Chapter 24

Jack drove towards Sandersville, heading for the first bar he found. He knew it wasn't the answer but he didn't care right now. If he got too drunk he'd stay at a motel, let Ennis worry about him. He frequently wiped at his eyes in frustration.

He couldn't believe that Ennis had done this to him, and that he'd let it affect their relationship. He loved Ennis with all his heart, and this hurt so much, far more than anything his father had ever done.

In a way, he wasn't even surprised that his father had helped to kill Earl. It made some sort of weird sense, given their history. He had been surprised to discover that Earl had been his grandfather, but any curiosity he felt right now was squashed by the feeling of betrayal from Ennis.

Unbidden, images from their own history flashed across his mind, right from August last year.

"Jack, she ain't the love of my life. She can't be, not when you are!"

"Jack...I love you. Ain't ever loved nobody but you."

He wiped at his eyes again, remembering that fateful day. It had started off being such a miserable day for him, soon turning into one of the best days of his life. He remembered Ennis talking to Cecilia about his feelings.

"To answer yer question, sis...I know I ain't so good with feelins'. But since knowin' what I feel for Jack, I'm tryin' to show him best I can what he means to me."

He remembered when he'd told Ennis some of what his father had been like, especially the bathroom incident. How Ennis had vowed to protect him.

"Jack, I swear..."

"What? What do you swear?"

"To protect you an' look after you no matter what."

The lights of Sandersville were coming closer into the darkness. He caught sight of his silver ring and thought about when they'd first discussed marriage, back in Casper.

"It gets to me too, darlin'. You know I love you, an' it really pisses me off we can't do that one thing. But you gotta know, I would if I could. I swear I would."

He thought of Texas, when he'd been lying in the hospital and Ennis had been talking to him, getting him to wake up and making promises for the future.

"I sure did. I swear, Jack, I'm gonna make it happen. We're gonna get us a place. I'm gonna make ya happy."

He pressed a hand to his mouth. He saw his ring again, and the next few memories made him hit the brakes as he shook, images right before his eyes.

"Will ya...will ya marry me, Jack?"

Those golden words that Jack had longed to hear but never thought he would. And with that, he remembered, word for word, Ennis's vows up on Brokeback.

"Jack...you know I ain't much with words like you, but...it sure is worth the effort, 'cos I know you deserve to hear how much ya mean to me. Neither of us has had it easy, an' you know how hard it was fer me to admit I wanted to be with ya. Best decision I ever made. Wasn't easy at first, makin' it work, but we pulled through an' now here we are. I...I ain't never been so happy as I've been with you, Jack. You always been real good to me, helpin' me say what I'm feelin'. You make me so happy, Jack, an' I hope to spend the rest of my life makin' you happy, 'cos seein' you happy makes me happy. All I ever wanted was some happiness too, bud, an' now I got it. Ain't ever gonna let it go. Wanna spend the rest of my life with you, too."

Tears filled his eyes as he stared out into the darkness. All those memories and more besides filling up his head, and now...things were broken, maybe beyond repair. Could they really find a way back from this? He wanted to, but...was it possible? Was their love really strong enough? He wanted the answer to be yes; he wanted them to get past this and heal the wounds. But could they? Had Ennis hurt him too much?

He remembered the dozy embrace by the fire, Ennis's soft words and gentle humming.

"Come on now, you're sleepin' on your feet like I horse. My mama used to say that to me when I was little...an' sing to me...I gotta go. See you in the mornin'."

Jack had felt so safe in Ennis's arms, even if he couldn't tell him then. He'd felt like nothing could hurt him ever again, and he'd never imagined that the person holding him so protectively would be the one to hurt him the most.

He remembered the soft whisperings that Ennis had spoken to him in bed many a time; words that he only had the courage to say in the darkness when it was just the two of them.

"You're so beautiful, Jack...yer everythin' to me...yer eyes...like the clear blue sky even when the weather's bad. God, Jack...you're my whole world...dunno if I could say that out there, in the light, but...I want ya to know how I feel."

