Disclaimer: "Fairy Tail" is the property of Hiro Mashima.

A/N: Please forgive the horrible pun in my title. My Muse is drunk. Really, she is. Have you ever had that voice in your head start to giggle? She plopped this entire story, top to bottom, into my head all at once. I had to write it. I HAD TO! (No, I'm not crazy; people with Muses understand this sensation.) I blame this entire story on my Muse. I didn't write it, SHE did!


Crouching Lion, Horny Dragon

a Fairy Tail fanfic

by Rhov

"Open the Gate of the Lion! Leo!"

Right on cue, he showed up prepared with all the debonair and lady-killing grace of a playboy of his caliber. "Sorry to keep you wai-...Lucy!"

She was on the ground, not bleeding badly, but he could tell she was teetering toward unconsciousness. "Fight...with Natsu," she moaned. "He...needs help."

"I said I don't need him," the pink-haired dragon slayer snapped, already in the midst of a frantic battle. "Bastard...! Fire Dragon's Talon!"

Lucy gave a pained cough, and Loke knelt beside her in worry. "Where are you hurt?"

"I'm not. Magic. Gonna...sleep," she said, struggling to give him orders. "Natsu...cursed. Help him. Something about...five minutes left. Please, Loke."

"I said I can handle this on my own," Natsu roared. "I'll have to hold back if he's around."

"I doubt that," Loke huffed, easing Lucy to the grass as she went limp from the enemy's sleeping spell. "Well, if it's an order from my master, I have to obey. Just sleep it off, Princess," he smiled, stroking back Lucy's blonde hair and giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Maybe when this is over, I'll treat you to dinner without the smelly dragon boy around."

"Cat creep!" Natsu lashed back, delivering a punch to the enemy. "Hold still, you lousy..."

The dark mage clapped his hands together. "Shadow Striding!"

"Not again," Natsu groaned. "Careful, Loke. This is how he caught Lucy. It's some sort of Darkness Magic mixed with poison."

"Darkness Magic?" Loke grinned, watching the purplish black shadows spread out. "Too bad." He raised his fist, and his ring gleamed despite the approaching void. "My ring utilizes the Light of the Star Regulus itself, which shines brightest in the dark of night."

As the oozing shadows made Natsu blind and threatened closer to Lucy's prone body, golden light shined under Loke and fluttered his suit coat with power. "O Regulus, grant me your strength." The light burst out brighter. "Zenith of Regulus: Lion Brilliance!" Gold light exploded from him to purify the area. The dark mage screamed as the shadows were burned away by Loke's light.

"All right!" Natsu whooped. "Fire Dragon's Sword Horn."

Natsu's whole body caught ablaze, and he rushed at the opponent while he was blinded. Fire burst out everywhere. Loke raised an arm to block his eyes, but the fire overwhelmed him. Suddenly, he thought of Lucy and saw the flames nearing her. Instead of shielding himself, he threw his body over hers, accepting the flame to protect her. When the fires died down, the enemy was half dead, Natsu was standing over him looking proud of himself, and Loke...

"Stupid Natsu," he groaned.

"Whoa, Loke!"

The Lion Spirit rose up and hastily batted away flaming bits of his clothes. Almost nothing was left. His black suit coat was completely burned, the back of his button-up dress shirt was gone, and even most of his pants had burned away. The few shreds left had to be ripped off so the fire did not reach Lucy.

"Sorry, I got carried away again. Are you all right? Is Lucy okay? It didn't hit her, I hope."

"She's fine. That hurt, but I'm a Spirit. A little fire won't kill me. My clothes are ruined, though. Dammit, I really liked this shirt."

Natsu stared at Loke's naked body as the Lion picked up the remains of his silk tie, sighed deeply, and tossed it away. Loke realized his boxers were also coming apart, and he cursed softly as a small tug made the material disintegrate.

"What was Lucy hit with?" Loke grumbled, irritated at such an undignified situation.

"Huh?" Natsu jolted out of a daze and swallowed hard. Why was seeing Loke naked affecting him? Seeing Gray that way only pissed him off, so why was this different? Loke wasn't even human!

