Disclaimer: Sadly I do NOT own Soul Eater.

Rated M for 'indecent' moments.


Soul Eater Evans sat in his seat, seemingly radiating aloofness. It usually came easy to him, as it should after so many years of practice. At the ripe age of four, faced with the crowd that had shown up for the school's talent contest the piano prodigy, kindergartener Soul Evans, had turned white and fainted. It was an event his father had deemed intolerable and had immediately sent him off to a number of doctors, including a psychiatrist, to deal with his 'irrational' fear of crowds. Since then Soul Evans had radiated aloofness.

It should be easy by now, he thought. He caught a glimpse of ash blonde hair out of the corner of his eye. Maka, turning, poked him and whispered, "get to work on the assignment Soul." Smiling at her he worked hard at radiating aloofness. It should be easy by now, he thought, so why is it so difficult around her.

"Maka, assignments are so uncool." He worked to apply all the techniques those doctors had taught him so long ago.

"Your choice Soul, do the assignment now or after school when I MAKA CHOP you. Either way it is getting done." Her green eyes stared at him, uncompromisingly, and he found himself working not just to maintain his aloofness but his breathing as well. How many MAKA CHOPS would she give me now if I just leaned forward and kissed her, he wondered.

"Earth to Soul, Earth to Soul." Maka frowned and poked him again. "Tell you what Soul, get an A on the assignment and you will get a coupon exempting you from one MAKA CHOP." Maka, frustrated with getting Soul to work on the academic parts of the curriculum had brainstormed with Tsubaki the night before. Coupons exempting one from serious pain, they had both agreed, might be a decent motivator.

"Whatever." He turned to look at the time. Forty minutes of class left. "Might as well do something to pass the time," he sighed. He looked at the board. "Genetics? Just when are where are we ever going to use this?" he asked, muttering mostly to himself.

"It's used all the time." came the reply from his left. "It's used in medicine. It's used in forensic science. It's used in ..."

"And that applies to a meister and a Death Scythe how?" he interrupted her. "We just use the bandages, we don't make em. And it's pretty obvious what we are supposed to kill when we come across it."

From his left came a sigh. "Soul ..." Her tone now boarding on the point where she would MAKA CHOP him soon.

"Hey Maka you mind, some quiet while I'm trying to do the assignment." Soul gave a little smile as she snorted.

He reread the assignment on the board, 'Using a physical characteristic you possess describe how inheritance works to show how that characteristic was transferred to you from your parents.' Okay, some physical trait ... what should I use. He thought for a moment. White hair? No can't use that. Hair wasn't white before that whole talent show fiasco. Hrmm ... eyes maybe? Nah. A flicker of ash blonde hair distracts him. Oh hell, that's much more interesting than my hair or eyes. On the paper he wrote:

Maka: hair color, ash blond.

Spirit: hair color, dark red

Kami: hair color, auburn

Opening his biology book he gives another sigh, "so uncool." He doesn't notice Maka's grin upon hearing that. Hrm, hair color, lets see ... amount of eumelanin and pheomelanin determine hair color. Little eumelanin equals blonde, more equals brown, tons and tons equals black. The more the pheomelanin the redder. Simple. Eight genes, work in an additive way... Pheomelanin, leading to red hair, results from defective MC1R genes. He ponders. Hey cool! I can tell Maka her father has defective genes! That will make her day. Maybe an extra coupon. Now where was I... Zzzzzzz!

"Omph!" He snaps awake as a certain someone from his left jabs him hard. He turns to glare at her for a second before resuming his reading. Denote a gene that is turned on, produces eumelanin, as H and a gene that is turned off as h... I wonder, just how uncool of me would it be to slap myself now to keep awake. He looks to his left. Or I could just kiss her and have her MAKA CHOP the heck out of me. Be no worries about any assignment then, just pain and pain and more pain ...

Flipping through the pages he comes to an hair color chart. AH! He thinks. Lets see auburn. Turning to his paper he adds 'HHHHHHhh' beside Kami's hair color. Woot, he thinks. Dark red, simple. He adds, 'HHHHHHHH' next to Spirit's hair color. Simple, and now Maka's hair ... no no no, don't drool on the paper IDIOT! Hrm. No listing there with her hair color. He turns and looks at Maka's hair, trying to think through how the eumelanin and pheomelanin production would relate to her hair.

