Disclaimer: I do not own the classic anime Neon Genesis Evangelion, nor do I own the even MORE controversial second movie of it, The End of Evangelion, these properties belong to Gainax. And nobody f_s with Gainax. They not only made Evangelion, but also Gunbuster and FLCL, not to mention f_ing Gurren Lagann. Seriously – you f_ with Gainax, you don't f_ with anybody ever again. And yes, I've been reading f_ing Nobody Dies, which is boss.
No crossovers, just straight Eva this time. Promise!
EDIT: Gundam Kaizer is a liar, but at least this time, the crossovers are only in the OMAKE, rather than in the story itself.
Summary: So I just saw The End of Evangelion last night, and I gotta say, I'm pretty darn proud of myself that it didn't really bother me. Giant naked creepy fourteen-year-old girl nearly the size of the planet has this mildly disturbing smile as she sucks out the souls of all mankind before this relatively little robot tears itself out of her eyeball and saves the world? Sure, no problem! Having said that, I liked the TV ending better than I did the movie, at least with regards to Third Impact / Instrumentality, but I don't like how Hideki Anno derailed Shinji's character. Sure, we know he likes Asuka, but even if he DID lock the door, he's just not the kind of guy to wank over her comatose body. Therefore, this is what you might call a fix-fic. This is how I think EoE should've gone.
Rating: M. And really, could a fic based on EoE be any lower?
Warnings: Shinji will be OOC, but he's kind of already snapped anyway, so I can just say that he's insane and leave it at that. :) Anyway, there are just a couple of changes from canon here: 1) Shinji did not wank over Asuka. I concede that there's no way in hell he could wank over an Asuka who's awake, but that's beside the point. Shinji is not that kind of wanker, and so in this universe, he did not wank. At least, not on top of Asuka while she was still comatose. I can't speak for all those times in bed off-screen, but in that particular instance, he did not wank. 2) While he HAS snapped and can be considered insane, he's still a bit more reactive/responsive than he was in the movie. That is to say, he pays attention to what he hears.
Shinji had just gotten to the Eva cage, and was all but consumed with despair when he saw that Unit-01 was covered in bakelite. Misato had just kissed him before sending him away so he wouldn't see her die.
Misato was dead, Ayanami wasn't there and scared him when she was…
The only one he could still turn to was Asuka, and she was brain-dead.
When he'd tried to rouse her in the hospital, and she wouldn't wake, that was when he succumbed to self-pity.
The girl he liked, and the only one who, in her own way, had always been there for him... wasn't there anymore.
And he couldn't even get in his damn god-robot-cyborg-monster-thing, either.
He had, just moments before, realized the gravity and importance of what little he'd actually had.
Which made losing it all the more crushing.
Misato had tried to tell him that Asuka was okay, but he knew better. He might be an idiot, but he wasn't that stupid. He'd seen her just that day, there was no way she could already be up and about.
The next voice over the intercom had him eating his words.
"And as usual, that idiot Shinji is NOWHERE to be found!"
Jolting back to reality, Shinji's eyes grew wide with hope, glistening with tears of joy.
That was her! Asuka! And… and… she called me an idiot!
Could it be that Misato hadn't been lying to him? That she wasn't just trying to use him for a tool for herself?
That thought brought Shinji back to his knees. What the hell is wrong with me? Misato looked after us both like a big sister… I'm… I'm so ashamed that I could ever think she betrayed me like that. Oh God no… Her last memories of me… were me wanting to die and let everyone else die with me…
Nearly falling into despair once again, he perked up again when he heard Asuka's voice.
"GRAH! I can't lose, not with my mama looking after me!"
Now, in another world, Shinji would have just whispered that single word, and everything would have gone straight to hell because, well, nothing happened.
Here, however, when he said the word 'mother', it was a bit louder. Loud enough that someone else in the hangar would be able to hear it.
And indeed, Yui Ikari not only heard, but Unit-01 replied.
Breaking free of the bakelite with a savage roar, Unit-01 presented Shinji with its entry plug, and at that moment, several things clicked into place within the young Ikari's brain.
His current lack of mental cohesion probably helped a bit, too.
