I pull up to Spencer's house at around 6:58. Hey I'm not late. It's not my fault anyway. I couldn't find a place that sold white lilies. I had to go two towns away and pluck some out of a pond.
Oh the things you do for love.
Is this love?
Extreme like, definitely.
Love, who knows? It could be love. I mean I really do love spending time with her. She just has this way of making time move so slowly even though it's racing past me faster than I can reach out and grab it.
Pulling myself out of my Spencer dreaming I ring the bell and wait, patiently (sort of) for her to open the door. I check my tie and make sure its hanging evenly and looking sexy. I check my hair in the door window. It's looking sexy. Check my teeth, nothing in them. Shit, my breath. I blow into my hand and take a big sniff. Shit, the door.
"Hi," I say handing her the flowers. "You look amazing."
"Thanks," she says with an uncharacteristic blush.
"I got these for you," I smile.
"Ash, they're amazing. How did you know these are my favorite."
"I have my ways," I smile offering my arm.
She smiles taking it, "and you'll tell me what they are before the night is over."
"Well, aren't you sure of yourself."
"You got to be sure of something."
I smile and walk back down the porch.
"You are kidding me!" She squeals, "Ashley!"
"You like it?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I just had it sent up today."
"Ashley! Don't tell me you just bought this thing."
"No," I say climbing on my Harley, "I just had it shipped up here today though."
"You had it brought up here for me."
My turn to blush, "yeah."
"You're amazing," she says kissing me.
"We haven't even started and I'm already getting kisses?" I can get used to this.
"Don't get too cocky," she smiles.
"Hold on tight cutie," I say as I peal out of the drive. It takes us about fifteen minutes, it would have only been ten but I was driving extra slowly. I didn't want Spencer to get scared or fall off or anything. I don't think I could bare it if she got hurt. Well, that and it was really just an amazing feeling having her hands wrapped around my waist. I wanted to make it last for as long as possible.
"You are such a wimp." She says when I shut off the engine.
"What are you talking about?"
"You drive so slowly."
"Well excuse me, but I wanted to make sure we got here in one piece."
"When you lie your brow wrinkles a little."
"It does not."
"Does so," she teases, giving me a kiss, "so what's the truth huh? Spill it."
"I like your arms wrapped around me." I'm so glad it's dark. There's no way she can see how red I am right now.
She grins and kisses me, "I like having my arms wrapped around you. So, what are doing out in the middle of the woods?"
"Having a date."
"In the woods?"
"Yes, come on," I say as I grab the things I stored in the saddle bags. I nearly stop dead at the pout I'm getting. Oh shit, am I doing it again? Am I thinking way too much? "What?"
"You're not going to hold my hand?"
How freaking adorable is that? I didn't know she had such a sweet side to her.
"I want to," I say, "but I don't have any free hands."
"Let me help?"
I rearrange my things and take her hand, "it's okay. I've got it." I don't, I just want this to be perfect. I want her to feel like a lady. I want her to be doted on all night. I want her to stop squeezing my hand. "Ouch Spence,"
"Just wanted to remind you I'm standing here."
"How could I forget?"
"Your daydreams are really good, from what I've heard."
"I wasn't daydreaming. I was making sure I came the right way. Don't want to get lost."
"There's no way you can see my forehead right now."
"Your hands started sweating."
First my dog now my body.
"Just tell me what you're thinking, Ash."
"I was thinking that I'm glad it's not very far."
"Why don't you just let me carry some of it?"
"Because, we're here." I take a deep breath waiting for her reaction.
"Oh, my, goodness," she gushes, "Ashley this is amazing!" She gives me a deep, passionate kiss before running into the opening.
Butterflies dance in my stomach. She is so beautiful. Lying on a large blanket in the clearing is a homemade picnic. I'm not completely useless in the kitchen. Two candles that I walk over to light and a telescope.
"I thought we could try to find something in the universe more beautiful than you are."
"Awe, Ash," she blushes. "You did all this for me?"
"Nothing's too much for you, Spence."
"How did I get so lucky?"
I didnt know she could blush this much.
I help her settle on to the blanket, light the candles and unpack diner.
"Flowers, motorcycles and a late night picnic, you really went all out."
"You deserve it. And much more," I say filling up our glasses with wine.
"Peanut butter and jelly!" She exclaims, "my favorite!"
I just smile.
"And ants on a log! Ash! How did you know?"
"Can't tell you that."
"What? Would you have to kill me after?"
"Nope no killing. If you were dead I would have any one to dote on."
