Hi. So this is my first Fanfic post. I hope you enjoy it. :)
Disclaimer: This wonderful world of Harry Potter was not my idea, J.K Rowlings the Amazing is who owns it. I am just borrowing her characters and waiting for the muse to shut up.
Summary: Draco's first love.
Laying a pale white hand across his chest I whispered "I loved you, you know" knowing that it would fall on deaf ears. For years I have loved you.
When I met you at madam Malkins I was so nervous, you looked so small and fragile but had this inner strength in you. I wanted to be you friend but then I found out you were Harry Potter. The "Potter brat" Father hated, and I loved my father, I knew it wouldn't be allowed. But I thought about you often and decided that I would like to be your friend. To have a real friend, you would be my first.
Then I saw you on the train and thought about all the adventures you and I could have if you became a Slytherin. I knew we could grow closer in time and I could have a real friend. But then you had to go and make friends with that blood traitor Weasley! How dare you! But I thought I would be kind and let you fix that and offered you my friendship when waiting to be sorted. But you refused! You humiliated me in front of everyone! You! Who I was considering as my first friend!
Well, I began to grow possessive of you and I wanted you to notice me, so I started doing things to get your attention. But you were always more concerned with the Weasel and the Mudblood to care much. My desire to have you started getting out of hand and then you didn't help matters with you whole "have to save the world thing," always almost dying. But you came back. I had faith in that. Harry Potter the Boy-Who-Lived, the Defeater of the Dark Lord. He kept trying to kill you, but you kept coming back, kept fighting to protect all that you held dear.
When you lost your godfather and you were broken I wanted to hold you close and never let you go. I wanted to be the one to comfort you, to listen to the secrets you couldn't tell anyone else. I wanted to be your light in the never ending darkness. But you never wanted me. You didn't even see me.
Time went by and my passion for you increased until I was having dreams about you. Thinking what I would do if I had you for my own. How I would protect you and care for you. How I wanted to touch your body and give you pleasure to forget all the horrible things in your life. Give you an escape from being the Saviour, the Chosen one. You didn't even blink an eye lash at me. You didn't notice, but I realized I loved you. All along I had loved you. Strength, loyalty, faith, love, everything you had that I didn't. At first I had wondered why my heart almost stopped every time I heard you do something dangerous and life threatening and stupid. Many times I was tempted to wring you neck and chain you to me so I could know you were safe. But I couldn't. I kept this a secret from everyone, from Father. I loved you and you didn't care.
The Dark Lord made Father bring me to him one night, he threatened to kill me and mum if Father didn't. I was so scared. I kept thinking about you and what you would do in this situation. How you would defy the Dark Lord and never surrender. That is one of the things I loved about you. But I am not like you, I was frightened and knew he would kill me if I refused and torture mum. I couldn't let that happen. I accepted the Dark Mark and my Mission. The whole time I prayed you would stop me.
I had nightmares. I didn't want to kill Him. I didn't like Him but I never wanted to kill Him. Never. I'm not a killer. I wish you would believe me, it's probably hard to understand, but it's true. I fixed the Vanishing Cabinet. I didn't want to, but I didn't want to die. Then you came. You found me in the bathroom, crying. I was so alone and then you came. I thought you would help me, turns out I was wrong. But I don't blame you. When we were duelling I thought it would be nice if you were the one to kill me, to see you looking at me for once. When you hit me with that spell and I lay there bleeding to death I thought I was saved. You had saved me. Then Snape came and reversed the curse and brought me back. I wanted to scream but all I could do was sob. You looked terrible thinking you had almost killed me, but I rejoiced, you were finally looking at me. But then they were coming. I had no choice. I found Him alone on the Astronomy Tower and knew it was now or never. Kill or be killed. If I asked you I know you would say that you would rather die than kill Him. But I am not like you.