"She's not in danger, is she? Should we rush her to a doctor?"

"Ah, no," Natsu said, trying to regain his senses. "It was some sleeping spell. He said it would knock her out for thirty minutes."

"And what about you?" Loke asked, and he turned to look the pink-haired teen over.

Natsu felt a painful thud in his chest. Why was Loke looking so intensely at him? Was it his imagination, or had the light around Loke softened? Natsu shook his head. The harp music and hallucination of sakura petals floating in the wind were definitely wrong.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Natsu suddenly looked disoriented. Loke walked up to him in concern and held onto his shoulder to steady him. Natsu felt ashamed that he felt so hot. Loke was...touching him! But why did that even matter? Why was he so self-conscious?

"Lucy said something about you being poisoned, too, something about only having five minutes left." Loke pouted at such an ominous countdown. "That sounds bad. You're already looking flushed."

"I'm not sure what it was. He said it was a poison that would ensure Lucy would never want to be my friend again." Natsu tugged at his scarf. "I'm suddenly hot."

"Lie down, keep your head elevated. I'll watch over you until the poison runs its course."

"You'll...watch over me?" Natsu shook his head. Why did that sound so immensely appealing? Why was Loke's voice coming to his ears in such soft tones? Where the hell was this sakura coming from? Such strange hallucinations!

Loke took Natsu completely around the shoulders to assist him. Natsu suddenly grabbed Loke. He shook his head as it clouded over in confusion.

"What is this?" he gasped, feeling his heart racing. "I...I feel like..." His hands drifted down along Loke's naked spine. "Why do you feel so warm? No one but Igneel has ever felt warm to me," he said gently. Natsu laid his cheek on Loke's chest and cuddled against him. "Are Celestial Spirits this warm? You feel...good," he smiled. "Comforting."

Loke shoved him away. "Okay, that's not even funny."

Natsu smiled in wavering bliss. "But you feel so warm."

"Lust-Sting," Loke grumbled with a curse under his breath. "A poison to ensure Lucy never forgave you, huh? That bastard knocked her out and...dammit, he planned to have you rape Lucy in her sleep. I'll kill him!" He began to stomp over to the unconscious dark mage.

Natsu got right in front of him and put his hands out to stop him. "Loke," he said breathlessly. He could hardly help but have his hands glide along Loke's bare chest. "I need...something." He blushed and looked away. "It's getting worse. I feel it. I feel...a weird urge." He bit his lip as he realized just what was happening to him. "I can't hurt Lucy. Please," he begged. "Don't let me hurt Lucy."

Loke sighed and ran his hand through his orange hair. "What an annoying poison. Well, I could tie you up or try to knock you out. Not sure if either one would work. You'd burn any rope, and I've yet to see anything knock you unconscious once you're fired up."

"Fired up...yeah." Natsu suddenly got a sultry gleam in his eyes. "Why not try something more...pleasant?" he growled, running his hands around Loke's neck and lightly scratching him.

Loke gently pushed him aside. "Because I'm not into guys. Damn, has five minutes passed already? You look like an animal in heat." In response, Natsu grinned with a deep rumble in his throat. "How about...well, you could try—I don't know—jerking yourself off or something."

"Don't wanna," Natsu said, trying to slither back up.

Loke shoved him aside a little harder. "Natsu, seriously, don't. Get a hold of yourself just a little longer until we figure out a solution."

"Oh, but I have a solution right here," Natsu said slyly.

"Not me, idiot!" Loke sighed in frustration and looked away. "Seriously, this is screwed up."

Natsu pouted and folded his arms stubbornly. "I'll tell Lucy."

Loke glared back. "Tell her what?" he snapped, getting annoyed that he had to deal with a horny teenage boy and, worst of all, he was trying to talk rationally to him while missing his clothes. If only he had a loincloth, this would probably be easier.

Natsu smirked. "In Edolas, Lucy called for you but Virgo came because you were on a date." He leaned in sadistically. "I know who you were with."

Loke's eyes widened at the threat.

