My first 1st person point of view, my first Fallout fanfiction, and my first fanfiction at all in... more than half a year? I hope I'm not too rusty.

I've been lurking in the fallout section around here but I never found what I was looking for, so I decided to write it myself. It's just a serious look at my Courier's thoughts before the last dlc in the form of a letter to a companion or companions. I didn't name the character reading because I prefer to just leave it to the reader's mind to fill that in with the character they feel closest to. Same reason why I didn't mention if the Courier is male or female. There are only a few points that are dedicated to a single companion, but those instances are clearly signaled as a different page of the letter.


I have seen and done things you wouldn't believe, no matter how much trust you have in me.

I have seen redemption for a man whose life should have ended in flames. I have seen tortured souls let go of their own vendettas. I have seen mad scientists work for a better future.

I am sorry I didn't talk about all this before. New Vegas and the Mojave were far more important than to let anything get in the way.

I am sorry for the days I've been missing. It was beyond my control.


I still wonder why you stood with me through all of this. It wasn't our problem, we could have just walked off the moment I didn't agree with Mr. House's plan. I didn't, and still don't, want New Vegas. I didn't, and still don't, want that kind of power. But I hope you understand now.

House was obsessed with the old world glory, an old man that lived far too long for anyone's good. Fighting only for his own success and using any means to achieve it. Autocracy never helped anyone but the one in control.

The Legion... you know what happened. I couldn't let Caesar transform the Mojave into the new Nipton, nor Nelson, nor any of the territories and tribes they had conquered up until now. A new Mojave, unified under the same and uniform banner seemed like a good idea, but not at that price.

The NCR isn't much better anymore. They lost their own ideals, underestimating their own soldiers and relied merely upon their numbers. They wanted to go back to the old government, to become an imperialistic force. They only cared about their own power.

You know my story. Getting shot in the head and going on a tale of revenge, that's the way I'll be remembered. The tale of a Courier that took over New Vegas, Hoover Dam, and the whole Mojave, given enough time. But that wasn't what I wanted.

I blamed the Platinum Chip for giving me the power I didn't want. The Mojave Express for giving me a job that decided my fate. Benny for kick-starting everything. But in the end, I was the one who didn't just run away. I'll never feel guilty for my revenge, even if at first I just wanted to finish my contract. I do feel guilty for making you come with me though.

I wonder why you stuck with me, why you waited for days and weeks while I was missing. And I don't think I have the right to ask after keeping so much to myself. That's why I'm leaving this here, so you don't wait again. I'll tell you everything, the truth. I hope with this you'll understand why I did what I did. Because I'm leaving, and this time I don't know if I'll come back.