NERV command, Central Dogma
Makoto Hyuga and Shigeru Aoba were trying – and, miraculously, mostly succeeding – in holding off the JSSDF from Central Dogma. Sub-Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki a level up with a sniper rifle probably helped with some of that.
Lt. Maya Ibuki, sensibly hiding under her armor-reinforced desk, was monitoring Asuka in Evangelion Unit-02. "Unit-02 has less than thirty seconds of power remaining, but there's only one of the Eva series remaining!"
Then, her eyes widening a bit and hope flooding her voice, she breathlessly added, "Unit-01 just came online! Shinji's joining the fight!"
While Unit-01 may not have been the most advanced Evangelion created, between it and Unit-02, 01 had the Super Solenoid, which gave it an infinite power souce.
Furthermore, Shigeru had a healthy respect for Pilot Ikari. Took a fair bit to get him going, but once Shinji was motivated enough, the little dude was practically a force of nature for as long as he had power – which, again, was pretty much forever now that he had the assimilated S2 organ from the Fourteenth Angel.
Asuka had taken down all the Eva series but one, and was working on crushing its core, but she was down to just twenty seconds of power. Detecting another one of the weird sword-bat'leth things flying at her, Asuka prepared to extend her A.T.-field to stop it, when she saw a massive column of light erupt from the Geofront, just before some flying thing with orange wings of light tackled her off to the side, causing the sword-thing to keep flying and instead impale the MP Eva she'd been working on.
As her power ran out completely, she happened to notice that the thing that tackled her was the size of an Eva, seemed to be trying to kill her with a bear hug, and was purple.
Upon looking again, Asuka did a double-take upon the realization that, yes, it was the Third Child that was trying to cause death by hugging. Both shocked, still on her battle-high, and at the same time oddly endeared, she yelled, "Shinji you idiot, watch what you're doing!"
Upon mention of the word 'idiot', Unit-01 came to an abrupt halt and stared Unit-02 in the eyes, as Shinji opened a comm channel to her entry plug. And his complete lack of expression bugged the hell out of her. "What the hell's with that weird-ass face, Third Child? Did I say something?"
Whispering, just loud enough to hear, Shinji replied, "You called me an idiot."
Then, his face abruptly changing to ecstatic joy, he cried in happiness as he shouted, "You called me an idiot! This is real! Asuka, you're… YOU'RE OKAY!"
And with that, the world bore witness to the very first giant god-cyborg-thingy Public Display of Affection, as Shinji tried to embrace Asuka even harder than before. As Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu began providing Unit-02 power out of nowhere – a state that would normally be called "Berserker" – Asuka awkwardly began patting Shinji on the back.
"Geez, Shinji, what the hell's with you all of a sudden! And in case you haven't noticed, we're still in the middle of a battle here!"
Still weeping in joy, Shinji said, "I know, Asuka, but… I'm not alone! I know now that your verbal and incidental physical abuse is simply your way of showing affection! I realize now that I'm not alone – that the girl I've liked for a few months loves me back, in her own fashion! And that ever since I came to Tokyo-3, my mother's been with me the whole time, inside the Eva! I'm not alone anymore! For the first time in forever, I want to live – and I want my life to be with you! But, like always, you're right – there are still enemies to be fought."
And then, with an excited grin on his face – which looked all the more disturbing, given whose face it was – Shinji replied, "And for you, Asuka, I will crush every last one of them."
Weirded out so much that she couldn't act, Asuka just stood back as Unit-01 turned to the re-activating Eva series. Taking a deep breath, he began to speak at the top of his voice.
"YOU ARE, ALL OF YOU, DETRITUS OF THE LOWEST SORT! PALE REPLICAS OF A FALSE GOD! BUT I AM NOT ALONE! NOT ANY LONGER! I AM THE PILOT OF UNIT-01, DIRECTLY CRAFTED FROM THE CREATOR OF MY KIND! And so, by the grace of Yui Ikari – AND IN THE NAME OF ASUKA LANGLEY SOHRYU – I bid you all… DIE! RETURN TO THE WRETCHED REFUSE FROM WHENCE! YOU! CAME!"
