Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.
Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Now, today is my 45th birthday and since I can't offer you all birthday cake and ice cream I thought I would offer the next best thing. So, I give you this outtake from one of my favorite characters, Dr. Esme Masen. This outtake is from her session with Bella until after she meets with Edward. Enjoy! While I go ogle my special homemade birthday cheese cake….YUM! (It's to early for me to actually have a slice, that is a little to much creamy goodness for 6:00 in the morning!)
Outtake: OMG! Now what?
I have always seen myself as a reasonable woman. I pay my taxes; I have a job that I love doing, a husband I adore and two beautiful children that have grown into kind and responsible adults. But as I hear Ms. Swan talking about what her "E" told her about his ex-girlfriend, Kate, it dawns on me that she is talking about my Edward, my beautiful and caring son. And I am not sure if reasonable is what comes to mind. I mean, this grown woman, this highly sexualized woman, who came into my office because she had sex with two underage young men, this same woman has spent the last 4 weeks discussing her encounters with MY son, a fact I didn't even realize until now. Oh God! I practically told her to go for it.
I feel like I can't breathe. She is looking out the window like she always does when she discusses important situations or events. As I think about it, it makes sense. But my God! This can't be happening. I know of other therapists that have run into this type of problem, but I never have. I have been practicing for 20 years now and nothing like this has ever happened to me. I feel like I am hyperventilating as I drop my pen to the ground and put my head between my legs, trying to get my breathing under control. I can't let her know, I should stop seeing her immediately but we only have one more session and I know I can still be objective, at least for one more session. That is if I can get it together right now. The next thing I feel is her fingers at my wrist checking my pulse as she lifts my head slightly looking into my eyes.
"Dr. Masen, are you okay? Are you having a heart attack?" she asks me and I shake my head, "A panic attack?" God! I shake my head again.
"No, I'm fine. Just give me a second." I whisper to her.
She hasn't moved yet though, she is watching me like a hawk. I take a few more breathes and try to steady myself. I need to get through this session and then I can call Carlisle and find out what he knows, then I will need to get in touch with Edward to confirm that the girl he is dating is indeed Ms. Swan. Finally, I look at her and offer her a small smile.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Swan. I have heard a very similar story to that one. It… I'm sorry." I stutter out.
"It's fine. Are you sure you are okay?" she is still looking at me like I am crazy.
"Yes, yes. I am fine. Please continue. He told you what happened and then what?" I say flustered.
She sits down and starts talking again. "Uh, well we had sex and then I asked him to spend the night and then the next morning I asked him to spend the day with me, which turned into the night as well. So he came for dinner on Wednesday and left Friday morning. It was great. A little nerve wracking at first but overall it was great. I don't know. I told him about how I moved to Seattle and a little bit about Renee and all her husband's. I mean except for James." Then she laughs, "We even played Scrabble which I haven't played in a long time."
I stare at her for a minute, trying to wrap my head around everything she has just said and am torn by what I should say as her therapist and what I want to say as Edward's mom.
"That is a big step for you. How did you feel after it was all over?" I finally ask her. Edward's mom will just need to take a back seat; she needs a therapist right now. Just hold it together Esme.
"What do you mean?" she looks at me confused.
"I mean after the adrenaline was gone, after he left on Friday and you were alone. How did you feel? The last time you felt confused and nervous. Was that there again?" I say.
"Oddly, no, the only thing I really felt was…" she hesitates and looks down for a minute before looking back up to me, "I just missed him."
Oh God! This is bigger than I thought it was. I think she is falling for him. She is probably already in love with him. Not that I blame her, Edward is very charming in that innocent kind of way and he is very handsome, a fact that has girls throwing themselves at him on a regular basis.
Finally I stutter out, half stunned, "You missed him?"
She sighs, "Yes, I missed him. So much so that I actually called him this morning without realizing I was dialing his number." She looks to the ground again like she did something wrong.
"You called him this morning?" I ask.
"Yes." She says as she goes back to the window. Okay, something else is going on here. She only goes to that window when she is confused or scared or talking about her nightmares. My guess is a nightmare since she called him this morning.
"Did you have another nightmare?" I ask.
She turns around and looks at me like I just read her mind. No, I just pay attention Ms. Swan, except, obviously I missed some very important clues regarding you having sex with my son.
