Disclaimer: Ciruqe Du Freak/Darren Shan Saga and its characters/plot/everything to do with it does not belong to me. I just use it to write twisted fics to torment little kids and creep them out. I don't know why they bothered to read it in the first place...
A/N: This was written in a hurry to depict how Steve and Darren would react to being siblings, and as a response to my two last reviews. They're the very first flames – though they may be a little mild to be considered flames – I've ever gotten, and it got me so excited I couldn't resist writing an extra! I don't know if this reviewer would bother coming back to read this extra and to be truthful – that doesn't really bother me.
Extra: Epidemic, Baby
"Ugh..." I scanned my surroundings groggily. Where was I? Last I remembered Steve and I had escaped to the woods, away from all the overbearing females and SDBHS. Manly SDBHS was weird.
Steve was beside me, tied to a tree, and my heart went into overdrive to see my expecting girlfriend all bound up.
"Steve! Steve, wake up!"
"Yes... Yess... More cakes..." Steve murmured in her sleep. She snorted, and her eyes flew open. They focused on me slowly. "Darren...? Where..."
I opened my mouth to answer, when there was a familiar cackle beside me. My eyes searched out for her immediately. Debbie.
"Hello, Darren," She gave Steve a look of distaste as a greeting. "It's been a while," She said, batting her eyelashes at me. She looked semi-normal now. Except her eyes were red... And her skin was purple. But at least she'd lost the paint and fake teeth.
"But... You're dead..." I said, blinking furiously.
"I was," She said with a nod. "I was rescued from the Lake of Souls by your father,"
Steve and I looked at each other.
"Whose father?" Steve asked the question I was wondering.
"Both of yours," she replied.
Steve and I exchanged another look.
"She's crazy," I said in lieu of an explanation.
"Yup," was her answer.
"Shut up!" Debbie yelled at us. Then she stopped... And started laughing hysterically.
"She's really crazy,"
"Enough!" Debbie roared, and cuffed my ear. I hissed, and Steve jumped, before growling at Debbie. "Don't you two get it? Mr Tiny is your dad. Both of you. He created you both. You're both his children. You're siblings!" She cackled. "Such a cruel twist of fate, isn't it?!"
I glared at her, not really getting what she was saying.
"Come on, Darren, leave her. She was never meant for you. She's your sibling. You two were never meant to be,"
I looked to my girlfriend, wondering how she was reacting. Steve met my eyes and then... She shrugged.
"Even if we really were siblings... it wouldn't matter at all to me. I can't stop the fact that I love you," Steve told me with a smile, the words spoken with utmost confidence. My heart melted from hearing them.
"I love you too. Besides, I never thought of you as a sibling, so I don't see how it's a problem,"
"NO!" Debbie screamed, lashing out at me. "You love me! And I love you! We love each other!" Debbie yelled at me.
"Yeah, we did, until you turned into a psycho that tried to kill me! And you hate cakes! I can't love anyone who hates cakes!" I retorted intelligently.
"You hate cakes?" Steve gasped at this new revelation. He hadn't known. He looked at Debbie like she was a failed experiment that crawled out of a hole. Which maybe she was. I don't know anymore. I mean, who could possibly hate cakes?
"Anyway, why should we believe anything you say? You're crazy," I told Debbie. She growled in some frustration, and slapped me across the cheek.
"You two... you're both abominations! You're committing incest, and you don't even care!" She informed us.
"Well, besides the vampire and vampaneze issues... I was thinking that incest was pretty mild," Steve said. "Not that I condone incest. Oh wait..." She trailed off thoughtfully in realisation of what she had just said.
"You guys and your relationship is a discase!"
Silence fell on us.
"...Discase?" Steve repeated with genuine confuzzlement.
"I think she means disease," I stage-whispered to Steve.
"Ohhhh..." Steve replied in a stage-whisper.
"Stop pretending you're whispering! I can hear you, you disca-disease!" Debbie said, the word 'disease' sounding foreign to her. It was hard to believe she was an English teacher, back before she went cuckoo.
"Yeah, well!" Steve yelled in his normal – high-pitched, now that he was female – voice. "We ain't no disease! We're a freaking epidemic, baby! And we're contagious!" Then in a feat of awesomeness, Steve broke out of her bonds.
"What?!" Debbie had time to yell as Steve dashed towards her.
" Take this! Love Technique: Super Special Sugary Sweet Slap!" Steve yelled out as she slapped Debbie repeatedly across the face.
"No!" She screeched, and writhed in pain, as if the love attack was burning her or something. Steve did a triple somersault in the air, landed beside me, then yanked off the ropes tied around me.
"Come on, Darren! Give her an awesome attack!" Steve told me.
"You got it!" I yelled back, and leaped forward. "Absolute Awesome Alternate Affectionate Attack!" I said, punching her with my right arm. "And this is the other Alternate!" I punched her with my left arm.
"NOOOOOO!" She cried out. She held her swollen face with both hands. "This isn't over!" She told us, crouched on the ground.
"It so is!" Steve said, and grabbed my hand. "Come on, Darren!"
"Diabolical-Slaying Dual Supreme Dazzling Strike!" We called the name of our attack together, before performing it in perfect sync.
"NOOO!" Debbie shouted as she flew skyward, in a complete arc. "I'll get you guys! If it's the last thing I do!"
Steve and I were panting as we watched Debbie fly away, but our hands remained linked. We gave each other a look, then she started giggling.
"You know what? I think we should get costumes. We could be like crime fighters! And our archenemy could be Debbie," She said.
"That sounds lame,"
"Is not! I could have a cape and everything. And Debbie could say 'I'll get you guys! If it's the last thing I do!' every time we beat her up,"
"Is not!" She slapped me on the arm and I laughed. She leaned against it then, and her pout slowly dissolved into a smile. "You're like a Sextuple Chocolate Cake. I can't not be happy when you're around,"
"...Are you saying you want to eat me?"
"Maybe," She answered honestly. "But then I wouldn't be happy anymore. So I guess I'll keep you around for a little longer,"
I grinned at that.
A/N: Thank you to all who bothered to read this and continue to support me! I live to entertain you guys!
And to my special reviewer, if you bothered to come back – I just want to say, thank you. You were the inspiration behind this extra. And also, thank you for attempting to read my fic. I'm really very grateful. I'm sorry the pairings didn't suit your tastes. But thank you for adding to my review count, I appreciated that.
P.S.: In case you haven't noticed, I think it's cute how you spell disease as discase. Though I'm a little fuzzy on what creaked out means.
Just a last note – I don't particularly approve of incest. But I believe everyone deserves a chance at love. And I think this pairing is hot. Also, it was never clear whether they were brothers-brothers, or kind of created together brothers.