"I know, Ennis. I know." Soft kisses, soft sighs. "Yer my whole world too..."

"Jack...my angel..."

Tears fell from his eyes and he didn't even try to stop them nor dry them. All of those things that Ennis had said to him...he knew they hadn't been lies, but...everything had changed since those damn newspapers.

What do I do? he asked himself. What should I do? How do we get back from this? How can we repair this? I love him more than my own life, I don't wanna lose him.

He looked up into the sky, hoping to find an answer there, but there was none. He sighed, and resigned himself to the fact that he would have to do some more thinking. He started up the truck again and headed into the lights of the city, hoping that he would have an answer before the night was out.

He reached the bar and headed straight through to the bar top, sliding onto a stool and folding his arms on it, thinking desperately what to do.

At the end of the day, Ennis was his soulmate, the love of his life, and he didn't want to live without him, but after all of this, could they possibly heal and move on together? He hoped so but he wasn't sure.

He was served a whiskey and he sat there, lost in his thoughts. He paid no mind when an older man, easily into his seventies, slipped onto the stool next to him.

"That ain't the answer, son," he said grimly, looking at Jack, who didn't answer.

The barman came over. "Evenin', Rich. The usual?"

Jack nearly spat out his whiskey at the name. It can't be...

"Sure, thanks," replied the older man. Jack looked at him in surprise.

"You alright there?" he asked, seeing Jack looking like he'd seen a ghost.

"Um...are you...Rich Sommers?" Jack asked, hardly daring to believe it.

The man looked wary. "Depends. Who are you?"

"Jack Twist."

Rich looked taken aback. "Really?"

"Yeah. My daddy was John C. Twist, an'...his daddy was Earl Twist."

Rich's face took on an overjoyed look. "Earl's grandson...well hell, Jack! Don't that beat all?" He stuck out his hand. "Nice to meet ya."

"You too," said Jack. "I guess you knew about me?"

"Sure did, yer mama told me all about you. Went to see her in March last year, you was down in Texas rodeoin'."

"That's right. Listen..." Jack paused. "I saw those newspapers, about you an' Earl. I know what happened."

Rich sighed. "Yeah. Was a real bad time when we left fer Sage. Yer daddy wasn't too happy."

They acquainted themselves with each other, Jack telling Rich everything he'd found out and Rich telling Jack everything his mother had told him about her son. Jack's spirits lifted a little.

A song came on the jukebox and captured Jack's attention.

I don't want to say goodbye

Let the stars shine through

I don't want to say goodbye

All I wanna do is live with you

Jack gulped as he tried to listen to Rich's words, but all he could think about was Ennis and the state of their relationship.

Just like the light of the morning

After the darkness has gone

What would happen tomorrow? What would happen the next time he saw Ennis?

The shadow of my love is falling

On a place where the shone always shone

Don't you know that's where our hearts both belong?

Brokeback. Their hearts belonged there, always had. It was where their relationship had started and where they had made their vows to each other.

Cause I don't want to say goodbye

Let the stars shine through

No I don't want to say goodbye

All I wanna do is live with you

That had been all he'd ever wanted since he'd fallen in love with Ennis - a home, a life together. That was all he'd wanted and now it looked as if he might lose it.

Together our two hearts are strong

Don't you know that's where our hearts both belong?

Their hearts belonged together, were strong together and could face anything that came up against them, right?

Cause I don't want to say goodbye

Let the stars shine through

I don't want to say goodbye

All I wanna do is live with you

He was mesmerised by the words, as if they had been written with him and Ennis in mind. They were his exact thoughts and he hoped that they could work through their problems.

All I wanna do is live with you

The song finished, and he looked around to see Rich looking at him sympathetically.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked. Jack sighed.

He told Rich everything; about the papers, Ennis finding them, not telling him what they contained and making up lies to 'protect' him. How it had affected their relationship and the entire atmosphere of their home. How things had gone bad recently with Ennis flipping him over and him ordering Ennis to the sofa.

