Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author.

A/N Hi. :)

So, when I wrote Chapter 12, I had an overabundance of smut in my system that led to this 9 page smutastic fest. Yeesh. I don't want to postpone the plot for another chapter, so I decided to make this an outtake.

The important thing to note about this outtake is that it is part of the course of events. This is not a fantasy. If it were, I would have had Bella and Edward fucking on that train from Brooklyn to the Bronx LOL. Alas, it is rooted in reality.

This outtake occurs after Chapter 12 "What Dreams May Come" and before Chapter 13 "Pain" When you get to "Pain," the events in this outtake will be alluded to and summarized.

Hope you guys like it. All 5 of you. :)

Perchance to Dream Outtake- Life

May 22, 2010

"I should... I should shower," Edward said against my lips, before kissing me again.

We were in the lobby of The New School Theater. The red velvet couch where he told me he never wanted to leave me was still against the wall beneath the vintage Cat on a Hot Tin Roof poster. The lobby was dark and quiet, our sneakers sinking into the thick carpet as we made our way to the elevators.

"We should shower," I said, moaning when his hands cupped my ass near the elevator. He pinned me up against the buttons, and we heard the elevator ding. With his pelvis against me, I noticed how hard his cock was becoming after I said that. It had softened during our walk over here.

He stopped kissing me to look at me, surprise flashing across his eyes.

"You want to take a shower... together?" He gulped, leaning against the wall on his left elbow. He laughed nervously, scratching his head. "I don't think we have time..."

"We'll make time." I smirked, leaning into him. Reaching down for his belt, I started to unbuckle it, the anticipation making my fingers tingle and my nipples harden. We shared an intense gaze as I whipped out the heavy leather from the loops in his jeans.

Unlike on the train, he did not stop me. The black elevator doors opened when I fingered the button of his jeans.

"Did she touch you here?" I asked him, unbuttoning his jeans as we walked into the elevator. The doors closed behind him as I unzipped. His eyes were like huge orbs as he haphazardly smacked the button for the third floor with the back of his hand.

He was silent, his jaw tense, staring down at my steady hands on his zipper. He looked like he was concentrating on not losing control, his eyes distant. The closer I got to his striped red and white boxers, the deeper his breathing became. He followed me to the middle of the elevator as if in a trance. I kissed his neck, licking it, pulling at the waistband of his boxers, the rough patch of hair below his belly button scratching the back of my hand.

"Did she ever satisfy you?" I whispered into his neck. His chest heaved against mine and his shaky breaths stopped altogether as I slipped my hand inside of his boxers.

The elevator rang around us and the doors opened behind him, breaking him out of the trance. He removed my hand before I felt anything, buttoning his jeans again. He couldn't look at me as he led me out to a dimly-lit hallway. Our sneakers squeaked against the wooden floors and echoed around us until we approached a white painted door with a bronze doorknob. He faced me again, leaning against the door.

"One of these days, that audacious mouth of yours will get you into trouble," he said, finally looking up at me. His lips curled to the right and I smiled in response.

"What are you gonna do about it?" I asked. "Spank me?" I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his lips quickly. When I lowered my heels down to the ground, he slapped my ass.

"That and more, Bella."

I lifted my hands to his chest and kissed him ready for more as he fished his pockets for his keys. Three years is a long time to be with someone, and I had a feeling they got to third base at least. How could she refuse this beautiful man? And considering how thick his cock felt on the train, there was no way they didn't fondle. This was Edward Cullen for goodness sakes! What was wrong with that girl?

His heartbeat raced beneath my palms when he ended our kiss to unlock the door. Then, he pulled me into the room. He flipped the switch, florescent bulbs flickering above us.

We were in a large dressing room; photos of legendary stage actors that I couldn't name, as well as Marlon Brando and Paul Newman, adorned the wall. There was a white couch against the wall, manuscripts littering the seats, and the sour smell of stale cigarettes filled the air. I figured it to be Edward's dressing room. This was where he gathered his most private thoughts and prepared to tantalize audiences night after night.

He could not have brought many people back here, only those who were special to him.

The posters and everything else soon faded away. When Edward took off his shirt, flinging it over to the couch, I could have been in seventh circle of hell and not cared.


Edward stood before me like a stand-in for Newman in Cat on a Hit Tin Roof. Every muscle on his body was taut and toned. Little blond hairs mixed in with the auburn and his freckles spanned not only his chest but his shoulders.

He had the arms of a man: strong and rough along his biceps and forearms, soft and pliant near the crease of his elbows. Every muscle on his bicep and in his forearm flexed as my fingers trailed down the soft blond hair on his heated skin. I touched the soft hair on his chest, my raucous heartbeat deafening. I bet freckles were all over his back. I wanted to see more when he pushed his jeans and boxers to the ground.

