Chapter 23

The day before Thanksgiving, their guests arrived in town, checking into the motel that Ennis and Jack had stayed at upon their arrival last year. K.E. and Cecilia were both here with their spouses and children, and Adam and Pete were down from Ohio. Adam and Tom hadn't seen each other for a while, so a lot of their time upon their arrival was spent catching up. The same was true of Cecilia and K.E. They both agreed that they were proud of Ennis for what he had accomplished and were thankful for Jack coming into his life.

All of them were unaware of the black cloud that had descended over the ranch over the last few days. Both Becky and Rose had been awake long enough to hear Jack snapping at Ennis a few nights ago, and that he had ordered him to the sofa until after the holiday. To their dismay, they had also heard Jack's threat to end things if Ennis didn't come clean to him. Becky hoped for their sakes that they would be able to sort things out.

As for the two men in question, things were as bad as ever. Under Jack's instruction, Ennis had slept on the sofa for the past few nights and was using the main bathroom. Jack was sticking to his guns and not allowing Ennis anywhere near their bedroom. Only when the lights were off and the house was silent did Jack allow his exterior to crumble, crying himself to sleep. He'd started to feel like a zombie; sleep, food, work, food, work, food, sleep. The cycle continued and he carried on, showing no emotion to anybody, not even to his mother. He missed Ennis terribly but he knew it had to be like this for now; he wasn't prepared for any more beatings on his emotions. And he would never tell anyone how, more than once, he had snuck downstairs in the middle of the night, stopping halfway and looking across the dark living room at the shape on the sofa. He would sit there for a while, contemplating what might happen and hoping they could fix this.

Out on the land, they were keeping their distance. No more quickies in the tack room, no more rides up to the hill, no more stolen kisses in the barn when nobody was around. It was purely work out there and it was taking its toll on them.

Becky was currently in the living room knitting when a knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. She got up to answer it, opening it to a woman who looked a little older than Ennis, with curly brown hair and a bright, smiling face. She was accompanied by a man with black hair, very like Jack's, and two small children who were the spitting image of their parents.

"Hi," said Becky curiously. "Can I help ya?"

"I hope so," replied the woman with a smile. "I'm Cecilia Wilson, Ennis's sister."

It clicked. Becky knew that Cecilia was the name of Ennis's sister and that she was married to Tom Wilson, who was Adam's cousin. "Oh! Right. Well hi there, nice to meet ya. I'm Becky Twist," she said, offering her hand.

Cecilia and Tom took turns to shake her hand. "I figured so," Cecilia said, nodding at her bump. "Ennis an' Jack told us about you."

Becky smiled. "Well, come on in, then." It had been agreed beforehand that upon their arrival, their guests would come to the ranch to spend time with them; just relax before the major task of Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.

Cecilia and Tom introduced her to Amy and Jimmy, who became very excited when they felt her baby kicking. Becky's feelings of broodiness were going into overdrive and she couldn't wait until she had her own child.

Ennis and Jack came in, Jack with a big fake smile plastered to his face. He was genuinely glad to see them, but there wasn't much that could lift his spirits just now. They greeted their first guests warmly and introduced them to Rose, who they were very taken with. Tom's parents had also died and the two children were starved of a grandparent, so their parents were happy to let Rose provide that figure for them.

K.E. and Sarah arrived soon after, baby Keith in his mother's arms. K.E. hugged his brother and shook Jack's hand, stating his thanks for making his brother happy and saving him from becoming a man like their father. Jack swallowed hard and nodded, forced to reply how happy Ennis had made him in return.

Adam and Pete were the last to arrive, with big news. They had just opened up a bar in Kentucky near a rodeo ground and were starting to make some money.

"How did that happen?" asked Tom in amazement.

"Well, we got to thinkin' how it might be if one of us got hurt or somethin' an' needed surgery, an' we realised that it wouldn't happen if we didn't have control of that," explained Adam. "So we remembered Jack an' Ennis havin' power of attorney 'cos they're business partners an' all, an' we thought we'd take a leaf outta their book. So we got to thinkin' 'bout what we could do."