He finished with what had happened tonight. "So I just...I needed to get outta there. Couldn't be around him no more."

Rich looked thoughtful. "Seems to me like he really didn't wanna hurt you."

"I know, but...still hurts like a bitch. He swore he was never gonna hurt me again, an'...he just...it just went too far, I guess. I know he didn't wanna hurt me, but...he went about it the wrong way."

"I think so. He made a mistake, he screwed up. We all do that."

"I know. I've screwed up in the past, I'll admit it, but...still hurts." Jack looked into his third whiskey shot, feeling miserable.

"Jack...lemme tell you somethin', 'bout me an' Earl."

Jack looked over with interest.

"It was never easy for him, bein' with me, not at first when his wife was still alive. He felt guilty. I kept askin' him to have a life with me, an' to stop hurtin' her. He kept sayin' no 'cos he was a good man, would stand by her. I never gave up on him. When his wife died...he finally said yes. Best day of my life. I wish it hadn't taken her death to get him to make a decision, but...that's just the way it went. An' you know what? It was worth it."

"You were livin' together fer about ten years, right?"

"Yeah. Ten real good years. I loved that man with all my heart an' he felt the same." Rich's eyes then lowered. "We...we had an argument...that night. The night he was killed. We was arguin' about people in town talkin' 'bout us. Whether we should move or not. I said we might hafta leave, he wanted to stay put. He stormed out...an' that was the last time I saw him."

Jack's throat felt tight. Was Ennis feeling that way right now? That when he walked out, that might be the last time they saw each other?

"What did ya do?"

"Fled to Montana fer a few years. Went into hidin' until it all blew over. Came back down last year. Visited yer mama, went down to Texas fer a while, then came out here. Stayin' put now. Won't be long," he finished in a half-whisper. He looked at Jack. "Son, learn from my mistake. Don't ever leave his sight without lettin' him know you love him. Don't leave his sight in the middle of a fight. Could be the last time yer together." He nodded at Jack's ring. "He give you that?"

Jack sighed and ran a finger along it. "Yeah. We...we kinda got married, back in August."

"That's the kind of thing you want to hold on to. In the end, he was just tryin' to protect ya. You love yer fella, Jack?"

"I do. More than anything," Jack whispered.

"You wanna get past this an' move on?"

"Yeah."

"Then that's all there is to it. Go patch things up with him, tell him you love him an' live every day like it's yer last. Make sure he knows that ya forgive him an' that things are gonna be okay."

Jack digested these words. Rich was right; what he had with Ennis was far too important to him to just give up when things got tough. Wasn't that what a marriage was all about? For better and for worse? To stick together no matter what? It wasn't too late for them to fix this.

A smile crept along his face, and Rich nodded encouragingly.

"See? That's it. You go on an' talk to him. Make up."

Jack jumped off his stool, determined to fix this tonight. "Thanks, Rich," he said as he started to walk away, and then stopped, turning.

"Hey, Rich?"

"Yeah?"

Jack paused. "If...if you wanna come out to the ranch sometime...I think we'd like that. Yer more than welcome."

Rich looked humbled. "Well...uh...thanks, Jack. Might take ya up on that."

Jack nodded and walked out. He was too far gone to drive home, but the motel was only down the street. He'd call Ennis from there, and they would fix this mess.

The three of them sat in the living room silently. Jack had been gone an hour and there had been no sign of him, no phone call or anything.

Ennis was heartbroken. Jack had clearly left him, and it was his entire fault. When Jack eventually returned, Ennis knew that he would be kicking him out. Becky and Rose had convinced him to stay until they heard from Jack. If it wasn't for them, he would be packed and gone by now, save Jack the trouble of doing it himself.

Lucky and Smokey seemed to sense that something was wrong, and were both curled up on the sofa next to Ennis, heads on his leg, and he was scratching them behind the ears absentmindedly, his thoughts out in the darkness wherever Jack was.