"Dammit." I bit my lip. He smiled briefly at that.

This was better than a dream. This was real life.

His cock bobbed up near his belly button as he kicked off his sneakers and jeans. It swayed as he took a step towards me, his eyes pushing the limits of normalcy. They spoke to me in a language beyond anything my mind could comprehend. They commanded my body and soul.

I lifted my sticky t-shirt off, my nipples hard against my cotton bra, which Edward unclasped as soon as I pulled my shirt over my head. His bare cock being so close to me for the first time did fucked up things to my mind.

I wanted to suck it. I wanted to ride it. I wanted him to slam it inside of me as he fucked me doggystyle. I wanted so many things at once yet knew we didn't have time. We needed at least an hour to explore our bodies alone.

I unbuttoned my jeans as he flung my bra to the couch. Staring at my breasts, he looked at me as if I was a goddess.

I pushed my jeans off along with my panties, turning slightly and bending over for him so he had a nice shot of my ass. My thighs trembled as I watched his bare feet inch closer. I stood up and felt his left hand slide down my ass. His rough palms tickled my skin.

"Fuck!" We cursed together in sweet harmony. My skin heated up all around my body from the instant contact. When our gazes met, he squeezed my ass, pulling my body into him. Our bodies blushed to a deep pink as we met and held each other close. His cock pulsed on my tummy and I lost my head, pulling him to the couch.

"Be with me." I needed him inside of me. Who cared if he was late to his workshop? I didn't. And it was more than okay for him to think that I was a slut. I didn't need dignity. Who needed respect? I just had to fuck him.

But when I reached down to touch his cock, he carefully lifted my hand, intertwining our fingers.

"Let's go... go to the shower," he said, shakily. "I- I can't do that with you right now." His left hand cupped my face as I pouted, gazing longingly at the couch.

"Why not?"

Edward sighed, following my gaze to the couch. "We won't have time. We only have ten minutes."

I wrapped my arms around him and rubbed my cheek on his chest. The soft chest hair was like feathers against my skin.

"We can do so much in ten minutes. Look at what we did in five on the train," I whined. I did not like being denied anything, especially good cock.

Edward lifted my face from his chest, still smiling.

"I know. I rushed through that. I refuse to rush through anything again with you." He kissed my forehead.

"I'm fine with rushing, really," I said, dropping my arms from his waist and tugging him towards the couch. He remained stock still.

"Edward," I pouted.

He grinned. "Later. Let's shower."

He turned around leading me to his bathroom which was at the far end of the room. That was when I saw them.

Brown freckles ran along his shoulder blades and down his back. I couldn't help but touch him. His skin was so soft there, and I felt goosebumps rise beneath my palms as he trembled. I loved that I gave him goosebumps with one touch. What would his skin look like when I made him cum?

He flipped on another light switch, facing me again, squeezing my hands. His eyes were apologetic for some reason.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, caressing his cheek.

He smiled bashfully as he turned on the water, silent for a moment.

"I... I don't have... um... I have to pick up some condoms. You know..."

Of course he had to pick up some condoms. Jane would burn his cock off if he had condoms when they were together. Bitch.

I shook my head.

"It's okay," I said, even though it was far from it. I had imagined us making love all night in here on his couch, against the wall, on the floor...

"I know," he frowned, regretful. "I'll cut out the Q&A and be back before you know it."

I nodded, ignoring the thoughts running through my mind about how fast we were going. At least, I was trying to. Now that my thoughts had cleared a bit, I kept repeating to myself, He didn't think I was a slut. He didn't think I was a slut...

The spray of the water was hot and looked hard, steam rising around us. The tiles were gray and industrial. The light above us was harsh and it smelled like Clorox in here. But as Edward stepped into the tub ahead of me and offered his hand to help me in, I might as well have walked onto a meadow straight out of A Midsummer Night's Dream.

"Is it okay if I... I mean," he stopped, clearing his throat. He was so nervous, and after what we did on the train, it surprised me. Then again, we hadn't been completely nude. And the way he kept glancing at my breasts and my pussy was so embarrassing but exhilarating at the same time.

I rubbed his chest, my heart fluttering. I was more anxious than nervous. I wanted to touch every freckle on his body and it frustrated me to no end that I didn't have time.

"What do you want to do?" I was soothing Edward Cullen. Yes, I, Bella Swan.

"Uh, wash up. We should be out of here in a couple minutes."

I nodded, smiling. I massaged his shoulders. "You're so tense, Edward. Don't be."

