Title: Simulate Me
: Kurtofsky
: M, for masturbation.
Warnings: Mentions of sex, jerking off, swearing.
Summary: Kurt didn't even know why he'd created a Karofsky Sim in the first place. As for what came next...what the heck was a 'WooHoo,' anyway?
Notes: So, I've wanted to finish this for a while, and I never really got around to it. I can't say the second chapter lives up to the first, but at least it's complete!

Simulate Me

Dave was just about ready to kill Kurt.

He had him locked in the room, all the doors deleted. Then he'd filled the room with the cheapest wooden furniture he could buy (even though, thanks to motherlode, Kurt and his little Glee friends were rich as fuck) then sat and waited for the room to catch fire. He just couldn't watch it anymore, and he knew that this was probably a little overkill, but he'd worked hard on this family and he couldn't just delete the whole family because it was too painful to see Sim!Kurt.

But then, just as the first wooden desk burst into flames, he felt his stomach lurch horribly, And before he knew it, he was frantically pausing the game and dragging Kurt out of there as quickly as he could.

It was almost sad, really.

In a fit of self-loathing, he'd created a Sim!Blaine to go with Sim!Kurt and they'd hit it off immediately, chatting about music and all that shit. Dave had played out their little romance, making them flirt and joke, even as his insides burned. And then they had their first kiss and before he knew it, he'd told Blaine to go swimming and deleted all the pool's ladders.

Sim!Kurt didn't even notice he'd gone. Dave felt a little smug about that.

But then Kurt was all alone, and Dave thought it was best to just get rid of him, before he got too attached. Well, clearly that didn't work out, so he moved Sim!Dave in with him to, you know, keep him company and all. It was only fair.

Okay, so that was a little awkward. He moved Mercedes in too, because she was friends with Kurt. And then Azimio, because he didn't want to be totally surrounded by divas.

Dave wondered if the game was racist or something, since Sim!Azimio and Sim!Mercedes were making out within the day.

He marveled at how the game worked; even though he hadn't told them to, everyone was being nice to each other (Azimio and Mercedes being a whole other brand of nice.) But they'd stopped talking to Dave and Kurt as much, and Kurt was getting grumpy faster, because his social bar was dropping.

So Dave started talking to Kurt. He started with the topic of music because that was on his Specials option (so maybe he'd put virtuoso in his own traits, so that he'd have something to talk with Kurt about, even though he was pretty sure having over 8,000 songs on your iPod wasn't a true indicator of musical talent.) He moved onto chat and gossip because he could imagine Kurt being the gossipy type. When their status finally reached Best Friend, he ignored the huge massive black hole in his stomach and clicked in first kiss.

Dave had never been a romantic guy, but there was something about that kiss that brought a tear to his eye. Granted, it was probably slightly due to the haunting memory of his and Kurt's actual first kiss.

The Sims' relationship moved pretty quickly from there. Dave couldn't stop himself clicking kiss and make out. Hell, he made Kurt jump into his arms so many times it was actually sad. He could swear he hadn't blinked for an hour. His eyes actually stung from staring so hard at the screen, but he just couldn't look away. This was everything he'd ever wanted from Kurt, everything he'd been afraid to admit. And Sim!Dave could have it. Sim!Dave never hurt Sim!Kurt, he'd never kissed him against his will or threatened him. Sim!Kurt liked Sim!Dave, he was flirting with him and kissing him and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Kurt was laughing and smiling the way Dave never saw in real life.

Kurt did this, Kurt did that. That was the thrill of it, Dave supposed. Because Kurt, the real Kurt, didn't want anything to do with him, would never flirt with him or make jokes with him. Dave had screwed up any chance they'd ever had beyond redemption. Even after Kurt ditched the dapper douchebag (or was it the other way round?) he still didn't want anything to do with Dave save for a civil word in the hallway every so often. They were acquaintances at best, with the occasional friendly clash, but mostly they kept out of each other's ways.

Who was he kidding? Kurt didn't care about him, he never would. This was utterly pathetic, and a little sick, when he thought about it. Not that he would ever force Kurt into anything, even a kiss (he'd learnt his lesson the first time, thank you very much.) But he had to admit, there was a dark, stimulating aspect to being able to control everything. His entire life seemed to be spiraling out of control recently but at least in this world, he was God. Not to mention that this was a world without prejudice, where he didn't have to worry what people said about him or his reputation. He could just be, going about his mundane life without a care in the simulated world.

Plus, he got Kurt.

It was too early for this. He'd been playing this game obsessively recently, ever since…well, his social life hadn't exactly been booming lately, what with only one of his friends even talking to him. So this was his life now, playing Sims at 7am before school. He actually woke up early for this shit.

Dave shifted uncomfortably as sim!Kurt and sim!Dave started walking toward the bedroom. Not their bedroom, of course, because the sims were stupid and never went to the right ones. Soon enough, they were rolling around and laughing and kissing and Dave let out a groan of his own as he pulled his earphones out of his ears and pushed his laptop away from him.

He needed a cold shower. He stood and walked to his bathroom, all too aware of his cock, heavy and mocking him with its arousal. He stripped down and turned on the water, shivering as he stepped under the cold stream.

