Oh kink memes – why must you supply me with an endless supply of silly ideas.

Anyways, this is for a request that Barnaby solicits/attempts to solicit a prostitute resembling Kotetsu. So, um, yeah.

Also, I have discovered that fanfiction dot net hates interrobangs. And their own url. What's up with that?


"Er, hello. Before I start, this is the number for... escorts, right?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Does that include... er, male escorts?"

"Oh, certainly."

"Ah, good. Wouldn't have wanted to call the wrong number. Ha hah."

"There's no need to feel embarrassed. We provide services for thousands of clients – female and male. Anyways, how can I be of help?"

"Um, I was wondering, do you allow for... uh, specific requests?"

"Yes we do, although there is an additional fee, and we can't guarantee that anyone within our employ will match your tastes. Is that all right?"

"Yeah. Money's no problem."

"Very well then, what are you looking for in particular?"

"Um, let's see... Asian, slightly taller than average... uh, moderately muscular, kinda leggy, some facial hair...

"M'hmm. Anything else?"

"Yes, actually... Er, I know this is a little weird for an escort request, but do you have anyone in their mid-to-late thirties?"

"Yes, I believe we do. In fact, you'll be happy to know that we have someone that matches all of your specifications."

"You do?"

"Oh, sure. Your request is quite common, actually. You'd be surprised at how many closet Wild Tiger fans there are."

"Wild Ti- You're telling me that one of your most common orders is for Wild Tiger look-alikes?"

"Quite so. It's especially popular with men."

"... I guess that makes sense..."

"Anyways, we'll send you one of our escorts within the hour, Mr. Brooks. We do need to inform you that payment may vary depending on the acts requested."

"Sure... Wait, did you just call me...?"

"Mr. Brooks?"

"How do you know my name?"

"Oh, everybody knows the name of Barnaby Brooks Jr.. Your reputation precedes you."

"Barnaby Brooks- Look, I think you have the wrong person."

"Oh, no. Unless the caller identification system is on the fritz, I am quite certain that I am talking to is the great Barnaby Brooks Jr.."


"Well, of course. It's company policy for us to run proper background and credit checks of prospective clients. We have to keep our employees safe, after all."

"Shit, shit, shit! How the hell could I forget caller ID!"

"Mr. Brooks, is everything all right?"

"No! No it isn't! Goddammit. Look, cancel my order? In fact, pretend I never called, alright? Fuck."

"Mr. Brooks, I'm afraid I can't understand what you're saying. Could you please speak more clear-"


And so ends the first and last time Barnaby Brooks Jr. ever considered hiring a prostitute.