Becky and Rose sat in their respective chairs, not knitting, not reading, nothing. They were just sat there, worrying about Jack and what would happen the next time they saw him.

The main thought running through Ennis's head was the fear of Jack getting hurt while he was out. Pete was in jail but all it took was one drunk and a wrong word from Jack and there would be trouble. He couldn't bear the thought of something happening to Jack while they were fighting. If Jack died and they had left things as they were, Ennis would never forgive himself.

Becky sighed. "Ennis...I'm sorry."

Ennis looked around. "For what?"

"For not telling Jack before. If I had...this wouldn't have happened. You were right, I shoulda told him. Shouldn't have kept it from him for so long."

Rose looked at her sympathetically. "No, honey. If it's anybody's fault, it's mine. I should have told him when he was old enough to understand, an' not put it all on yer shoulders."

"Rose..."

"It's alright, you two," Ennis murmured. "It ain't yer fault. You were right, Becky. I shouldn't have left it so long, shouldn't have let it affect me an' Jack."

"Ennis..." she sighed. "I think we all screwed up with this. We all betrayed Jack, an'...if he'll let us, we gotta fix this."

Ennis nodded. "If he'll let us," he repeated. He wasn't sure if Jack would let him.

Ten minutes later, the phone rang, making them all jump and look at each other unsurely. Was it Jack, calling to let them know he was alright? Was it James, telling them something had happened? Ennis dove for the phone and pulled the receiver to his ear.

"Hello?" he asked anxiously.

"Ennis?" came the sweetest voice in his world: Jack.

"Jack?" he choked out, looking at his companions. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Jack sounded emotional but sure of himself. "I, uh...I'm sorry, Ennis."

Ennis fell back against the sofa. "I'm sorry too, Jack. So sorry fer everythin'." Tears threatened to spill from his eyes at the relief.

"I know. Me too. I...I don't want us to break up, Ennis," Jack admitted.

Ennis bit his lip. "Me neither, Jack. We...we don't hafta. Can we please work this out?"

"Uh huh," Jack replied, clearly having a lump in his throat.

"You comin' home, Jack?" Ennis asked hopefully.

"I can't. I been drinkin'. Had a few whiskeys an' I don't wanna drive."

Ennis sighed. "Alright. I..." He thought for a moment. "Where are ya?"

"The motel where we stayed at when we got here. Where the others have been stayin'. Room two."

"Okay. Just...stay there. I'm comin'," Ennis said firmly, trying to keep it together.

"What about my truck?"

"Well, I'll stay with ya tonight. We can drive home tomorrow. We gotta talk 'bout all this, Jack."

"I know, an' we will. I swear, I ain't gonna leave ya. Ever. I'm so sorry fer what I said. I don't want ya to leave my life. You...you are my life."

Ennis trembled at the sweet words, and the endearment slipped out for the first time. "You too, baby."

At the motel, Jack's heart was fit to burst with love. The first time that Ennis had called him that, and it had to be in the wake of a fight. But it would be alright. He was determined to see through his desire to keep them together.

"Okay. Uh...I'll see you soon, then."

"Yeah. Just...sit tight, Jack. I'll be there soon as I can."

He hung up and turned to see Becky and Rose watching him, cautious optimism on their faces. "Well?"

Ennis smiled slightly. "He's at the motel where the others are stayin', an' he's been drinkin' so he can't drive. I dunno what's happened, but...he says he don't want us to break up, wants to work through it."

Rose clapped a hand to her chest. "Thank goodness. I sure hope you two work it out." Becky nodded her agreement, relief flooding through her.

Ennis took a breath. "I think...we just might." He looked nervous but slightly happy. He jumped up and ran a hand through his curls. "I gotta pack a bag, I gotta get to him."

"Okay," said Becky, also getting up. "You need any food or anythin'?"

