Disclaimer: I don't want to eat -I mean, I don't own Twilight or any of its associated fictional characters or locations.
The Twilight Saga
For all you out there who want to know what the big Twilight craze is all about without actually having to read the books, help is here! MRegent.2 and Pangie are here to supply you with a quick summary of the whole four books. Note: This is packed-full of spoilers.
* Girl meets boy.
* Boy wants to eat Girl but eating people is just plain rude, and he's a nice Boy. Nevertheless, he still wants to eat Girl.
* Boy saves Girl from becoming a tasty-smelling smear on the sidewalk.
* Girl finds out Boy want to eat her. She decides she loves him.
* Girl meets Boy's family. They want to eat her. She decides she likes them.
* Boy's family pays baseball, inviting Girl, despite the fact that not only are they all faster and stronger than she is, but that Girl can't seem to school without falling flat on her face. They make her umpire. Other people come along. Not wanting to feel left out, they decide they want to eat Girl as well. Unfortunately they never learned manners and don't know it's considered rude to eat people.
* One of the people decides he doesn't want to offend Boy's family by eating Boy's pet -I mean, by eating Girl, and runs off. The other two decide to find Girl and eat her.
* One of the people traps Girl and tries to eat her. Boy and Boy's family come along and rip the impolite person into many tiny pieces before roasting him to perfection, despite not wanting to eat him. Boy almost eats Girl but decides to save her instead, maybe so he can eat her later.
* To stop himself eating Girl and ruining his appetite, Boy goes away. Girl is greatly upset by lost of Boy who wants to eat her. After all, who doesn't like being wanted? Even if it is as a side-dish.
* A different Boy, one who doesn't want to eat her, falls in love with Girl. Let's call him Boy the Second.
* The person who decided he didn't want to offend Boy's family comes back and finds Girl. He decides to eat Girl.
* Why? Just because.
* Boy the Second and his pack of species-confused werewolves hunt his ass down and rip him into lots of little pieces, also roasting him to perfection. No, they don't eat him either.
* Girl decides to jump off a cliff for fun (because that's the smart thing to do) and Boy who wants to eat girl hears about it. Upset that his tasty snack is now dead (or so he thinks), Boy tries to kill himself by provoking the Vampire Police. Note: not Vampire Stripper Police. Just normal Vampire Police.
* Don't give me those groans of disappointment!
* Girl travels halfway around the world to save Boy who wants to eat her. They both get in trouble with Vampire Police.
* Vampire Police want to eat girl too.
* Despite wanting to eat the girl, they let Boy and Girl go.
* Why? Just because.
* When they get home, Girl must chose between Boy who wants to eat her and Boy the Second, who definitely does not want to eat her. She chooses the one who wants to eat her. As a result, Boy the Second hates Boy.
* The last person who came along during the baseball match comes along, wanting to eat Girl. Boy and Boy the Second band together with their families and friends in a big species-confused tumble to protect her.
* Boy viciously murders person who wants to eat Girl in front of Girl, giving her horrifying mental scarring and nightmares that will remain with her for the rest of her life. Girl loves him even more.
* Girl gets married to Boy. Boy knocks Girl up.
* Girl has Baby. Girl almost dies and is turned into a vampire just like Boy.
* Boy doesn't want to eat Girl any more. No, she doesn't want to eat him either.
* Vampire police hear about Baby and decide to kill it.
* Boy's Future-Telling sister sees this and is upset.
* Species-confused wolf-people who, thanks to a revelation from Vampire Police, can't even call themselves werewolves any more, and vampires all band together to stop the Vampire Police.
* Vampire Police go away, dissapointed that not only can they no longer eat Girl (well, they could, but she isn't so tasty any more), they can't kill Baby either.
* Boy the Second falls in love with Baby, despite Baby being less than a year old. Because that's not wrong at all.
* They all live happily ever after, murdering countless cute woodland creatures, as one happy family, the youngest of which will probably have sex with Boy the Second, who once loved Girl, at the age of seven.
* Why? *#&%ING BECAUSE!
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Thanks for reading, and reviews are always welcome.