Chapter 9:

Thou Shalt Not Steal...

(Nor Offend the Author)

Dannyl and Tayend arrive in Lonmar, and are shown to their accommodation.

Lonmar servant: I'm sorry my lords, but there's only one room left.

Dannyl: But... there's a double bed here… which means...

Tayend: *rubs hands together in glee*

Dannyl: Looks like you're sleeping on the couch!

Tayend: Don't act all innocent with me, Lord Dannyl. I put up with enough of that in The Novice Parody.

Dannyl: I thought that was all just a dream!

Tayend: That's what the author wants you to think… *whispers* But some day we're gonna escape from this endless loop of second-rate parodies and- Arrghhh! *trips over a conveniently placed cat*

Dannyl: Shut up, I think she's listening!

Sonea is in the Guild library, trying to start the essay which Lord Elben assigned her class.

Librarian: I'm sorry dear; all the copies of The Magician's Apprentice have been taken out by other novices.

Sonea: Darn it! I have to write a four thousand word essay on it by tomorrow, or Lord Elben's gonna probe me again!

Librarian: Hey, we all have problems sweetheart. I wanted to be a journalist for The Elyne Times, but look at me now: stuck in a dead-end job at the Guild with no decent men around now that Lord Dannyl has left.

Sonea: You're not the author of this story, by any chance? I've heard you give yourself cameo roles.

Librarian: *crosses arms to hide her t-shirt which says "Dan & Tay Forever"* I don't know what you're talking about, young lady. Now scat!

Sonea heads back to the Novice Quarters, feeling lonely and dejected.

Cery: Hai!

Sonea: Hark! Is that the gentle voice of my childhood sweetheart?

Cery: This place has really screwed you up, hasn't it?

Lord Ahrind: *who's role in this story is similar to that of Argus Filch's in Harry Potter* Oi, you filthy rat boy! Get outta here, before I smack you round with this broom!

Sonea: Shut it Ahrind, or I'll blow up your precious pet cat.

Lord Ahrind: *continues to grumble and scampers off*

Cery: Why haven't you returned any of my love letters?! I spent all my wages to pay for someone to compose them for me!

Sonea: I've been busy getting bullied, can't you tell?

Cery: I hate to say this, but I'm dumping you.

Sonea: What?! We're not even a couple!

Cery: *shakes head sadly* I'm sorry, sweet Sonea, I know this is difficult. But I've got a thing for sexy Sachakan women now, so I'm off to find me one of those.

Rothen has been called to Director Jerk- I mean Jerrik's office, due to an allegation against his novice.

Narron: She stole my pen!

Sonea: Oh come on, it's just a stupid pen. I was able to feed my aunt and uncle for a week by selling it!

Rothen: *stern voice* Sonea, did you really steal his pen? Or are you just stirring up trouble again?

Sonea: Nobody understands me! I'm so alone!

Regin: *sneers into the room from the outside window*

Rothen: *uses magic to push Regin into a rosebush*

Jerrik: As punishment for stealing a pen, Sonea shall spend each evening helping the librarian in the library.

Sonea: Ah drat, I'm gonna be stuck with that nutty lady! She looks like she lives with a houseful of cats.

Regin: *makes a come-back, and storms into the room*

Rothen: I - I've got to be going now… For an unexplainable but perfectly respectable reason…

Regin: *sneers* Oooh, heading off to partake in the yearly Purge, are we?

Sonea: *aghast* How could you betray me like this Rothen? You swore on the High Lord's life you'd never go again! Go find another novice's life to screw with, because you're fired as my Guardian!

Sonea storms off, intent on gorging on her secret stash of chocolate to make herself feel better.

As always I've been ridiculously happy that you lovely readers are still reading & reviewing this piece of parody madness. I want to express my thanks to everyone who has reviewed or favourited this story so far, and also to give a shout out to my anonymous reviewers, who I never get to reply to. You sneaky things ;D