Turning towards him she hisses, "What?"

"Huh?" He replies.

"'Why are you staring at me?"

"Oh." He thinks for a moment. "Did you know your father has defective genes?"

She blinks. Momentarily confused. "Of course I know he has defective genes IDIOT! He's defective isn't he?"

"Just wondering." He turns back to his book and reads more. Slowly, as he reads he starts to feel a bit queasy. He glances at his paper. No matter which way you slice or dice it, it's still just two h's. He reads some more. Blond hair can have almost any proportion of pheomelanin and eumelanin, so long as both amounts remain small. He taps his pencil on the table a few times, thinking. But how can the pheomelanin be only in small amounts? And how can the eumelanin be in small amounts? She has only two genes that are not eumelanin or pehomelanin producing to work with... Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap,...

"Omph!" He turns. "Stop that Maka!" He rubs his side where she had poked him, hard.

"Then stop tapping, it's annoying, and get to work!"

Glaring at her, muttering, "slave driver", he turns back the paper he had been staring at before her interruption. Okay, simple process of elimination. Given the genes we have to work with here what possible combinations can there be. Four H's from her father. At most two h's from her mother, rest H's. At the bottom of the page he scribbles, 'HHHHHHhh, HHHHHHHh, HHHHHHHH - possible genotypes for Maka's hair.' She has at least one of the defective MC1R genes he notes from her father... FUCK! For that hair color she needs at least three h's. I think. If not four. Assume she has two defective MC1R genes... no, then she would be a redhead... Sighing, he scribbles, 'THIS DOES NOT WORK OUT!', so the paper now read:

Maka: hair color, ash blond.

Spirit: hair color, dark red, HHHHHHHH

Kami: hair color, auburn, HHHHHHhh

HHHHHHhh, HHHHHHHh, HHHHHHHH - possible genotypes for Maka's hair.

THIS DOES NOT WORK OUT!

"How's the assignment going Soul?" Maka asks, making him jump, and he tries to cover the paper.

"Assignment? What assignment?" He replies! Working, really really hard at aloofness now!

"Soul, just what were you doing if not the assignment?" He can feel the MAKA CHOPS that tone promises. Cool, aloof, guys do not cringe, no matter what, came the thought. Internally he cringed and envisioned MAKA CHOP after MAKA CHOP that left him a broken mass of pain. At least if I had just kissed her I would have had something for all that pain.

"Nothing Maka! Remember cool guys do not do assignments." He cringed at the stare he could feel coming from her even though he tried to make it seem he was just idly sitting back watching the clock, not looking at her.

"Grrrrrr... What's on the paper?"

"Paper? Oh, nothing. Just music stuff." He yawned.

"Let me see it." came the command.

"Really Maka, what would you do with something you can't even read?" he drawled. Wonder how much a good helmet would cost! And just how many MAKA CHOPS would one be good against. The vision of books falling out of a clear blue sky to hit him again and again just wouldn't leave his mind.

"Okay class, pass in the assignment on the way out. Tomorrow if those delivery people don't get the elephants delivered then we will just dissect the delivery people and forget about the elephants." came Stein's voice. Eager to get out of the class and dispose of the paper Soul stands up and makes his way to the door, leaving Maka staring at him. He walks fast. Yeah, just a fast walk, he thought. Cool guys do not rush.

"Liz! Patty! Get that paper from Soul!" The command echoed throughout the room he had just left, prompting Soul to make a dash for it. Unfortunately he had just been, in his 'not' rush, pushing his way between the two sisters. Each grabbed one arm, after which Liz easily took the paper from him. Arms immobilized he tried to grab it with his teeth. Screw coolness, he thought. I will be extra cool later to make up for it. He stretches his neck further, making another fruitless grab for the paper with his teeth. The two sisters are now staring at him, not sure what to make of his antics. The rest of their group, Tsubaki, Black Star, and Kid are now gathered around, also staring at him.

Knowing Maka could reach them at any time he starts to panic. "Liz!" he says. "Before you give that paper to Maka read what's on it and think whether or not you want her to see it."

Maka rushes out of the room where they had been. Handing in her assignment, along with a few words with Stein, had taken priority over chasing Soul and she had placed her hopes on the Thompson sisters. And I see I wasn't disappointed, she grinned. Now to see what's on that paper. I could have sworn he was doing the assignment. "So Liz, just what is on that paper?"

