Pulchritudinous diary,

I suppose I will never understand the inner workings of the adolescent mind. My life is absolutely topsy-turvy, I tell you! Gilligan doesn't realize that he is slowly stabbing my heart repeatedly with his deadly comb by his foolish lifestyle.

It all started last night. As you know, I waited on Akari's front porch until Chase left. He didn't leave until a whopping FIVE O'CLOCK AT NIGHT! Can you believe that? I nearly had a stroke. Anyway, he walked out of her house, HOLDING HER HAND. I was hiding in the bushes so as to not give myself away. They glanced in my direction several times before that scoundrel Chase said, "Hamilton, we can see your hair sticking up out of the bush."

He just blew my cover! I jumped up like a ninja, trying to imitate Commander Gilligan from Sprite Rangers, and sprained my back. As I was doubled over in pain, Chase rolled his eyes - UTTER DISRESPECT – and walked away with Akari. I could hear their laughter as they continued down the path, each giggle from Akari ripping out my heart and tearing up my hopes and dreams. What does she see in him? It must be the apron. I should make one for Gilly to wear…

I could not lay on the ground in the fetal position wallowing in my tears any longer, so I decided to follow them from a safe distance. They made it rather difficult to keep up, and I had to shout at them to slow their pace. It appeared as though they were trying to run away! Unbelievable. Akari would never willingly do such a thing, so it must be that Chase. I can't even say his name without the urge to punch Mr. Fluffy-pants, my anger management teddy bear.

Akari and Chase walked right into the Sundae Inn. I slipped in unseen after them and hid behind a potted plant. I do believe it was a fern. That was supposed to be the plant that Akari would hold in her bouquet at the wedding! A bouquet of ferns! I get teary-eyed just thinking about their wedding plans. Anyway, there I was, spying on Akari and Chase. They met up with some other youngsters and I made a mess in my pants when I saw who. Gilly. And Luna. They were together, diary! Oh the horror! Why does this happen to me?

As Gilligan sat down next to her, I felt a heart attack coming on. Did he not care that Chase was stealing away his future wife right in front of him? And what does he do to fight back? He goes on a date WITH LUNA? SHE IS NOT FIT TO BEAR MY GRANDBABIES!

Gilly should not 'hang' with these delinquents! Particularly Chase and Luna. Anyone except for Akari is bad association…

I watched them for quite a while. Gilligan and Chase were acting like buddies again. I almost threw up, right then and there. The whole situation was becoming too much for me.

I jumped up as a sharp pain shot through my chest.

"I'M HAVING CHEST PAINS!" I yelled in anguish while clutching my dying heart.

Gilly glanced over at me and ROLLED HIS EYES. Let me repeat that for you, diary. HE ROLLED HIS EYES. Something his delinquent friend Chase would do! I passed out at the abundance of hooliganisms.

Sometime later I woke up in a dark empty room on a cold hard floor. No one was around. I struggled to remember what had happened and why my pants needed changing. Then I recalled in vivid detail the terror of my heart attack. I assumed I would have been in the clinic, but not so, young diary. I was still on the floor of that repulsive Inn where Gilligan's foolish crimes had just been committed hours earlier!

Apparently Gilligan and his so called friends just left me on the floor to die. I'm beginning to realize things, diary. When Gilligan made all those unflattering faces at the mention of his future wedding, when Chase and Akari ran away from me, when Gilly and Akari faked their kiss…

I get it now.

It's all a game to these kids. They're just teasing me. They find sick enjoyment from tugging at my heartstrings and rebelling from my subtle direction. Everyone is aware of the blatantly obvious fact that Gilligan and Akari were meant to be together, but- hold on a second, diary. Someone is staring at me. I can feel it. As you know, I always carry you around with me just in case I need to pour my heart and soul into your pages. So currently, I am sitting behind that potted fern and… oh dear, here come the tears just imaging Akari in her wedding dress, holding ferns…

There was a sound. An animal noise... I'm sure of it. As I look around the abandoned Inn, I see a figure in the kitchen.

"Hamilton?" the figure asks.

I answer "yes" then pause to record my actions.

"What are you doing?"

"I am plotting to break up Chase and Akari so that I… I mean Gilligan, can live happily ever after with numerous Gilly and Akari Juniors running around underfoot."

The figure steps into the light and the sight horrifies me. I recoil in shock.

"M-Maya?" I ask.

She licks something off her face and nods. "I want to help."

I contemplate this, diary. Maybe this girl could be useful to me in my plans of getting Gilligan and Akari together. There is always the possibility she's a double agent, but at this point, I'm going to take the risk.

Just to seem hip and suave, I narrow my eyes at her. "Why would you want to help me?"

"Akari's nice and stuff, but Chasey belongs with me!"

I smile and begin to laugh maniacally.

"So what's the plan?" she asks. "And why are you writing down everything I'm saying?"


So that's how an unlikely alliance began, diary. We plotted into the wee hours of the morn. The dawn is now breaking, and I must go back to check on Gilly and make sure his nightlight didn't go out.

MARK MY WORDS! Akari and Gillypop will be together. FOREVER. And nothing – not even that apron-clad chef – will tear their love apart!

~ Hamilton Fawn Derrièra ~

Hey guys! I'm really sorry it took me so long to update! I know it probably wasn't worth the wait, but hopefully you still found it enjoyable. :)

Did anyone catch the "chest pains" reference? LOL Let us know if you know where that's from. xP

Thank you all so much for the reviews! It's simply amazing! Keep 'em coming and you all get free cookies. ;) Hehe!

Now it's Lyric's turnnnn~

~ Violet