But, but, I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill the man in front of me, as much as I hated him, I couldn't kill him. I expelled his wand and prayed someone would stop me. Then They came. I was taunted and knew I would be killed if I failed, but I couldn't do it. Snape knew I couldn't, so he did it. He killed the man he revered, though I didn't know it at the time. Snape, my heart pangs at Snape. So much happened afterwards, you were broken for a second time, this time I couldn't even watch. I couldn't say I was sorry because you wouldn't understand. I loved you and you hated me.
You disappeared after that. I thought I would go insane. No one had heard anything from you and the blood traitor and Mud blood had gone with you. I thought that was it I would never see you again. But I knew you would come back, you were too moral to leave Wizarding Britan alone, you wouldn't let it fend for yourself. Let me tell you something first, I hated, HATED Him for placing you in that role. But being the perfect Gryffindor you were, you could do nothing but meet his expectations. So you came back and Hogwarts was attacked. I wasn't there, but I wanted to be, to be near you. I wanted to be as close to you as those two, the members of the Golden Trio, I wanted to be loved by you. I was so jealous of them. I hated them as much as Him, maybe more. They had what I didn't, couldn't and I wanted it so bad.
I wanted to make you hate me enough to kill me. That's why I went after you in the Room of Requirements. I never wanted you to be hurt. Then Goyle screwed up and Blaise and I were about to die and you saved us. You bloody saved us! I was so glad, so happy I could've cried, I think I might have. I know I held on tightly to you, burying my face into your back and taking in your scent, one full of the wilderness and smoke. I didn't want to let go. Maybe you noticed. I saw something flash in your eyes for a second before it was gone and then you were gone. I was left alone again, but I decided I would fight with you.
I think I died inside when I heard that you had gone to meet the Dark Lord, to end it once and for all. I felt like I had to run and stop you but I didn't know where to go. I blasted Blaise away from me when he tried to stop me from searching for you, but I was in a blind haze, I had to find you. I couldn't let you die. My almost first friend, my first love. I killed every Death Eater that got in my way, I killed Millicent. She was gloating that the Dark Lord was finally going to kill you and I snapped. I didn't even realize I had pulled out my wand and said the Killing Curse until the green light had vanished and she lay dead on the ground with her face frozen in shock. Blaise just stood there with me. He didn't say anything, didn't look at me with hatred or pity, we just stood in silence. Maybe Blaise could be a real friend. But I was worried about you and my body started to tremble and then I heard a piercing scream. It came from your red headed witch. The one who had my place. I tore my attention away from her to see the half giant carrying a small bundle, that's when I broke. Day's went by and I sat in a coma state like shock. I was dreaming during that time about you and I. About us being together and being happy and you kissing me and holding me and whispering that you loved me. I was in Heaven where reality was Hell. Here in Heaven I had you all to myself and I could feel the love you were giving me, it was like the sun so pure and honest and bright and it just filled me up. We spent countless hours entangled in each others embrace. During this trance I heard that you had battled the Dark Lord, after an intense battle you just stood there, when the Dark Lord called out the Killing Curse you did as well. You killed him, Harry. You completed the Prophecy, "Neither shall Live while the other survives." Neither lived, both died. The Wizarding World mourned, is still mourning. Your friends got together, they will be having a child soon and will be getting married. I know you would have wanted to be there. You would be proud, Nevelle managed to kill Nagini the Dark Lord's familiar, slashed it with the Sword of Gryffindor. We are moving on.
I take a deep breath and walk up to your casket. We are holding your funeral like the Muggles do, I wonder if you would like that, we get to see you. I peer over the casket; you look like you are asleep to me. A small smile hangs on your lips. Were you happy, Harry, when you killed the Dark Lord? Are you with your parents and other loved ones now? I place my pale white hand across your chest and whisper "I loved you, you know." I want to lean down and place a kiss on your cold lips, but know I cannot. You hated me and I loved you. I close my eyes tight capturing the image of you and keeping my tears from falling. I wish I had told you how I felt, but I wonder if maybe you knew. Before you disappeared you held my hand and gently squeezed it while smiling sadly, leaving that as the last memory I have of you when you were alive. I turn around and walk away from you and take Blaise's outstretched hand.
Good bye Harry, my first love.