A/N: Listen to 'Mother Lover' by Lonely Island while reading. And don't take this seriously. Seriously.

****Father Lover****


"Oh, damn."

"W-what is it Sakura?" Hinata asked, turning back to her friend. They had been walking through the park on the way to the training grounds before her outburst.

"I forgot it's Father's Day," Sakura lamented.

"Oh no, I forgot it too! I didn't g-get a gift for him…" the lavender eyed girl seemed to be somewhere between sad and afraid. Otou-sama was a stickler for tradition and proper holiday observance.

"He'll be so disappointed, what the hell are we going to do?" the two young jounin sat down next to each other on a well worn red bench to contemplate the problem.

"My dad has been so l-lonely ever since my mother passed…" Hinata whispered.

Sakura nodded, "Poor Hiashi-sama."

"No w-woman will brave his wrath, he n-never gets any rest…" her eggplant colored hair fell to hide her unusually morose face.

Sakura brushed her friend's silky hair back behind her ear, "I know just what you mean; my Otou-san has been so sad and gray. He has constantly rejected women ever since Kaa-san passed away."

Suddenly Sakura perked up, "Hold on, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think I'm t-thinking too…" judging by the blush on both their faces they were following the same train of thought.

Their blushes intensified and Sakura added her two yen, "Your dad is really handsome, you know." She had seen him at Hinata's chunnin ceremony a year or two ago and had had an enormous crush on the surprisingly young man but restrained herself for the sake of propriety.

"I t-think your dad is too," replied Hinata. She had met Haruno Toushiro at the same ceremony and was charmed by his thoughtful, calming demeanor.

"We both love our dads, men with needs like any other men," added Sakura.

The pinkette's face formed a determined look as she said, "Then let's show them how much they really mean."

She grabbed Hinata's arm in hers after receiving a nod of ascent from the shy girl and quickly preformed the hand signs to transport them to their shared apartment.

**I'm a father lover**You're a father lover**We should do each other's dads**Do each other's dads**

"I c-can't believe we are going to do this, Sakura-chan. I'm g-going to be with someone that held you as a b-baby…" Sakura quickly injected Hinata with some cooling chakra to prevent a fainting attack.

"Oh there's no doubt this shit is crazy. We are going to be fucking each other's dads," Sakura shook her head at their own audacity.

"But every Father's Day has a Father's Night…" Sakura winked at her tomato faced roommate.

A whimper escaped Hinata, "This is s-so wrong."

"Then do you really want to be right?" teased Sakura.


Sakura chuckled at her rapidly overheating friend and pulled her down onto the couch they had stolen while on a 'search and destroy' mission.

"Besides, it's not like I can, or would want to, do this myself. You're like a sister and the only one I trust to be my father's missus."

"I f-feel the same," Hinata said.

"So, are there any special things I can do to entice Hiashi-sama?"

"Wear a kimono and make s-sure you smell like roses," the ex-heiress answered.

"I can do that. Man, they will be so surprised." Sakura giggled at the thought of what Hiashi's face would look like when she seduced him.

"Indeed, we a-are quite thoughtful."

Sakura laughed with Hinata for a moment before become curious and serious, "What about Naruto and Kiba?"

Hinata sighed, "I will always a-admire Naruto-kun and love Kiba-kun as a f-friend but they never worked out as love interests. All Naruto-kun was i-i-interested in was being Hokage and eating ramen w-while Kiba-kun just wanted to do everything d-d-doggy style."

"Oh … eww. Well let's get together a plan then. We can't just walk up to them and pounce…or can we?" Sakura put a finger to her lips in a speculative gesture.

"No, we c-can't. Stop thinking about it."

Sakura pouted, "Fine. So I'll wear that nice kimono that Ino bought me for my birthday and use the rose scented perfume I stole from Shizune. Where will Hiashi-sama be at… eight or so?"

"He will be b-bathing after his training in the private bath house for the c-clan head."

"Alright, let's get ready to go then!" Sakura cheered and started to head for her closet when she felt a light tugging on her medic skirt.

"Ano, Sakura-chan, what about y-your Otou-sama?" Hinata asked quietly.

"Oh, right! You only met him that one time, right? Well… his name is Haruno Toushiro and he has white hair and turquoise eyes. At eight he sits in the garden drinking tea and looking contemplative." Sakura shook her head. "Weirdo. Wear that kimono that I bought you for the sakura viewing festival and be your polite…but not too polite… and adorable self and it should all turn out okay."

"Now come on~!" Sakura tugged her friend towards their bedrooms, "We need to get ready if we want to be there in time to catch them!"

**I'm a father lover**You're a father lover**We should do each other's dads**Do each other's dads**

Sakura tugged at the sleeve of her kimono nervously. She stood in front of Hiashi's bath house in a simple pale green kimono with branches of sakura blossoms illustrated in delicate pinks and reds with a faded red obi embossed with silver flowers to tie the outfit together. Hinata had made sure she looked perfect in spite of the fact that, if their insane plan worked, she wouldn't be wearing it for long.

Her chest expanded as she took a deep breath to calm herself and pushed the screen aside.

Steam fogged the room as Sakura nervously loosened her kimono.

