Written on vacation, so it's probably not that good XD I had fun, anyway

Barbie Blitz

Was a sunny day, but alas, a boring one for our Greasers, Sodapop Curtis and Two-Bit Matthews. Both were bored out of their minds, and Two-Bit let whoever was listening know this.

"Sodaboy? I mean, Ponypop? I mean, buddy?"

"Yeah?" Soda lazily replied, taking another sip of Coca-Cola, trying to make it last.

"I'm particularly bored at this moment."

For the eighth time Sodapop cringed. "Well, do somethin'."

The words "Do something," were nothing but permission for Two-Bit to seriously harass someone. As mentioned, this had already happened eight times today. Why Soda never got up and went home to enjoy his day off from the DX, he'll never understand.

So this time around, rather than belching beer burps in his face or imitating Mickey Mouse, Two-Bit tugged one strand of Soda's gold hair, then another, then a few more, until an entire small part of his hair was sticking in many directions and not slicked down all tuff like the rest.

Before Soda could grab Two-Bit's wrist and twist it until it snapped, he suddenly announced in a loud, cheerful voice, "Let's play dolls!"

Honestly, Sodapop had no response.

"Kirby has a load of 'em upstairs. Tons. Thousands. Maybe even hundreds. C'mon!" Two-Bit flounced away, and, not seeing anything else better to do, Soda followed.

By the time the reluctant Soda made it up what seemed fifty flights of stairs, the bouncing Two-Bit had a shoebox out on the floor and at least ten Barbies scattered in a circle around him.

"Soda, Soda, look!" Two-Bit grinned and picked up a blonde doll missing a green high-heeled shoe. "This one can be yours 'cause she looks just like Sandy."

If that wasn't an insult to the love of his life, Sodapop didn't know what was.

"Now I need one…" Two-Bit put on his, 'Concentration Face,' then all of a sudden remembered he was still in possession of his buddy's Barbie. "Here, Soda." He flung it to the Greaser standing in the doorway, way too terrified to move. The stupid thing hit the side of his head.

Down to this day, Sodapop never figured out why he picked that ugly Barbie off the floor. And then why he adjusted her skirt. He held, "Sandy," to his face and studied her carefully. For a Barbie, she didn't look all that bad. For a Barbie.

"I fooooound you, Kathy!" Two-Bit squealed. He hugged an almost identical-looking doll to the side of his face. "Wait…How are we supposed to tell these ladies apart?" With that, he magically produced his trusty handy dandy faithful blade and slashed more than half of Kathy's shiny blonde 'doo. "'Kay,' he said, "she's mine, aaaand she's yours."

"Savvy," said Sodapop.

"'Kay!" Two-Bit was on his feet, furiously glancing around for something the younger Greaser wasn't sure about. "'Kay," he repeated. He marched up to the top drawer of Kirby's dresser and yanked it open, revealing his little sister's pajamas and the odd lost sock. He grabbed two armfuls and carelessly threw them until they were a limp pile in the corner.

"This," said Two-Bit, tossing Kathy into the empty drawer, "this is my house." He looked expectantly towards Soda. When Soda didn't do a thing, he said, "Well, I've done everythin' for you up 'till now. So go!" He shoved his friend's shoulder. "Sandy needs some place to live!"

"Yeah," Soda oddly found himself agreeing. Of course that made sense. "Okay, I'll go find her a house or somethin'." He took some steps forward, deciding to build his Barbie girlfriend a home in one of the kitchen's empty cookie jars. It was fairly large, so if he bended all of Sandy's limbs inwards she could fit somewhat comfortably. "There you go, Sandy," he found himself muttering.

Two-Bit suddenly appeared; it seemed out of thin air. For a being a chubby drunk he could be quite sneaky. "Kathy's gonna come over soon, and her and Sandy are gonna go shopping, you dig?"

"Sure." Sodapop had no clue where they would do such a thing, but he had gone along with his crazy friend's game thus far, so why not.