"Ya see, I'm good friends with Virgo now. For a small...punishment...she'll tell me anything I want to know. I heard about you...you, who swore to come whenever Lucy needed you and declared your love to her...you were on a date with someone else. I couldn't forgive that. Virgo told me all about it," he said smugly. "If I tell Lucy, she'll never forgive you. You abandoned her in her time of need to chase after some tail. Or maybe...I should tell Scorpio!"

"Stop!" Loke yelled. He had gone a shade paler. "Okay, fine. You're poisoned and need to be distracted to keep you away from Lucy, right? To protect Lucy..."

"Sure, sure, think of it as protecting her, because I'm not gonna let you protect your own ass!"

Loke backed away a step. "You wouldn't!"

"Shall I wake her up and tell her your sultry little secret?"

Loke glared, but he shook his head. A fight with Natsu would be a huge challenge even for the Leader of the Zodiacs. One bad hit and he might fade back into the Spirit World. Then Lucy would be alone with this sex-crazed, drugged-up boy. He looked over to her unconscious body, lying there so innocently.

"To protect her...to save Lucy's chastity..."

Natsu walked up again and tenderly embraced the Spirit. "I'm sorry about this, Loke," he said, sounding momentarily sane and repentant. "It's driving up something weird in me. I feel...desperate." His fingers rubbed along Loke's earlobe, traced it, and played with the earrings. "I'm so desperate, a part of me wants to force you against your will. Blackmail...it's horrible," he sneered. "I normally hate people like that, but if that's what it takes..."

"Just shut up," Loke said darkly. "Once...just this once. Only to protect Lucy."

Natsu took Loke's face into his hands and tilted it to him. "I can't promise I'll be gentle."

Loke shut his eyes. What the hell was he doing? However, he couldn't easily fight Natsu to knock him out, he couldn't run faster if he had to carry Lucy, and he was not about the vanish and leave Lucy to this drug-addled maniac.

"Just...just finish before she wakes up," he said in defeat. "I couldn't live with myself if she saw me like that."

"Got it," Natsu agreed. He suddenly dropped his head onto Loke's shoulder and gasped. Loke got worried and held onto him as it seemed like Natsu might collapse. "I feel it. It's...burning. I need...Lucy..."

"Not Lucy!" Loke shouted furiously.

Still, Natsu looked over to her with yearning. "But I...I like her...a lot."

"Bastard! Get your mind away from her. Don't even look at her."

"I need her." The feverish gleam returned into his eyes. "I want her! I want to fuck her and..."

Loke grabbed his pants. "Don't look at her," he yelled.

Natsu looked down, and a second later Loke was stunned at the move he had made. He had Natsu's swollen shaft in a tight grip through his loose pants. It felt wrong, touching a man like that, yet he was determined to keep Natsu away.

"Do I have your attention now?" he asked in a calm voice. "Pretend she's not even here. Keep your eyes on me."

Natsu stared, his mouth open in shock, but suddenly that feverish lust returned to his eyes. "My attention? You definitely have it."

He rushed at Loke hard, knocking him back roughly and completely off his feet until his back slamming into a nearby tree. Natsu's hand reached down and grabbed at Loke's flaccid member.

"Not the least bit turned on?" he asked. "Am I that repulsive?"

"I told you," Loke began, but Natsu suddenly bit him on the neck and sucked over the wound. Loke cried out at the feeling. "I...don't...like...men!"

Natsu leaned up hard against his body, and his eyes studied Loke's face. "I'm not particular, honestly. Men, women: doesn't matter to me. Just not partial about those things. I suppose I don't really need you turned on for this, though. And we need to hurry before Lucy wakes up." Natsu put two fingers in his mouth and moistened them up. Loke flinched at seeing him being completely serious about this. "Less than thirty minutes, huh? Think we can do this?"

Natsu reached around behind Loke and slipped a finger in. Loke sucked air in at the intrusion but forced himself to loosen up.

"Awesome! You can relax almost immediately," Natsu realized, thrusting in a second finger. "You're immortal, right? How many times have you done it with a man?"

"None of your business," Loke growled.

Natsu growled back, yet whereas Loke's was feral and purring, Natsu's growl was reptilian, and Loke could see flames percolating in his mouth. "Do you know what to do, then? I'm not really sure myself. Igneel taught me some things, though. Like this."