She continues to tell me about her nightmare and we discuss her changing therapists after we are done. She is not happy about that. I was going to ask her to continue with me. She seems to trust me and I know that it is rare for her to trust anyone. I could have put her in my schedule but with her dating Edward I just can't. That would be a serious conflict of interest for me. It's not like we live in a small community where things like this happen all the time and there aren't any other therapists to refer people to. But I just can't abandon her right now. She has had to many people in her life walk out on her. If I just stopped seeing her without a concluding session that would cause her more harm than good. I think I have done well today and I only have one more session which I am confident I can do. I just need to talk with someone about it.
We spend the rest of the time talking about Edward, her day with him and her frustration with him planning things for her. Well, if they stay together she better get used to that. By the time she leaves I am back to Dr. Masen and not Mrs. Cullen. When she walks out I sit back down in one of my chairs, running my hands through my hair. What am I going to do about this? I go to my desk and pick up the phone.
"Cullen Enterprise, How can I help you?" Jessica says sweetly.
"Hi Jessica. Is he available?" I ask
"Sorry, Mrs. Cullen. He is in a meeting but he is scheduled to be out of it by 1:00. Would you like to leave a message?" She asks.
I sigh; I don't want to leave him a message. I need to see him. "No, could you tell him I will be there at 1:00."
"I believe he has another meeting scheduled after that." she says.
I am flustered now so I raise my voice slightly. "Jessica. I need to talk to my husband. He can spare some time with me."
She stammers a bit, I don't generally raise my voice and I never insist on seeing him at work, so I am sure she isn't sure what she is supposed to do. "I think I can reschedule his 1:00 to probably 2:00. That will give you an hour. Is that enough?"
"Thank you. Yes, that should be fine. Just let him know I will be there at 1:00." I say softly, back to my normal therapist voice.
"It's okay Mrs. Cullen." She stutters for a minute and then says, "I hope everything is okay."
"Everything is fine." I say and then hang up.
Just then my secretary buzzes me informing me that my next client is here. I ask her to clear the rest of my day and smile as my client walks in.
Okay, that was probably not my most productive session. It's a good thing I cleared my day because I am definitely distracted. As my client leaves, I pick up my cell phone and send Edward a text. He replies right away.
***Sure, is everything alright? E***
God! That boy worries all the time. Of course he has always been that way. Introverted, brilliant, and nervous and of course utterly handsome. I thought that things were changing when he became a junior in high school and he tried out for the baseball team. He was real good and made varsity but he just didn't have the competitiveness necessary to really succeed in athletics. Then college reinforced his tendency to want to be alone. When he met Kate I was excited, considering he never really had a steady girlfriend until then. Oh, I know he had sex before Kate but I am pretty sure not very much. He was always more interested in reading about love than actually experiencing it. I sigh as I type my reply to him and then pick up my office phone to call Alice.
Alice picks up on the first ring. "Hi, Mom. How's your day?" she says cheerily
I can't help but smile. That's my Alice, a walking ray of sunshine. She is probably the happiest person on the earth. She was just born that way. She is the polar opposite of Edward. She is happiest when around lots of people, bubbly and full of energy. She exudes happiness and therefore makes those around her feel joyful. It's hard to feel sad or hopeless when she is near. From the time they were very little she has always been the one that could reach Edward and make him feel better about anything. Sometimes she was the only one. Together they were always able to balance each other out.
"Interesting." That seems to be the best way to describe my day so far. "I want the family to get together at 6:00 today at the Marriott. Please cancel your plans so you can be there." I say
My cell phone buzzes and I look at Edward's message. Okay, 3:00, that's good, it gives me a couple of hours to figure out what is going on and make some kind of plan.
"I'm supposed to meet Jasper. Is everything okay? Are we having a family meeting or something?" Alice asks.
"What! No, hold on." I say as I type a reply to Edward.
I am generally good at multi-tasking but I am not doing so well right now. Trying to talk to them both at the same time is turning out to be stressful.
"Alice, please just meet the family at the Marriot at 6:00. I need to go meet with your father so I will talk to you later." I say flustered as I read Edwards latest message, smiling slightly.
***I love you too, mom. See you later. E***
"Alright Mom, I will see everyone at 6." Alice says hanging up.
