Summary: Katniss and Peeta are caught in a compromising position when Haymitch accidentally walks in on them. Being the good mentor he is, Haymitch takes it upon himself to educate the adolescents. This is set sometime post-Mockinjay and pre-epilogue.
The Accidental Conception of Awkward.
I love watching Peeta bake. I think that I'd actually watch TV if Plutarch made a cooking show about Peeta. Unsurprisingly, I would call it "The Boy With the Bread." I sincerely believe that it would be the most popular television show in all of Panem. Peeta would bake, and I would eat what he makes.
I can feel my stomach tie itself into a knot with anticipation from the heavenly smells that ware wafting throughout the air. Twist. Massage. Pound. He definitely knows what he's doing. I'm sitting at the large island in Peeta's kitchen, watching him shape pieces of dough into masterpieces. This morning, he is making me one of my new favorites: Brown sugar sweet bread with almonds. He told me that I can help make the glaze for it. I am very excited for that, because the last time I helped Peeta in the kitchen, it ended very messy. Well more than messy, I ended up lighting part of his kitchen on fire. Peeta has assured me that the glaze involves no heat, so it should be safe for me to make.
I love it when he makes sweet breads. Not only because I love the taste of them, but also because he'll smell like the ingredients for until he makes a new batch of bread. When we go to sleep at night, we sleep together in my bedroom. Neither of us deny our attraction to each other, but neither of us has tried going farther than the occasional kiss. I know we are both ready to kick things up a notch, yet the right opportunity hasn't presented itself. The thought of getting physical with Peeta has occurred to me on various of occasions, and lately I've been thinking about it more and more.
I'm excited in anticipation about it, but at the same time I'm nervous. I mean, I do realize where babies come from. That scares me more than anything. At the same time though, I want to throw precaution to the wind, and do what feels right with Peeta.
"Katniss. Hello, Katniss. Anyone home?" I'm broken out of my thoughts by Peeta.
"Yes?" I say, focussing on him.
"I was asking you if you wanted to start the glaze with me. What were you day dreaming about?" He asks while giving me a knowing look.
"I-I wasn't thinking about anything!" I half yell from embarrassment of being caught.
"Ok, sure. We have to finish this soon. Haymitch said he's going to drop by to pick it up sometime today. Come here, let me show you what to do."
I stand up from my seat and walk to the other side of the island. Peeta pulls out a large, metal whisk from a drawer and a medium-seized bowl.
"Alright, first sprinkle some cinnamon into the bowl," I do as he instructs. "Good, good. Now dump the sugar into the bowl. Don't worry about measuring it, I already portioned everything."
I know I should feel a little offended from the way Peeta basically made it impossible for me to fail, but I'm actually appreciative for it. This way, I won't be able to embarrass myself.
After I plop the sugar into the bowl I ask, "What is next, oh great bread guru Mellark?"
"Well, my young apprentice, pour and whisk in the melted butter!" He says enthusiastically.
I pour the melted butter overtop the two ingredients, and then I begin to whisk it like a maniac. This only makes Peeta laugh, which in turn, makes me smile. I'm glad I can still humor him with my rash antics.
"Alright, alright, I think it's done!," He says as he takes out a wooden brush. "Here," he says handing it to me. "Now what you're going to do is dip the brush into the glaze, and then paint it onto the top of the bread loaves. Do not worry, I have complete and utter confidence in your abilities."
"Thank you, bread master. I shall not fail you," I promise as I brush strokes across the bread.
When I finish, Peeta picks up the trays of bread and pushes them inside his large oven, and then he sets a timer. He walks over to me and gives me a cheerful high-five.
"Good job! Today is the first day that you have successfully completed baking some bread without setting my house on fire. Large strides indeed." He compliments me.
"Thank you once again," I say, trying not to laugh. We both know my baking skills are terrible.
"Why don't you take a seat in the living room?" Peeta suggests. "I'll make us some tea."
