Title: Fish Story
Summary: Steve and Chin take Danny out for a morning of spear fishing. What could possibly go wrong?
Author's notes: I wrote this story for Moonjat54 as her "prize" for writing the 500th review of "And Your Enemies Closer". She requested a humorous story, involving the whole gang, where Steve and Chin try to talk Danny into going spear fishing with them. I deviated just a little bit, and actually had the guys succeed. So, this is what happens when the three guys go fishing. I hope you enjoy (especially you, moonjat). :D
Beta'd by Cokie316 and Rogue Tomato.
Kono was used to the unexpected.
Working at Five-0 was never dull and there was always something exciting going on. And sometimes, that excitement resulted in injuries. However, since it was a lazy Saturday and they didn't have a case at the moment, she really wasn't expecting to see any injuries that day. Especially not when she had spent a glorious morning surfing, and was now lounging on the lanai at Steve's house, where she was going to meet with the guys to help eat their morning spear fishing haul.
The last thing she expected to see when the guys arrived back at the house was Danny, wearing a set of disposable hospital scrubs and limping out the back door, right behind Steve, who was also wearing scrubs and had a large bandage on the left side of his head.
"What happened?" she asked, surprised, getting up off her deck chair.
"Spear fishing with Danny," Steve answered with a sigh as he took a seat. "That's what happened."
"Chin didn't say anything about you guys getting hurt when he called. He just said you'd be a little bit late," Kono replied, glancing over her shoulder at her cousin, who had just walked through the back door, joining them.
"That's because it's not my story to tell," Chin said with a smile as he placed two bags from Foodland on the outdoor table. He turned two chairs to face each other, allowing Danny to sit down and prop up his injured foot, before taking a chair for himself.
"Ok…" Kono hedged, looking back and forth between Steve and Danny, confused as she sat back down. "Then one of you tell me."
"It's a long story," Danny said, squinting in the bright afternoon sun.
"I've got time. Just start at the beginning," Kono prodded, her curiosity getting the better of her.
"You're not going to let this rest, are you?" Danny asked.
Kono shook her head and grinned. "Nope."
"Ok," Danny sighed and rubbed his hand over his face before he looked at Kono and began. "I showed up at the marina at seven o'clock this morning, which, by the way, is an atrocious hour to be anywhere on a Saturday. I mean, really, why anyone would want to go fishing at that hour is beyond me. Fish are already caught, gutted, shrink-wrapped, and waiting for me at Foodland all day long. I see no need to get up at the crack of dawn to go hunt them down in their natural habitat. But, like a good trooper, I was there, wearing my swim attire and hauling a cooler, ready for our day, just like Steve asked."
"Actually," Steve corrected, "you showed up at 7:15, wearing cut off jeans and loafers, with socks, with a cooler full of iced down beer."
"You said to bring a cooler!"
"For the fish, Danny. For the fish. Who drinks beer at 7:15 in the morning?"
"The beer was for later," Danny said, glaring at Steve. "Anyway, as I was saying, I showed up at a ridiculously early hour, ready for our day. Chin was already aboard the S.S Minnow, so we cast off for our 'three hour tour' to wherever it was that Steve thought he could stab some dinner, Neanderthal-style."
Steve rolled his eyes. "It's not just 'stabbing dinner', Danny. Spear-fishing is an ancient sport. It's been practiced for thousands of years."
Danny nodded, his right hand gesturing towards Steve. "Hence, the Neanderthal qualifier. Now, will you just let me tell the story and stop interrupting?"
"I'll stop interrupting when you start telling the story right."
Danny's eyebrows shot up and he pointed to himself. "I'm not telling the story right? Do you think you could do better?"
Steve nodded. "Yes, I do."
Danny made a sweeping grand gesture with his hand. "Then by all means, go ahead, Skipper."
Steve ignored Danny's remark and turned towards Kono. "We left port and sailed to a nice, offshore reef where there's usually some really nice mahi-mahi. We set down anchor and Chin and I got on our gear. Danny was stalling, and it wasn't hard to tell he was scared to death. But he didn't want to admit it, so he finally took off those silly loafers and socks and put on fins, a mask, and a snorkel, too."