I look at my watch and rush out of my office, telling my secretary that I will be out for a few hours and that I am expecting Edward at 3:00.
When I walk into Carlisle's building I see him talking to Mike. He is watching me approach, looking at me with concern. I don't blame him. I never come to his office and I basically just made his assistant reschedule a meeting so that I could talk to him.
"Thank you, Mike. We will talk about this further later this afternoon." He says to the eager boy that caused Edward so much trouble in school. Why Carlisle hired him is beyond me.
"Okay sir." He says as he smiles at me and walks away to talk to Jessica.
Carlisle looks at me and kisses my forehead. "This is unexpected. Let's go into my office."
I follow him inside and sit on one of the couches he has, while he leans against the desk. He looks very sharp in his dark suit. He was out of the house before me today so I didn't see him before he left. God! Sometimes I forget how handsome he is.
"What's going on Es?" he says worriedly.
I sigh. "Tell me about this girl that Edward is dating?"
"I thought you didn't want to know anything about her until he told you?" he says arching a brow at me.
"That was before…" I hesitate. I know we have the whole marital confidentiality but that doesn't mean I can tell him about my clients. There is only a minimal amount of information I can share. "I think he is seeing one of my clients. Well, I am almost positive he is."
He gasps, "Shit!" then he furrows his brows, "What kind of client, one of your court cases or a self referral?"
"Does it matter?" I ask confused.
"Yes, it does." He says adamantly. "If it is a court case, that concerns me since you deal with assault cases primarily. I'm not sure I would be comfortable with Edward being involved with someone like that."
"You know I can't tell you that." I say to him, making him frown at me and cross his arms.
I sigh and look at him pleadingly, "Please, just tell me what he has said."
"He is dating a young woman and it is in the beginning stages of the relationship" he pauses for a minute, "They are very sexual, they have been out a few times and overall he seems very smitten with her."
I put my head down and bring my hands into my hair, breathing hard. That is definitely Ms. Swan. Oh God! All the things she has told me about flood through my mind. Shit! She tied him up. I start breathing hard again, God! She had public sex with him on the pier. Oh God, she gave him fellatio in the school library. I start shaking my head, chanting softly "no, no, no, no, no."
Carlisle comes over to me and puts his arms around me, holding me close. Stroking my hair and running his hands down my back.
"Es, you are really scaring me." He whispers as he kisses the top of my head. "Is she bad for him, because he seems really happy? Happier than I have ever seen him."
I let out a deep breath. "No, she isn't "bad" but she is troubled. She has had a very difficult life and that has made her view the world very harshly. I know that her relationship with Edward is changing her but I don't know…." I pause trying to figure out what to say.
I don't know why I am afraid. I think it is because this is all so new for her and there is no way to know how she will respond to it and I can't bear to see him hurt. To see the look on his face again that was there after Kate committed suicide. That nearly broke him and I can't imagine what the loss of Ms. Swan would do to him. From the things Ms. Swan has said I had the distinct impression that he was in love with her, that she was just in denial of that because she didn't know how to identify her own feelings.
"I'm just afraid she will hurt him." I say softly.
Carlisle chuckles against me. "Honey, you can't stop him from getting hurt."
Then he pulls away from me slightly, looking into my eyes with a very serious expression, "But there is no way he will stop seeing her. He is in love and when a Cullen man is in love they will do absolutely anything to make their love happy." He then leans in and kisses me passionately.
For a moment I forget my concern about Edward and get lost in the feel of my husband's lips on mine, as he gently caresses my back. Even though we have been married for over 25 years he still makes my whole body tingle when he kisses me. I pull away from him slightly and rest my head against his chest.
"Are you worried it will turn out badly like Kate?" he asks softly.
"I don't think she would do anything like that." Geez, she's troubled but she was pretty agitated at what Kate did. She isn't giving me any of those types of warning signs.
Finally I sigh. "You know, we really need to stop bringing up Kate anytime we have a conversation about Edward."
"I know. But it still seems relevant." He kisses the top of my head again, "Have you talked to Edward yet?"
"He is coming over after his last class around 3, so we will talk then." I say
"Good. Let him tell you how much he cares about her." He says knowingly.