After standing shivering for a few minutes, it became obvious that his cock wasn't the slightest bit deterred by the cold. Fucking teenage hormones. This kind of virility would be great if he actually had someone to share it with.

With a sigh of defeat, he turned the water up so it didn't feel like ice, and wrapped a hand around himself. If he was going to drown in self pity, it might as well be after a really good orgasm.

Just like every time he jerked off, he tried specifically not to think about Kurt. Some other skinny, green eyed guy was the centre of his fantasy as he imagined a pair of soft lips closing around him. Dave's fingers reached out to grip brown hair, throwing back his head and moaning quietly.

The brown haired guy moaned around him, just as he liked it. Tight mouthed and loud even with a cock in his mouth. He imagined the guy's hand squeezing his ass as he sucked him off, pulling back every so often to just roll his tongue around the head and gripping the base to just jerk it when he felt like it. Never predictable, even in Dave's fantasies.

It didn't take long. He wasn't exactly holding out for anything, so he just let go as soon as possible. "Oh, fuck." was all he could he could say as his orgasm tore through him. His whole body shuddered and he released onto his own hand and stomach, the water gushing around him washing it off before he could even finish. With it came a small sob, his shoulders hunched and he let the tears fall, completely unnoticeable in the hot stream.

Oh, god, he was being pathetic again. Stepping out of the shower and wiping down his face and body, he sent a glare at his mirror before slipping into a clean pair of boxers. Then, he sat back down at his desk, where his game was still playing. Sim!Kurt and Sim!Dave had finished woohooing now and were now talking in a hallway, smiling and laughing.

Dave wished he knew what they were saying. Because then, perhaps, he wouldn't have to imagine it. When Sim!Dave walked in after a day of work, he wouldn't have to imagine Kurt asking him about his day. He wouldn't have to imagine Kurt kissing him and hugging him.

It wasn't fair.

Sim!Dave wasn't even real, and he got a happy ending. In real life everyone is unhappy, because real life sucks.

Dave leant back on his chair and turned off his computer with a sigh. There was no use living in denial. Que sera, sera and all that shit. And besides, he was going to be late for school if he didn't hurry up.

He was pulling on his jeans when his cell rang.

It was Kurt's first time at Dave's house, and to say he was nervous was so huge an understatement it was laughable. It wasn't like he had any reason to be – they'd already been out on three "dates" and whilst he'd never been here before, he had a pretty good idea of what it would be like. Dave's dad was working late and his mom wasn't around anymore, so it would just be them. And Kurt wasn't sure what he was supposed to infer from this, but it was a pretty special occasion.

Dave let him in and asked Kurt if he wanted a drink. Coffee. Kurt was surprised to hear that Dave drank the stuff too, but not surprised he took it with milk and a fair dose of sugar.

Kurt fiddled with his phone, looking annoyed. "No signal." he muttered, waving the device in the air.

"Yeah, this house is kind of shit for that. You can use the house phone if you want to make a call."

"Oh, no, I just wanted to check my facebook." Kurt admitted, smiling, "I promised I would update Mercedes on every tiny bit of this da-" he cleared his throat. The word date wasn't one they'd actually said out loud yet. "Day."

Dave let out a laugh. "Well, I've got a computer in my room if you want to use it."

"Your room?" Kurt's voice was a little squeaky, he wouldn't deny it. But thinking about going into Dave's room, when they hadn't even kissed yet. Well, not since the first time, so long ago.

"Yeah, unless you don't want-" Dave finally seemed to catch on, and his cheeks went pink.

Kurt cut him off before he could say anything else. "It's fine. Where is your room?"

"Top floor." He waved over to the stairs. "Up the stairs, then up again and it's the attic room."

"Right, I'll just go message her quickly, okay?"

"Um, yeah. Do whatever you want, I'll go make the drinks." Kurt nodded in agreement and headed upstairs. This was so weird.

Dave's room wasn't at all like Kurt expected. It was blue and there were toy planes hanging from the ceiling. The occasional sports poster hung on his walls, and Kurt caught sight of a pair of ice skates in the corner. He sat down at the PC and tried not to judge Dave for not having it password protected. Hell, he'd even left his facebook open. If Kurt hadn't been such a kind soul, this would be the perfect opportunity to frappe Dave. Then again, as soon as he saw the kind of thing people were still posting on his wall, he didn't have the heart. The only normal messages were from Azimio. Poor Dave. Kurt logged off before he could feel any more guilty.

He quickly replied to the message from Mercedes, something along the lines of. "Date went well – now at Dave's house, going to have dinner," signed off with kisses. Then, he leant back and waited for Dave to come up. A few seconds later, something caught his eye. On his desktop was the symbol for The Sims. Dave played Sims? That just didn't add up with the picture he had of Dave. He couldn't imagine Dave making families and stuff on here, taking the time to plan everyone out.

Kurt knew that it was probably nosy and pushed the boundaries of their blossoming relationship to go onto his Sims and check it out but…damn, after all he'd been through with the game, he really, really wanted to see what Dave did on his.

