Major Cuteness

The Adventures of Nerdy Carter and First Sergeant O'Neill: Episode V

Based upon Stargate: SG-1

Continuation of Chapter V of "Alternatives," "The Feynman Lectures on Physics," "The Argument for Tau," and "Factual Errors and Omissions."

This one is more about Janet and Daniel, than Jack and Sam.

- . - - - . -

The phone rang in the Infirmary. That, in itself, was not unusual. It was then immediately handed over to her, again not unusual. What was unusual was that General West was on the end of the line telling her SG-1 was coming back early. Well, that wasn't too unusual, considering SG-1, but it was never a good sign.

The stargate had activated and Teal'c's voice had come over the radio. From what Janet understood, as relayed to her by General West, there was something wrong with SG-1. Teal'c didn't know what. They were all suddenly very fatigued.

Fatigued as in - could barely stay awake.

Concerned about some kind of pathogen, Janet initiated quarantine procedures. She cleared a straight path from the Embarkation room to the Infirmary. As she headed down to receive them, she adjusted the mask over her mouth and her gloves.

She stood in front of the stargate and watched four people walk through. Dan was leaning heavily on Teal'c. Sam was basically suspended between Teal'c and First Sergeant O'Neill. Everyone but Teal'c looked as if they were about to fall asleep. "Alright," she said, "Bring them down. Get them on the gurneys, and get them to the infirmary." She was glad she brought the gurneys down, she doubted the three of them could have made it up to the infirmary of their own accord.

As they laid down, except for Teal'c, they curled up, hugging themselves. Janet leaned over Dan. "Dan," she said. "Daniel, can you hear me?" she asked.

He turned his head and saw her. Immediately, he reached out for her. Janet took both of his hands in her own. She didn't want to get too close to him just yet so she pressed his hands against his chest. "It's okay, you're safe now." She stepped back from her husband and motioned to those steering the gurneys. "Let's get them upstairs and get some blood work going. Maintain quarantine procedures."

- . -

Janet had been taking SG-1's vital signs every fifteen minutes since they had gotten back. She was just waiting for the blood work to let them know if ay of them were contagious. She stepped up to Daniel, sitting slumped over on one of the beds, and started to fit the blood pressure cuff around his arm. He reached for her waist and pulled her towards him, resting his head on her breast. After a second, he went completely limp.

"Dan?" she asked, twisting a little to look at him. "Daniel!"

He jumped, but rested against her again.

He had fallen asleep. She continued to take his vitals as he rested against her. "Dan," she said softly, rousing him again. Janet helped him lay down, not resisting when he pulled her with him. She ran her fingers through his hair. "Sleep," she told him. "I'll be back later."

Dan released her and she stepped out of his grasp. Janet turned away from him to see Shirt and Sam sitting on another bed, leaning together and possibly asleep.

Airman Walsh was taking Sam's blood pressure and neither of them seemed to notice. They both seemed too exhausted to notice.

The phone rang in the Infirmary. Airman McAndrews picked it up. The conversation didn't last long, and McAndrews turned to her once she hung up the phone. "No contagions, Doctor. They're clean."

"Very well." Janet stepped over to Shirt and Sam. "Sam," she said softly, trying to get her attention without startling her. She touched Sam's shoulder and shook her gently. "Sam."

"Janet?" Sam asked, opening her eyes.

She looked groggy and confused. "Yeah. Listen, you don't have to stay here anymore. How about I find you and Jack a nice bed to sleep in?"

Sam nodded, trying to sit upright. Janet braced her. "Jack," Sam pushed her husband gently. "Jack, come on. It's time to go to bed."

Shirt woke up and tried to stand. Airman Walsh supported him. Walsh and Janet helped Sam and Shirt down the hall, into the elevator, and to one of the VIP rooms. Once there, Sam and Shirt pulled off their boots, shucked down to their skivvies and climbed into bed. They settled under the blankets and curled up with each other in the very center of the bed.

Janet smiled, finding the scene a little adorable. She still didn't understand what was going on here. Teal'c was fine, which was a slight encouragement. But, she had the fear that the rest of SG-1 would fall asleep and not wake up.

- . -

Janet sat in a chair next to her husband's bed. He and the other members of SG-1 had been sleeping for thirteen hours now. Though, judging by the latest test results she was looking at, they were going to be fine.