"Ash," she gushes. I can tell she loves it. "This must have taken you all day."
"Not really," I say, "finding a good enough telescope was the only difficult thing."
"And getting your bike up here wasn't?"
"Oh, that was the easiest part," I say giving her some mash potatoes. I don't even bother apologizing that they're cold. I have it on good authority she likes them that way.
"Mm," she moans, "these potatoes are so good!"
"I have one more thing for you," I say.
"What could possibly be better than this?" She asks, "Oh my gloves thank you! I've been wondering what I did with those."
I laugh awkwardly, "Yeah I've been meaning to give those back to you for a couple of months now. Sorry."
"It's okay, I lose my gloves all the time."
I pull out the manuscript and hand it to her.
"Ash you didn't have to get me a present."
"Well open it up before you get mad at me."
"Ash," she says a smile filling up her face, "you finished it? It's really done?"
"I really finished it, it's really done. And this is the first printed copy of it. I wanted to give it to you so you could read it."
"Ash you are amazing," she says leaning over to kiss me.
I kiss her back softly at first, gently, not wanting to give her the wrong impression. I didn't bring her up here just to get in her pants. I brought her up here to get into her heart. And I think she will let me. Oh yes, she will let me.
"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me," she says bashfully. "I'm so glad you came here. I'm so glad I met you. I'm so glad we're dating. I'm so glad you wrote a book."
Wait, where dating?
But I don't have time to follow up on that train of thought, two soft lips crash in to mine and two slender hands run through my hair, one long leg strattles me and one georgous body pushes me gently onto the blanket.
"Spence," I say.
She kisses the side of my lips and asks, "Hm?"
"You don't have to-"
"Want to," she murmurs.
"But its our first date," why the hell am I protesting.
"I don't want that," she says, "yet." She deepens our kiss and I wrap my arms around her waist. Not sure what she means by 'yet' but if we stay like this much longer, I wont be able to control myself.
"You are so amazing," she says between kisses.
I just kiss her back because, well, wouldn't you?
I can feel passion radiating off her, it's scorching into me. That is gonna happen yet whether yet is now or not. I feel like I might exlpode. My breath is deep and my hands are all over her back. I just get my hand on the hook of her bra when, she slides slowly off to the side of me and lays her head on my shoulder.
She giggles, "I'm sorry, I couldn't control myself. I didn't mean to get you that worked up."
"Woman, you are going to kill me."
"I didn't mean to. I've just been wanting to do that for a really long time."
"What else do you want to do?"
"What else did you plan?"
"What'd you mean seriously?"
"You get me all steamed up and then expect me to carry on with the date as planned."
"I was hoping," she admitted.
I let out a big sigh, "you have no idea what that just did to me."
"Oh I think I do,"
"Do you now?"
"Yeah, I did it to myself too."
"Don't you want to?"
With a throaty moan that nearly kills me she says, "oh yes."
"Middle of the woods on our first date, remember?"
"I remember," I say slightly pouty.
"I kinda want a second date," she says slightly girlie.
"Why wouldn't there be one?"
"Dunno," she says sounding more insecure than I thought possible for her.
"I really like you Ash. Really, really like you. I don't want to give you any reason not to talk to me tomorrow."
Okay, who the hell is this girl? Cause this is not the Spencer I fell for. "Spence,"
"Can we just, enjoy our date-without-that?"
"With or without that I always enjoy time with you Spence."
She smiles that earth shaking smile. "I love spending time with you too. You make me, so happy. Happier than I've ever been."
"But you dont want that."
"Not tonight," she mumbles embarressed, "first date."
"Didn't you feel it?" She's speaking barely above a whisper but I catch every word. "My heart beating out of my chest? That, electricity? I've never felt something that intense. I've never been apart of something this; huge. It's bigger than this night. Bigger than this whole universe."
I look up at the sky and I know exactly what she means. I don't know why she's afraid of it. But I know exactly what she is talking about. "I felt it too."
"So," she starts sounding almost afraid of her own words, "I think, it deserves more."
"More than what?"
"Sex for the sake of it on the top of a mountain in the middle of summer."
"That sounds hot."
"But it's more than hot," she whispers, "for me."
"What is it for you?"
"Scarry, exciting, new amazing, petrifying-"
"Woah wait, petrifying?"
"No ones ever made me feel the way you do, Ashley."
"I turn into a 12 year old boy when you're around. Pulling your pigtails and picking fights with the other boys."
"You mean pulling a gun?"
"Exactly," she laughs, "I never did anything like that, until I met you."
