"The home visit"
Another day, another carrot! Is what Bugs Bunny liked to say every morning when he woke up. After the morning chores our rabbit removed his sleeping clothes and decided to take a stroll through the forest to visit his old friend Daffy Duck. The mallard lived in a cozy old pond with water lilies and reed. The hare found him floating around, doing his manicure in a calmly. But as soon as the little black duck noticed the star of Warner bros. was looking at him, he scowled and turned his back.
"Hm! And what may you be doing here? Came to steal my peace and quiet like you stole my popularity? Honestly! I have nothing left but this pond coz of you!" Daff pouted and lifted up his beak with clear despise in his tone.
"No, that's not it Daffy! I never tried to take your spotlight! If you're talking about popularity, the people just can't appreciate you properly, that's all! Besides, if you wanted to be more famous, you can always talk to your old buddy, I can fix you up with some solo shorts! Or you can do some with Porky Pig! You two were always the best pair off! Better than Elmer and me! You know funny stuff… Woohoo, and skipping and being a wise guy, the things you do best!" The bunny tried to console his friend.
"Well then if the all mighty Bugs Bunny can do that for me, why don't you take all those years of me living in your shadow and the people ignoring me whenever you're around! Do that and maybe I'll think about forgiving you!" The stubborn duck crossed his arms.
"Sigh! Well I guess there's no talking to yas! I just came by to say hi… well… keep it up with whatever you're doin!" and with that our main protagonist left the scene stage left.
"Hope I never see you again!" Daffy added wiping the water off himself with a towel. However, once the rabbit disappeared out of the picture, a hunter with a rifle appeared shooting at him "Now that he's gone I can finally have some fun! Woohoo, hoohoo hoohoo hoohoo…" he jumped around frantically.
The rest of the walk was uneventful. It was after he returned home that things really took a sudden turn. Feeling bored Bugsy wondered what he could do to make his day more exciting. Entering his house, leaving the key on his round door, he approached the easy chair to relax these big feet of his when he heard a clicking sound. When he turned around he saw his new enemy Samantha fox leaning against his door, flinging the key up and down with one of her smirks.
"Yikes! Samantha! What are you doing inside my home? How did you get inside my home for that matter?" Some major chills went down the hero's spine as his blood ran cold.
"Isn't it obvious! In the forest you have the advantage since you have plenty of space to elude and make a fool out of me! But I doubt you'll have this many tricks in a small closed space such as your underground apartment! Not to mention you have nowhere to run!" The she-predator slipped the key in her cleavage and then slowly closed in with her nose touching her prey's face "As to how I got in here, I simply dug a new hole that led me to your living room and then blew it up with TNT to fill it up." She licked him on his cheek and hummed with pleasure "Mmmmmm! You taste even better than you smell!"
That sent a surge of ticks and silly noises through the bunny's frightened skinny body (like the ones he had in "Hair Raising Hare").
"Oh, wait! I forgot I have multiple exits! Not just my front door!" He remembered.
"Are you sure they'll be of any use?" The vixen swung a baseball bat at him, which the rodent dodged by jumping above it and evading her.
Running as fast as his thin legs could take him, Bugs' aim was the extra holes he had in each room. He tried the living room but there was only dirt where the hole once was. The bathroom, bedroom and kitchen had their exits missing as well.
"You didn't think I'd let you get away using your tunnels like the experienced digger you are! I won't let you rest until I have you in my tummy all digested and all!" Sami did another scary face, reaching out her claws for the rabbit that was trapped in the pantry (that was the last place he looked in).
She thought she had him but he suddenly disappeared. Bending down, she noticed her prey escaped, sliding down between her big long legs, which infuriated her. Moving the chase to the kitchen, they ran in circle on the walls. Grabbing the bucktooth carrot-eater by the neck, the vulpine shoved him in his own oven and turned it on high.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A painful scream came out of it.
"Oh, my! I should've killed him before I put him in the oven! Even I'm not that cruel!" Sam's conscience gnawed her, so she opened the hatch to see what was going on in there.