"Um, some sandwiches might be good. Jack might be hungry after all the whiskey he's had."

Becky nodded and went into the kitchen. Rose stood up and placed her hands on Ennis's shoulders.

"Look after him, Ennis. Bring him home safely," she said, looking up into his eyes. "Bring our boy home."

Ennis nodded. "I will."

He packed a bag quickly of anything he thought he might need and quickly left the bedroom, eyes catching the shirts on the bedroom door. He fingered the bloodstains gently.

"Jack, I swear...I'm gonna fix this," he whispered, thinking of Jack's beloved face.

Becky gave him a bag of sandwiches and two bottles of Coca Cola, along with a bottle opener. He bid them goodbye and hurried out of the house, determined to get to his other half. He put the truck in gear and sped off down the road, leaving Becky and Rose to watch after him, hoping that things would be alright.

Ennis pulled up outside the motel room half an hour later, heart beating rapidly in his chest. He didn't know what might have caused Jack's change in behaviour, but he wasn't about to question it. His sole focus now was getting to Jack and fixing this.

He grabbed his bag and went up to the door, feeling very anxious. He wasn't sure about what kind of greeting he might get.

He knocked quickly, waiting with bated breath for an answer.

"Who's there?" he heard Jack call from within.

"Jack, it's me."

A pause. "Door's open." Ennis opened the door and walked in, immediately locking eyes with Jack, who had been lying on the bed but now sat up, staring back at him. Ennis put his bag down and closed the door, not breaking eye contact as Jack rose from the bed.

A few moments of silence and still, and like a force of nature, two bodies collided from opposite sides of the room. Ennis wrapped his arms around Jack securely and held on tight, and Jack clung on desperately, breathing raggedly and burying his fingers in Ennis's hair.

"Ennis..."

"God, Jack..."

They pulled apart, but before Ennis could kiss him, Jack moved out of the embrace, looking pained.

"Listen, Ennis...before anythin' happens I gotta say somethin'."

Ennis nodded. "Okay."

Jack folded his arms and met his gaze. "What you did...I can understand now that...you really was tryin' to protect my feelin's. I oughta know better than to think you'd hurt me on purpose."

"I'd never do that, Jack."

"I know. But...at the same time...you did hurt me. You lied to me, you kept secrets from me, you pushed me away...you made me feel like crap. You hurt me big time, Ennis. Especially when you flipped me over."

Ennis hung his head. "I know. I been kickin' myself the last hour an' half or so, since you left."

Jack looked at him, and he could no longer feel angry at him. He sighed. "Yeah, but...thing is...I still love you, you stubborn old son of a bitch."

Ennis looked up. "Love you too, Jack." His mouth took on a shaky smile. "I'm so sorry, Jack."

Jack moved forward and pulled him into his arms. "I know, I know. It's okay."

Ennis sniffed. "I was feelin'...so guilty...bein' with ya while keepin' it from ya. I pushed you away 'cos...I felt I didn't deserve to be happy. Thought I deserved punishin'. Never realised it'd be punishin' you too. I'm so sorry, Jack."

"Shh...shh..." Jack soothed, stroking his curls. "It's okay." He guided Ennis to the end of the bed and sat him down, arms still around him. He'd forgiven Ennis for what he'd done but he knew it could be a long time before Ennis forgave himself for hurting him.

Eventually, Ennis pulled back and managed to get himself under control. "I was...so scared you'd leave me. Don't know what I'd do if ya did. My life ain't nothin' without you, Jack."

"Oh Ennis...why d'you gotta have such a low opinion of yerself?" sighed Jack. "You have yer faults, like the rest of us, but yer a good man. You got a big heart. Think about it, you only did this to protect me, right?" Ennis nodded. "There ya go, you did it out of love."

"It went too far," Ennis choked out. "I let it affect us. I nearly lost ya."

Jack held him by the shoulders. "But you didn't. I saw things for what they were. I called you an' you came to me. We can fix this, if we work together."

