Author's Note:The beginning of this chapter starts at the end of the episode "Yellow Fever" in season four. The rest of it takes place a couple of days after the episode "Heaven and Hell". Since Dean is married to Meredith, nothing happened between Dean and Anna.
This IS the end. I want to keep going and do a third installment… would you guys read it? Review or message me and let me know! Thanks and happy reading!
"Not again! Dean, stay with me. You can't do this. You can't leave me and Jude again. Please!" I begged as I lay over Dean's body on the ground. He was writhing on the floor in pain, clutching his heart. Tears were streaming down my face and I was desperate. "Dean, just…" I started, before taking his hand in both of mine. "Hold onto me and don't let go. We can do this."
Dean groaned in pain and his eyes widened in horror. He was having another hallucination. I turned around but there was nothing behind me. It scared me to imagine what he possibly could've been hallucinating. Part of me was starting to think that he hadn't been honest when he had said that he remembered nothing from Hell.
"Lillith, no… stay away… get back… I'm not going back… you can't make me into what you made me into… I won't do it ever again…" Dean yelled.
"Dean, hold on!" I pleaded desperately. I squeezed his hand and my forehead fell against his chest. "I love you."
"I love you too," Dean whimpered. This was it. I wasn't ready for it but it truly felt like I was going to lose him again.
And then suddenly, Dean woke up from whatever hallucinations, panting, but he seemed to be normal again. He clutched his chest, "Shit."
"Dean?" I asked, hopeful.
"Yeah, baby?" Dean asked back.
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed, tackling him to the ground and just holding him. "I thought I'd lost you… I… oh my God."
"I promised you that I wasn't going anywhere. I couldn't exactly break that one, now could I?" Dean asked.
"I'm not quite sure what I would've done," I replied. Dean was still breathing heavily but he began to sit up and I helped him. "Are you okay?"
"Okay as I'll ever be after, you know, almost dying," Dean replied.
I giggled a little, "I love you." I knew it was a little out of the blue but I couldn't help myself.
"I love you," he said back, kissing me. The two of us pulled away from the short kiss but I then wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him against me. Almost losing Dean again had been one of the scariest experiences. I was just grateful that he was alive and well now. I was so grateful for Sam and Bobby for finding a way out of the ghost sickness.
"Jesus, woman!" Dean exclaimed.
I giggled and then kissed him again, "I'm just happy you're okay. That's all. I swear, if you left me and Jude again, I'd go to Hell myself and kick your ass!"
Dean chuckled and I could feel the vibrations of his laugh in his chest as I held him again, "I wouldn't put it past you."
Later that night, when I knew that Dean was fast asleep, I slipped on my jacket over my pajamas and snuck outside. I held the motel room keys in my hand but I leaned against the door, just taking in deep breaths as I froze in the cold air. I didn't really care though. I was in desperate need for some fresh air. Almost losing Dean today had been horrific… Of course losing him the first time had been terrible, but having to see it this time… it was heart breaking. I wanted to take him home and lock him in the house and never let him out now.
I heard the crinkle of leaves behind me and jumped out of fear. I turned around to see a brunette man in a trench coat standing behind me.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," the man said in somewhat of a monotone.
"Uh… no problem. Can I help you?" I asked, nervously. I knew that if he were going to attack I could take him, but for some reason, I had a feeling that this guy didn't want to fight.
"I'm Castiel. I am an angel of the lord," he said.
My jaw dropped a little, "Oh my God! Wow, it's so great to meet you." I held my hand out for him to shake and he stared at it for a moment before taking it in his and shaking my hand briefly. This was the angel that had pulled Dean from hell. I could barely believe it but I was happier than ever. "I don't know what to say. Thank you, for starters. I don't think you know how much it means-."
"Oh. Uh, yeah. Well, we have work for him. But that's not what I came here to talk about," Castiel said, cutting me off.
"Okay. Well, do you want me to go get Dean? He's asleep right now but I could wake him up," I offered. I wasn't quite sure how to act in the presence of an angel – specifically the one that brought my husband back.
"No, I came here to speak with you, actually," Castiel replied.
"Me?" I asked, surprised.
"Yes," Castiel answered.
"Okay… um…" I started.
"You saved Dean today," Castiel said.
"Um, I appreciate this… I guess but, Sam and Bobby were the ones that figured out how to destroy the ghost," I started, uncomfortably.
"Dean held on for you. You were there for him, holding his hand. He loves you very much. He held on for you, today," Castiel said.
"Oh," I said, not really knowing what else to say in response.
"And just so you know, take care of that son of yours. He's important," Castiel said.
"Wait, what?" I asked, but before Castiel answered my question, he was gone. Well, now I understood how Dean felt every time he talked to the angel: completely confused. What did he mean about Jude? Sure, he was important to us but was there something else… something or someone up there that had a purpose for him? He was just a baby! I was going to do whatever I had to do to protect my son….