"Have a carrot!" a gloved hand shoved an orange vegetable in her muzzle.
"Uh! It tastes awful!" The huntress tried wiping the taste off her tongue "Darn! Where did he go now?" She looked around flustered, when she spotted Bugs in front of the fridge.
"Yoohoo, Sam-I-Am! Over here!" The he-bunny waved tauntingly, which drove the vixen crazy as she dashed in ire.
Right on cue, he slammed the refrigerator's door in her face, leaving her all woozy, silly looking, with her tongue stuck out and bunnies prancing around her face. Using that moment, the long eared varmint shoved his enemy, in return, in the ice box, locking it. There were loud banging sounds coming from it afterwards. A minute later, Bugs let the lady out, seeing her frozen in a giant ice cube. Using a chisel and a hammer, he defrosted her. Still trembling from the extreme cold, the foxy predator decided to try the compassion trick again and made a sad face of a hurt girl, all sobby and teary.
"You're so mean!" she looked at him all miserable like.
"Well, now, let me make it up by giving you a nice cup of hot chocolate!" The host served his guest a steaming drink.
"Why, thank you!" Samantha forgot about the circumstances for a moment, enjoying the hot beverage "YAAAAAAAAAAAAH! That's too hoooooot!" She then commenced breathing flames.
"Well, I was going for hot! Hot peppers that is! Hehehehehheheheheheheeee!" The Looney hero snickered.
"I kill you bunny!" The red haired beauty tackled him, sinking her teeth into his neck. For her disappointment, it blew up, leaving the remains of a TNT Bugs Dummy.
The next scene takes us to the living room, where Sam was rummaging through the old bookshelves, wondering if her meal squeezed in between one of the books, knowing it was an old toon trick of course. Sure enough, she was right. When the female antagonist opened the book "Alice in Wonderland", her victim jumped out of it with a pocket watch in his hand. He seemed to be in a hurry.
"We're late, we're late! We're late for 'n important date! Come on!" He pulled the girl by the hand and threw her onto a chair in front of a small round coffee table. "Now then, it's time to refresh ourselves with some coffee!" he served two small cups along with a bowl of sugar cubes.
Samantha grimaced, rolling her eyes. This was getting old. Does he really think she doesn't know what was coming?
"How many lumps do you want with your coffee?" The question came and the answer followed up.
"None, thanks! I drink my coffee nice, black, and bitter!" The fox whispered the last part, leaning towards Bugs slowly, with her nose touching his and adding a dastardly chuckle. "But I would like something else if I'm not troubling you!"
"Nyeeeh… huff, huff, huff! Not at all! What would that thing you be wantin, might be?" Beads of sweat ran down Bugsy's face, him breathing heavily.
"YOU!" She wrapped her fingers around his throat and started choking him.
"Kyeeeh, yeeeeh! Kuh! Wait a minute Samantulа! Could you let go of my neck just for a couple of seconds so I can have me last words!" the hare pleaded for his last breaths.
"Grrrr… okay! But don't even try to escape!" The she-hunter grasped his wrists and ankles, bonding his arms and legs together.
Using this moment Bugs did a perfect impersonation of Frank Sinatra with the deep voice and everything:
"Eeeeeet had to be youuuuuuuuuuuu! Eeeet had to be youuuuuuuuu! I wandered around and I finally found somebody whooooo could make me be truuuuuuuuee! It had to be yoouuuuuuu!"
"Fuh-rankay!" The woman melted under the soft deliriously pleasant sounds, swooning over.
By the time Sam realized herself and arose, her prey was gone, probably in another room.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Darn it, DArn it, DARN IT! That was the oldest trick in the book and I fell for it! I'm so smart yet now I acted so stupid! To think he could knock me out like that for a couple of seconds! Raaaar!" The vixen ran again, passing through the rooms.
