventually disappeared and the controller fell to the floor. He started shouting for Aeris, "Help! Aeris, something bad happened to time!"
He ran into her bedroom, but found it empty. He noticed shards of glass on the floor. He looked at what was above it and saw what was left of the glass case. He then noticed that something was written on what was left of the glass. It said, 'In case you need to make like a tree and get outta here.'.
Getting the reference,and completely forgetting his predicament, Leo exclaimed, "Aeris has a time machine! Why didn't she ever tell-" *POP*
And with that sharp pop, Leo Leonardo the Third was no more. He was dead, but not in the traditional sense. He never existed, for Aeris in her fit of rage, aborted him with a rusty coat hanger, which also ensured that his mother could no longer be fertile. Of course with Leo gone, that meant that Aeris lived the rest of her life happily right? We shall see.
(November 19th 2011) I decided to re-edit this fic so that my writing skill seems a bit more competent. This chapter didn't have that many mistakes, but I aim to fix them all. Not to mention a vary glaring inconsistency between this and Feral that needs fixing. Review please!