Loke cried out as Natsu hit a spot inside him. In worry, he glanced back over to Lucy, fearing she might wake up from his cries.

"Don't look at her!" Natsu shouted furiously. "Loke, I want to fuck Lucy senseless right now, so don't you dare look at her. Please," he cringed in heated agony. "Please don't remind me that she's here. It's just us. That's what you said, right? Pretend she's not here."

Loke saw that Natsu was struggling with this, too, and for a moment he pitied him. "Right. Just us." He took Natsu's face and pulled it up. "Just us."

Natsu suddenly pounced forward and forced a kiss. His fingers thrust in again, and Loke's mouth opened in a cry. Natsu rammed his tongue in while he could.

Not that Loke had ever fantasized about kissing any of the men in Fairy Tail, but a couple years ago while on a mission with Cana, she had whittled away a very long train ride to a distant village by listing what she thought each person in Fairy Tail tasted like. Of course, her comparisons were strange: Elfman probably tasted like stout beer, Gray tasted like a mojito (she seemed not at all hesitant on that one), Laxus probably tasted like Jägermeister, Bickslow like unfiltered sake, Macao like bourbon, Erza like honey meed, and Mirajane tasted like framboise (another one that she declared without sounding like it was mere guesswork). When it came to Natsu, her nose had wrinkled, and she declared he likely tasted like sulfur.

Cana was wrong. Loke swore he tasted like strawberry wine.

Natsu yanked his pants off, grabbed Loke's hand, and pulled it to his shaft. Loke cringed at the moistness of precum slathering over his fingers. Still, he distastefully did the job of stroking the dragon slayer.

"Mmm, I like how your rings feel so cold, but your fingers are burning," Natsu said, leaning his head back to enjoy it. "But we need to hurry." He jerked Loke around until his chest was pressed up against the tree. "Gonna go quick."

Natsu eased his way in. Loke cried out as the head drilled into his tight opening. He bit on his fingers to keep quiet as Natsu mercilessly thrust in. Once snug inside, the dragon slayer reached around and tweaked Loke's nipples. He cried out at the feeling and pressed back into Natsu to feel him deeper.

"You don't have to prefer men to enjoy a man," Natsu said, gently pulling back. "I just want you to enjoy this. I want to hear you roar, Lion!"

Natsu thrust back in hard, and Loke growled loudly. Natsu thrust into him viciously at times, and other times he slowed down, nibbled Loke's neck, and stroked him with maddening tenderness.

"I guess you're enjoying this," he hummed as he felt Loke getting larger. "Tell me it feels good."

"Like hell," Loke sneered.

"Are you being disobedient?" Natsu teased. "I thought you Spirits were used to following a master." Suddenly, the hand holding Loke's shaft heated up warmer and warmer.

"Ahhhh!" Loke screamed. "That hurts, idiot!"

"But you're dripping. That means you actually like it. I can see why Lucy keeps a whip around. She's your little lion tamer, isn't she? I bet you have her dress up as a ring master, put a collar on you, and hold you back with a chair."

"She's...not like that," Loke huffed, and a light moan escaped. Dammit, but thinking about Lucy doing that was arousing.

"You like having her as your master, you as her servant." Natsu slammed in hard until Loke's dick was harshly against the tree trunk. "What if I made you my servant?"

"Natsu, stop playing," Loke shouted. "We have maybe ten minutes left before she wakes up."

"Ah, that's true," he hummed sadistically. "We'll only play one game for now." He pulled out, and Loke grunted at the release of pressure. "On all fours, Lion. I wanna fuck you like the animal you are!"

Loke glared back at him, but his eyes briefly saw Lucy. For her sake...

He got on his hands and knees, and Natsu positioned himself behind. "Lower...right there." He slid back in, but now Loke was loosened. "Wow, you really can take me in easily."

He grabbed Loke's hips to thrust in harder. Loke cried out every time his prostrate was hit, and his mouth went down into his arms to mute out his cries. Natsu suddenly grabbed a handful of his ginger hair and yanked his head up.

"I said I wanna hear you roar!"