"I called Alice and told her to meet us at the Marriot tonight at 6. I want to have dinner together. We haven't done that in awhile. Is that okay?" I ask.
"I will make it work, love." He says as he runs his fingers up my arms and gently touches the side of my breast as he goes. "You're so tense Es; maybe we should do something about that." He says hoarsely.
I smile as I lean up to kiss him. "Hmm, what did you have in mind?"
He smiles as he runs his hand down my face. He kisses me deeply and we remove our clothes swiftly, making love in his office as if we were two love sick teenagers. And, I forget why I went to see him in the first place and focus solely on my husband and the feel of his body against mine.
When Jessica buzzes in to tell him his meeting will start in 10 minutes, we put ourselves back together and walk out of his office. Mike is standing with a couple of other employees near the door. I would assume they are waiting for Carlisle. Mike is watching us and glances at Jessica. I don't trust him. He seems to be up to something.
Carlisle walks me to the door as his employees acknowledge his presence. When we get to the door he kisses me lightly on the top of my head, "Honey, don't worry so much about Edward, I am sure this relationship is good for both of them." He says as he runs his fingers down my face.
I sigh, "I hope you're right. I will see you at 6, okay?"
He kisses me again and then whispers in my ear, "Thank you for this afternoon, it was the most pleasant surprise. I'm not sure how I am going to be able to focus on anything else though."
I just grin and walk out, glancing at my watch. I have time before Edward gets to my office.
I get back to my office about 20 minutes before Edward is to arrive. I feel a lot better after visiting Carlisle. Partly by our conversation but also making love in his office was phenomenal, we haven't done that in years. I am at my computer, charting, when Edward comes in. I look up and smile as I get up, walking around my desk to give him a hug. I motion for him to sit down which he does.
"Hey mom. So what's up?" he says casually but there is a slight edge to his voice.
I just smile. "Edward, it's been awhile since we talked. I know you have been busy with school but your dad has also told me you have started dating again?" I glance at his neck and frown. Obviously he has seen Ms. Swan because he has a huge hickey on his neck. "And from the look of your neck you have seen each other recently."
He sighs. "Yes, she came by to see me at school today. What exactly did dad tell you?"
I am still frowning at this huge hickey, my God! She had to have worked on that for awhile. Why didn't he stop her? Why did he let her mark him like that? Finally I move my eyes away from that monstrous mark marring his neck and look up at him. "Edward, it's not your dad's place to tell me anything about your love life. How come YOU didn't tell me anything?" He just stares at me like I asked him to solve some complicated math problem."He just said that you were dating a young woman, that it was in the beginning stages and that you were smitten with her." I left out the fact that he said you two were very sexual.
"He said I was smitten?" he asks.
Honestly Edward, focus here, I frown again, "Edward you didn't answer my question. Why didn't you tell me about her? You have always been able to talk to me in the past. What's different about this girl?"
After staring at me he finally smiles, "Is this how you get your clients to talk?"
Now it's my turn to stare at him. Well, if he would just say what I need to hear this wouldn't be so complicated. Finally I just smile, "Sometimes." And then I arch my brow at him which causes him to smile.
"Sorry, Mom." He says.
Then he gets up and walks over to the window, looking outside at the people walking around. I can't help the gasp that escapes my mouth. No one ever goes to that window but Ms. Swan. Why would he do that? Go to the exact spot she did just hours before, almost mimicking her exact movements. I am just gaping at him when I hear his voice.
"What?" he asks.
I just close my eyes and take a deep breath. "Tell me about her."
He starts telling me about her, hesitant at first but then he goes on about how much he loves her and that he wants to marry her. Oh God! Did he just say marry her? I gasp again. Shit! This is definitely a lot more serious than I originally thought. Ms. Swan really has no idea how bad he has it for her. Oh God! Esme, just breathe in, breathe out, and whatever you do, stay calm.
"Well, I'm not going to marry her right this minute, but eventually." He clarifies probably noticing the crazed look on my face.
"And how does she feel about you?" I finally muster out.
"Uh, I don't know. I mean I haven't even told her I love her yet." he sighs and turns back around to look outside the window again. "She's been through a lot." He lets out a deep breath before continuing. "She's guarded. I am trying not to push her. Dad told me I should take it slow." He sighs again. "I don't know if I am doing such a good job at going slow though."
