A/N: Sorry if some of the Xbox Live stuff is wrong. I have never had much interest, so I asked by little brother, but it's not exactly like I could have him check this for me.
Sometimes Japan found it hard to live in the modern world. Life was so complex with such confusing international relationships and technology expanding so quickly that he could scarcely keep on top of it. He missed the days when he had time to train at a real dojo. It was so much easier to be calm and collected in public when one could go and do battle with a competent opponent in an arena where there was no blood spilled. It allowed him to get out all of his aggression and frustration.
For now, he would just have to wait until the evenings when he returned from work so that he could annihilate all those who dared challenge him in a first-person shooter.
He didn't expect much as he slid out of his suit jacket and turned on his TV. The past few days Prussia had been the only person online that he knew, and he both cheated and was highly likely to complain when he lost anyway. Normally America was there as well to make things more interesting, but he hadn't logged on for nigh on a week.
As expected, as soon as he put on his headset, he received a request from Prussia. Sighing, Japan joined the party. To his surprise, he saw that Prussia wasn't alone for once.
"Yo, Japan! I'm so glad you're here!"
"What? The awesome me isn't good enough for you?"
"Shut up, Prussia. Anyway, Japan, it's been way too fucking long, bro!"
Japan smiled, "It's nice to hear from you too, America-san."
America snorted, "You don't gotta be so polite, we're on Xbox Live for fuck's sake."
"If you haven't noticed, scrote-face, Japan doesn't like swearing. So shut your fucking mouth."
"Hey, he can talk on his own, Douche-bag. Isn't that right, Japan?"
"I honestly do not mind too much. I simply don't partake." Since the both of them were just sitting there, Japan took it upon himself to start a game.
"You- you make it sound like it's booze or something," Prussia said shakily.
Japan wisely decided to ignore the comment, "So, America-san, if you do not mind my asking why haven't you been on?"
He laughed a little bit "Well, England's been over, and you know how he is."
"I take it he is insatiable as ever." No one else seemed to be doing anything, so Japan started Call of Duty in case he would have to start the match.
"Dude, has everybody banged Iggy but me?" Prussia demanded.
"From how he tells it when he's drunk, yeah. And to answer your question, Japan, pretty much. He keeps getting home before me and leaving notes telling me to come to the bedroom. The first time I get to prop my feet up is when I'm naked on the bed."
"Woah, dude, T-M-I."
"That ain't even the worst of it. But I think I finally wore him out." America said smugly, "He was really tuckered out last night. It was so cute! He's still out right now, probably still snuggled up to my pillow with a dopey grin on his face."
"Aw, that's so cute that I'm gonna puke. Now shut up, fag, and let's play!"
"Whatever. You know Japan and I are gonna beat your ass."
"Oh, whatever. Let's go, bastard."
"Finally," Japan thought, starting the game.
"So you tired out England, huh? I want details," Prussia said as Japan was searching out the best sniping spot on the map.
America whistled, "You sure?"
"Yeah, since I'm apparently missing out on the experience of sleeping with Europe's number one slut."
"England is not a slut," Japan said, "And I would prefer that you didn't refer to him as such."
"Aww, you all butt-hurt because he hasn't given you any in a while?"
"No," Japan shot Prussia in the head, causing him to swear profusely, "I simply do not like you defaming him because he's one of my good friends."
"'S right," America said, "They like to get together on weekends and talk about tea and how they're old and back in the day when they used to be able to wear dresses." Japan shot him too, since he had revealed himself, "aw fuck. Well, I deserved that, didn't I?"
"It was more because of your location than what you said," Japan replied mostly honestly. Although, he would rather that America did not refer to kimonos as "dresses." He was too polite to say so, though.
"Yes, well," Suddenly. Japan was shot from behind, "Guess that makes that fair, huh?"
Prussia was unfortunately right next to Japan's spawn point and so killed him again, "I am such a bamf, you guys."
"You're a dirty fucking cheat," America said.
Prussia died suddenly, which meant that America had usurped Japan's sniping spot. That needed to be fixed.
"So, yeah," America said, "You wanted deets, right Prussia?"
"Yeah. If you scored that good, you gotta tell your bros, right?"
Japan sighed. Why was America going along with this idiocy? Oh wait, it was because he was America.
"So I come home yesterday, come into the bedroom, and he's wearing his old pirate stuff." Japan paused. He wasn't sure whether to take note of this or keep playing. He decided to do the best of both, record the conversation and sneak up on America at the same time.
"Like, the big red coat, old hat, sword, everything?"
"And a pistol! Because I walked right in and he had it pointed right in my face. Seriously, I open the door and I hear him cock it. I almost freaked out and pulled out my gun. But then I realized that it was England and it was cool. He kept the gun pointed at my head the entire time, but he'd told me at the beginning that it wasn't loaded. He made me strip and tied me up and, oh God, he fucked me so hard! I swear he was going for like ten minutes. Aw man, if I wasn't a nation I so wouldn't be sitting right now." Oh, dammit, America spotted him. "Take that, fucker. Anyway, once he came I managed to get the ropes off and grab the gun and then I pretended to run away, but I let him catch me so that he could force me down and-"
"Wait a goddamn minute!" Prussia shouted.
"What is it?" America asked with a clear pout in his voice, "I was just getting to the good part."
"So, let me get this straight," Prussia said slowly, "You take it up the ass."
"The guy who talks to fairies and claims that he can see unicorns."
"Well," For the first time America sounded embarrassed. Japan's lips twitched into a small smile, "He doesn't exactly talk about that in bed."
"Holy fuck." America took advantage of Prussia's daze to kill him. For once, the German didn't let out a curse. Instead, he started laughing, "Oh my god, America is a bitch! You're a fairy, a poof, you take it up the ass! Damn, I didn't think in a million years that the United States of fucking America was gonna be the chick!"
He was lost to giggles for a moment, and out of sportsmanship (and the fact that they were doing unfairly better than him as it was) Japan and America didn't move. Then, all of a sudden, there were two bangs. Prussia died again and the game ended.
"Well, ya know what," America said, smile coming through the headset, "This 'chick' just beat your ass. Ya know why? 'Cause I can actually get laid."
Japan covered his microphone to laugh. Yes, there were times when he hated the modern world. This was not one of them.