I would like to start this note off by wishing everyone a happy New Year. Second, I would like to apologize for the excessive wait this chapter has had, but like with all my stories they were put on hold. I took a hiatus due to some rather rude and frankly bitchy reviews on my drabble LMF that left a sour taste in my mouth. I needed to walk away and clear my head, get my mojo back and remember why I love this fandom like the crazy.
Good thing too because this time away has helped me begin my own original that is well on its way to being half way written. I finished a O/S for you guys and it's on my profile- of course its B and E and with some stalking and sexy lemons involved. And lastly I have this update and one for my first story that is almost completed… so the break was good for me in a way. With that being said, I'm still not 100 percent back- there are still have some things I have to accomplish, like my book, before my updates return to normal.
Just remember that I will never leave anything I started without being finished and that I am not going anywhere any time soon or ever.
Rachel I love you and thanks for all the help, I am honored to call you a friend and get ready to kick some major literary butt!
Twilight isn't mine.
Song for Chapter : What I've Done by Linkin Park
Isabella, my Bella, or Marie as she now likes to be called is in town today, and causing quite a stir within her fans – this one included. It has been a blessing and a curse; my greatest wishes and fears watching her, following every career move, and the speculations surrounding this amazing debut album.
I remember that fateful day that her first single was released as if it were yesterday; it was to have been a busy morning for me and everything thus far had gone from bad to worse. The alarm never went off leaving me to run around like a chicken with its head cut off as I rushed through my usual routine in order to make it to an important consult that morning. The insipid bitch I called a wife once again forgot to pick up my dry cleaning. Jane's refusal and straight up neglect to do any manual labor – as she so condescendingly referred to it – made me extra late as I had to call in the local cleaners' owner and add a hefty tip in order to get my items delivered.
It's not like I didn't have another suit to wear or lab coat to use, but being such a puppet in the hands of others left me a bit predisposed to OCD habit. I controlled what I could – what was left for me to grasp and keep under my discretion anyways.
My mood soured with every minute that I had to relent to the hands of my wife's idiocy; already the vapid vulture was off to the country club with her friends and my mother, a routine that had stayed with these socialites since birth: spending money that wasn't theirs.
It is a well-known fact that the women in these parts were barely human anymore; their bodies implanted with so much Botox, plastic, and silicone that they would float easily.
Beauty had long lost its realistic views and had become such a byproduct of what this money hungry society dictated.
That was one of the things I loved about the girl I knew as Bella: she never cared or focused her attention on trends or looks, with her it was all natural and enhanced by the pureness in her heart. So many nights I had tried to find a smidgen of my Bella's beauty in Jane and have come out emptier than when I began. There will never be another as she; my Isabella was one of a kind.
As I made my way through Miami's heavy morning traffic on that particular day, I found myself playing a radio station that wasn't my norm. I was usually too caught up in my own head to deal with what was popular. Typically I listened to a more serious news programs that kept me up to date with what was current here at home and around our globe, but today . . . today everything had been backward.
My fingers gingerly reached over to press the preset number one on my radio console and instead of the stuffy anchor/DJ I was accustomed too, I got her: my greatest torment and love.
The melody was haunting and dark – so much passion and pain. My heart ached; my palms began to sweat because I knew it was her. Isabella always had such a beautiful voice. Once upon a time before my stupidity took over we would spend so many hours laying on the beach with our iPods singing to the other, sharing in song how we felt and wanted.
I couldn't help it, my reaction was to reach out and caress that console as if it were her – my foot slammed on the brakes with all its might and my eyes focused on the blinking lights telling me it wasn't Bella near me but her singing through my speakers.
The sudden impact and jolt brought me back to the present and away from my beloved's enchanting voice. I had rear ended a transport van when my mind and eyes left reality and transported back to those days of our youth – all smiles and love coming through every photograph that began to play like a highlight reel of my greatest achievements.