"I was not scared to death," Danny interjected, tersely. "I was fully prepared to get into the water with both of you."
"You were hyperventilating into your snorkel, Danny. And that's while you were still sitting safely in the boat. Wearing a stupid life vest."
"Maybe I just didn't like you getting in front of me and shoving that big pointed stick thingy in my face."
Steve leaned forward in his chair, irritated, as if he was trying to patiently explain something to a petulant child. "Ok, I was squatting down in front of you to make sure you weren't going to pass out. But I can see how that might have been hard for you to see, with all of your hyperventilating breath fogging up your mask."
"I was not hyperventilating," Danny grumbled.
"Just calling them like I see them, partner," Steve replied dismissively, leaning back in his chair and turning back towards Kono. "So, Chin and I jumped in the water and Danny chickened-out and stayed on the boat."
"No," Danny interrupted, agitated. "That's not what happened. I made a rational decision to stay behind and make sure the boat, and all of our possessions, were secure. Have you already forgotten about the Tongan pirates that sail the seven seas?"
Steve rolled his eyes. "The ones that target tourists?"
"Yes," Danny nodded. "If we were all in the water, the pirates might have mistaken us for tourists. They could have made off with all of our stuff while we were out trying to impale Nemo."
"So, you thought it would be better if you stayed on the boat to deter them?" Steve asked.
"That's right," Danny said with a nod.
Steve furrowed his brow and looked at him, incredulously. "Danny, have you ever considered that you're like a beacon that radiates 'tourist'? Any pirate within a hundred miles who was out looking for non-locals to attack would be drawn in by your vibe. Not to mention your clothes."
"So, is that what happened?" Kono asked, excitedly. "You were attacked by Tongan pirates?"
"No," Steve replied, looking at her and shaking his head. "We were not attacked by pirates. Nor did we see anyone else while we were out there."
"So, how did you end up getting hurt?" she asked, confused as she eyed Steve's bandaged head and Danny's carefully wrapped ankle.
"Well," Steve continued, "after a few minutes, I decided there weren't many fish in the area and that we should change locations."
"Steve means that after swimming around, holding a stick, for an hour and a half with nothing to show for it, he finally decided that maybe he made a mistake in picking the location. Either that, or he's a horrible spear fisher. Neither of which do I really expect him to admit to."
"Danny…" Steve scowled, casting a withering look in his direction.
Danny held his hands up in the air. "Just calling them like I see them, partner."
Steve frowned before turning back to face Kono. "Anyway, Chin and I got back on the boat and took off our gear. I decided to make a pass around the deck to make sure everything was secure before we pulled anchor and left. I thought I saw something in the water, so I jumped in to check."
"He means he slipped on the deck and fell overboard," Danny smirked, folding his arms with satisfaction over his chest.
"No," Steve disagreed, his voice growing lower. "I jumped in and floated around for a moment, searching the water to try and see if I could find what had caught my attention."
"That's funny. Because how I remember it, which is how it actually happened, by the way, you slipped and fell overboard, hitting your head on the way. Which knocked you unconscious for a moment, requiring assistance, and might I add saving, by yours truly," Danny finished, pointing to himself with a smile.
"I did not require saving, Danny," Steve growled. "I was floating."
"I guess floating face down, unresponsive, with your mouth open must be a SEAL thing," Danny snarked. "Because the rest of the world would call that drowning."
"So that's how you hurt your head? You hit it on the boat?" Kono asked.
Steve scowled and crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to answer, as he turned and squinted out across the ocean at some invisible object on the horizon.
Kono tried to suppress a grin at the former SEAL's obvious embarrassment, but failed miserably. It was obvious Steve was not going to answer the question, which she took as a response in the affirmative, and decided to move on. "So what happened next?" she asked Danny as she inched forward to the edge of her seat.
"I jumped in after him," Danny replied, nonchalantly.
Kono's eyebrows shot up. "You did?" she asked, impressed. "I didn't know you could swim well enough to save someone who was drowning."
