Once they're home Carlos immediately delivers Logan to James, who's sitting on the couch with Kendall, watching tv. Carlos motions for Kendall to follow him out of the room once Logan is settled on the couch, shooting him an encouraging smile.
"So you went back." It's not a question, but Logan nods anyway, because he's entirely unsure how he feels right now and he thinks if he opens his mouth he might lose his composure.
"She explain what she told me?" Logan nods again, and his silence seems to unnerve James, who lets out a noise and pulls Logan into his arms to hold him tight.
"Whatever she said, it's gonna be okay. We'll get through this, babe, I promise." Logan shakes his head, because there's nothing to get through, just accepting that this is it, that after he dies he'll never see James's beautiful face again and the thought is enough to settle that crushing weight back onto his chest and he sobs again. They stay like that, Logan doesn't know how long, but once he pulls back there's a wet spot on James's shirt and a look of concern in his eyes.
"Why are you so upset over this? Talk to me, I want to make it better." Logan sighs, wondering how to explain it.
"I...it's almost like I've been diagnosed with a terminal illness," he says after a minute. "Every other life I've lived I've done so with the knowledge that there was another waiting for me after, that you were waiting for me after. And now that's over. I'll never see you again after this." James nods in understanding, sweeping Logan's hair off his face with a gentle smile.
"But we still have this one."
"Yeah. But...there were other ones where I barely knew you, where you died young, they feel wasted."
"Then we'll make this one even better, blow all those other lives out of the water." James's enthusiasm is contagious, and Logan feels himself smiling despite the ache in his chest.
"There's that smile I love so much. You gotta accept this, Logan, because otherwise you're gonna feel like you wasted this life too."
"No," Logan says decisively. "We're not wasting our time together. I finally have a life where I can spend all of it with you, I'm going to do it and not think about anything else."
"Good." James's smile is brilliant and Logan basks in it, snuggling closer to James's warmth and allowing it to comfort him.
"Thanks," he says softly, and James responds with a gentle kiss to his forehead.
"You don't have to thank me for loving you."
"I know. But still, thanks."
"You're welcome." James holds him for hours, until Logan finally starts to doze, but in the sleep haze of his mind he realizes that he's started to make peace with this. Now, rather than think of the past Logan finds himself planning his future with James; it's the last one he'll have, after all. He can't waste it.
…Seventy-eight years later…
Looking back, Logan knew he'd been true to his word. He and James had made the most of their lives together, and at ninety five Logan knew he didn't regret a single moment. He and James had gotten married on the same day James had proposed back in the colonial era, years after Big Time Rush had gone their separate ways. Kendall and Carlos had lived close by, because they were always better when they were together. No amount of time ever changed that.
Logan had taken Carlos's advice and written his story; he'd left it to his oldest daughter when he'd finished it, and she'd taken it with the promise that she would treasure it always. Logan knows, now, that was what made it worth it.
He remembers milestones as he sits and stares at the fireplace in front of him; his wedding, and how stunning James had looked that day. Adopting their first child, and holding his tiny baby girl in his arms for the first time. He'd been twenty seven, ten years after he and James had gotten together.
He remembers watching his children grow up; watching them play and laugh and comforting them when they were sad. James had been a natural father, taking to the task better than he had anything else, even singing.
He remembers Kendall and Carlos's first child; Jo had been a surrogate for them, and their little boy was biologically Carlos's. Kendall fathered a girl a year later. He remembers how silly it felt to watch Carlos chastise his son for being too reckless, because they'd all seen how much of Carlos's temperament he'd passed on.
As he sits and thinks on his life a single tear falls from his eye, because no longer are the memories filled with such happiness, such lightness and joy. He remembers James; his beautiful James, coming out to the world and still having to deal with the hate and prejudice. He remembers holding his husband as he cried, trying to understand how people could hate him because of who he loved.
His memories come closer to the present. He remembers watching their children grow and start families of their own; never before had Logan been a grandfather. He remembers bouncing his first grandchild on his knee, remembers James's chin on his shoulder as he made faces at the little girl. Even in his sixties, James had been beautiful.
He sighs softly; he is all that is left now. Time took Kendall first, just three years ago. Carlos had been devastated, and despair had allowed him little more time than Kendall. He remembers funerals. Clinging to James as they laid to rest their best friends, wondering how they were to go on without them. Another tear falls.
He remembers James, remembers his final days, when the burden of living finally took its toll on the beautiful creature Logan had been blessed enough to spend so many years with. It was the second time James died in his arms.
He knows he is ready to let go. As his eyes close one final time he thinks again of his life, thinks again of his James. He sees him again, as the darkness takes him; as he was, young and beautiful. His last breath leaves him in a sigh of happiness. It had been worth it.