The Magic of Television

It had been six whole months since the great "Cullen battle" (as everyone seemed to be calling it) and the Volturi where starting to get bored. But instead of finding people to rip to shreds they invested in a TV...

Alec and Jane where sitting staring out a window that viewed the street below. It was late evening but there was still a few people about.

Jane pointed at a fat man attempting to jog, "Epic fail, can I burn him?"

Alec replied, "No."

Jane pointed at a woman who looked like she was drunk and was staggering down an alleyway. "Can I burn her?"

Alec once again replied, "No."

Jane looked down again, practically everyone had left by now, but Jane laughed and spoke again, "Can I burn you?"

Jane saw a glimpse of fear in his eyes but he bravely said, "I'd like to see you try!"

Alec dropped to the ground in pain, Jane threw her head back and laughed. But then Alec fought back.

"UGLY BABY JUDGES YOU!" He yelled.

Jane stopped and screamed, "NOT A FRIENDS QUOTE!" She ran to the door.

Alec chased after her with his fingers on his forehead in the shape of an "L" and went, "GLEEK, GLEEK, GLEEK!"

Jane screamed and as she passed Caius and Marcus in the main room she yelled, "Somebody help me!"

Caius just snorted and muttered, "Twins."

Alec closely followed singing Katy Perry's "Firework".

Marcus just said, "Oh! I just love that song!"

Caius replied, "Katy Perry? Is there something you would like to tell us?"

That shut him up.

*Twenty Minutes Later*

The three leaders of the Volturi sat there watching a DVD. It was called "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets".

"I love this; bring me the rest of the series!" Aro ordered the one of the guard.

*Eight DVDs later*

"BRING ME HARRY POTTER! I have a bone to pick with him..." Aro demanded.

"Uh... like the character or the person?" One of the guard asked cautiously.

"What did I say? Harry Potter!" He repeated.

The guard went and found a couple of his friends and explained the situation. Nobody wanted to anger Aro by telling him Harry Potter wasn't real. One of the smarter guards came up with an idea. "Why don't we just dress someone up?"

"Brilliant!"

So they dressed up a dark haired guard to look like Harry. With a little felt tip, a pair of glasses and a broom. The felt tip for the lightning bolt said, "permanent" but they didn't tell the fake harry that- they figured he would find out, and anyway, it was bound to fade in a few hundred years...

The guard "Harry" walked before Aro and stood waiting for his reaction.

"So, Harry," Aro began, "I have a couple of questions, First of all I'd like to quiz you about this 'screaming' thing you do in your first year at Hogwarts."

"What about it?" The Harry-vampire looked at his friends for support, only for them to mouth 'go with it'.

"For seeing a three headed dog you seemed pretty un-scared. I didn't see much enthusiasm... where you sleepwalking or something?" Aro continued.

"Harry" just stood there, unsure what to say. He hadn't watched Harry Potter before. He spent most of his time watching Dragon's Den...

"Never mind then. BRING ME VOLDEMORT! He seemed like the kind of chap who would be my friend." Aro stated.

"Harry" and his friends went back downstairs to discuss their options.

The palest of the friends, who kept getting glances from the others, was quick to say, "Sorry, but you aren't chopping off my hair, ears and nose just to look like the "Dark Lord."

The friends once again walked in front of Aro to present his request. Only it wasn't someone dressed up this time...

In the hands of the guard namely 'Patrick', was a fluffy little white kitten which they had named, the "Dark Lord"

Aro sat up, "So this is the one? The one who attempted to kill Harry Potter?" then he spoke directly to the kitten, "Don't worry, I have the same problem with the Cullens, so, what do you do when you are not causing a commotion?"

"Meow." said the dark lord.

Aro screamed, "GAH ITS SO SCARY! Dark Lord, teach me your secrets!"

The friends exchanged looks that said, 'yes, he really has lost it.'

"I declare everyone has to watch Harry Potter!" Aro said, holding his evil kitten.

"MEOW!"

Please review :D and a huge thank-you to my beta and best friend, Nangelgirl923 :) Who always Edits my stuff without question.