The minutes of every day since Elizabeth's death passed by so slow. It felt like time froze at some points during the day. Jane had asked that I stay at Pemberly house for another week because she, Mrs Bennett, Kitty, Lydia and Mary wanted some time alone with each other so they could mourn. I understood, because I was not part of this family and I knew it would be awqward being in the middle of four mourning sisters and their mother.
Mr Beckett returned to London for that week to give Kitty some space and Mr Wickham and Caroline went to stay at lady Katherine's home while she was away in France.
I was all alone in Pemberly house with Mr Bingley, Mr Darcy and Georgiana Darcy. Mr Bingley kept to himself and briefly visited Jane everyday, while Georgiana practiced her music. Mr Darcy on the other hand, prefered to spend the passing hours of mostly everyday with me.
I didn't mind this because he kept a proper distance and we acted like good friends.
"Amanda, have you ever thought about when you will get married?" Mr Darcy asked as we walked along the path in the gardens. I laughed and shook my head.
"I do not think I will ever marry."
"Why in heavens name not?"
"You really want to know why?"
"Because I know that I will only ever love one man and he is far too good for me."
He stopped walking and I stopped next to him. He gazed down at me, into my eyes, and his gaze softened into an ardent one.
"As long as you're here, Amanda Price, you will be my next choice to marry. I must marry again after a certain amount of time."
"But what will lady Katherine say and what will the Bennett's and everyone else in Meryton think of me if I marry my late best friend's widowed husband?"
He sighed and looked off into the distance, thinking. I knew he was going over what I had just said. To tell you the truth, I wanted so badly to be Mr Darcy's wife and have his children.
I loved him that deeply, and I have ever since last year. So much has happened since then that has changed a lot.
"Amanda Price, I say to you now, that I do not care what lady Katherine or all of Meryton thinks, I want to marry you. I want you to have my children. The Bennett's will just have to understand that Elizabeth and I never really loved each other and that we had only married to keep them financially secure. And their financial security will continue, even after you and I marry."
Oh goodness! The way he said that just made me want to cry, but I held it back. Oh wait, never mind, I can't help it. I let the tears start streaming down my cheeks. A smile crossed my lips and my eyes seemed to brighten up.
Mr Darcy placed his hand on my cheek and brushed some tears away with his thumb. He then smiled at me.
"I haven't told you this, since Elizabeth lost the baby, but that very day when I sat with her on the bed, she told me that if she died she wanted me to take care of you and to love you in the way that she never could. I have thought about that since but it still feels like I'd be betraying her if I married you."
"Oh Amanda, but you must understand that this is the way the world works. And if Elizabeth told you that then I do not see any reason why we shouldn't marry."
"I know. And maybe I shouldn't feel that way. Oh Mr Darcy, God knows that I would love nothing more then to be your wife, but if you wouldn't mind, could I please have some time to think about it?"
He smiled again and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on my lips.
"You may have as much time as you want."
He kissed me again and then we continued our walk. My heart was filled with so many mixed emotions. I felt happy and sad at the same time and it made it difficult to make up my mind about whether I should become Mr Darcy's wife or not.