"We noticed there wasn't no bar next to the rodeo ground," Pete continued. "An' people have to take a fair walk to get to the good stuff after a rodeo. So we pooled all our money an' decided to make a go of it. There's this empty buildin' near the ground, so we bought it. Been doin' it up an' we just opened last week. Got someone takin' care of it for us; we ain't bar owner types. But it's doin' real nice. An' we're goin' through the process of gettin' power of attorney now we're business partners."

Tom clapped Adam on the shoulder. "Well, congratulations, guys."

The group all added their own sentiments. Jack looked around the room, hoping that they weren't about to lose all of this.

November 26th, 1964

It was now Thanksgiving and the household and their guests were busy preparing for dinner. Since Ennis and Jack always gave their workers a day off on holidays, including this one, K.E., Tom, Adam and Pete were helping them with the ranch work today.

Rose was in charge of dinner and Becky, Sarah and Cecilia would be helping her later on. Right now, they were all in the living room, knitting and keeping an eye on the children, who were playing on the floor. Most of yesterday had been spent with the kids being shown the horses in the stable. Amy and Jimmy were allowed to ride, their father holding the reins as they went at a gentle walk around the paddock.

Becky knew that after dinner today would be Ennis's last chance to tell Jack the truth, and she could see this fact written all over their faces. She was determined to talk to Ennis before it was over; hopefully knock some sense into him. She didn't want to see them break up.

"So Becky," said Sarah, breaking through her thoughts. "You any ideas what yer gonna name yer baby?"

Becky smiled wearily. "I'll be honest, I've got no idea. Nothin'. I want it to be perfect, but...I can't think of anythin'." She looked around at them all. "You guys got any ideas?"

And so for the next hour or so, the women all discussed potential names and the reasons why they might be appropriate. By the time Rose called them into the kitchen to help, Becky had a few ideas in mind and was closer to making a decision than she had been.

They brought the children to sit at the kitchen table so they could continue to keep an eye on them and set about preparing dinner. At 3pm the men finished working and set up a long table outside, just a few feet from the back steps. It was a warm, clear night and was perfect for a large family dinner.

As they were setting cutlery down, Ennis and Jack's hands brushed together, and the electricity snapped between them. Their eyes met and Jack knew that his own were filled with want. He couldn't allow anything to happen, not yet. He would not allow anything to happen between them until he knew the truth and they had sorted it out.

Jack looked around; they were alone, the others having gone back in. He straightened up and looked back at Ennis, who couldn't meet his eyes. Jack couldn't help the fact that he wanted Ennis, and he hated himself for that right now. He was so mad at Ennis for the way he'd treated him lately and was determined to see this punishment through.

But Ennis's deep eyes met his again and he momentarily lost his resolve. Without warning, he grabbed Ennis by the front of his jacket and smashed their lips together, holding on desperately. Ennis gripped him back, surprised but not unpleasantly so. He knew this wasn't forgiveness, it was pure need. It wouldn't be right for anything to happen right now, he knew that, but he could feel life being pumped back into his body as Jack kissed him and pushed his tongue into his mouth. They were rapidly becoming hard.

The screen door opened behind them and slammed shut, bringing Jack back to his senses. He pulled away, angry at himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. Ennis just stared at him, unable to believe what had just happened.

Becky stood at the top of the stairs in shock at what she'd just witnessed. When she cleared her throat, they both turned to look at her.

"What the hell-"

"It ain't what you think," snarled Jack as he moved away from Ennis and rushed up the steps into the house.

Becky looked at Ennis. "What just happened?"

"He..." Ennis knew he shouldn't do so, but he felt a little burst of happiness that Jack had kissed him. Then he reminded himself that he was still on trial with Jack and that he was supposed to be telling him the truth later. He pushed away the happiness, feeling that he didn't deserve to feel like that.

"You do realise that wasn't him forgivin' ya, right?" she said sternly, looking at him.

He sighed in resignation. "I know."

The dinner was pleasant enough for their guests. Rose was a top-notch cook and everybody appreciated her wonderful turkey dinner. They suspected that something was wrong between Ennis and Jack and they didn't let on, but they were concerned. Becky had told Rose in a whisper what had happened outside and Rose was of the mind that she should chastise Jack for his behaviour, but she realised that he was probably just as angry at himself. There would be no point trying to talk to him.