Not sure how I feel about that.
"I just want to protect you," she continues, "and hold you and keep every bad thing away from you and I want to make you smile and make cheese fries at two am, watch you run when mice get into the cabin, help you tie your tie and laugh so hard when you tell jokes, and cry when you leave me and hold my breath until you come back and teach you to ride horses without being so afraid and lay for hours with you learning every line on your hand and sitting in the hot tub and I want to take you to pick apples even though I know you don't like them cause you will for me cause you know I love them and I want to protect you from the bad guys in scary movies and have you protect me from lightneing storms and fall asleep to the sound of your breathing and wake up three times a night because you've rolled on top of me and I want to listen to the click click sound of you typing pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs and smile at how adorable you are when you're frustrated at how hard it is to be creative and I want to go with you when you go into your mind and I want to see all the beauitful colours of your imagination and hear the melodys yet to be sung that you've stored somewhere in there and I want to know you want me and not hope you do and I want to watch crappy reality television with you and make you watch sappy romantic comedys with me and have our first fight so we can make up for the first time and-"
I kiss her. Our lips can run on way better than her sentece.
"Let's start with tonight," I say when I finally break contact.
She lays in my arm looking intently for a long time. She smiles at me and we do. We start. We start asking all the questions we hadn't dared before, counting the stars and getting to know each other. Ocassionally kissing, but they were always chaste.
I'm not entirely sure how long we have been out here. Honestly, I don't care. I just care that she has her hand in mind. That she's laughed all night. That she knows most of the constellations by name. I care that her favorite TV show was American Dreams. I care that she tried to single handedly launch a campaign to save it from being taken off the air. I care that she always wanted Meg and Sam to get together. It doesn't bother me one bit that I don't even know who Meg and Sam are. I just care that her fingers are laced with mine. I care that she always hated having to go back east in the summers and that Christmas is her least favorite holiday. I care that she hates it because there were always too many people around. I care that she wants me to be apart of her next Christmas. I love that its six months away and she's already talking about me being apart of it. I love that she hates N*Sync and BSB. I love that she says her heart will always be with Leif Garret. I can't even believe she knows who he is, but I love it.
I love that she's just talked for hours and let me listen I love that she asks me questions and laughs at my answers. I love how she demands details and hates vagueness. Her nose crunches up when she's grumpy and it's just so damn cute that I can't help but want to kiss her.
"What're you thinking about?"
"That I want to kiss you."
"So kiss me."
You don't have to tell me twice.
I roll over on to her and give her a soft simple kiss.
She looks up at me and smiles.
I look down at her and smile.
There is a lot of smiling going on.
"Do you usually just stare at your dates?" She asks.
"They're not usually as beautiful as you," yes that's right the old Davies charm is coming back.
"Ash," she blushes.
"There's no denying the truth."
"Thank you, so much for tonight."
"It was my pleasure," I say cuddling up on her chest.
"I haven't felt like this in a long time."
"Like what?" I ask.
"A lady, loved, appreciated, seen."
"Well you are more than a lady and loved and appreciated. And even though the clouds have started rolling in I can totally see you." And I never want to stop seeing her. I want to see her every day. Twice a day. No three times. No all day. As much of the day as she will let me see her I want to see her. I want to take her all the places she's never been and help her realize all of her dreams. I want this, this deep long kiss she's pulling me into.
I never want it to stop.
It's simple and easy and there's not a lot of work. There are fights and discussions and growth that need to happen, on both our parts. It's just not a battle. It's not a constant attempt to make her happy and prove to her I want to be around. With Spencer she just accepts my love. She doesn't demand my presence, but simply enjoys it. Sure she gets up me when I'm here but not here, but I can't really be faulted for that, she's so amazing I can't keep my head on straight.
I don't know where we are going or what's going to happen. How fast or slow it will be. I don't know anything except this: the process of falling in love is a lot like the process of writing a book. It will make you want to claw your eyes out, it might not look good, or feel good but the only way to know if it is good is to give it a try.
I want to try.
I would rather fail than to never try to have her hand in mine. There are few good fruits on the friendship shoot, but I've never trusted someone like I trust Spencer. Time just moves so slowly when she's not around, so I'm willing to throw it all to the wind and actually settle down. To actually enjoy the process.
The process of falling in love.
and that dear readers is the end of my ff writing. thanks for sticking it to the end and feeding it back to me ;-) meant a lot to me. and even if you didnt comment, for whatever reason, thanks for reading. i enjoy writing and im glad you enjoyed it enough to make it to here.