*This is the intermediate time in the book when they have met Winnie but they have not yet returned to Tree Gap to find Winnie's grave, and just some of the thoughts I thought Miles might have.*
"Miles," Mae Tuck spoke his name gently, encircling in the familiar warmth of her embrace. "At least one of my boys has come back to me this time."
"Jesse seems to still be frustrated about how things went at Tree Gap."
Mae sighed, "He's young, unfortunately always will be. That's how the young express themselves."
Miles nodded, of course he was young forever too, but not in the hotheaded teenaged way Jesse would forever be. The few years difference in their physical ages made quite a difference in temperance. There was also of course the fact that Miles had spent a part of his life responsible for a family and Jesse had not. Being a father and husband had given Miles a perspective on life he suspected his brother would never be able to manage.
Mae patted his cheek. "Well my boy, go ahead and rest up. I'm sure it's been a long trip."
Miles sighed as he stared out the window, always an observer of the world and not really a part of it as usual. Sometimes he found a longing in himself that they had never found the spring and that he had been able to live his life normally, he really wished that he could have settled down with a girl and grown old with her. It was strange how blank and unsatisfying an eternity in his mid-twenties felt, most people would have killed for a chance to live as he was now, but they didn't understand what eternity felt like when you were actually living it.
He tried for so long to be useful. To make his endless important, but it felt like he was doing less and less. By now his wife was surely old and gone, his children grown, old...he wanted now more than being important to have a family again. He wanted to be a father, a husband, as he once had been. After everything that had happened, he realized this was the sort of importance he'd been looking for all along, but how could he have that again. Even if he found another woman he could love, and even if he told her that he couldn't die, was that fair to put her through life watching a husband that never aged as she slowly died?
Ever since Winnie Foster had stumbled into their lives, whether she did as Jesse asked and drank from the spring or not, Miles had been troubled more strongly than usual by memories of the family he had lost in his agelessness. If only he could have told them...but no, he wouldn't wish unchanging life on them, if he couldn't die, he couldn't, but he wouldn't have wanted his family to have to face that.
He wished that he could die, and knowing that he could die, live a normal human life, like everybody except for his family enjoyed.
Author's Note: This feels a little rough and could probably be extended somehow, any suggestions for improvement would be welcome. The title is what it is. I was kind of thinking this was going in a different direction when I gave it that title...and now there's not much of a choice is there? Anyways, suggestions, comments, reviews all very welcome and appreciated.