"Crystal Nightmares" or Jareth v. Bill Gates ...

This was written for a mailing list November 23, 1997 at 3:15 in the morning. My computer decided to erase everything in it this January, so I had to retype a hard copy, with few changes (of course :). Enjoy! :)


My first real creative venture.. *listians duck* No, it won't be that bad, I promise. :) I just got a flash of inspiration, and had to see what would come of it.

Disclaimer- I belong to me, Jareth & co. belong to themselves, but also to Henson & Co. because that's the way life works. I am writing this because I'm tired, not because I wish to profit. Yay- on with the attempt at a story. :)

*Crystal Nightmares* (or Jareth v. Bill Gates...)

Kitiara sat huddled at her computer, trying to sort her way through the oodles of messages that sat waiting for her, muttering "Okay, how many tonight.. over *100*?? I checked it this morning, only" glancing at her watch, she groaned, "13 hours ago.. Oh, great. J-man's favorite number, just what I needed... Okay. This is.. junk mail, junk mail, junk mail, oh- something from Steph! Oh, just a joke- *poofer* it's gone. I don't have time for that- Oh, great- a renewal of the 'Jareth is a human/goblin/misc.' debate? I do NOT have time for that- *poofer*, yay.. why is this message here three times? I only sent it once- ARGH!!

Massaging her temples, Kiti sat back and tried to calm down. "Okay, there has to be a way to deal with this without unsubbing."

Suddenly, a semi-hysterical smile crossed her face, and she began giggling unnaturally. "I know, I'll have the almighty J-meister come fix it for me! Goblin King, Goblin King.." she burst out laughing, then clapped her hand over her mouth, remembring that her parents were asleep upstairs.

After a few deep breaths, she got the giggling down to a minimum, and hissed, "Say your right words.." Standing up, she went to the mirror in the next room and tried to act as Sarah-esque as possible, "I wish... I wish the goblins would come and fix my email system," she paused, as usual (she refused, normally, to finish it, with the explanation of "I don't want to know if it doesn't work"), but then finished with "right now." She held her breath for a moment, waiting.

Nothing happened.

"Duh. You knew it wouldn't, you fool, why are you surpr-" Just then, the lights went out, except for the light from the computer monitor. The light blue glow illuminated the basement eerily, and she caught her breath. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw dozens of tiny movements that disappeared when she tried to find them, and when she turned towards the doorway to the stairs, she saw him.

"Ohmygod.." she breathed, and the smirk on his face seemed to grow, if possible, more condescending. She barely noticed, and went on, "It worked.. It- Oh, mylanta, the freakin' words *worked*! You.. you.." she suddenly giggled. "You look *exactly* like David Bowie! What did I eat for dinner, because I want this dream every night.."

He sighed, "You're awake, Kitiara."

She melted at hearing his voice, then smacked herself across the face and straightened up. An expression of surprise flitted across Jareth's face, but she never noticed, and barreled on, "Then you're.. you're him, aren't you? I mean, *duh* you're him, but.. " She grew thoughtful, and glanced at her computer. "Does this mean you've come to fix this software?"

Ignoring her babbling, her said, "I've brought you a gift." Out of the air with that effect we all know and love, he produced a crystal.

"Oh.. Goddess.. It's a crystal, right? And if I turn it one way, it'll show me my dreams, right?

He looked a trifle uneasy. "Actually, it is a crystal, but all you really wanted when you made your wish was to have your.." he stumbled (ever so slightly) over the word, "..email.. work better, so this is a solution to that problem, nothing more."

She looked a little wounded. "What a gyp- I finally get the courage to get the Goblin King here, in my basement, next to my *bedroom*, in all his glory, and all you give me is _tech support_?? I feel so let down. I mean, really, all I want is a dream or two, can't I have that, too?"

"Look, I do what you ask, alright? You asked that the email be fixed, this will fix it; you're cowering before me, I am frightening-"

"I most certainly am not cowering, and you don't have to go by the bleepin' script!"

He shrugged, tossed her the crystal, and disappeared.

The lights came back on, and after Kitiara was finished shaking her fist at where the owl had flown, she found herself holding- a cd. "What in the name of.. Oh, who cares!" She rushed to her computer, and put it in the cd rom drive. "Now, what do I do next?" she wondered, but the screen went blank. "I vote for wait and see.."

The image of a crystal appeared on the screen, with the words "Underground software, copyright 97". She squinted to look closer, and blinked. She pictured some of the more intelligent goblins in cubicles, designing software for the labyrinth, and giggled. After about a minute, another message box came up...

"Error. Software incompatible with Windows '95 format."


"And that, Mom, is why I screamed at 3:15 in the morning."