Once the meal was over, they all stretched in their chairs and started talking more leisurely. Jack figured that the beer was looking really good right now. Amy started talking about what her teachers had said about Thanksgiving and that when people had dinner together, they should all take it in turns to say what they were thankful for.

All of their guests praised their families and spouses for how much they meant to them and the contribution they had made to their lives. Becky said she was thankful to the man she'd had the one night stand with, acknowledging that despite how much she'd hated him for not standing by her, she wouldn't be about to become a mother without him. Rose said she was thankful to Ennis for bringing Jack happiness and love, and without that, they wouldn't be here together today.

It was excruciating for Ennis and Jack to smile and say how they were thankful for each other and what they had managed to achieve together. They were glad when it was over and they both slunk back into their seats afterwards.

Ennis saw Becky glaring at him and he knew he was about to be on the receiving end of one of her tempers.

The group settled into the living room for a few hours for some lazy conversation after dinner. Most of them were feeling relaxed and happy, glad that the two sides of the family had gotten along so well. K.E. certainly felt that old wounds were on their way to being healed.

As Ennis had predicted, Becky had cornered him in the kitchen, and she had her hands on her hips as she glared at him.

"What the hell do you think you're playin' at?" she hissed at him.

"What?"

"Out there, you an' Jack! What the hell happened?"

"He started it, not me," said Ennis defensively. "He came on to me."

"You didn't have to let it continue," she replied. "I woulda thought you'd know that, things bein' the way they are."

"He just lunged at me, an'...I was so surprised, I couldn't move!"

"Ennis," she said exasperatedly. "You do remember that yer on a time limit, right? He wants you to tell him tonight, when everybody's gone."

"I know, an' I'm gonna," Ennis said, hoping that he would have the strength for it. "I'm gonna show him the papers an' tell him everythin' I know."

"Good. I don't wanna see you guys break up, an' I don't wanna take no sides if you do. Ennis..." She looked at him. "If I am forced to take sides...I have to stand by my family."

"I know," said Ennis, nodding. It stung a little, but he knew she was right, since all of this was his fault, and he understood that she would stand by Jack if forced to pick a side.

"Becky?"

"Yeah?"

Ennis bit his lip. "What if...what if I tell him, an' show him the papers, an'...he gets mad at me for keepin' it from him, an' he leaves me anyway? What do I do then?" As much as Ennis knew that he deserved whatever punishment Jack dished out, he was terrified of Jack leaving him. What would he do? He wasn't sure that he had the strength to fight for what they had.

"I don't know, Ennis," she replied, sighing. "But this is your doin' at the end of the day. You've gotta sort it."

Ennis felt his temper rear up. "Well what about you? You've known fer two years! You never said a word!"

Becky's nostrils flared. "Don't you dare turn this around on me, Del Mar. Yeah, I knew, but you know what? I never let it affect my relationship with Jack. Alright, I let it affect me an' Rose, but we've made up. I ain't the one pushin' him away all the time."

Ennis wanted to argue, but he knew she was right. He'd let it go on too far. He should have told Jack straightaway, as soon as he'd found them. He'd probably caused Jack more pain this way than he would have done if he'd just told him when asked. And all because he had been scared of causing Jack pain in the first place. He'd fucked up, no two ways about it. And now Jack was threatening to end things. If losing Jack to the arms of death was his biggest fear, then Jack wanting to break up with him wasn't far behind. Jack would still be alive, but would want nothing to do with him. Ennis wondered if it was possible to die of a broken heart.

The sound of the door opening interrupted his thoughts. Jack breezed through without a second glance at either of them, but K.E. and Cecilia followed and looked between Ennis and Becky unsurely.

"Jack's gone to check the stock," said Cecilia. "We asked him if everythin's alright an' he said yeah, but we ain't sure we believe him. What's goin' on, Ennis?"

Ennis sighed. "K.E., did you tell her about those papers?"

His brother nodded. "Yeah. Thought she should know."

"Well, Becky knows too, an'..."