"Just a second Maka, I'm reading it." Liz replies absently. "Hrm" she mutters lowly as she studies the paper. As she realizes what the contents of the paper implies her face goes white! "Oh crap!" she utters!

"What?" asks Maka, reaching for the paper. Looking up Liz sees Maka reaching for the paper with the others pressing closer, looking curious. Desperate, with no time to think, she balls the paper up and shoves it down her blouse.

"Huh?" Maka stares, her hand still in midair. "Liz, what are you doing?"

Desperate Liz looks at Soul, who shrugs helplessly. "Ummm..." She tries to think. "It's just a piece of paper Maka, no big deal. Anyway, I'm heading back home to relax some." She moves to leave, but Maka blocks her.

"The paper Liz!"

"It's just an assignment Maka. Nothing to get worked up over."

"If that's the case then you won't mind handing it over will you?"

"You probably won't like what it's about." Liz's brain can't come up with a better response on the spot.

"Oh and why wouldn't I like it?" Maka asks. Liz is now backing away as Maka stalks her.

"Because ... ummm ... he ... ummm ..." She draws out her response trying to think of a good response. She sees Soul shaking his head. "...ummm... he did the assignment on your breast size." Liz finally replies.

"What!" Maka turns to Soul. MAKA CHOP He collapses to the ground. Maka notices Liz trying to get past her. "Hand over the paper!"

"Why, you know what's on it." Liz wonders if she can push pass Maka and make a run for it. Probably not, she concludes.

"I still want to see what he said." Maka fumes.

"Don't be silly Maka. You know what's on it. You've MAKA CHOPPED him for it. It's over with." Liz tries to be reasonable.

Maka looks at her suspiciously. "The paper!" She simply states.

"Let's be reasonable Maka. The paper would just make you angry and you've already punished him for it."

"There's something worse on the paper isn't there. Hand it over." There is a long pause as the two stare at each other. Maka takes a thick book from her backpack. "The paper now Liz! Or I will MAKA CHOP you!" Her tone, as well as the words, indicate books are about to fly.

Liz gulps. She looks at the recovering Soul mentally trying to send the word, 'help'.

"You know Maka, it's just a piece of paper. Sure I might have discussed your breast size, but nothing insulting. Oh and I might have made a few doodles of them on the paper." He cringes, cool or uncool, he knows a lot of pain is headed his way. Hope Liz can make a break for it, he thinks, while she's pulverizing me. On the pain part he's not disappointed. MAKA CHOP! MAKA CHOP! He collapses to the ground that he had just managed to get up from.

Liz tries to dash past Maka, who whirls around hand out, and blocks the attempt. Face red! Eyes blazing! A promise of destruction emanating from her. In the process her hand happens to end up on Liz's left breast. Too focused on the paper Maka either doesn't notice or doesn't care.

Liz gulps and starts to think fast. Desperate times call for desperate actions, she thought. Liz had left home when she was fourteen and taken her sister with her. She hadn't learned she was a demon weapon until she hit sixteen. Two years on the street, as well as her home life, had taught her a lot. She grins and looks down at the hand. Looking back up at Maka she purrs, "Why Maka you sexy kitten you."

Maka looks at her. "Huh," she says. Grinning even wider, Liz looks down at the hand on her breast and back up to Maka whose eyes go wide as she blushes. She takes her hand from Liz's breast and steps back. Liz follows her, looking her into the eyes, smiling and licking her lips. Maka takes another step back. Liz follows, a mischievous glint now showing in her own eyes. Tables turned, she thought and stalked her prey.

"Come on Maka, all this was a ruse so you could get to play with them right?"

"N N Nooo..."

Liz leans closer to Maka and sniffs her. "Hmmm." She licks her lips again. "Maka you smell soooo good... Soooo delicious... I could just eat you right up!"

Gulp! Maka tries to backpedal faster but Liz follows.

"Come on Maka! I know you want another feel." She grabs Maka's hand and places it on her breast.

"Uugghhh!" Maka utters and tries to pull away.

Giggling, Liz raises the hand to her lips and licks it. Licking one of the fingers she looks at Maka, grins, and starts to slide it into her mouth, sucking on it.

"Uugghhh!" Maka, practically glowing red from blushing now, frenetically pulls away and flees. In two seconds she disappears around a corner, the sounds of her running footsteps still echoing.