We all had congregated at the Falcon again for Andrea's birthday, mid-November. Jude was almost three months old, which was exciting for the whole family. Instead of having a party this year, Andrea just wanted a small family and friends' dinner and so I happily obliged. I wasn't exactly up to planning a big party so I was grateful that she wasn't either. Dinner had been nice. We were now just spending time together which was nice.
"Andrea, it is your birthday! You are not doing any dishes!" I exclaimed, going over to Andrea who was standing behind a sink with a pile of dishes in it.
"But-," She started.
"No!" I said. "I'm sure Jude would enjoy a visit with the birthday girl." I knew that would get her. She sighed.
"That baby is too much of a temptation," Andrea groaned.
"I know. That's why I said it!" I replied. She went over to Sam and Dean who were still sitting at the table. Both of them were making fools out of themselves by talking to the baby but it was still adorable, regardless. I laughed a little watching my family. Sure, not all of them were blood related, but this was still my family – it always had been.
I had been in contact with Sawyer a little and she was going to come down for a visit soon to see Jude. She had been there for his birth but she hadn't visited since, which was understandable. She and Sam were surprisingly not awkward around each other but I could tell that there was definitely something there. He was such a gentleman – not that he wasn't always – but around Sawyer especially. She was always giggly and happy around him. I didn't care that either of them said that it had been a 'no strings attached' thing. I knew that they were just trying to avoid the trouble that Dean and I had gone through. I was pretty sure they were going to end up together at least at some point though.
"I hope you didn't think you'd do all of those dishes yourself," I heard a voice say behind me, picking up a dish from the sink. I turned around and smiled as soon as I saw Ethan.
"Hey, look! It's just like old times," I chuckled, moving over a little so that the two of us could share the sink.
"Yeah, you're right. Do you remember when things were so simple? We were… teenagers, for starters. Who would've thought that we'd be here where we are now?" Ethan reminisced.
"Oh, I feel you. I mean, back in high school I never thought you and Molly would end up together," I started.
"Yeah, and I never- actually, that's a lie. I was pretty sure that you and Dean were going to get married," Ethan teased.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm not even kidding, dude," Ethan said.
"Yeah, but you I mean… this? Can you believe I have a baby?" I exclaimed.
"No! You're all grown up now… which is weird. But a good kind of weird. We all love baby Jude," Ethan said back, smiling. The two of us glanced over at Sam and Dean again with the baby and laughed. We exchanged glances.
"They are ridiculous," I laughed.
"Um… do we even have to talk about my mother?" Ethan asked. I stole another glance and saw Andrea playing peekaboo with Jude.
"Speaking of all grown up, you and Molly have been living together for a little over a year now, huh?" I asked.
"Yeah. I was actually talking to Tom the other day – you know, the general surgeon I usually work with – and he was talking to me about Molly and us living together and everything. He thinks I'd be crazy not to propose to her soon," Ethan started.
I gasped, "Oh my God, Ethan! Well, what do you think?"
Ethan shrugged, "I don't know. I like things the way they are, you know? I feel like a ring would complicate things. Don't get me wrong! I love Molly. It's just, I'm not quite sure we're completely there yet and it'd just be rushing into things and then if something didn't work out and we rushed into things..."
"It'd get messy," I completed.
"Exactly," Ethan replied.
"Well, for future reference, if you two were to take that next step I wouldn't protest but I think you're right. You should follow those instincts of yours! If it feels to fast, then don't do it," I advised. I loaded a couple of plates into the dish washer before turning on the sink faucet again.
Ethan nodded, "I want to though, eventually. Someday."
"Propose to Molly?" I asked, trying not to freak out. I was trying to keep my grin to a smile but it wasn't working. Molly and Ethan were my best friends. I couldn't help but love the idea of them being married to each other.
"Yeah… do you think it'd even be a good idea?" Ethan asked, blushing. Aww, he was blushing!
"I think it'd be a wonderful idea," I gushed. "Awwwww!"
"Okay, you're going to have to stop doing that," Ethan said.
"I'm sorry! I'm just such a girl!" I squealed.
"Yeah, yeah. Well, how are you and Dean?" he asked.
"We're great, we are," I smiled, happily.
"Uh oh. I know that look. Okay, Meredith, how many times have I asked you not to allude to your sex life? I really don't want to know!" Ethan exclaimed.
I burst into laughter, "Ethan, you perv! That's not what I was talking about, although that aspect of our marriage has always been amazing. No! I was talking about the fact that he and I are really happy. I mean, it scares the hell out of me every time he leaves, especially after the last hunt I was on, but when he's home, things are great. He's an amazing father. He really is. You should see him with Jude."