Thankfully, we had all begun to gradually slow down as the traffic became hectic and over crowded on the highway. To my delight, and the other driver's, we were both okay with no scratches or cuts to be found. His cargo van had been emptied an hour prior and the only thing to fix now was a minor dent my Volvo created toward the left hand brake light.
His neck seemed to be my main concern as mine felt stiff and was sure to ache later. We exchanged information rapidly, and after checking with him a final time to make sure he was okay, we were on our way.
Jairo, the driver, promised to come by my office if he felt off and was in any kind of pain . . . it was the least I could do after all. It was completely my fault that he was enduring this uncomfortable moment. As I drove off toward my new destination – an auto body shop owned by my brother's wife – I couldn't help but smile despite my hurt. My butterfly had spread her wings. She was there, alive and happy, letting me watch from afar as she flourished and grew into the amazing woman I'd always known deep down she would become.
Her plane touched down an hour ago bringing her closer to me yet staying completely out of my grasp. She had a sold out appearance to perform at the local jazz club, Van Dykes, on South Beach. From what had been said with all the promotion thrown out, this concert would be in celebration of the all-acoustic album version of Pain is Love that would go on sale Tuesday.
I wasn't embarrassed to say that I already owned the original and had pre-ordered this newer version. It was her sweet and seductive tones that had helped me find peace and comfort every night.
Of course Jane didn't have the slightest clue as to who Bella was, and is, in my life or the space she occupied in my heart, but that didn't stop her from criticizing her biggest threat at every turn.
"Oh, for fuck sake, Edward, turn that shit off already!" Jane would screech on those nights that she attempted to infiltrate my sleeping quarters. Yes, that's right; we slept apart and had been for quite some time. It was all her doing that had caused the even bigger riff between us to explode and become the crater of hate on my behalf that kept us this apart.
It was amusing to say the least to watch the overbearing plastic woman become jealous and filled with indignation at my refusal of her advances and wishes. Sure, she still wore my name and used my pockets to fulfill her every wish as daddy's company was in the tanker thanks to some horrible side effects one prescribed med for anxiety had. Those lawsuits began to roll in, and his money – and that of his overpaid board members – went right with it.
Mother had been upset when the news broke at first, and she began to talk bad about the family she'd adored while they were still rich; it was like Naples all over again. This time though it wasn't her words that pushed my marriage to shambles or made me hate the woman I vowed before God to put up with because truly, I'd never loved her.
No, what pushed us into the state we now found ourselves in was her lying and selfishness.
Exactly two months after her father came to me and explained the situation he now found himself in, she killed our child. Everything was going down the drain quickly as their pharmaceutical company hit rock bottom. Jane complained constantly about feeling sick and bloated, how certain smells made her nauseous, and that her pants began to feel constricted. My years in training kicked in rather fast.
Within the hour I had her set up for blood work. Sure it had taken a phone call to a colleague in the OB-GYN department at the hospital, a few arguments with Jane stating it was all stress related and my refusal to give up and then we were on our way.
She was two months pregnant and had no idea.
Jane was a woman ruled by looks and the perceptions of others toward her. She was angry about the pregnancy, but promised me that she wouldn't do anything rash. However, after a week of begging and a lot of my money donated toward the survival of her family's legacy, she had an abortion anyways.
Stupid, stupid whore.
She never left the city or even attempted to hide what she was doing. My mother and sister who rarely had the chance to eat or spend any time together had met that day by chance at Benihana for Mai-Tais and lunch, and Jane was there. Of course the dumber-than-rocks blonde would head over to my family's table and kiss ass to the matriarch of this family. They could tell something was off with her; she laughed it off with a grimace on her face and had excused herself to the bathrooms, leaving her purse behind.
Alice was furious when she discovered the release and aftercare papers from the clinic she'd attended to have the procedure done. I will never forget the hate she spewed, and my mother having to physically restrain her as I'd heard it all over the phone: Jane was in tears, my mother warning Alice to behave and stop making a scene and Alice, well, she'd been seconds away from using the chef's cleaver to chop the bitch to pieces.