Liz bursts out laughing. "Well that was fun," she says as the whole gang turns to look at her. For some reason all the guys, Black Star, Kid, and Soul, have their backpacks strategically placed in front of them. Everyone keeps staring at her. "Well it worked didn't it?" she laughs.

Turning serious she looks at Soul. "This, I think, had best be burned?"

He nod. "Soon as possible."

"Hey!" Black Star screams! "Whatever is on that paper is something a GOD like ME should see!" He moves towards Liz. Eyes on her breasts.

THUNK! Black Star collapses as a mountain falls on him.. A mountain called 'Advanced Biology 3201' as applied by one Tsubaki to his skull in a move that would have done Maka proud. THUNK! comes the mountain again! "Touch her there Back Star," Tsubaki exclaims, 'and you die!" Thunk! comes the mountain again! "Got it Black Star!" Thunk! Tsubaki swings the book one last time onto the now unconscious Black Star's head! Thunk! Tsubaki looks up to find everyone now staring at her. "I will get the damn paper," she says, red cheeked, and moves towards Liz.

Craps, thinks Liz, is there no end to this! "PattySoul stopher!" comes the quick command. The two move into action by reflex and tackle Tsubaki. Liz looks up to see Kid eyeing her. "Hey Kid aren't those tiles on the floor pretty symmetrical?" she asks, letting her eyes go wide and looking down. By reflex, unable to help himself, he looks down at the tiles.

"Symmetry, oh beautiful symmetry," he sighs.

With a desperate, quick motion, Liz pulls the paper from her blouse with her left hand while her right grabs a lighter from her pocket. "Burn! Freaking burn!" she mutters at the paper as the fire catches hold of it and turns it to ash. Oh so beautiful ashes, she thinks, looking at the ashes.

Soul and Patty let Tsubaki up. "What the heck was that all about?" she queries.

Soul and Liz look at each, then at Tsubaki. Then they look at Kid who is down on all four staring at the floor, muttering, "beautiful symmetry." They look at the still unconscious Black Star.

Looking back at each other Liz says, "We will never talk of this with anyone! Agreed?"

Soul nods and adds, "agreed!"

"But you're going to tell me sis, right?" asks Patty. Liz shudders at the thought of her sister getting her hands on that knowledge.

"Come on Patty, we need to get Kid home. Wish I could have though of another way of putting him out of commission for a while but desperate times call for desperate means." She grabs Kid's right arm while Patty grabs his left.

"You are going to tell me, right sis?" asks Patty again. Together the two sisters drag Death the Kid off even as he mumbles about symmetry. A few seconds later around the corner comes the question, "sis, do you like like Maka?"

Tsubaki turns to stare at Soul. "What was on that paper? she asks.

"You don't want to know. Trust me, you don't want to know. I wish I didn't know." Rubbing his battered head he turns and leaves.

Tsubaki sighs. And here I am dragging him home again, she thinks, looking down at Black Star. She grabs him by the legs and starts towing him away. She pauses. "Just what the hell was on that paper", she mutters before continuing. A few moments later she rounds the corner and there is a thunking sound that repeats several times as she drags Black Star down some steps.

Maka huddled in a corner of the library. Books, beautiful books, books enough to MAKA CHOP anyone who comes near! Was the though running through her head Around her five students lay unconscious on the ground - the result of startling the traumatized Maka. Squeak! Maka jumps and MAKA CHOPS! another student whose only crime was having a pair of squeaky sneakers. The first student to be MAKA CHOPPED moans. MAKA CHOP! The student returns to unconsciousness. Five minutes later Maka looks up. She looks at the students littering the floor. Damn! came the thought. I was played. I think I was anyway. I 'HOPE' I was. She opens her backpack and begins stuffing the heaviest books she can find in it. Better run Soul, was the thought running through her mind now. You too Liz!


Note: Maybe I got the genetics wrong. Maybe should have just made Kami a dark red head too. Would have simplified things. But really, two red heads? Would have made it pretty obvious something was wrong with Maka being ash blonde. Only thing that I really got from my brief review of genetics for this is that the genetics of hair is not fully understood. Still, unless you know something of the field, I hope it works in the story.

Note: Kami is the Japanese word for 'God'. It's also the word for 'hair'.