"Hello, Hiashi-sama…"

**I'm a father lover**You're a father lover**We should do each other's dads**Do each other's dads**

Hinata stood nervously in front of the simple civilian house in which Sakura's father lived. She gripped the small gate that led to the yard in which she had seen the Haruno man sitting. She reminded herself to breath. This was one of the most nerve wracking things she had ever done but she was determined to succeed.

That, and she had had a crush on the man from the first time she saw him and now was the only chance she might get to be with him with his daughter's permission.

On that note she pushed the small gate open and strode with light steps along the path around the house and towards the wooden bench on which sat Haruno Toushiro sipping a small cup of chamomile tea.

He looked up at her in surprise, turquoise eyes taking in her pale lavender kimono decorated with a smattering of calla lilies and hydrangea.

"Hello, Toushiro-san…"

**I'm a father lover**You're a father lover**We should do each other's dads**Do each other's dads**

Neji walked into the main branch of the Hyuuga compound with a small satisfied smirk on his face. He had just had a very satisfying spar with his only normal teammate and now was off to pay his respects to his uncle during their usual formal lunch.

These visits usually meant very, very small talk, hn's, and being properly stoic while enjoying the food that while good, was usually very simple and plain. ('Luxury granted by status must be partaken in sparingly and only when proper.' –Hiashi on his diet.) So it came as a surprise when he entered the room to see the table set with a colorful, exotic array of sushi and umeboshi onigiri. Thus Neji's eyebrow began to make very good friends with his forehead protector.

Then he heard giggling coming from the hallway leading to his uncle's room. He would assuage his curiosity by using his Byakugan but that would be impolite. Just when he thought the visit couldn't get any weirder, his uncle's quiet chuckle met his ears and Neji's eyebrow let go of their Hyuuga pride and cowered near Neji's hairline.

The appearance of the Hyuuga clan head when he entered the room was enough to send Neji into shock and the person that was walking next to, this being a very loose definition of the expression as her hand was creeping its way into the front of Hiashi's robe and her lips her precariously close to his ear, his uncle was enough to send him straight into a coma.

The Hyuuga head looked…rumpled, for lack of a better word. His dark green jacket was missing and a small smile quirked his lips while the stressful set of his brows was relaxed until only very faint lines were left to show his tendency to scrunch his brows together. The immaculate state of his hair was messed as well. It had been fondled into a state that was very similar to Neji's.

This might not have caused his eye to twitch in horror had it not been for Sakura. She had at least one hickey on every piece of skin exposed by his uncle's clothes. Dear Kami.


"Dammit, you were right! Who would have thought that the great Neji would faint just like that?" Sakura rubbed the back of her neck and made to help the unconscious prodigy but Hiashi restrained her.

"Why Sakura, I won the bet; are you trying to get out of giving me my winnings?" A devious smirk lit up Hiashi's features as he led the blushing Sakura back to the bedroom.

He had been shocked when Sakura had shown up in his bath house with every intention of getting into his fundoshi and so had told her, quite politly, to get the fuck out. She had taken offence to his tone until their argument had them tow to toe in various states of undress and argueing turned into kissing and kissing turned into other things.

It was only after words that they had began talking and laughing and learning each other. Hiashi liked Sakura and Sakura liked Hiashi and Neji disliked both of them.

**I'm a father lover**You're a father lover**We should do each other's dads**Do each other's dads**

"No need to be shy Hinata-koi…" Toushiro took the blushing woman's arm in his as he walked her back to her apartment. While he was shocked that someone of her caliber was interested in a man like him her sweet demeanor drew him in like all of the other women who threw themselves at him couldn't.

Despite all of her nervous advances, Toushiro had no intention of doing such things with a proper woman like her without proper observance of courting rituals. So they had spent hours just talking until Hinata came out of her shell and showed her sparkling sense of humor and wit, unknowingly endearing herself to the man more. After that and in spite of all of his honorable intentions they had just come together naturally.

Hinata smiled up at her lover and felt just… wonderful. He was sweet and they connected on so many levels it was amazing. They carried on in their silent companionship until they stopped in front of her apartment and the Haruno man leaned down to kiss her goodbye.


They broke apart quickly and looked at the once-more unconscious Hyuuga Neji. The pink haired woman holding up his slumped form sighed.

"Damn, Hina-chan, your cousin just can't stay conscious today. Could you get Tenten? It's a good thing that she lives next door, I don't want to have to drag this lump any farther than I have to." Sakura continued mumbling complaints under her breath while her father gradually faded from a healthy tan to a odd combination of green and angry red.

"Sa-sakura-chan, is that a- did you- Oh, Kami…"


"Dammit what is with people today?"

A. All right, try not to be too weirded out by the couple.

B. I am making Hia-kun Kakashi's age thirty-four and yes, that does mean that he was married and had his first child at fourteen (his wife was older and it was an arranged marriage) . What can I say? The Hyuuga clan is fucked up as it gets (other than the Uchiha clan…).

C. Hinata and Sakura are about twenty here.

D. Haruno Toushiro is the same deal except his early baby makingness was the result of a whirlwind romance and marriage to his older sister, Haruno-now-Matsumoto Rangiku's, best friend.

E. I do not own anything that relates to Bleach, Naruto, or Mother Lover by Lonely Island in any way, shape, or form.