And then, with a wave of Unit-01's massive purple hand, he created a cyclone with his A.T. Field – an undying storm of his Absolute Territory. As the tornado of energy increased in radius and force, the Eva series were swept into it, until they were but helpless rag dolls thrown about in an endless vortex.
Drunk on his newfound power born of a madness-induced love realization, Shinji dramatically declared, "To the woman who never gave up on me, I shall give anything that is asked! TO THE WOMAN WHO NEVER ABANDONED ME, I OFFER UP ALL OF YOUR LIVES!"
All present – either in person or by satellite – watched in terrified awe as the Eva series were slowly torn apart by the energy vortex surrounding the area, shredding and ripping until the blood was as much a part of the atmosphere as oxygen, and when the cyclone finally came to an end a few minutes later, alien gore rained down upon the Geofront, with Pilot Ikari laughing madly all the while.
Then, he turned to the JSSDF, and raising a colossal hand to the sky, Shinji said, "MINDLESS VERMIN! YOU DARED TAKE YOUR LITTLE GUNS AND TANKS AND ROCKETS AND PLANES AND BROUGHT THEM TO BEAR AGAINST ME? AGAINST THE WOMAN I LOVE? YOU DARED TO MURDER THE WOMAN WHO RAISED US BOTH? YOU ARE, ALL OF YOU, PITIFUL RATS, TO BE DROWNED AT MY LEISURE! AS A GIFT TO ASUKA LANGLEY SOHRYU, AND IN VENGEANCE FOR MISATO KATSURAGI, I SHALL TURN THE SKY ITSELF AGAINST YOU!"
With this declaration, Unit-01 used its A.T. Field to form blades of light in the heavens – arrows and spears beyond number, and as Shinji let Unit-01's hand fall, so too did the heavenly lances.
The destruction was absolute – everything in an area of ten square miles was completely obliterated.
Back at NERV, Maya Ibuki had long since stopped vomiting, as her stomach had absolutely nothing left to contribute. Makoto Hyuga was slack-jawed at the utter devastation the previously shy young man had brought about, while Shigeru Aoba whispered in awe, "I always knew the little guy had it in him."
Fuyutsuki somehow found it in him to smirk at what his brightest student's son had accomplished, and for the first time since she'd met Gendo, he truly felt that everything would work out all right somehow.
So what if the closest thing to a God on the planet right now was insane? His insanity was mostly focused on Pilot Sohryu – and if they found their way together, as he felt would be inevitable, then the world would be mostly safe until some idiot tried to hurt either of them.
"Since he's rather bent on saving the world and taking revenge at the same time, I wonder what he'll do with the Commander?"
It was as if the Sub-Commander's voice had carried beyond Central Dogma, beyond the Geofront out into the cockpit of Unit-01, over a mile away.
His neurotic zeal nearing critical mass, Shinji bellowed, "And NOW, on this most GLORIOUS of nights, I will pay one last TRIBUTE! TO THE MEMORY OF MY MOTHER! FOR YUI IKARI, WHO GAVE ME THIS POWER, I SHALL NOW USE IT AS SHE FIRST INTENDED – TO MY MOTHER, I OFFER UP THE LIVES OF THE FINAL ANGELS, ADAM AND LILITH!"
Using his A.T. Field to levitate through the air, Shinji turned to Asuka and said, in a much more normal volume level, "You needen't worry, my dearest Asuka. I shall be gone but a moment and then I shall return to your side without hesitation."
Then, in a flash of light, Unit-01 vanished from sight.
Asuka, meanwhile, could only gape in awe with a rather flushed look on her face. To anyone watching, she was the most relaxed anyone had ever seen her.
She'd been trying to break open the Third Child's shell since day one, help him grow into someone she could accept herself liking. She hadn't wanted Shinji Ikari, the spineless wimp. She'd wanted the Invincible Shinji Ikari that she saw in the Eva – the Shinji who didn't take shit from anybody.
And now it had worked a little too well.
"Damn you, Ikari. I think you just created an uber-dramatic-yandere-demigod fetish. Gott, I'm so embarrassed, but that was just so damn hot… Schiest, I'm a worse hentai than he is."
"The time has come, Rei. Lower your A.T. Field and merge with Adam. Shed your physical form so that all life may coalesce into one. And then, lead me back to my Yui's side."