"Jack don't," Cecilia finished for him. Ennis nodded silently.

"Why not?"

So Ennis gave them both an overview of what had happened; finding the papers in Lightning Flat, having to deal with the shock of what their father had done, and what Jack's father had done. Calling K.E. and trying to figure out what to do, Becky finding the papers herself and confronting him. How it had eaten away at him for two months and had affected his and Jack's relationship. How he'd felt guilty to be intimate with Jack while keeping something so important from him. How he'd turned away from Jack and made him angry.

He told them how Pete's attack on Jack had knocked some sense into him, making him realise that he could lose Jack at any moment. That this had coaxed him into helping Jack with his therapy and taking care of him.

He then told them, with some discomfort, how things had come to a head just before the holiday, when he'd flipped Jack over; something he didn't like anymore. How Jack had ordered him to the sofa and given him tonight as his last chance.

He was worn out by the time he'd finished, during which none of them had noticed Jack's boots on the back steps. He'd stopped in his tracks when he'd heard Ennis talking about the other night, and just as he started to feel shame in his gut, he pushed it away stubbornly.

"So, where are these papers now?" asked K.E.

"Upstairs, in my nightstand," Ennis responded. Jack's ears perked up. Bingo.

"You have to tell him, Ennis," Cecilia said flatly. "Tonight, like he said. If you don't wanna lose him, you gotta make sure that don't happen. You have to tell him.

"I will," said Ennis. "I'm gonna get the papers after, an' tell him what I know. Tell him everythin'. I can't lose him."

"You won't, not if you do what he asks an' be honest." Cecilia checked her watch. "We'd best get goin' soon, get the kids in bed."

"Yeah, us too," K.E. agreed. Ennis and Becky watched them go, unaware of their eavesdropper outside. When they came into the living room to say a round of goodbyes, Jack came in without any indication of what he'd heard, and when everybody was preoccupied, he slipped upstairs unnoticed.

Jack strode in long, purposeful strides along the hallway, making a beeline for their room. He shut the door behind him, his eyes fixed on the nightstand. Knowing he wouldn't have long before somebody came looking for him, he went over and opened it up, his heart hammering in his chest.

He saw a brown paper bag, like the ones his mother had always used, stuffed full of newspaper. Jack bit his lip and pulled it all out, sitting on the side of the bed with it. With shaking fingers, he pulled out the one at the front and unfolded it, trepidation running through him. His heart nearly stopped when he saw the title.

Local Widowed Rancher Leaves Family For Another Man

Earl Twist, 50, of Lightning Flat, Wyoming

It has emerged that widowed rancher, Earl Twist, 50, of Lightning Flat, Wyoming, has left his young family to live with who is believed to be a friend of his, Rich Sommers. It is believed that Twist is in an immoral and unholy relationship with this man.

Twist's wife, Emilia Richards Twist, died just a few weeks ago of pneumonia. It is believed that during the raising of their two children, Twist had a twenty year affair with Sommers, and has now left behind his two adult children.

Twist's two children include Joe Twist, who has been married to Maria Fraser Twist for almost a year, and John C. Twist, who recently married Rose Peters Twist. The latter couple are expecting their first child in October.

Jack sat there in disbelief. Earl Twist? Earl an' Rich...what the hell? Earl had been his grandfather; his son had been Jack's father, with his uncle Joe being Earl's other son. He remembered his mother saying that his grandfather had had a long affair, and that John had never forgiven him for it, but he hadn't expected this.

A twenty year affair...'23 to '43...my mama was expectin' me...He looked up and stared at the wall, numb with shock. Earl...the Earl that Ennis and K.E. had seen in a ditch while only young...was his grandfather. It certainly explained why his father had hated him so much for being gay, why he'd tried to have him and Ennis killed, and...it explained his father's reaction to him having that crush on a boy in his class. He touched his once-broken knee in memory.

He looked to the bag; there were two more papers in there. He set aside the one he'd been reading and picked up the next. His eyes widened at this one.

