So I've wanted to write a fanfic for this for probably six months so here I am finally doing it because Samurai!Kakashi and Sakura aren't cooperating this evening. I'm going to put a link up to a youtube playlist for the movie this is from. For those who have seen the movie (four of you?), this is basically just a rewrite of the story where Lucy isn't a cruel, indecisive bitch to Monte and asks some hard-hitting questions instead. For those of you who haven't the scene is: Monte, a Brit who needs his Green Card because of a bet, rescued Lucy from her botched escape-artist practice and asked her to marry him. He handcuffed the both of them to her brass bedframe and fell asleep promptly when she refused initially. So yeah. Otherwise:


Lucy laid straight as a board next to Monte until the sunrise cast faint shadows, enough to properly see his face. He wasn't a psychopath so far, he was dead to the world asleep and he hadn't so much as touched her after he'd cuffed them together. Her hand ached a little where the handcuff cut into her wrist, and she had nothing to do but think about what he said. It wouldn't hurt would it? She'd of course have to know exactly why—and no lies, damn it!—he needed this Green Card so damn badly. She sighed, stroking a hand down his chest, patting his heart once—he was probably quite hard on his luck if he wanted a woman like Lucy the Ethereal for a wife. His eyes scrunched together at her touch, opening slightly to look at her.

"You wouldn't have to sleep with me, however much I'd like that on the table—all I really need from you is a signature, a few sincere words, and a smile to accompany the proper identification," he murmured, reading her mind it seemed like.

"Why do you need this, Monte? And why me?" he started to wake up a little, turning to lie on his side. His eyes were blue, she'd not looked him in the eye properly yesterday at all she realized.

"Why you? Well, you were mean to me last night in the most intriguing way possible—and I am also taking complete advantage of your rather unfortunate predicament concerning a key and a rope. I am somewhat of a rogue, which leads to your first question of why I need this so very badly."

And then he started telling her of a betting game he had started to lose with Cecil and Dante a few years ago—which was wholly unsurprising, they had a disturbing ability with betting it seemed—and it came to be that he owed them two million dollars if he failed to get married to one of the Dali's waitresses by Friday. If he married one of the waitresses by Wednesday then he got that two million dollars, otherwise his debts were simply forgiven.

"And I'll of course split it with you, providing that we get married today so that I get it at all. So, how about it, Lucy? And then we shall go to the Dali where I may present my dearest, and most beloved American wife, Lucy, to Chef Cecil and his partner Dante."

"And then?"

Something mischievous flashed across his face for half a moment.

"Well, I'm not averse to giving marriage a go—there are apparently tax benefits involved with it, I'm told. But I do understand if you'd prefer we went our separate ways with our million dollars each."

Lucy looked away from his very blue gaze, biting her lip for a moment to give herself time to think.

"My friend Viv will probably drop by soon, and once she lets us loose maybe—"

"—we could work out the details over breakfast?" That drew a laugh out of her—Monte didn't seem to forget unfinished conversations or let himself be easily deflected. It was refreshing, a big change from the jerks who forgot the things she said or anything. And aside from his silly dealings with Cecil and Dante, he was wickedly intelligent. And he was waiting, fairly patiently too, for her answer.

"Yeah, okay," she scooted a little closer to him to look into those very, very blue eyes. "But you gotta do one thing before I really say yes." That something twinkled in his smile for a moment once again and Lucy decided she liked it.

"Oh? And what is that, my dearest Lucy?"

"You gotta kiss me, because if you can't kiss I'm not sure the tha—" She only had a moment to see that look once again before he had her pinned underneath him with his lips seemingly fastened against hers. It was a glorious kiss, really, and Lucy pouted when he leaned back away from her.

"Okay, Monte, okay. Well, I'm not su—"

"No, no, no, Lucy, I can kiss you perfectly well—you won't be holding your agreement over my head like the cruel woman that I know you aren't," he raised his eyebrows meaningfully, a frown marring his face momentarily, at her before continuing, "However, I see no problem continuing to kiss you in celebration of your agreement to this deal."