"Cool." Two-Bit ran back to him and Kirby's room. Soda wondered what it must be like to have a sister. He never imagined liking it, and not that the kid was bad, but he wasn't sure how anyone could live with a mute. Especially someone like Two-Bit, whose patience was not a strong trait of his overall character. But he seen the way they interacted, and he knew nothing was a problem. Their relationship was as enduring as his and Ponyboy's, even if they were simply different. That Kirby was going to grow up fine. Now if the same could be said of her brother, who was currently having the time of his life playing with dolls…

A shrill voice suddenly cut into Soda's thoughts. "Oh, Sandy!" Two-Bit raised the Barbie's hand and hit it against the jar. "Knock knock!"

Sodapop was still having a hard time grasping the concept.

Slowly, Two-Bit repeated the action and the words. "Knock knock…Sandy."

And then it was like Soda was eight years old again, playing with plastic soldiers in the schoolyard with Steve. It hit him, and he knew exactly what was going on. "I'm coming!" he said in an equally shrill Barbie voice. He took the lid off the cookie jar and pulled Sandy out. He held her around the waist like Two-Bit as the two Barbies conversed on the kitchen counter.

"Hi, Sandy, how are you, dahlin'?"

"Oh, I'm fine. My handsome boyfriend Soda just took me out last night."

"That's cool, but I'm sure my boyfriend Two-Bit is much more handsome, but…each to their own."

"I doubt that, my Kathy, but we all have different tastes. Just that hair of his…"

"Soda's hair? Have you ever even seen Two-Bit's hair?" On the last two words of this sentence, Two-Bit's Barbie voice was abandoned, and he was speaking normally again.

"Yes I have, and he'll need more grease than anyone can get to keep it from looking like shit."

Two-Bit put Kathy down, then raised a hand to his head and smoothed his hair down. It wasn't that bad…was it? "I guess this is what real girls are like. I'm so glad I'm a boy, man."

Sodapop followed, sitting down Sandy next to Kathy, feeling utterly ashamed. Something had taken over him and he hadn't a clue as to where those words came from. "So am I. I'd hate to fight with the other guys over stuff like hair."

Two-Bit smiled and held his hand out. "Friends?"

"Friends," and the Greasers shook. Neither knew what had just come over them, but both knew without a doubt Barbies were a girl thing. The dolls must have possessed their bodies, poisoning their minds, causing the Greasers to insult each other and bring utter destruction to the-

"What the hell?"

Both froze in absolute terror. They would recognize that voice anywhere. The voice of the one, the only, Dallas Winston.

Slowly, Two-Bit and Sodapop turned to find Dallas standing, all tuff looking by the wide open front door, a sick grin on his face. "I always knew Soda was girly, but Two-Bit? I never woulda taken you for a queer."

Both Greasers were speechless. It seemed Kathy and Sandy was laughing their little blonde heads off behind them. The two didn't feel so tuff now. Their ears were bright red.

Instead of staying a minute longer like the two shaking Greasers were expecting, Dally simply said, "I can't believe this shit." Then he turned and left, slamming the door closed behind him.

"Wow," Soda breathed.

"Glory," Two-Bit said, bowing his head.

It should have felt like a relief, with the evil elephant out of the room, but the thought wouldn't leave their minds: How much had he seen?


Dallas wandered the streets, eventually coming to a stop at his old man's. Most likely he was out at the bar drinking the night away, which would be perfect. Dally would have the entire night alone. To himself.

He rushed to his hardly ever occupied room and got down on his knees, trying not to grin until he was positive no one was watching him. After glancing every which way, making sure the door was locked and the windows were closed, Dally reached under the bed and pulled out a shoebox. Finally, he let the excitement take over and he smiled. He smiled, and you would never believe it was Dallas Winston grinning like a kid in a candy store.

Out of the box, Dally took out a soldier and a Barbie doll, smooshed their faces together as if they were making out. "I can't believe those guys," he muttered more to himself than to the lovers, "at least I hide mine."

Listening to: Who's Johnny, El DeBarge