It was at this point, that Gendo was blinded even through his orange sunglasses by a radiance the likes of which had not been seen since Second Impact.
The light-winged Unit-01 had arrived. Shinji's next speech began with a low tone and volume, though it began to rise notably with each passing breath.
"Angels Adam and Lilith, I will crush you. My mother, Yui Ikari, sacrificed her LIFE to create this Evangelion. This weapon. So that I may have the POWER to END YOU, and SAVE ALL MANKIND! FATHER! YOU have FAILED in her SACRED TRUST! YOU SOUGHT TO END WHAT SHE CHOSE TO PROTECT, AND YOU STILL THINK SHE WOULD FAVOR YOU? SO BE IT THEN, father. SAY HELLO TO YOUR WIFE!"
With this as the only warning, Unit-01 promptly reached down, grabbed Gendo Ikari in its hand, and then bit down on his torso, tearing him in half.
Even in his current madness, Shinji was still somehow able to recognize Rei as someone he could ignore, and instead turned his attention to the gigantic marshmallow-looking-thing. And since this was an enemy he actually didn't have anything to say to/about, Shinji just used his A.T. Field to rain down a shower of blades upon the second Angel, shredding Lilith to pieces.
Folding his – and therefore Unit-01's – arms in what earlier generations would have called the 'Gunbuster pose', Shinji said, "Let me see…. Lilith and my jackass dad, dead. JSSDF, uberdead. Eva series, deader than dead. Yes! I can now see about my beloved Asuka!"
Creating another column of light and blasting his way back to the surface, Shinji turned to where he knew Asuka to be, only to have the berserked Unit-02 pounce on him, where a hyper-aroused Second Child said, "Shinji, you idiot, we're gonna get married, but I want you to keep this hammy-yandere-demigod crap going on as well. It's really, really hot for some reason."
And so it was that Fuyutsuki's palm got reacquainted with his face. Damnit, they're both insane. Ah well, as long as nobody gets between them, everything'll work out.
Thirty years later…
"I am Galactus, devourer of worlds. And my hunger GROWS!"
As the planet-eating abomination neared Earth, a black-haired young woman sat in Evangelion Unit-01 with a cocky grin on her face and her arms folded. "Who gives a damn about you? I'm the pilot of Unit-01, and I'm gonna destroy you utterly! Don't you know who the hell you're dealing with? I'M HARUHI S. IKARI-MOTHERF_ING-SOHRYU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
The devourer of worlds never stood a chance.
Fifty years and another world war later…
"Don't worry about me, Jane! You just get our baby Lordgenome to safety – I'll handle the goddamn Anti-Spirals!"
And so it was that Jane Teppelin watched her husband, the great Kozo Ikari-Sohryu, hold the line against the Anti-Spirals.
They knew that Lordgenome was special, and already had the potential to surpass his father. That was why, in this brutal Spiral War, the priority was to get him to safety, so he could grow up and reach that potential.
Not remembering or having been told that much about his father, Lordgenome would later bestow his daughter Nia with the name of Teppelin, rather than Ikari-Sohryu.
Well, there you have it. I know that it was probably poorly-paced, and likely very confusing at certain parts, but I was trying to keep a Gainax kind of feel to the main story. Also, it might help to know that I wrote this at 2:30 AM, right after watching an episode of FLCL, so that should probably explain some of the weirdness. As shown by the omake here, Haruhi Suzumiya Ikari-Sohryu is the daughter of Shinji and Asuka, and Haruhi's grandson is Lordgenome, ultimately meaning that Simon the Digger is married to Hammy!Uber!Yandere!Shinji and Asuka's descendant. Anyway, tell me what you think, whether it's good or bad. No, there will not be any updates, this is just a one-shot. I still want reviews, though. Reviews are good.
Shinji: "I DEMAND TRIBUTE FOR THE WOMAN I LOVE! YOUR REVIEWS, OR YOUR LIVES!"
Asuka: *nerdgasm* "Actually, I think I'd like the reviews a bit more. And why am I playing along with this farce, anyway?" o.O
Author: Because I decide whether or not Shinji's chewing the scenery.
Asuka: "Oddly enough, that reason works for me." o.o