"Do you remember when he first proposed to you and when you told me, I was surprised that he even wanted to get married! I mean, no offense. Just because of him, you know? But then you guys brought up kids and, well, we never expected Dean to be the family man," Ethan started.
"I know! But at the same time, I wasn't really surprised. Sure, he didn't seem like the commitment guy, but he loves being a dad," I replied.
Ethan smiled, "You know, I haven't seen you this happy since high school."
"You say that every time," I replied.
"What can I say? I know Dean caused you a lot of pain and at those points I wanted to beat him up, but look at this, Mer. You're so happy," Ethan said.
I giggled, "I know, it's weird!"
"Why is it weird?" Ethan laughed.
"I don't know! Because I'm so used to being mopey?" I suggested.
Ethan laughed, "Yeah, you have been quite whiny an awful lot lately," he teased.
"Hey," I said, playfully shoving him.
Ethan and I finished up the dishes and I was reminded of all of the good times we had. I missed Ethan. I had been so busy with Jude and Dean both that sometimes I lost track of time and just forgot to remember everything else.
Later that evening, Molly and I spent time talking and sitting at the counter of the Falcon, while Andrea tidied up things, even though I told her not to.
"That baby is absolutely beautiful, Mer. You know, if Jude ever wants to spend the night with his crazy aunt Molly and Uncle Ethan, he is welcome to," Molly hinted, not so subtly.
I chuckled, "Well, if I ever go out on a hunt again, he might actually."
"Hey, you guys are not taking Jude! As the Grandmother, I have priority!" Andrea interjected.
I laughed, "Okay, you two. No fighting over Jude! Plus, there may be other kids in the future so there's no need!"
"Wait, what?" Molly and Andrea both asked.
I shrugged, "We've talked about it but, you know, farther down in the future since we're still trying to figure out how to raise Jude. That'll happen once we've figured all of this out first."
"Aww, Meredith. You're all grown up. Look at you and your kid and possible future kids. I feel like yesterday you and Ethan were playing tag and doing homework in the café," Andrea sighed. "How has time slipped away?"
"That is a very good question," I replied. "Hey, how are you and Ethan?" I asked, turning to Molly.
"Good. We're great, actually. I'm loving where we are. Things are so… well, not comfortable, but the good kind of comfortable. Not the "get me out of her, I'm bored and safe" kind of comfortable," Molly replied.
I sighed happily. Everyone seemed to be doing well. I spotted Cameron and Blake at their own table. They looked really happy together. I was glad that Cameron had finally come to his senses and asked her out, "Hey, I'm going to go see what the boys are up to. I'll be back." I got up and made my way over to the booth where Bobby, Dean, Sam, and Jude all were. The men were drinking a beer and Jude seemed to be drifting off into somewhat of a sleep.
"Hey, you," I said, sliding into the booth next to Dean. "Hi, buddy. You enjoying boy talk with your Daddy?"
"Look at you, you social butterfly. I missed you," Dean said, mumbling the last part into my ear.
I smiled at him, "Hey, guys. What're you up to?"
"Not much," Sam said.
"Yeah," Bobby added.
I eyed them all suspiciously, "Guys, I thought we all agreed on no hunting talk tonight!"
"Damn it. She's too smart for us," Dean sighed.
I glanced at the time, "Hey, Dean. We should probably get going soon. It's about Jude's bed time."
Dean nodded slowly, "Yeah, alright. Hey, how about I pull up the car and then we'll go?"
"You sure?" I asked.
"I'm sure," Dean replied, kissing my cheek. I slid out of the booth so that he could get out and once he took Jude with him back to the Impala, I sat back down in the booth with Bobby and Sam.
"He seems to be doing a lot better," I observed, once Dean was gone. Dean had been a little bit off ever since he and Sam had gotten back from the last hunt. Sam had been cautious around Dean and Dean had been kind of broody the past couple of days. They had gotten back from a hunt that apparently involved some fallen angel named Anna.
"He is, I think. Just take care of him, Mer," Bobby said. I eyed him suspiciously. What were they up to?
"Of course. You guys don't have to go out any time soon, right?" I asked.
"Yeah, we'll be here for a little while," Sam said.
I nodded, "Okay. Does anyone want anything to drink?"
"No, I'm good," Sam and Bobby both replied.
"You know, that baby of yours really is endearing. He just looks at you and you can't say no!" Sam exclaimed.
"Hey, now you know what it feels like to talk to you when you use the whole puppy dog look," I pointed out.
"Hey, that's a good point! You sure this kid isn't Sam's?" Bobby asked.
Sam and I exchanged glances and laughed, "I'm sure! Hey, Sam, I don't think I ever got to really thank you for being such a kick ass godfather and uncle. Jude is very lucky to have the both of you."
Sam smiled, "Thanks, Mer."
