Hello. i am very very busy for exams. no time to update any of my other fics. but i wrote this oneshot during bio class one day :D dedicated to my newly converted kuroshitsuji fan: Genevieve Ho of class 2E1, TKGS. yes, yes, your dear friend Geraldine is announcing this to the whole wide world. no worries im a crazy fan too. a crazier one than you :D
Sebastian placed Ciel down, on the ground next to the blocks with such strange, soft tenderness, it hurt like there was something forcing its way through his heart, making it ache with dull ice. A flicker of confusion shone in Ciel's sapphire eye, the Faustian contract pale and glinting in the dark.
'Bocchan, do you think you could close your eyes?' The butler's voice washed over the boy's ears, the only gentle existence in the wild, cruel world—the very core of deceit. 'I don't wish for you to see me in my true form.'
In the background, the crazed angel laughed maniacally.
Ciel paused, letting the words register, then he slid his eyes shut. 'I understand.'
Sebastian's smile widened slightly as he studied the naïve, innocent face of the boy with his eyes closed. He noticed how vulnerable the Earl was.
He stood up and turned towards the angel. 'Now,' he said, his voice unnaturally smooth. 'I can fight.' The white glove slipped off the pale hand of the demon, the material caught in his teeth, and as he released it, fluttered like a dying butterfly onto the ground.
Ciel felt a shudder resonating within him. The air was tense, and he could feel the danger of the demon vibrating through the ground as feather filled the night.
There was a numbing crash, and the angel's strangled scream cut the air, rippling the eerie peace woven in the intricate stars before.
The force of the blow sent Ciel skidding to the side of the bridge, and in his desperation, Ciel gripped tight on the edge of the metal, dangling, feeling the empty space beneath his feet. His arm trembled, the bullet wound in his side throbbing as he forced himself not to open his eye.
'Bocchan,' Sebastian's voice rang out. 'Can you manage to stay alive until I count to ten?'
Ciel felt the aching in his chest amplify. 'Yeah.'
Ciel heard the noise around him fade, and the painfully familiar memory replaced reality. He was suspended in the air, the dull ache of the actual pain flooding his body.
Feathers—black and white—drifted down the void. A shadow stood to the side.
'Why have you summoned me?' the voice dripped with contempt and amusement. 'You should know that once you have sold yourself to me, you can go to neither heaven nor hell.'
Ciel's face has broken into a smile. 'Would someone who believes in heaven summon you?'
The voice had laughed. 'Very well.'
And then his own voice had broken the memory. 'This is an order: kill them all!'
The tortured screams of his kidnappers in the memory merged into the angel's wrenching cry.
Ciel felt his own heart grow cold, squeezed by an invisible hand. He had only wanted revenge. But over the two years, he had grown so used to the demon's voice he couldn't imagine a day without it.
Slowly, he started to harbor a new desire. A foolish, impossible longing.
He wanted the demon to care for him.
Sebastian's voice sent another line of fire through his chest.
He wanted Sebastian to care for him—not to go about pretending he did—but mean it.
He wanted his gentle hands to be sincere, not just to be a part of his job as a butler.
But he knew that the demon's only goal was his soul, and not to make him feel wanted.
If Sebastian were to find something better, Ciel had doubted that the demon would still stay by him and get ordered around.
He felt like the feelings he had were slowly pressed together, until they were as thin as paper. He suspected the demon knew of his idiocy in hoping for such a useless feeling, but chose to ignore them, for the wellbeing of him.
For the wellbeing of the both of them.
He wondered when the first time he ever showed his helplessness was. But he already knew.
Sebastian held the candelabra, the lit wax flickering, lighting up the large room, giving everything a dim, yellow glow. 'Goodnight, Bocchan.'
The butler turned to walk out.
The butler stopped. 'Is there anything wrong?'
'Stay with me until I fall asleep.'
Sebastian's lips had quirked up, and he had raised his eyebrows. 'Oh? Is Bocchan showing me his weak side?'
'Shut up. It's an order.'
The demon had smirked. 'Yes, my Lord.'
Ciel's breath hitched. Seven had passed without him knowing. His arm threatened to fall limp, his fingers were on the edge of letting go. Soon, it'd be over.
He didn't want everything to end. He wanted Sebastian to show that he cared. That he was more than a butler. That their connection wasn't simply that of a master and demon bound by a Faustian contract.
He didn't want the reason Sebastian lingered around him to be because of his soul. Damn the soul. He didn't care about it at all.
The racing adrenaline made Ciel's whole body tremble, anticipating the next number.
He thought about what he was doing, realizing that all he'd ever done was because of a single demon butler who had faithfully stood by him.
The desire in him was so great it burned. The wanting to be cared for, to be loved.
It would be better for the both of them if it ended this way. He'd lose the pain, but he'd take it with him to wherever he was going.
'Ten. Bocchan, it's all right now.'
That was it. Ciel gave an ironic smile as he opened his eyes to look at Sebastian. He'd kept his promise. He'd closed his eyes and waited for Sebastian to count to ten.
He hesitated, but his fingers let the bridge go. He let go of the only thing holding him, tying him to the mystery called life. He'd let the spider's thread break. Falling down.
He saw the stunned face of the demon, one hand outstretched, reaching out towards him, as if he had intended to pull the boy up.
Ciel let his eyes close again, filling his mind with the memories and images of Sebastian Michaelis, how he had sounded like.
He heard that same gentle tone of the demon caressing his ear. 'Liar,' he said, a hint of a smile in his voice.
That was right. Ciel Phantomhive was a liar. He had lied to Sebastian.
And he had lied to himself.
The water felt cold as it opened to swallow him.
A/N: all righttt. so please review :D it's just a oneshot, but i liked writing it. it made me feel sad though. i wish there's a season 3 or somethingg. the ending was just so freaking abrupt. PLEASE REVIEW :D