After telling him Ok, I casually stroll into the living room and plop down onto his brown, leather couch. While I wait for him, I pick up the remote and turn on the TV. I flip through the channels in hopes of finding something interesting. I stop when I land on a channel that is running a special about the two of us. "Patniss: Love Forever After" reads the title. I can feel my face contort into a strange position. I'll never understand why or how the capitol came up with our 'pet name.' 'Patniss' is the most popular name for us, but 'Keeta,' 'Peetniss,' and 'Kata' are trending. 'Peekat,' however, thankfully never stuck.
Peeta, while holding a tray of tea and cookies, walks into the room just as they show video footage of me tackling him to the ground. This was during the time right before the victory tour. It's ironic how it's being played as a heart-felt memory on the show; when in reality, we had a lot of tension between us at that time.
"I remember this," Peeta states as he sets the tray on the coffee table. "If you jumped on me now, I wouldn't fall like I did then." We both remember his struggle of him getting used to his fake, capitol leg.
"Oh really?" I question, there is a glint of danger in my eyes.
Just as Peeta realizes what I plan on doing, I jump from the couch, and onto his body. He catches me with his arms, but he takes a few stumbles backwards. When he becomes stable again, he did in fact not fall.
"I told you so," he whispers into my hair.
I'm only slightly aware of the fact that my arms are around his neck and my legs are wrapped tightly around his waist. If this was me two years ago, I would have probably died from shame by now. But now, instead, I use this opportunity to playfully press my lips against his. I can tell that Peeta wasn't expecting that, because I can feel his legs slightly buckle.
"You still sure about that, Peeta?" I whisper back mischievously.
He kisses me back and says, "Of course."
He then carefully walks over to the couch and sits down on it - I am still on top of him. I push his chest farther down on the couch as I shimmy my body farther up his abdomen. I then lean in to kiss him. In response, Peeta passionately kisses me back while he places his hands on either sides of my hips. Since I apparently took a pill of boldness earlier in the morning, I teasingly slide my hands under his shirt and onto his muscles. I'm elated when I hear Peeta whine in response. Right now, I hold the power. I slowly inch his shirt over his body, and I sigh as I feel his lips adoringly kiss my neck.
"Katniss…" I hear him whisper when I take his shirt off.
In an instant, he flips us so that I am now under him. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his hips, and I grab onto his broad shoulders. I watch as Peeta's head dips down and his lips find my collar bone. I mew automatically at this, and I'm surprised by the noise that just escaped my lips. In response to the noise, Peeta's hands tickle their way to under my shirt.
"I love you, Peeta," I coo as he tosses my shirt away.
"I love you, Katniss," Peeta breathes.
He stares longingly into my eyes, and I stare back, with the same level of intensity, into his eyes. Neither of us needs to speak. We don't have to ask. We both know. We know that this is the time that we will, at last, connect.
Peeta catches my lips again with his. I push myself up, so that we are now both in a sitting position on the couch. Without any hesitation, I move my slim hands onto his belt. In an impressive and skillful manner, I unhook the buckle and slide the belt off. I have my hands on his pant's zipper, and his hands are on mine. Together, whaler savoring the moment, we begin to ever so slowly unzip.
This is it. I think to myself. I am finally going to make love to Peeta. This is it.
My heart is racing so fast that I swear it's going to burst from my chest. We finish unzipping each other pant's. I place my fingers around the rim of his jeans, and then I begin to pull them down. I am ready for this. I have been ready, and now it's finally going to happen.
"Wh-what in the name of mother fuck?" We both snap our hands off of each other and look alertly at what interrupted us.
"What is going on here?" Screams a traumatized looking Haymitch.
"Uh.. Uhm… Well…" I sputter out disorderly.
"We were just… Just…" You know the situation is bad when even Peeta doesn't know what to say.
"Just what, exactly? It's not everyday that I walk into Peeta's house do I see both of you sticking your hands down each other's pants." Haymitch asks and states as he crosses his arms across his chest. He now looks amused.
Finding my edge again I say, "Sex. Haymitch, we were going to have sex. Thank you for ruining it."
