8. Batman and Aro

Guess what guys? *drum roll* A new chapter! YAY! So enjoy. :D

I don't own any characters etc. Except Patrick.

A notice was posted on the door addressed to all members of the Volturi;

Dear muppets who I employ,

Shut up! Point made?

Therefore the "meh na meh na" song is completely and utterly banned!

You have been warned: I mean it!


Ps. That means you too Jane.

"I have news for you Master," Jane said in her favourite morbid tone, "It would seem news of your...greatness, has got out and they have made a chocolate bar in your honour. They call it-" she paused dramatically. "AERO BUBBLES!"

Alec burst out laughing. Jane kicked him, maybe a little too hard and he fell over, still laughing.

"Silence! How dare you call me a bubble?! This is very out of character for you, Alec, usually you show a bit more self preservation. Any way, consider yourself grounded. TWO WEEKS IN THE TOWER WITH THE WIVES!" Aro pulled a gavel out of his his cloak pocket, and banged it on the table. Alec shuddered.

"No, not the Wives' Tower!" He shouted, as two large guards began to drag him out of the room, "all they ever do is watch Desperate Housewives and Eastenders reruns!"

"Why do you think we keep them there?" Caius mumbled darkly, cheerful as usual.

"NO!" Alec shrieked. "No, I'll miss Glee! I need to know what happens! I NEED KLAINE!" His protests were ignored as the guards continued to drag him away.

Jane slipped out of the room, quickly forming a plan. Maybe the Aero incident would be forgotten quickly and she could break him out later. Just maybe...

[I'd like to point out how weird I think it is that Stephenie Meyer locked these people in a tower for three and two thirds of the books, but whatever, I can roll.]

They dragged poor Alec down what seemed like an endless, twisting underground corridor. It was quite a trip. After about thirty minutes, he pulled out his iPod.

"Do you mind?"He asked. They pulled it out of his hands. Alec sulked.

The guards only stopped once. "Hey is that my shoe, you know the one I lost last year?" asked Corin, [also known as Guard #1] hopefully.

"Did it squeak and have a tail?" replied Felix sarcastically. He was Guard #2.

"I don't think so..." For a species with a supposedly eidetic memory, Corin was awfully forgetful. Felix scoffed.

"Then that's a rat, keep moving." Felix sighed. He always ended up with these stupid jobs.

*40 minutes later*

"Baby, you're a fiiirrreeework!" Alec sang. He didn't need his iPod, anyway. He had the voice of an angel, obviously.

"We're here," Felix huffed as he shoved him into the main room. It was nicely decorated, yet very old fashioned. Except for a modern fish tank near the doorway. Alec peered inside. No fish, curious.

"Good luck, kid, you're going to need it," Corin handed him back his iPod as a sign of manly support, then slapped him on the back encouragingly.

Unfortunately, this caused Alec's iPod to fly into the water, making a very impressive firework display.

Alec just stared in shock. His precious Katy Perry...

And it only got worse from there.


"How have I not heard of this before?" Aro said between laughter.

"Because we only got a TV recently. When they first came out Marcus was all like, 'TV's are evil-they will steal our souls!'" Caius explained, putting on a squeaky voice for effect.

Aro chuckled, "Oh Marcus had his funny ways before I killed- I mean my sister died. Remember that afro wig he used to wear? Just to blend in with those humans. Anyhow, Batman 1966 is hilarious. And how on earth did Catwoman run in those heels?"

"Ha, simple." Marcus said. Aro raised an eyebrow. "Wait, I mean, Jane says it's easy!" Marcus stuttered.

"I just had a marvellous idea; a contest! Go find the others. Now."

*At the so called 'tower'*

"Welcome to Athenodora and Sulpicia's; may I help you?"

Jane stared at the cheery woman. Her name tag was so long! "I've come to collect Alec," She said awkwardly. 'All those episodes off supernatural put me way off schedule.' She thought. 'Felix told me to collect him a week ago.'

"Oh, that's fine- did you enjoy your holiday? What breed is he?"

"Uh, sorry?" Jane was puzzled.

"Collie, terrier, lab- oh; you're looking for the Alec. Sorry," Athenodora became flustered, "We keep a kennel here too. It's why we never get out; it keeps us ever so busy." She paused, then horror flashed across her face, "Oh no!" She began to apologise.

What now? Jane thought to herself. She didn't trust people who were so cheerful when they hadn't fed in weeks.

"We've been so busy- we forgot to let him out of his room the entire time! Follow me, please." She rushed down a corridor were a symphony of barking could be heard before apologising and turning round again, "wrong corridor," she hurried down the opposite, more quiet, wing.

Athenodora [oh why did I choose the long name?] frantically patted down her pockets before producing a key and then dropping it several times. As you do.

*When the door finally gets unlocked*

In the middle of the room sat an obviously traumatised child. His eyes were wide and he was rocking back and forth to the theme tune of yet another episode of Eastenders. In the background, someone called Janine pushed someone off a cliff. Alec thinks Janine may have been a vampire.

"I've never been so happy to see your scowl, sis." He ran up and hugged his twin, "It was terrible- they locked me in this room with ugly wallpaper, the TV was on repeat, I tried to turn it over but it was pin protected! Who does that?" He wailed.

"Aw, it's okay! We'll go back to the main building and you can do my homework for me." Jane suggested, seizing the opportunity as she saw it. Nothing got Alec more crazed then Glee-deprivation and prolonged exposure to British soap operas.


Jane turned to the still distressed, Athenodora. "How much do I owe you?"

Upon re-entering the throne room the twins got quite a shock.

Aro, Caius, Marcus, Demetri and Patrick were racing around a home made race track at not-so-vampire-speed; in five pairs of sparkly six inch high heels no less. They were all hopeless. Not even Patrick's drawn on lightning bolt gave him any help.

All hopeless... except for Marcus.

THANKS TO MY BETA hope for eternity! *applause* WHOOT!

As a side note, thank goodness for the coven list at the back of Breaking Dawn. I would've been lost without it. (My beta says she would have been, too.)




Ps. The 1966 version of Batman is downright ridiculous. Like the modern versions, only sillier! Therefore perfect for this story! Just so you know. ;)