He took a deep breath and unscrewed the cap of a bottle of Irish Spring. He poured some of the white creamy liquid onto his hands and rubbed them together, then he rubbed it onto my shoulders, staring at my breasts the entire time and I had to laugh.

"What?" he asked, pouring more of the soap onto his hands. I breathed it in as he massaged it onto my tummy. The scent reminded me of our meeting in the lobby after the matinee. Irish Spring.

"Sometimes, I feel like I'm surrounded by ghosts. I don't know many people who are real, anymore. They're all smoke and mirrors. Seeing you now... you're more real than anyone else."

I ran my fingers up and down his arms. He was real. The ghost was long gone and replaced by flesh and bone, by life.

"You keep staring. It's kind of embarrassing," I said, my face growing hot. I fingered the short hairs on the back of his hands.

"Oh! Sorry." Quickly, he shifted his gaze to my eyes, and I chuckled, shaking my head. He knit his eyebrows together. "What?"

"I'm flattered. You can stare." I grinned, squeezing his hands. His long soapy fingers folded over mine. "And it's okay if you touch me where you really want to."

He bit his upper lip with a single nod. "Okay. Okay."

He was so damn cute and after that he was calmer but refused my offer. For goodness sakes, he washed my back next. I felt like I was in nursery school.

He kissed my forehead as I took the bottle from him wanting to touch more of him than his shoulders, abs, and back. I squeezed a creamy dollop onto my palm when that old Madonna song my mom used to play while she painted came to mind.

"I don't wanna be your mother. I don't wanna be your sister, either. I just wanna be your lover."

Damn right, bitch.

I looked up at him, kissing him softly on his lips, then I pulled back, my stomach muscles tight as I lowered my gaze from his heavy-lidded eyes to his thick pink cock.

I hitched my breath as I slowly slid my left hand down his hard shaft.

"Fuck!" He squeezed his eyes shut, pounding the tiled wall to his right with his fist and squeezing my left shoulder. I marveled at how smooth the head of his cock was. It was like the skin of a grape, with a slight dip in the middle. I slowly pumped him, my right hand eventually joining my left.

The lather was slippery and thick along his smooth skin. It dribbled from the head of his cock onto my toes like cum. Licking my lips, my mouth watered for a taste. With all the chocolate he ate, I wondered if he would taste as rich and sweet...

"Ah!" He leaned back against the tiles, thrusting his cock into my hands. I watched it lengthen and fill my hands as if it were my first time. It might as well have been, it's been a year since I had seen one, let alone touched one.

The soap washed away, making the thrusts less slick. I slowed the motion, staring at how tight his jaw became and how his nose flared as he struggled to catch his breath. He shut his eyes, his eyelashes dark and wet along his cheekbones. I leaned into his neck, licking his salty skin.

"Come for me," I cooed in his ear. I wanted to hear my name spill over and over from his lips. Whatever Jane did to him would be undone right now.

"Fucking..." He hummed this sweet high note, finally opening his eyes. Liquid lust rose, bubbling right below the surface of his gaze. I pressed my body into his, closing my fingers around his hot cock. He was so big now the tips of my fingers couldn't meet.

"Yes, Edward." His thrust sped up for me so that I didn't move my hand at all. His hands clapped across my cheeks, pulling my lips up onto his.

I moaned into the kiss, his tongue heavy and wild in my mouth. All of the passion from his eyes moments ago swirled from his kiss down into my depths. I felt so full of him yet continued to yearn for more. When his hands dived to my hips, he yanked me into him fast. To my sheer delight, the head of his cock slapped my tummy as our bodies collided.

"God, yes!" I ended the kiss, rubbing my cheek against his. I cried out, "Yes!"

With his head bent over mine, his cock glided along my skin and my nipples hardened against the soft hair on his chest. Our eyes were only an eyelash apart, but I still did not feel he was close enough. I needed him closer.

Tiny sparks zinged across my legsand they moved as if on a life of their own. My left leg hitched up around his thigh and his right hand dropped from my hip to my knee. He hoisted my leg up higher over his hip.

We were so close to fucking. If I lifted my other leg, we would be. The way his hands roamed my ass, slapping it like he did on the train, I was at the precipice of reason. Back when we had so many inhibitions, all I wanted to do was feel him cum inside of me. Now, we were here with nothing separating us but my own shame.

I can't be a slut. Not again. Not like I was with Sam last year. We've gone too far already. First, fondling on a train in public, now this? Edward will never respect me if we do this now.

"Let's slow down," I said. My fingers were sore, loosening around the head of his cock. Like a gentlemen, he slowed his thrusts immediately then he shut his eyes, shaking his head against my forehead.

