title: now it's left me blind
summary: a falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes.
characters: jade, tori, cat, trina
author's note: title, summary, and quotes following the character's name come from the song "cosmic love" by florence + the machine. this story is also called the heart breaker series, a collection of four stories appertaining to each of the female leads in victorious and their heartbreak over beck oliver, himself. i don't consider him an asshole in this story, just an average, hormonal boy. i just wanted to try something new with one of my favorite songs, so here you go.
the stars, the moon – they have all been blown out. you left me in the dark.
"Can you hear me?"
His voice is static.
She feels as if she has lost every inch of her height, every ounce of skin – she feels like she has lost everything.
She blinks. Her eyes are dry.
"Who do you think you are?" She whispers. It's not demanding, it's just a discombobulated question.
He sighs and sends a piercing echo through the phone. She can imagine his sweet breath hitting her cold body in the winter, his eyes warming her soul and her heart and her fingers.
"We're not meant to be," he says, finally.
She breathes hard into the phone, her heart beating heavily and it feels like blood is escaping from her heart, her heart withering like a balloon.
She mumbles, her heart pumping erratically, her palms sweaty, "You were the only one I loved."
His sigh sounds like pity. She hates him – hates him so much and yet loves him all the same.
"Yeah," he says sadly, "You just weren't the only one I love."
She slams the phone down, her tears leaking down her face.
She cries that night, all night until she looks in the mirror in the morning, her puffy, red eyes peering back at her. She wants him to love her more than anything else in the world.
She just doesn't think she'll be able to convince him, this time.
then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too, so i stayed in the darkness with you.
She lies on her back, her eyes on the bare ceiling above.
Oh, how she wants to die.
She takes a deep breath that makes her forget. How lovely, she thinks, I wish I could forget him forever. But she isn't sure she ever wants to, either.
She rues the day she fell for his charms, for his tanned skin and his loving eyes. She wishes she had denied his advances from the start, instead of throwing herself into the chaos of his lips – the passion of his kiss.
"Oh God," she says softly.
Her whispers are carried across the room, her fingers curled in the orange fur of the stuffed animal he had given her. Yes, she thought, people threw away pictures and tokens of past relationships, but she had kept them. Past experiences weren't meant to be thrown away. She believes that people should keep their mistakes and their pain with them forever.
She just doesn't know what to do, or where to turn. She loves him. Loves him with all her heart and all her tears, and she doesn't even know what she can say to him when she sees him on Monday morning, his eyes bright and warm in the lights of Hollywood Arts.
"Hello," she thinks she'll say.
Maybe it can start again from the ashes, and the pictures and the little things – the way he said her name in the morning and his fingers wrapped in hers, the way he looked at her...
Maybe they can fall into the chaos of one another, once more.
no dawn, no day, i'm always in this twilight, in the shadow of your heart.
I've got to breathe, she repeats. Stay calm. This could be anything.
He smiles brightly at her presence, and her hopes raise. She crosses her fingers behind her back, making a quick wish.
Please, let him love me forever.
"Hi," he says happily.
She nods, a light smile slowly forming on her face, "Hello, love."
There's a flicker in his eyes, as if a shadow has come and gone and opened his true intention. Oh Dear God, she thinks, all her hope is gone.
"I need to tell you something," he starts.
She is looking at him, skepticism in her thoughts and worry settling on her tongue. He looks different, she realizes. He looks as if he had slept for days on end. His skin seems darker and his teeth look whiter. He looks beautiful, she realizes, more beautiful than he has ever looked before.
Maybe it's because people think she's nothing more than a kid, or maybe it's because she has willingly given him her heart, but she knows that at that moment, nothing she will say, no wishes she will make, will change that he is not in love with her anymore.
"I know," she says.
He breathes out a sigh of relief, and it shatters her. She has never heard a noise as heartbreaking as that sigh.
"I'm sorry I couldn't love you enough," he says.
She looks at him, his beautiful face and his shadow eyes, and she knows no matter how many times he would screw her over, she would come back every time. She breathes, tries to stay calm. She looks at him once more, his dark skin mingling in the sunlight, grass tickling his anklebones. She closes her eyes and crosses her fingers.
"It's not that you couldn't; it's that you never tried."
I wish that he will remember me forever.
Her wish echoes in her mind. She doesn't doubt that this one will come true.
but then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness; so darkness I became.
It was a trick of the light, she decides. She's always liked magic. When she was little, magicians intrigued her with their white gloves that concealed hidden mysteries and their eyes that glimmered. They always knew where the bunny rabbit went, or how the quarter got behind your ear.
When he kissed her, she could taste magic. He's a year younger than her; her sister's first love. He tastes like magic. He could bewitch the crowd just with his melodious voice and his amble smile. But what got you trapped was the way he could make your heart burst with three words.
You are enough.
Oh! What magic words those are. They can make one's heart leap to the sky. They can make you want to dance. Oh, those words could make even her singing sound pretty.
But alas, even those three words cannot hold him down. She was never anything to him besides a girl who he would inspire with his pretty eyes and his pink lips. He was just a nice boy who liked to make sad girls happy.
She thought he was magical, there's no doubt of that. He had pressed his lips to hers and she had floated to the sky and back. She'd never felt that kind of love for any person in her entire life. But what was she doing with a younger boy her sister was in love with? She couldn't articulate her guilt and her pleasure and her immense amount of joy.
She had been selfish in the past, so why didn't she continue? It wasn't like this meant much to him, even if it was every bit of her world. She thought she could stay and he would want to stay with her. But kisses don't promise you much besides a rush of magic through your veins, and she was never really enough to abide his ever thirsty mouth.
It was a trick of the light, she decides. She turns away from the magic and she forgets it's charms.