After I said that, Peeta starts to fidget nervously. I can see that his cheeks are slightly flushed, and I can only guess that my face mirrors his.
"Well that's quite obvious," he says. "You guys can pull your pants back up now."
We both quickly zip our pants back on and pull our shirts back over our torsos.
"Uhm… The bread isn't done yet… I'll just bring it over to you when it's finished," Peeta suggests awkwardly.
"No way. You two are not getting off the hook that easily," he lectures evilly. "I'm sorry, I'm your mentor so I have to ask… What type of contraceptives were you planning on using?"
"Huh?" we both stupidly ask in unison.
Haymitch now buries his head in one of his hands while muttering, "You know. Birth control. This might just be me guessing, but I'm pretty sure neither of you want a child at eighteen. Right?"
We both solemnly look down at the floor and nod our heads in shame.
I then decide to take him down a notch and say, "Well what if we weren't going to have sex? What if Peeta and I just planned on oral? Hmm?"
Peeta is now a very beautiful shade of red, and I probably would be too, if I wasn't so determined to prove Hayitch wrong.
"Sweetheart," Haymitch says. "You just told me you were planning on having sex."
"Oh." I say.
"What am I going to do with you two?" He asks himself.
"Haymitch, is this really necessary?" I ask.
"Yes, Peeta. As a matter of fact, this is very necessary," my mentor states.
"I mean I understand why I'm here… I don't want to sound rude, but what I don't understand is why you're here," I honestly say to him.
"I'm here to make sure you do this right. One mess up and… well there will be a lot of consequences. I know that you have little to no experience in this department, so I'm here to mentor you through it. Just like the good old days."
I quietly sigh to myself. Earlier this morning, I would have never imagined myself in this situation. There are few things that I can think of that would be more awkward than buying condoms with Haymitch. After my first time meeting Haymitch as my mentor after I was reaped, I think I would have killed myself in the games had I known that one day he would tell me whether women like ribbed condoms or not.
Katniss sure is lucky she doesn't have to be here. I don't think I've ever been so jealous of a person in my life.
"So…" I say awkwardly.
"So…" he mimics me.
"What's the point of… of um…" I stutter. "Uh… flavored condoms? I don't really understand why I'd ever need… very cherry flavored ribbed condoms or condoms with vanilla lubricant."
To add to my humiliation, Haymitch begins to laugh at what I said. He gives me a look that basically translates to 'how can you not know you stupid boy. See? This is why I sent Katniss those gifts in the game instead of you.'
"You see, boy. Sometimes women, when they give a man a blow job, like to taste fruity flavors instead of the guys penis. It's quite normal, actually." Haymitch so kindly explains to me.
My mouth makes an 'Oh' sound.
"And well for the lube," he continues. "Well that's so it hurts less, and it will be easier when a guy goes inside a girl."
I don't know how much more of this I can stand before I pass out. It really does suck when the only person that can help you with these things is Haymitch. I think he's enjoying every single second of this.
My eye catches on a box of condoms that is labeled "ICY HOT." Confused by the name, I pull the box off the shelf so I can get a better look.
"Ahh. Wise choice Peeta, wise choice," he must have been able to read my confusion because he continues, "When you're having sex, the condom starts off cold, and then it gradually gets warmer and warmer."
"Is that safe?" I asked exasperatedly.
"Of course!" He then proceeds to slap me on the back and then whisper into my ear, "With these babies, you'll make her a real girl on fire."
I jerkily jump away from Haymitch's grasp, and I stare wildly at him.
"W-what did you just say?" I can hardly grasp the meaning behind his words.
"Oh Peeta, you are such an innocent kid," he says condescendingly. "You should buy them. Trust me, you'll be thankful."
After a few more minutes of me being confused over the different features of condoms and Haymitch explaining them to me in great detail, I finally let out a frustrated sigh.
"I now know why condoms are used for birth control!" I let out. "It's because they are just so damn confusing that the buyer just gives up, and decides that it's easier not to have sex at all!"