Man Murdered For Living With Male Rancher

Earl Twist, 60, of Lightning Flat, Wyoming and Sage, Wyoming

The body of Earl Twist, 60, resident of Lightning Flat and of Sage, was discovered last night in an irrigation ditch on the outskirts of Sage. It has been known for some time that Twist was living with another man, Rich Sommers, also 60, whose whereabouts are currently unknown. The two lived in Sage for ten years, and it had emerged that Twist had an affair with Sommers from 1923 to 1943, before Twist's wife died of pneumonia, and they moved together.

The attack seems to have involved a tire iron to the deceased's lower regions and further injuries to the rest of the body, resulting in death. There is speculation as to who carried out this attack. The night before, a local resident, Keith Del Mar, 30, was overheard talking about the two residents and he was heard to express his displeasure towards their residence in Sage. The man he was talking to was unfamiliar to our witness, but it is believed that he was Twist's own son, John C. Twist, who grew up while the affair between the two older men was conducted.

Twist leaves his two sons; the aforementioned John Twist and Joseph Twist. The former has a nine-year-old son John, known as Jack, and Joseph has an eight-year-old daughter, Rebecca, known as Becky.

Jack felt ill. My dad...killed his dad. My grandfather. Becky's grandfather. It suddenly clicked, why Becky had hated his father so much. She must have known. All that time they were in Texas and knew that something was wrong...this must have been it. And she probably would have been angry at his mother for standing by his father, which is how he could explain the awkwardness between them. But they got on great now, he had to admit. That didn't add up.

But...Ennis found these. In Lightnin' Flat. The day we was helpin' mama clear it all out, probably. He's had these here for two months...an' never said a word. Never thought to tell me somethin' so important.

He tried, said a voice in his head. You know that. He kept tryin', but he clearly didn't want to hurt you. He was just tryin' to protect your feelin's.

I had a right to know. He should've told me straightaway. He kept it from me. After everythin'...

Jack then clamped a hand to his mouth, and rushed to the adjoining bathroom. He fell to his knees at the toilet bowl and heaved, shaking. Images of the last two months and all the problems they'd had flashed before him relentlessly, urging him further on and making him hurl even more violently.

When he finally stopped, he rested his head on his arm on the bowl, staring at the wall but not really seeing anything. Ennis had known, and he hadn't told him. He'd shied away from him and treated him badly. And now...they were on the verge of breaking up.

Jack's shock ebbed away, quickly replaced by anger. Ennis had had no right keeping this from him, not even to protect his feelings.

He turned his head and took deep, calming breaths. He would need strength in order to confront Ennis. He heard the front door shut as their guests left, and he hauled himself off the floor, hearing familiar footsteps go up the stairs and trace his own footsteps to the bedroom.

He left the bathroom in time to see Ennis walk in, and in a lighter moment, Jack would have laughed at his deer-caught-in-headlights expression when he saw the papers on the bed, but he was upset and angry. Ennis slowly met his eyes, and Jack saw the fear in them. He folded his arms.

"Start talkin'."

Ennis was taking deep breaths, hoping that he would be able to explain himself properly and not make Jack angry enough to kick him out.

"Well?" asked Jack, looking at him with a firm gaze. "You know I saw ya with a newspaper, back at Lightnin' Flat. Said so myself. These are those papers, right?"

Ennis nodded, eyes downcast. "Yeah. They are. I found 'em in the attic the day we was helpin' yer mama clean out the house. Brought 'em back."

"An' kept 'em a secret from me ever since," Jack said bluntly.

"Jack..."

"I saw what those papers say. It makes a lot of sense, Earl bein' my grandfather. Sure does explain some of the things my daddy did. All fits, in a way."

"Yeah..."

Jack looked at him, hurt and anger in his eyes. "How could ya do this to me, Ennis? After everythin' we been through? After this?" He held up his left hand, flashing the silver ring.

"Jack, I...I never meant to keep it from you for so long...when I found out, my first thought was to tell you," Ennis said, voice shaky. "An'...you was so tore up about yer dad, I...I didn't want to pile more on ya, especially somethin' so bad about him."

Jack nodded. "I can understand that, I guess. But you know it didn't last long. Coupla days after we came back I was okay again, as much as I could be. Why didn't you say nothin' then?"