He panted and sweated. Natsu reached around and pumped him in rhythm. The dragon slayer was beginning to strain already. His thrusts were getting faster.

"Damn...dammit," Loke cried out. "Fuck, I'm gonna..." He suddenly did roar like a lion as he burst all over Natsu's hand.

Feeling the clenching around his shaft, Natsu raised his head up and released as he bellowed with flames that scorched the tree. They panted in exhaustion. Natsu dropped his head and looked down at Loke's ass. No blood. That was good. He wondered if it was even possible to hurt a Spirit that way.

"Are you...better?" Loke panted heavily.

"Sort of," Natsu muttered. He pulled out and collapsed with his back against the smoldering tree. "Still horny as hell, but my head is clearer." He ran a hand through his pink hair as the seriousness of what he just did struck him. "Damn, Loke, I really am sorry. I swear, I won't tell Lucy about that date thing. That was mean of me. And...about that...I am so, so sorry. You're my friend and...and I did that. I'm horrible!"

Natsu leaned his head back, and Loke saw tears mix with the sweat. Loke crawled over and took Natsu into his arms.

"You didn't hurt me," he assured quietly. "The important thing is, you didn't hurt Lucy. Besides, I'll be honest," he said with a faint blush. "You were pretty good. You're gonna make someone really happy and fulfilled one day."

Natsu laughed wearily with his eyes still closed in the afterglow. He stroked Loke's hair tenderly. "Not bad for my first time?"

Loke yanked away in shock. "First?"

"Yep." He shrugged as if it was no big deal. "But that's good to know. That means someday Lucy will really like it."

Loke grabbed his scarf and tried to choke him. "You stay the hell away from Lucy!"

"It's whoever she picks, right?" he grinned lightheartedly.

Just then, Lucy moaned softly. Both men looked back to her with hesitation.

"Okay," Natsu whispered. "I need to work this off one more time. I'll be back in a bit. You watch over her. We have no idea what side effects this sleeping spell might cause." Natsu took Loke's face one last time, gave him a genuine smile, and kissed him tenderly. "If Lucy picks you one day, you're gonna make her happy, too. However, if that doesn't happen...like I said, I don't care one way or another, and...and you were...pretty damn hot," he confessed in a fluster. Then Natsu grabbed his clothes and bolted off with his arousal already in his hand.

Loke calmed himself. He really needed a cold shower, but that would have to wait. He definitely needed some clothes. Lucy might think something perverted if she woke up with him naked. He vanished, and a moment later he was back, a new suit, his hair back in order, all clean.

Lucy moaned again and opened her eyes just as Loke knelt by her side.

"Looks like I don't get to wake the sleeping princess with a kiss," he smiled.

"Is he defeated?" She looked around. "Where's Natsu?"

"Uh...relieving himself," he said cautiously. "You were out for a while."

"Sheesh, men can piss anywhere they want. No fair!" She suddenly looked Loke over. "That's not the suit you were wearing. What happened? And why do you smell like Natsu?"

"Smell?"

"Yeah, he smells like strawberries. All the girls know that."

Loke turned away in shock, and Lucy hummed in confusion as his cheeks went pink. He crouched away in shame. "Do you...like the taste of strawberries?"

"Huh? What do you mean taste? I said that's how he smells. It's probably some cheap shampoo that turned his hair pink. He likely tastes like sulfur."

A few awkward moments later, the dragon slayer marched back in with a huge smile. "Haha, sorry about that. I'm better now."

"That was fast," Loke pouted.

"Yep, I can be when I have to be. Ah, Lucy, I'm really glad you're okay. Let's get this guy turned in and get our reward."

"I'm shocked," Lucy admitted as they hoisted the enemy along. "You didn't destroy everything like usual."

"I have Loke to thank for that." He grinned to the Spirit following behind them.

Loke had to smile back. "First time for you," he said with a mild smirk.

Natsu chuckled at the innuendo. "Yup, first time. Hopefully not the last."

"We'll see," Loke warned, but he still couldn't help but smile at the teen.

Lucy folded her arms with a pout as she looked suspiciously back and forth at the two. She wondered what happened between the Lion and the Dragon.

The End