Edward, go slow? I can't imagine that happening and smile at the thought that he would go slow in his pursuit of her. As if he even stood a chance at resisting her in the first place. "Well, you have never gone slowly in anything you have wanted."
How can I ask him this without him being suspicious, finally I let out a soft breathe, "Edward, what do you really "know" about her?"
"What do you mean?" He says as he turns to look at me.
I look down, I need to regroup here. I can't tell him that Ms. Swan is my client. But I need to stress my concern. This is turning out to be more difficult than I thought it would be. Finally I look up at him.
"I am just worried about you, after everything that happened with Kate." I say
God! I just told Carlisle that we needed to stop mentioning Kate and here I go bringing her up. He gives me that look he always gives when anyone brings her up. But the reality is, he didn't see how troubled Kate was and he should have ended it long before he did. If I had known everything that was going on I could have helped him. Now, here he is again, involved with another troubled girl. Except this situation is worse because he has seriously fallen in love with her and Carlisle was definitely right. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for her. I just don't know how well she will respond to that.
"I don't know honey. You just seem to be a magnet for troubled souls." I finally say softly.
He frowns at me. I get up and walk over to him and glance out the window, the same window Ms. Swan was at when she told me everything about their relationship, everything but his name.
"What is it about this window?" I wonder out loud.
"Huh?" he asks confused
I put my arm around his waist and lean into him. We stand like this for a few minutes just watching the people walk along below us. Maybe it could work. I don't know. Maybe I am just being paranoid and overprotective. I make a comment about Ms. Swan, without using her name of course and then look down again, shaking my head slightly. God, even when she isn't around he is drawn to where she's been. I look up at him and he is watching me.
"Please be careful Edward. I know I am overprotective of you but," I look down again and shake my head. He isn't going to slow down and her behavior indicates she isn't going to stay away from him either. Finally I look up at him again, "I think you need to really talk to this girl, find out what she is about. You need to know what you're getting yourself into. I don't want a repeat of Kate."
"She's not like Kate." He says indignantly.
"No, probably not, but you yourself said she's been through a lot and that she is guarded. I just don't want you hurt." I then lean up and kiss him on the forehead. I think this is the hardest thing to do as a mother. To stand by and watch, it's like watching a wreck getting ready to happen and not being able to do anything to stop it.
"You can't prevent that Mom." he says with a smile.
"I know, but I can try can't I?" I say as I pull him into a hug.
I hug him for a few minutes, before walking over to my desk, looking through my drawer for Eleazar's number. "We are all eating out tonight. It's been a long time. Go home and put something on that will cover that mark on your neck and meet us at the Marriott at 6:00. I have already talked to your father and sister. God, this has been one hell of a day!"
I look at him and he is just standing there staring at me. Honestly Edward. Was what I said so difficult to understand?
"Edward, I have had an emotional roller coaster of a day and I want to spend it with my family. Please go home and change." I finally say, exacerbated.
He heads out of my office and I sit back down at my desk, laying my head down, sighing deeply. Finally I pick up the phone.
"Hi Eleazar. It's Esme."
"Esme, how have you been?" he asks cheerily.
"Um, I have a conflict of interest issue that I would like to visit with you about. Are you free anytime this week?"
"Of course. Hold on, let me check my schedule."
Eleazar will help me process this, help me get a hold of my objectivity, so I can do my last session with Ms. Swan and then deal with the after effects of her dating Edward and the fact that he plans on introducing her to us sometime after they get back from their weekend away.
"I have some time this Thursday. Will that work?"
"Yes, thank you."
We spent about ten minutes talking about old times. He is one of my trusted friends and colleagues and we have always been able to consult with one another on complicated cases or to discuss ethical concerns. I am lucky to have him around. At least I will be able to tell him everything because he is bound by the same confidentiality as I am. I need to get a grip on these feelings I am having before my next session with Ms. Swan. God! I just wish I could tell her who I am. This is a nightmare waiting to happen.
A/N… Ah, well hope you enjoyed my birthday gift to you…LOL… I thought I would throw this out there; explain what was going on in her head and how she was able to get it together by the last session. Consultation can do wonders…LOL… well; Bella is meeting his parents next. Is everyone READY?