Jon: Hey. I'm Jon Snow. *epic wink that makes you love him* Welcome to the author's random mind.

Me: *goes all fangirl because it's JON SNOW!* *giggle* Hi, everyone, welcome to the Song of Ice and Fire counseling service. They are by far the most screwed up people ever, so it's… interesting. I warn you, there is a lot of OOCness. So, here.

Ser Jorah: *looks terrified* I'm here to help, apparently. The Khaleesi made me, trust me, I wanted none of this. Why do you people think you're here?

Cersei: Apparently I have 'Chronic Incest Disorder'.

Joffrey: And I, apparently, am an evil weasel man.

Satin: Look at my name. That should tell you everything.

Tyrion: I have been told I'm 'too awesome for my own good'.

Arya: I think I'm a boy…

Sansa: I'm having a bad identity crisis. Alayne, Sansa, Sweetling… I just don't know anymore.

Eddard: I freaking had my HEAD CUT OFF.

Littlefinger: I creep innocent young girls out.

Varys: I'm too epically scary.

Daenerys: I breast-feed dragons. Do you know how much that hurts?

Bran: I turned into a tree and died. I'm scared.

Theon: *tries to stop smiling* I have chronic smiling problems.

Summer: Everyone ignores me.

Sam: I think I'm Sam Gamgee one day, and Sam the Slayer the next.

Loras: I am the knight of flowers. FLOWERS. I'm a man! I deserve better!

Jaime: I want my hand back, and I've also been diagnosed with 'Chronic Incest Disorder'.

Cersei: BASTARD! Where were you when I was trapped in that stupid sept? HUH?

Jaime: If I said I was with Brienne of Tarth, you'd kill me.

Cersei: *fumes* You are such an idiot. *chases Jaime out of the Godswood (where they happen to be)*

Ser Jorah: Oh, Lordys. We'll get back to this… soon. Sadly.

A/N: Please review!