Was it wrong for my sister to snoop? Maybe, but what the bitch had done was far worse in my opinion. My wrath had left her in tears and on her father's doorstep as I refused to look at her for weeks.
Aro was ashamed and irate when he discovered her out in the rain outside his porch while I drove off like a bat out of hell. He quickly changed his tune after realizing what she'd done and the money she threw away in a bloody bag for her body. I would have stuck it out with her for my child; would've made it my life's work to please the woman who had given me that miracle even if I didn't love her.
She stole my dreams from me, and killed our only chance with its death.
It was the only chance I would ever have of being a father and she stole that from me which had torn me in two. Had I forgiven her? Fuck no, and I never will, but after so much nagging and begging from the parentals in this situation I gave in and moved her back into my home.
She might reside in my home for the time being, but never again would she sleep in my bed.
It wasn't that I wanted or wished for a child with her, my dream had always been to procreate with Bella, but those chances were dead and burned to the ground with the way we parted on that sad night. Living with that reality killed me day in and day out, and as I settled for what I could have instead of what I wanted I found myself the one in shambles trying to pick myself off while Bella bloomed before this country's eyes.
"Edward," Jasper began already exasperated with me as I refused to join in on the outing he had planned for tonight. "This has to stop, bro. You cannot go through life with this kind of misery: living with a woman you despise as punishment for something you did in your youth."
"The hell I can't! You weren't there – you didn't break the one you loved... I destroyed us."
"Then own the fuck up to it and make it right. Divorce Jane!" His hand slammed down onto my desk as his anger at my pain took over.
"Edward, I'm going to ask you a question and I want the truth –"
I nodded my head in acquiescence, and waved him on as I took a sip of my then slightly cold coffee.
He had come over to my office at the hospital to offer me a chance at something I didn't deserve: the gift of seeing her even if it was from afar.
"Do you still love her?"
I was out of my seat and punching a wall before I realized what was happening. How could he even ask me that – I loved her more than life itself!
"What the fuck... How could you even ask that?" My voice was foreign to my ears, everything moving so fast and emotions I had tried to keep at bay breaking free with just the mere thought of having her close again.
"Answer me!" he yelled before grabbing my shoulders and harshly shaking me out of my never ending purgatory.
"Of course I fucking do," I croaked. "I love that girl with all my heart. Every day that passes I regret what I've done to her – I wasn't strong enough to evade the lies fed to me by Esme."
"So make it right." Jasper loved me like a brother and saw with his own eyes what the memory of those events had caused us all, especially his wife.
Ali lived with the regret of not knowing how I had purposely damaged her sister. How I lied and made her believe Alice hated her and left her behind. The guilt over something she had no control over almost driving her to the point of panic attacks whenever Isabella's name came up.
"Dammit, Edward, it's not too late. It's never too late to win back the love of your life."
"She would never forgive me." My mumble was one of dejection.
"Bullshit." His features were hard and smug. Jasper knew me too well and was aware of what really held me back.
"Your fear is keeping you locked and attached to a woman you hate," he spat at me having hated Jane and her family since the very first day my mother shoved her down my throat. "Jane is a miserable, vain, and insufferable woman who has used you for money and status."
"I left Bella because I thought she didn't belong . . ." My screaming came out deranged and full of pain. "I deserve being used by Jane. My stupidity and vanity blinded me and destroyed what I loved the most . . . us."
"Than you are dumber than I ever thought possible, Edward. I'm offering you a chance to see her; maybe if the gods are smiling down on you, the opportunity to approach her for an autograph and open the lines of communication. You owe her, Edward. You owe her an explanation and an apology! Take this chance to change your life and hers… if not a new beginning, then at the least give her the closure you denied her all these years."
Jasper was right and knew it . . .
Also, if you want a sneak peek at future chapters and juicy pics that go with the story, join me on Face Book…My name is Reyes Onethree-nine and the group is called Massy's Minions… come join my craziness and get your extra fix of...It Isn't Over Yet and my other stories.
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