To this, of course, Haymitch practically buckles over in laughter. I after a good twenty seconds, he finally is able to control himself again. He looks at my face, and he loses some of his mocking smile, and replaces it with a sympathetic look. I think he can now tell just how frustrated and flustered I am.
"Ok, all joking aside…" he starts. "I think that you should buy the ICY HOTs, the strawberry flavored ones, and the lubricated ribbed condoms. Just get a variety, and together, you two can figure out which type works best."
I grab the boxes that he suggested, and all but beg him to wait outside while I purchase them. Nothing more can add to this embarrassing situation like being eighteen, and having Haymitch stand next to me as I pay for them. As I had suspected, the cashier gives me a dirty look as she scans them. I think I heard her mutter something about how 'the boy with the bread is finally going to bake bread in a real oven.'
I walk outside the convenience store, and I can see Haymitch smirking at me.
"That wasn't so bad, was it Peet?" He says this while he smacks my back.
"Never. Again." I quickly and profoundly reply.
"Well go get her, killer," Haymitch says while giving me two thumbs up and a wink.
I'm not a violent person at all, but never in my life have I ever wanted to punch someone so much.
I am still in shock that Haymitch walked in on us. Is there anything more mortifying than having freaking Haymitch walk in on you? Ok well there is one thing. That would be after he walks in on you, and then grabs you by the shirt, and pulls you towards the convenience store to buy birth control.
I begin to laugh when I imagine what the situation must be like. I've always been happy that I was born a girl, but never this happy. I think I would have killed Haymitch had he tired to force me to buy condoms with him. I hope this whole affair doesn't make things awkward between Peeta and I again. I don't think it will, though. We have been through way to much together, and I'd me damned if it's Hayitch that causes us to split.
I don't want to think it, but it might have been for the best that he walked in on us. It's extremely messed up and traumatizing, but he is right. I could have gotten pregnant. We were both so into the moment, that neither of us had thought about repercussions of our actions. I might also be thinking differently, if I had to buy condoms. Once again, thank Panem! I was born a girl.
I perk myself up, when I hear the door swing open - I am still at Peeta's house.
"Katniss? I'm back," I very defeated Peeta calls.
I walk out of his room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen. If I hadn't know the situation, I probably would have either laughed or become very worried over the facial expression he's currently making.
"How was buying… you know… with Haymitch?" I ask very cautiously.
"Terrible." He says.
"You have no clue. No clue at all how terrible it was," he says with pure dread. "Imagine having to be in an aisle full of condoms, with Haymitch, and having him explain what each of them do in pain staking detail."
At that we both begin to laugh. I don't thing we are laughing at what happened, but more at the fact that neither of us can believe what had just happened. After we only have a few chuckles and giggles left in our bodies, Peeta begins to explain how his day went and what the different types of condoms he bought are. As he retells the story, I would gasp in horror, give him an understanding look, and shake my head at the bazarness of Haymithc's actions.
When he finishes the story, he looks straight into my eyes. With all playfulness out of his voice he says, "You know I only endured that for you, because I love you. If this whole thing isn't a profession of my love for you… I really don't know what is."
"Thank you, Peeta," I say to him as I kiss his lips. "Let's go find out just how much your sacrifice was worth."
With that, I grab his hand and the bag, and lead him upstairs into the bedroom. Tonight, though we may be scared of what is to come in the future, we will just think of one another. Tonight, we will finally fully feel one another.
"I love you Peeta Mellark," I whisper into his ear just before I reach my arm out, and turn off the lights.
And that was my attempt at humor. I was typing a chapter for one of my stories when I realized that all three of them have some serious dark themes. So I decided that it might be a healthy idea to try my hand and a different genre, and this is what I came up with. I can't think of too many things that would be more awkward than buying condoms with Haymitch… But that's just me. I hope you liked it! Please review :)
Also, my heart goes out to everyone that was affected by the tragedy of 9/11. I'll always be praying for you.