She glanced at Dan when she heard him shift. He opened his eyes.

"Hey, there," she said, scooting a little closer to him.


"How are you feeling?"

"Tired," he answered.

Janet nodded. "That's understandable. You've been asleep for thirteen hours."

"What?" he asked in a tone that would've sounded more surprised if he hadn't just woken up.

"Thirteen hours," she repeated.

"What happened?"

"We're not really sure. We sent Teal'c back to take some measurements, the lab is going through everything. But, whatever it was, your brain chemistry was completely out of sync."

"Is that why I'm so tired?"

"Yes, your levels are returning to normal, as are Shirt's and Sam's. But you had unprecedentedly high levels of gamma-aminobutyric acid and low levels of histamines, norepinephrine, serotonin, hypocretin and glutamine. That's why you were so tired. And your oxytocin levels were high which is why you kept trying to touch me and why Shirt and Sam were more publically affectionate than they usually are."

"What'd they do?" Dan asked, slightly concerned they embarrassed themselves.

"Just fell asleep on each other and when I took them to a VIP room, they curled up together like a pair of kittens. It was very cute."

Dan frowned. "I don't think you're allowed to describe a First Sergeant in the United States Air Force as cute."

Janet smiled. "What about Majors?"

"What are you doing looking at Majors, Captain?" he responded with a playful tone.

"Well, not majors," she emphasized the 's.' "But there is one I've had my eye on."

He tilted his head playfully. "Anyone I know?"

Janet laughed. "Come on, Major Cuteness. How about we go home?"

"To curl up like a pair of kittens?" he asked with a cute smile.

She ignored him. "General West is giving SG-1 two days off. Now that you're up, we can go home."

"What about Shirt and Carter?"

Janet stood, motioning for him to get up and follow her. "I already left them a note to call me before they left."

"They're still asleep?" he asked, sounding a little too surprised.

"Yeah, Major Van Winkle, they're still asleep."

- . -

Jack woke up with an armful of Samantha Carter. He smiled. What a great night.

Wait, no it wasn't. Was it? He couldn't remember.

"Good morning," Sam said, she had been awake for a short while, he thought. She maneuvered to kiss him.

Sensing his wife's mood, Jack rolled them over, settling above her. He paused. These weren't their bed sheets. He propped himself up and off of her. "Where are we?"

They both looked around. "We're on base," Sam stated, surprised at her own answer.

They sat up next to each other. "I remember coming home from the mission early," he said.

Sam nodded. "We were in the Infirmary for a while."

"And then we came here," Jack added.

They both nodded slowly. Jack looked around the room and saw a large piece of paper taped to the door. He got up, realizing he was only in a skivvy shirt and a pair of boxers. He didn't remember getting undressed.

Shirt, the paper said. Call me at home before you leave this room. -Doc Fraiser

Jack looked up at the wall to the face clock. 1530, they hadn't been asleep very long. He wondered why he was so disoriented. He sat down the on side of the bed and picked up the phone, dialing the home number of Major Jackson and Doctor Fraiser.

It rang twice. "Hello?" Doc Fraiser answered, sounding more asleep than awake. He wondered how she had time to fall asleep in the short time since they got back.

"First Sergeant O'Neill, Doc," he told her.

"Oh, Shirt. Are you and Sam up and around now?"

"Yes, Ma'am. A little nap was all we needed."

"Little nap?" Doc Fraiser chuckled. "General West has given SG-1 two days off, so you two should -"

Her voice cut off and was replaced by a much gruffer, less pleasant one. "Shirt, quit bothering my wife in the middle of the night."

Night? Then it hit him. It wasn't 1530, it was 0330. Stupid face clocks. "Sorry, Major," Jack apologized light heartedly.

"Go home, Shirt. Enjoy your little vacation."

Jack smiled. "Will do, Sir." He hung up the phone and turned to Sam, who had put her pants on and was tying her boots.

"Since it's the middle of the night and neither one of us are tired anymore, why don't we go home and make each other tired?" Jack waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Jack!" she hit him over the arm.

He pulled her into his embrace. "We have the next two days off."

She gave him a coy smile. "Just two days?"

- . - FIN - . -