So he clicked that little green triangle, marveled at how much faster Dave's computer was at loading, and hoped that Dave was an exceptionally slow coffee maker.

When it came to selecting the family, he just clicked on Karofsky, without even thinking to examine the characters. He tapped his feet nervously as the family loaded, hearing the ping of a kettle from downstairs. He should have closed it. He should have just closed it and left it before Dave came back up but he was so close, he couldn't give up now, right?

The loading screen eventually went away and moved to the house just as Dave walked through the door. "Coffee's downstairs." Kurt immediately jumped back, spluttering out an apology, while Dave just stared and said, "What are you–" before cutting off mid-sentence and turning an alarming shade of red.

"I'm sorry!" Kurt squeaked, even though he hadn't even seen anything. "I was just curious, I wanted to know…I mean…"

"I'm not some sort of creep!" Dave burst out, waving his hands defensively. Kurt wasn't sure which one of them was supposed to be apologizing but they both seemed to be doing enough of it. "I just…I know what you must be thinking, but it isn't like that, I swear!"

And that was it. Kurt's eyes dropped to fix on the screen, where the character Dave was highlighted. He couldn't help but notice that Dave had made himself a lot less handsome than Kurt did on his game, and a lot chubbier too. He thought back to how he erased his own freckles and marvels at the difference between them.

The game looked totally innocent until Kurt saw the relationship bar.

There was a little face there which was undoubtedly Kurt's, and the bar was at its fullest. Above it, it said husband.

"Oh my god." Kurt whispered, heat rushing to his face. Dave had married them on his game. He looked back up at Dave, whose expression seemed to indicate that he would happily die a fast, painless death to get out of this situation.

What the heck was Kurt supposed to say to that? 'Oh, it's okay, Dave, we're married on my game too.'

"Uh. Maybe you should go." Dave choked out; sounding a little like he was about to cry. But Kurt was resilient. He stared Dave right in the eye and shook his head.

"Let's play." He blurted out, without even thinking it through. Dave gave him a very obvious 'you have to be kidding me' look, but pulled up a beanbag and sat down next to Kurt anyway, careful that they weren't touching.

Kurt didn't look at him, just kept his eyes on the screen. Of course, Dave was uncomfortable and probably more than a little confused, but Kurt genuinely just wanted to see how this would play out.

"Where am I?" He asked, and felt Dave shift awkwardly beside him.

"Probably at the piano." He replied. Kurt gave a small smile at that.

He located himself on the game, by the piano, Dave was right. Clicking on himself on the sidebar, he saw that his relationship with Dave was the same: husband. It was something he'd seen on his game a hundred times, but now there was a whole new thrill to it.

"Kurt, seriously, you don't have to-"

Kurt clicked on himself and chose romantic, ignoring the small gasp from Dave as he stopped talking. He paused for a second before going for a simple kiss. Both boys sat absolutely motionless as Sim!Dave leant down and captured Sim!Kurt's lips. The kiss seemed to last forever, even though it couldn't have been more than a second or two. Almost simultaneously, they turned to look at each other, and Kurt couldn't help but smile at how red Dave's face had gone. He looked beyond confused now, and Kurt didn't blame him for that, but there was also a mournful edge to his expression, and it make Kurt wonder how much he'd been torturing himself with this game.

So Kurt copied the Sim, and kissed Dave gently on the lips.

For a moment, there was resistance, Dave's eyes widening before his body relaxed into the kiss. It only lasted a few seconds, but the rush that Kurt got was phenomenal. It felt like he'd been waiting for this for too long.

Dave was staring at him, genuinely confounded. His eyebrows were furrowed, and when Kurt glanced at his lips, his tongue darted out to lick them.

Kurt leant back, smiling. He glanced back at the screen, where the two sims were done with their kiss. Then he pressed on the make-out option and watched Dave's eyes widen.

"Kurt, you don't have to-" Dave said, before Kurt cut him off with an open mouth kiss. Dave didn't protest in the slightest, instead reaching for Kurt's cheek and stroking it gently with his thumb. They kissed slowly, Kurt leaning down from the computer chair until his back started to ache. Then, much to Dave's surprise, Kurt sank down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck.

"I erased my freckles."

"You what?"

"On my Sims game. I erased my freckles."

"I like your freckles."

Kurt didn't know what to say to that. So instead he just leaned in to kiss Dave again, harder this time.

"Let's leave the woohooing to another day, okay? I'm going to head downstairs for that coffee now. " Kurt laughed, pulling Dave up and keeping hold of his hand.

"Mmn, if you insist." Dave murmured, hesitantly placing a kiss on Kurt's forehead. He glanced at his computer screen. Sim!Dave and Sim!Kurt were holding hands too. As Kurt walked to the door, Dave slipped out of his hold, waving Kurt to continue. Meanwhile, he sat back down on the computer chair and stared at the screen, hovering a mouse over the quit button.

"Are you sure you want to quit this game?" the computer message asked him. Dave went to click "yes", his eyes catching one last time on Kurt's Sim.

Husband, it said above his relationship status. Dave smiled, clicking on the 'yes' button. Perhaps one day.

The program closed, and Dave's desktop background greeted him.

Time to live real life a little.