Just when she lunged through the guest room, a foot tripped her and made her fall onto a barber chair, forcefully lying down. Then, the next thing she knew a pair of hands swooped in and started doing her hair and rubbing in nourishing hair oils and tonics and conditioners and stuff.
"Mah starts! Lookit what beautiful hair you've got! Ah just couldn't resist fixing it up for yew! From all the interesting toons I've met, foxes are the most interesting ones! I was sayin to my friend Jessica the other day "Jessie, foxes lead the most interesting lives!" The places you go and the people you meet! Now let me put a nice pair of earrings for yas!"
"Mmmmmm! I haven't had my hair done in ages! I forgot how relaxing it was!" The miss relaxed under the care of his magical fingers when something in her snapped "Hey, WAIT A MINUTE!" she tried to stand up but then felt a stinging pain like something nasty was pinching her ears "Owch, owtch owtch! What is that you put on my ears?" Sam jumped like a Mexican bean, grasping her sore spots.
"See for yourself Sam!" Bugs introduced a round hand mirror to her face. On her ears the huntress had a couple of mouse traps strapped on them.
"You insufferable rodent!" The fox lady removed the gag earrings, continuing the pursuit of her arch rival.
Reaching a dead end, the hare looked left and then right, frantically trying to think of something fast. He was sensing a large source of anger, peering at him, which felt like a hole burning into his back.
"I tell you again! You have nowhere to run! Give up and I promise not to chew on you too much!" Samantha spoke with a trembling tone, showing a large amount suppressed negative feelings about to explode.
Putting his hand on the light switch, the bunny planned to lose her in the dark.
"As a fox I can see in the dark if you didn't know! This won't do you any good!"
Right then and there, the lights went off. After a bit of struggling noises, a flash of red appeared and a large "BOOM" was heard. Another click later, we could see the vixen holding the hare by the ears, stunned, with hair and face as black as charcoal, not to mention that her nose had fallen off. The rabbit on the other hand held a riffle, all trembling and ran for it as soon as his opponent let go of him.
The next scene takes us to a narrow corridor. The long eared carrot-chewer was with his back pressed against a dead end, while his ill-wisher was closing in, baring her claws and fangs. But something diverted the predatress's attention to the wall on her left. It was an old-fashioned, built-in, wooden ironing board. It had a sign on it that said "Mallet storage".
"What is that?" She touched the board's surface.
"Sam, NO! That's my private wooden mallet stash! Don't open it!" The toony hare reached out, shaking his hands in a warning way.
"Aha! So there's something that could help me inside! I'll just help myself with one of these and smash you to bits if you don't mind!" The vulpine chick attempted to fetch what she wanted.
"You don't understand! If you lower the ironing board, a large mallet will…" Before Bugsy could finish, a large BAM echoed.
The fox girl lay still with a large bump on her head, for when she removed the board, it sprung a large mallet that whammed her clean on the nargin.
"Tisk, tisk, tisk! You should have listened Sawhammy! Oh, well! I guess there's only one thing to do now!" The buck tooth hero, grabbed her feet.
A couple of hours later, Samantha awakened. For her surprise she was back in her home. When she touched her head it stung so bad she made a hissing sound in pain. How did she wound up here and what happened. She cornered him then all went black. All of a sudden she felt something was stuck on her chest. It was a letter glued on her tank top. When she ripped it open, it contained a note that said this:
If you're wondering why you blacked out, it was a wooden mallet trap that came from the ironing board that koed you. I felt sorry for yas so I carried you back to your home. No need to thank me! Your recovery is all that matters!
Your faithful prey
"Well, at least he was man enough to do what he did!" The vixen pouted, not wanting to sound grateful or anything. "But then again… how did he get out of his house when I…" She checked her cleavage "Ooooooooo! That bunny pervert! He touched me!"
"PS: Just so you know! Digging in there was no joy ride!"
And this concludes another comedic chapter. Till next time!
Bugs Bunny and Daffy duck belong to Warner Bros.
Samantha Fox belongs to Rod_Vulpine