"So close, Bella."

As I lowered my leg, he hissed, my tummy rubbing against his shaft.

"No." He moaned, his eyes opening lazily.

Suddenly, a hot substance hit my fingers, and I tore my eyes away from his to look down between us.

His cock glistened with clear precum, dribbling down onto my fingers. The shower water washed some of it away before I could do what I had wanted all afternoon—taste him. When he kissed my temple, some more dripped on my thumb. I swiftly lifted my right thumb to my lips.

Edward's eyes flew up, bugging out as they followed my thumb up to my lips. He cursed.

I sucked my thumb from the bottom to the tip, ending it with a pop. It was better than chocolate.

His eyes were lush with desire and something else I couldn't place, almost gratitude. I traced the line of his jaw with the backs of my fingers. With our hearts hammering against each other, our eyes blinked at the same time, wordlessly exchanging fantasies.

"Please make that the last time you stop," he mumbled. His hands rose to my face for a sweet, languorous kiss.

I slid my hand down his chest, his tense abs, and over his cock. His massive hands covered mine as I started the slow retreat down his shaft to the base. I imagined his hands squeezing my ass as he fucked me from behind.

"Mmm, Edward."

Picking up the pace once more, I licked my bottom lip. His cum must taste so fucking delicious. The first thing I'd have to do after the workshop is fill my mouth with his cock. I couldn't wait to feel his cum shoot up into my mouth. It wasn't that slutty to suck a guy before a first date… not really...

"Bella," he whispered against my lips. His scruff painfully scratched my cheek as he held my face and pressed my cheek to his. "Bella, don't stop. Bella..." His voice grew in intensity, becoming thin and reedy.

He wrapped his arms around me, his hips slamming hard against my hands. My arms were tired to the point of numbness, but I could not stop. I was so wet and my limbs were so ready to fuck. My body was at the brink, so close to fall over with him to the sweetest nirvana. His thrusts were frenzied. It felt so good helping him find his release, all within my palms.

"Bella..." I barely heard him say into my ear, his voice was so faint.

My clit pulsed between my legs, my hips responding to his thrusts with equal fervor. My eyes shut near his, his thrusts burning my palms they were so fast.

He squeezed me into him, the muscles in his abs tense and hard as stone against me. Then I felt the explosion thick against my tummy. When I opened my eyes, I felt another, every coiled muscle in our bodies springing free as I exhaled. He repeated my name with belabored breath. His skin was pink and red all over, goose bumps rising and falling along his forearms and the front of his thighs. My God, he was beautiful. So beautiful.

Moments passed and we remained this way, so close but still not close enough.

He pulled away and sighed, lowering his gaze to mine. He kissed me softly as I eventually let go of his cock. It softened in my hands.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" He kissed my neck, reaching down and squeezing my right hip.

"It was nothing." A year of jacking off like half of the guys in Modern Lit last year…

But when Edward pulled his face up to face me, he looked like I had just saved his cock from castration.

"It's not, Bella. You have no idea."

"What do you mean?"

He shook his head, resting his hands over my shoulders. He massaged my collarbone with his thumbs. "It's been hard. Very hard." He gave a low whistle.

"You mean… I was just being presumptuous in the elevator. She never even touched…"

Edward bowed his head and reached for the body wash in the caddy to his right. "Let's just finish up."

His eyes were that viridian steel I hated, the shade that meant Jane was behind it. Did Jane not touch him at all? I assumed they fondled at least. Unbelievable.

"She doesn't have to be off limits, you know. You can say her name around me and I won't break out in hives or anything," I said, grinning, trying to lighten the mood.

"I would rather not talk about her," he said, pouring the soap in his hand and rinsing my tummy.

"But I don't want you to shut down like this."

"I'm not." He looked up at me, his eyes clear once more. "We're not talking about it, that's all."

"We won't need an understanding. I won't demand anything of you," I said, turning the shower off. Edward fetched some towels, not answering. "Or try to make you into someone you're not."

As we dried off, he leaned down to kiss me on my lips, his fervent tongue reaching down right to my throbbing pussy as if it were a ticking time bomb. Great, an hour. An entire hour of waiting.

That mix of desire and gratitude in his eyes returned then he hugged me tight to him.

"I know, Bella," he said against my temple. He kissed it, holding me into him as we walked back into the dressing room. "Let's forget about her. You don't need to worry. She's out of my life, our lives, for good, okay?"

But when I looked up into his eyes, the steel hadn't cracked.

Shit. He wasn't telling me everything about Jane. Shit.

I had to get it out of him. Sometime tonight, before we put the Magnum condoms to good use, I would find out what it was.

A/N: Bye :)