"Kiddo, I practically raised you so the fact that you have a kid now is a little crazy," Bobby chuckled.
"Oh, I know!" I replied.
Bobby smiled, "Alright, well I better get going."
"Okay. Hey, do you mind if I stop by tomorrow? I think Dean and I were going to work on a car," I asked.
"Sure," Bobby replied.
"Great," I smiled. Now it was just me and Sam.
"How are you?" I asked.
"Good… hey, listen, Mer. Dean's going to need you a lot, the next couple of days. Just uh, be good to him, okay?" Sam asked.
I nodded, "Yeah, okay." That was a little weird. Just then, I saw the impala pull up to the side of the café. "Well, that's me. I should get going. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, see you," Sam replied.
I was reading in bed and waiting for Dean to finish up with his shower. I heard the water go off and it only took minutes before Dean came back into the room in a pair of black boxers and a grey shirt. He sat down on the bed on his side, his back turned to me. I couldn't help but find it weird, especially after all of the weird talk with Sam. He was going to need me? Did something happen? And he had been weird ever since he came back from the hunt as well.
"What're you reading?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.
"Uh uh. You'll make fun of me if I tell you," I replied.
"No I won't, babe," Dean said, swinging his legs on the bed and sitting back against the pillows. He looked over at me and I looked up from my book to look at him. I loved the way he smelled after taking showers.
"Fine, Pride and Prejudice," I answered.
"Hey, is that that movie we watched with Kiera Knightley? She's hot," Dean asked.
I laughed and rolled my eyes playfully, "Yeah, but this is the book."
"Gotcha," Dean replied. I returned to my reading and Dean just sat there, looking as if he wanted to say something. There was a long silence before he finally spoke up. "Mer?"
"Yeah?" I asked back, putting my book down. He took a deep breath before saying something else.
"I haven't exactly been honest with you… about some stuff," Dean started, uneasily.
"Okay," I said.
"You know when I told you that I didn't remember anything from hell?" Dean asked.
I shook my head slowly, "Yeah, I do."
"I lied. I… I remember it all," Dean said.
"Okay. Well, if you want to talk about it you can, if you don't, I'd understand," I replied. I didn't want to force him to talk.
Dean sighed, "No, I think I need to tell you. I think I should. But you have to promise me that you won't freak out and that… that you won't look at me differently when I tell you."
I nodded, "Of course, baby. I promise."
"Okay. Well, here goes…" Dean said, before taking another deep breath. "I know it was four months up here but uh, apparently time works differently in hell. For me it was forty years."
"Oh my God," I gasped under my breath.
"Wait, just listen. Alistair, we encountered him on the hunt… that's why I've been so weird lately. Alistair was the demon that tortured me in hell. He'd rip me apart and then the next day, it was as if I was new and whole again only for him to start all over. I was on the rack for thirty years and each day he told me that he'd take me off if I agreed to torture other souls. For thirty years I held on but… after thirty, I just couldn't do it anymore. So I told him yes and I… I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many… Meredith. I was ruthless," Dean said. At this point, I could tell that he was breaking down. I could see the tears in his eyes and that he was trying to hold them back.
"Dean, i not like you were under any kind of circumstance to say no," I started, attempting to comfort him.
"I know, but, I still did it. I should've been able to say no. The whole time," Dean said, struggling to keep it together. "The things I did to them, Meredith… sometimes I wish I couldn't feel anything because… I have dreams about. I think about it all the time and it, God, it sucks. I guess it's my punishment though."
"Stop! Dean, you've got to stop punishing yourself for it," I said.
"Meredith, I don't know what to-," he started.
I shook my head and just pulled him close to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and just held him. I could tell that Dean was crying and that this was what he needed. We clung to each other for what felt like forever until we finally pulled away. I stared into Dean's green eyes and he smiled as he soon as he saw my face.
"What?" I asked, smiling a little.
"You're not looking at me any differently… like I'm a monster or anything," Dean said.
"Because you're not," I said back. "I love you, Dean. What you did in hell was in the past and… you held out for thirty years. That's more than anyone ever would've."
"I love you too," was all Dean said back. He held my face in his hands, cautiously, and then kissed me gently.
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked.
Dean shook his head, "No." He paused. "Actually, you could just let me hold you for a while."
I nodded. Dean lay back against the pillows and I curled up to him, my head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around me and we just lay there for a while, falling asleep. The last thing I heard him say to me before dozing off was this: "Someday, I'm going to take you away from all of this. I'm going to take you and Jude away and we're going to buy a house and we're going to be a real family. We won't have to worry about hunting or any of that. I love you, Meredith Winchester."
"I love you too, Dean," I mumbled, before drifting off into sleep.
"Oh these times are hard/ Yeah they're making us crazy/ Don't give up on me baby…"