Ennis dropped his gaze. "I...you was lookin' real happy, Jack. An'...I didn't wanna wipe that smile of yers off yer face. Hate it when you get upset, even more when it's me what done it, like in Signal last year."

Jack narrowed his eyes. "So you was doin' it to protect me? Is that it?" Ennis nodded.

"Yeah. Never ever wanted to hurt ya, Jack."

"Well you have. Damn near broke my heart these last few weeks with all this. You know that?" Ennis didn't meet his gaze, and Jack lost his temper. "Look at me, Goddammit!"

Downstairs, Becky and Rose heard the outburst, and looked at each other fearfully.

"Guess he found out," said Becky sadly.

They were silent as they listened to Jack lay into Ennis.

"I can't tell you what these last two months have done to me. You push me away over and over again, makin' up stupid excuses, like it remindin' ya of yer parents dyin'. I know damn well that ain't it. You close up when I try gettin' ya to talk, just like how ya did on Brokeback, an' how you was that day you slugged me."

Ennis's head snapped up. "I would never hit ya again, Jack."

Jack glared at him. "Well bravo, Ennis. There's more than one way to leave a scar on someone. You shy away from me, no mornin' kisses, no quickies in the tack room or the office, you know, the little things that keep me goin'. When we do have sex, it's flat, no passion or nothin'. Ain't feelin' right at all. You rolled right off me on yer birthday, no talkin' or nothin' like we normally do."

"Jack, I'm sorry-"

"My birthday, we go up to the hill, an' I'm thinkin' things are gettin' back to normal. I screw ya, but...ain't right. Somethin' was missin'. The truth. Hard to be close to someone like that if there's a distance between ya. An' then ya call me darlin', makin' me confused about the whole thing. That's why I left that night, after ya fell asleep. Came back here."

"You did?" Ennis had woken up alone that day, but he'd assumed that Jack had returned early that morning to make breakfast. Apparently he had been wrong.

"Damn right I did. Didn't want to be near ya after that." Jack took a breath.

"An' then...Pete attacks me. Yer all sweet an' lovin', an' I really appreciated it. You looked after me, you helped me with the exercises, makin' me think I could start to trust ya again, that things was goin' to be alright. I was happy again, Ennis. I thought we was goin' back to the way we was."

"I'd planned to tell ya today anyway, even if ya hadn't found these first," Ennis insisted, hoping Jack would believe him.

Jack just looked at him. "You should have told me straightaway."

"I know. If I could go back, I would've done. But I can't. I'm so sorry, Jack."

Jack shook his head. "I can't believe you did this to me. After everythin' we ever done. All we been through together. You lied to me, you hurt me, and you made me feel like shit. My mama an' Becky know, don't they?"

Ennis sighed. "Yeah. They've been tellin' me to tell ya all along."

"Then why in God's name didn't ya listen to 'em?" Jack yelled.

"I was doin' it for you, but...it just got outta hand!" Ennis pleaded.

"I'll say, flippin' me over when ya know I don't like it no more," Jack snapped, walking forward and poking a finger in Ennis's chest, his blue eyes flashing with anger.

"I'm so sorry, Jack. Please, I..."

Jack stepped back. "I hate you so much right now, Ennis."

"I know. I hate myself too right now. Can we...can we work past this, Jack? Please...let me fix it, make it right."

Jack looked at him, and then shook his head. "Not right now." And before Ennis could react, Jack had gathered some loose change from his nightstand and was off downstairs.

"Jack, wait!" Ennis pleaded.

At the bottom of the stairs, in full view of his mother and Becky, Jack whirled around. "Back off, Ennis. I don't wanna deal with you right now."

"Jack, you...you said you wouldn't never leave me," Ennis choked out.

"An' you said you'd never hurt me again," Jack replied, a lump in his throat. "Guess that makes us even." He grabbed his hat and headed for the door.

"Where you goin'?"

"Out. I need some time to think."

"But-"

It was no use; Jack was out the door and his truck was busy kicking up dust as he tore off down the road, leaving Ennis standing there, slowly sinking to his knees.

"Jack...Jack..."

But Jack was gone.