Ennis nodded. "I wanna fix it, Jack. I do. Can you ever forgive me for hurtin' you?"

Jack caressed his cheek. "I already have," he murmured. He then held Ennis's head in both hands. "I forgive you," he said firmly. "You just gotta learn to forgive yourself. Can ya do that?"

Ennis sniffed. "I dunno...I treated ya real bad these last two months."

Jack's eyes roamed his face. "Oh, cowboy...you're forgiven. It's alright. We can move on from this, I promise."

He bit his lip. "Listen...I'm guessin' yer wonderin' why the change in behaviour, right?"

"Yeah, kinda," Ennis admitted.

"Well...when I was in the bar...this old guy sat on the stool next to me. You'll never guess who he was."

"Who?" asked Ennis, fingers having interlaced with Jack's.

Jack smiled slightly. "Rich Sommers."

Ennis's eyes widened. "Really? You mean as in..."

"As in Earl an' Rich, yeah."

"Woah...what's he doin' here?"

"Apparently, after Earl died, he fled up to Montana for a while. In March last year, he came down to Lightnin' Flat, remember when I was rodeoin'?"

"Yeah, you were down there...why'd he come back?"

"Visited my mama, talked to her 'bout all of this. He then went down to Texas fer a bit, an' then moved out here recently. Stayin' put now, he's gettin' on an'...he can't wait to see Earl again." Jack smiled.

"What did you say to him?"

"I told him my name, an' he knew who I was. We talked fer a while about all this stuff with my dad an' Earl, an'..." Jack lowered his eyes. "I told him about the problems you an' me have been havin'."

"Right..."

Jack noticed that at this, Ennis had lowered his head, looking down at their linked fingers. He removed one hand and used it to lift Ennis's chin.

"He told me about the night Earl was killed," Jack whispered. "That they'd had a fight about people knowin' about 'em, an' Earl stormed out. That was the last time Rich saw him. Rich told me...that what two people can have between 'em is too special to jeopardise. He told me...not to leave yer sight ever again without makin' sure you know I love ya, especially not in the middle of a fight. He didn't get that chance when Earl left that night, an' Rich regrets the way they left things. He told me to learn from his mistake. An' I intend to."

Ennis's eyes filled with tears, and Jack wiped them away as they leaked out. "I love you, Ennis. We're gonna work through this, an' we're gonna be okay, ya hear me?"

Ennis sniffed again, a watery smile on his face. "Okay, darlin'." Jack wrapped him in his arms again and held him tightly.

Jack held him for a good ten minutes, letting him relax into the embrace and accept the comfort he was offering. When Ennis pulled back again, he looked surer of himself. Jack tenderly held his face in one hand, finally leaning in for a kiss, a kiss of forgiveness and the promise of a new beginning for them.

Ennis kissed back, unsure at first, yet Jack held him steady with his warm hands and he soon felt himself melt into it.

They pulled apart, a string of saliva connecting them still, and Jack gazed into Ennis's eyes; he could tell that Ennis was still scared and unsure of whether or not he deserved forgiveness.

"Ennis..." Jack murmured. "It's gonna be okay."

Ennis trembled and Jack held their foreheads together, seeing Ennis breathing heavily. He didn't let go of Ennis, stroking his hands up Ennis's arms in comfort and just looking at him.

"Ennis," Jack whispered again. "You want me to take care of you tonight?" Ennis raised his eyes to meet Jack's. He hesitated.

"I...I dunno if I..."

"If you what? Ain't up to it?"

"No, that ain't it...if I..." He gulped. "Deserve it," he breathed, tears filling his eyes again. Jack pulled him close.

"It's okay...you do deserve it, Ennis. You deserve to be loved, an' forgiven, an' taken care of. You deserve so much, an' I'll give whatever I can, okay?" Ennis nodded against him.

Jack pulled him to his feet and led him around to one side of the bed, pulling the sheets back. He sat Ennis down on the edge and crouched at his feet.

