JUST BEYOND THE DOOR
DISCLAIMER: Joss' toys. My playground.
SPOILERS: You know the scene...the one in "Dead Things".
It's nearly her time. I should be pacing the floor, full of anticipation and for lack of a better word...life. The things I've wanted for the last year or two...or three...are finally mine. I've gone through hell. Been humiliated, used, beaten, tortured, shunned by man and beast, lived like a hermit, an outcast, a misfit. Not much of a life for the Master of Sunnydale. Huh? But it all seemed worth it at the time. Still does.
I wanted Buffy. And now I have her.
Damn I need a drink. And where did I put that pack of cigarettes? She hates the smell of it so I cut way back. Another thing I've done for her.
Where is she? She's late. Time for that drink then. I've left my shirt open on purpose. She's ripped open too many to count. Sometimes I think she is an animal, too much passion and drive for anything else.
I can't even walk around the crypt without stepping on one...buttons that is. And God knows I can't sew them back on. Who ever heard of a vampire who could sew? Not that I get to wear them very long any more. So I leave them open now unless I'm going out. Puts off the question about sewing 'til later. Bullocks, maybe I should learn. Shirts are expensive.
Ah, there's the fags.
I hate her. As much as I can anyway. I hate her for making me want to change. The first thing she made me do was come back here after Dru left. 'Course she didn't know it at the time, but she was changing me even then. Calling me back. Calling me to wait for her. So I did. I just sort of hung around, hoping something would happen. The only thing that happened was that I wanted her more and more.
Then the soldier boys trapped me and chipped me. Never thought I could stop killing. I knew I'd have to for her, but didn't know I could. They thought that the chip would make me weak, but it didn't. It made me strong. Strong for her.
I didn't care about anything else anymore. Killing, vamping, smoking, drinking, poetry, intellect, strength, power. All of it was nothing compared to her. Does she know that? Can she...
What was that? I thought I heard...no, felt...something.
I know you're out there. I can feel you. If I close my eyes I can see you too. Standing there in the dark. What are you thinking? You're trembling. I hear you catch your breath...you're deciding something.
That's it pet. That's it. You've almost got it.
I'm right here, on the other side of the door waiting for you. But then, you know that already, don't you? All you need to do is realize that you want to come in. That it isn't evil that has brought you to me. It's everything in us that's still human. Need for understanding, compassion, warmth.
Buffy. Being with someone who loves you isn't wrong. It might be confusing, but it isn't wrong. Come in.
You're so close to knowing it, love. I can feel it through the steel. There's a...tenderness in you tonight. Something we haven't shared since...since way too long.
Walk through the door Buffy. Walk into my arms and let me kiss you. Let me take the time to hold you and caress your cheek, to tell you that I love you again...let me...
Even if you can't love me yet...
You can't go!
Bloody door makes too much noise.
I don't see you, but I know you were here.
The air vibrates of you.
A deep breath and it smells of you.
So we begin this dance again. I chase after you in the dark. You'll let me find you and then I'll give myself to you. And I'll take everything you can give me. Punishment, pain, hate...but not your love.
Not yet...but it's there.
I felt it tonight.
Just beyond the door.