"Not drowning, Kono, floating," Steve corrected as he turned back to look at them. "And he really didn't swim at all. He was still wearing that life vest."
Danny gestured towards Steve. "And I'm sure that vest seemed less, 'stupid', I believe you called it, when it was helping to save your life." Then he grinned. "Especially when the sharks showed up."
"There were sharks in the water?" Kono asked, getting more and more excited.
"No," Steve replied, aggravated, "there were dolphins in the water. Danny just couldn't tell the difference."
"They were sharks, thank you very much," Danny said, sarcastically. "I could see their fins. And last time I checked, dolphins are not attracted by blood, which was pouring out of your head like some advertisement for an all-you-can-eat human body buffet."
"So how did you get away from the sharks?" Kono asked, leaning forward, completely engrossed in the tale.
"Dolphins. By that time, Chin had come to the side of the boat, wondering why Danny was screaming like a girl…"
"Hey! I was yelling for help in a very manly way…"
Steve nodded. "Like I said, screaming like a girl. Chin held out one of the spear fishing poles to us and used it to pull us to the back of the boat, where we climbed in."
"Actually," Danny said, "Chin pulled us to the back of the boat, where I gallantly let Steve climb into the back of the boat first, while I remained in the water with the hungry sharks."
"Sharks. And I was almost on board when I felt a sharp pain on my right ankle."
"You were bitten by a shark?" Kono asked, her eyes wide as she looked at the foot in question.
"Yes," Danny nodded. "But I was too quick, so it was just a glancing blow. I was able to get into the boat before it could clamp down on my ankle and drag me off to a watery, and undoubtedly, very painful death."
Steve rolled his eyes. "He means a dolphin bumped against him as he was climbing up the ladder. It jostled his foot, and he cut his ankle on one of the metal stairs."
Danny turned to look at Steve, angrily. "You know, I would think you'd show a little gratitude after the way I saved your life and all. See if I ever go spear fishing with you again! Next time I'll just stay on the shore, like I wanted to, and let you drown!"
"Well, if you didn't want to come with us, then why did you?" Steve asked, equally angry.
"I thought you were going out to drink beer!"
Steve looked at Danny with a classic aneurism face. "You thought, 'hey Danny, do you want to go spear fishing with Chin and me' was a euphemism for 'hey Danny, do you want to go get hammered on a floating bar?' Who thinks like that? Especially at seven o'clock in the morning?"
"Cops!" Danny exploded, his hands flying into the air in a spectacular display. "Cops think like that! Only a demented Navy SEAL would think an invitation to go spear fishing is actually an invitation to go spear fishing!"
Chin, who had been silent up until this point, cleared his throat, causing both men to look in his direction.
"You know," he said, calmly, "I used to know another cop who thought the exact same thing." He smiled kindly at Steve. "For him, it was always more about the beer, and the company, than the fishing."
Steve stared at Chin a moment as his words sank in, then he looked down at the deck.
After a minute, he looked up at Danny. "Um... thanks for jumping in and pulling me away from the sharks."
Danny pursed his lips as he considered Steve's backwards apology.
Then he gave a thin smile. "You're welcome. And I'm glad I could keep your floating butt away from the dolphins."
Steve slowly returned Danny's smile. "You still got beer in that cooler?" he asked.
"Yep," Danny replied, glancing at his watch. "Should still be icy cold. Want to go help me haul it in from the car?"
Steve nodded. "Sure. If you think you can manage, Gimpy."
The two men stood and left to go get the cooler, Steve holding the back door open for Danny to hobble through.
After they disappeared into the house, Kono turned to her cousin. "Chin, what really happened out there?" she asked.
Chin shook his head. "Sorry, cuz. I can never tell." Then he grinned broadly. "Don't you know? It's a fish story."
Author's note: For those who may not be familiar with the concept of a "fish story," here is the definition: An implausible, boastful story; taken from the fact that fishermen traditionally exaggerate the size of their catch.
So, I'll let you make up your mind who is telling the truth and who is lying. And about which parts. ;D