"It's okay, Ennis," he whispered. He pulled Ennis's boots off and then coaxed him to lie back on the bed, covering him with the sheets. Ennis was still trembling. He wanted Jack to take care of him in the way only he could, but his near-loss of Jack had opened up the floodgates on his emotions.

Jack went around to his own side and got under, and then turned to face Ennis. He propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over his partner.

"Ennis, look at me." Ennis met his gaze unsurely. "You wanna do this?"

He nodded, lip trembling. Jack removed his shirt and jeans and threw them onto the floor, then turned his attention to Ennis.

"Can I...?" Ennis nodded and sat up, silently allowing Jack to remove his clothes. Jack kissed his soft skin as it was revealed. Jack was well aware of the fragile state Ennis was in, and he had to go as slowly as possible. Ennis's clothes hit the floor and Jack gently pushed Ennis back onto the bed, sliding on top of him into the cosy heat of the bed sheets.

He looked down into Ennis's deep eyes and saw how scared he was. He placed his hands on the pillow on either side of Ennis's head and gently played with his curls.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Jack murmured. "It's okay." He leaned in close so their noses almost touched. "You can let it go now," he breathed, his gaze locked with Ennis's. "I forgive you."

Ennis slowly wrapped his arms around Jack's back and his trembling started to lessen. "Jack...I...I need you..."

Jack kissed him, slow and sweet. "I'm here." He then looked down between their bodies. "I ain't got anythin', though..."

"You could use spit..." Ennis suggested.

"I don't wanna hurt you."

"I deserve-" Ennis started but Jack placed a hand over his mouth.

"Don't say that, cowboy. You don't deserve it."

"Jack...I still want ya to do it."

Jack sighed. "Alright, but if it hurts too much, you tell me right away, okay?" Ennis nodded and Jack leaned in for more kisses, hands going to all the right spots to try and get them both hard. He then sucked on his fingers for a few moments, before guiding them up between Ennis's legs to get him ready.

After a few minutes, Ennis nodded, and Jack withdrew his fingers. He then spit onto his hand and prepared himself. He slid Ennis's legs over his shoulders and kissed him once more, sucking on his tongue gently.

"You ready, sweetheart?" he murmured.

"Yeah."

Jack slowly pushed in, trying with all his might not to hurt Ennis. He slid slowly in, inch by inch, watching Ennis's face for signs of discomfort. Ennis's eyes were closed as he pushed back to accept Jack, and then they were one. Jack laced their fingers together and slowly rocked into Ennis, movements swift and smooth. Ennis raised his hips in time and moaned softly, meeting his thrusts.

Jack kissed Ennis firmly, their mouths fitting together perfectly. After a few minutes, Jack found the sweet spot and started to hit it, again and again. Ennis's eyes flew open and he tried to speak, but no words came out. Instead, he let out a choked sob.

"It's alright, Ennis, it's alright," Jack whispered. A few more thrusts and they slipped over the edge together, Jack kissing Ennis as they rode it out. He collapsed onto Ennis's chest and they lay there for a few beats, breathing heavily.

Jack raised his head. "Are you okay?"

Ennis managed a half-smile. "I guess. I love you so much Jack."

"I love you too," Jack whispered. "It's gonna be okay, I promise."

Ennis nodded, trying to believe him. It would be a long time before he gained back the confidence he'd had before. Jack swore to himself that he would help Ennis heal from his guilt.

Jack rolled off him and turned him onto his side, facing away. Jack then spooned up behind him and held him around the stomach, kissing the back of his neck before they fell asleep.

An hour later, Ennis was viciously awoken from a nightmare of Jack being hurt while he'd been out, and he'd died before Ennis could get to him. He shook again and this roused Jack, who rubbed his stomach in an effort to calm him. Jack then leaned forward and nuzzled his neck.

"I'm sorry, Jack," Ennis choked out. "So fuckin' sorry."

"Shh..." Jack whispered. "It's alright, it's alright."