Title: Let Me In
Author: Pretzelduck
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Through Silent Enemy
Summary: A short vignette as Captain Archer reflects on his feelings for a member of his crew.
Disclaimers: I don't own the Star Trek franchise. I wish I did but all I own is my '91 Chevy
Beretta, the crappy computer I typed this on, and the textbooks I paid way too much money for.
Please don't sue me.
-------
I care about him. As the commanding officer of the Enterprise, it is my duty to care about each
and every person under my command. But he means so much more to me. I worry about him.
About that lonely look in his eyes. Those eyes haunt my dreams.
He was the last person I wanted to leave behind. I knew, deep down, that his position might...no,
would put him in danger. But I never realized how much it would hurt until that very situation
came along. As I watched him after returning to rescue him from the Novans, I saw his beautiful
eyes filled with an emotion I'd never seen on him before. Fear. He was afraid. Afraid that I
would leave him behind.
I wish I could make him understand. There may be nothing between us now or in the future but I
could never let him go without one hell of a fight. He's more distant with me now. It's hard to
tell the difference but I can feel it. His withdrawl aches like a piece of my soul is missing. He's in
my soul now, I guess. I want to know him. I want to know what put that lonely look in his eyes.
I want to know who hurt him that badly.
That's why I pushed Hoshi so hard to find out what his favorite food was on his birthday. I
needed to know a piece of who he is. It was such a trivial piece of information. But it was for
him. I wanted him to know that we cared about him. That I cared about him. His parents were
so cold. They didn't even know that he was the Armory Officer. Him and his weapons. They're
like an extension of him. A part of him. The only part the world can see. How could he grow up
into the man I care so much for with parents like that?
My father is with me all the time. Every nebula, every comet, I dedicate to him. He deserved to
see this great expanse. To live this great adventure. The comet reminds me of him, again. I
almost lost him that time. When the shuttle fell, I felt my heart fall with it. I almost let him die
because I wouldn't swallow my pride and ask the Vulcans for help. Somewhere in me, I think I
know that he is the only one I would do that for. I want him to understand me. To read my mind
and finish my sentences. But I lock that dream away along with all the others.
Because as I secretly watch those beautiful eyes, I am reminded that he will never let me be that
close. Why not, Malcolm? I need to know. Please let me in.
Author: Pretzelduck
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Through Silent Enemy
Summary: A short vignette as Captain Archer reflects on his feelings for a member of his crew.
Disclaimers: I don't own the Star Trek franchise. I wish I did but all I own is my '91 Chevy
Beretta, the crappy computer I typed this on, and the textbooks I paid way too much money for.
Please don't sue me.
-------
I care about him. As the commanding officer of the Enterprise, it is my duty to care about each
and every person under my command. But he means so much more to me. I worry about him.
About that lonely look in his eyes. Those eyes haunt my dreams.
He was the last person I wanted to leave behind. I knew, deep down, that his position might...no,
would put him in danger. But I never realized how much it would hurt until that very situation
came along. As I watched him after returning to rescue him from the Novans, I saw his beautiful
eyes filled with an emotion I'd never seen on him before. Fear. He was afraid. Afraid that I
would leave him behind.
I wish I could make him understand. There may be nothing between us now or in the future but I
could never let him go without one hell of a fight. He's more distant with me now. It's hard to
tell the difference but I can feel it. His withdrawl aches like a piece of my soul is missing. He's in
my soul now, I guess. I want to know him. I want to know what put that lonely look in his eyes.
I want to know who hurt him that badly.
That's why I pushed Hoshi so hard to find out what his favorite food was on his birthday. I
needed to know a piece of who he is. It was such a trivial piece of information. But it was for
him. I wanted him to know that we cared about him. That I cared about him. His parents were
so cold. They didn't even know that he was the Armory Officer. Him and his weapons. They're
like an extension of him. A part of him. The only part the world can see. How could he grow up
into the man I care so much for with parents like that?
My father is with me all the time. Every nebula, every comet, I dedicate to him. He deserved to
see this great expanse. To live this great adventure. The comet reminds me of him, again. I
almost lost him that time. When the shuttle fell, I felt my heart fall with it. I almost let him die
because I wouldn't swallow my pride and ask the Vulcans for help. Somewhere in me, I think I
know that he is the only one I would do that for. I want him to understand me. To read my mind
and finish my sentences. But I lock that dream away along with all the others.
Because as I secretly watch those beautiful eyes, I am reminded that he will never let me be that
close. Why not, Malcolm? I need to know. Please let me in.