Character(s): Harry Potter, Lucius Malfoy, and Ginny Weasley
Warning(s): Alcohol usage, Implied sleeping with Cross Dressers
Challenge(s): Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges – Laugh Out Loud Challenge
Word Count: 1,517
Harry couldn't remember when he'd decided Lucius Malfoy was actually his friend. Honestly, he never remembered much. But he knew Lucius was his friend; maybe it was the party after the second war, maybe it was at the ministry. But it didn't matter; Lucius fucking Malfoy was Harry Potter's friend.
Harry strolled out of the ministry, his Auror robes blowing in every direction as he quickly apparated to the Three Broomsticks. After he ordered a drink, he relaxed at the bar while he waited for his friends. Hermione walked in next sitting down next to Harry and ordering herself a drink.
Lucius walked in next, and as Harry glanced over Hermione started up behind him, "Hot Damn, How is he so old and so bloody sexy? I mean he even walks with a fucking pimp cane." Hermione hummed behind him.
Harry knew Hermione liked Lucius but the age difference freaked Harry a little bit. He ignored her comment. Lucius came and sat down on the other side of Harry and flagged the bar tender. The rest of the group slowly proceeded to the pub and they moved to a larger table.
The next morning Harry rolled to his left, finding himself in a rather familiar bedroom; the purple room of the Malfoy Manor. He'd crashed here nights before but this time he wasn't alone. He looked over at the sleeping body next to him. It was completely covered by blankets. Except for its toes, they were painted pink. Ginny never painted her toes pink.
No hair color, no gender clues, not even a species. Well from the shape he was guessing human. Harry knew it was better to not risk waking the other person up so he quietly crept out of the room. As he walked over the pile of clothing, Harry almost fainted with happiness when he saw a bra.
He quietly closed the door behind him and walked downstairs to the kitchen. He needed to figure out who that was before he went introducing himself. Well given that she was in his bed, he'd probably already introduced himself in a drunken stupor.
When Harry had grabbed coffee from the kitchen he walked into the living room. Ron was pressed together with the couch, still fully clothed thank god. Draco's room door was still closed, and knowing him Luna would be right next to him.
Neville was lying in the foyer, his shirt was tied around his head and his robes were nowhere to be seen. Harry couldn't find Hermione or Ginny. But there were two more bedrooms with closed doors.
Since no one else seemed to be stirring he grabbed his coffee and walked upstairs. When he got to the door of Lucius's bedroom, he stopped. Lucius should be alone, he was technically still married but Narcissa was on an extended vacation.
Harry knocked, no answer. Screw it, if Harry slept with a cross dresser Lucius needed to hear about it.
Harry barged in, "Lucius, who did I go home with?"
Harry's jaw dropped it wasn't Lucius's head that popped out of bed, it was Hermione's.
"Sup, Harry." She said as Lucius pulled his bare torso off the sheets.
Harry just looked at the pair as Lucius wrapped his arm around the woman in his bed.
"Uhhhhh," Harry stuttered "What happened?" starring at the pair.
"Lucius named my tits and offered to buy them a drink" Hermione said smiling
"At least I was a gentlemen." Replied Lucius.
"Anyways, I need to know who I just woke with." If Lucius just woke with Hermione, merlin only knows who he woke up with.
"You were hanging out with Luna." said Hermione sinking back into the mattress.
Harry shuttered, he liked Luna, but Luna was Draco's. Draco would probably kill Harry.
"No it can't be Luna." Harry tried to convince himself that it wasn't Luna. But these two idiots weren't helping. Harry left in a huff and walked back downstairs. Ron was sitting at the table eating.
"Ron, Who was I with last night?" Harry said panicked.
"Shut your mouth Harry, Or I'm going to fuck it." He replied obviously hung-over.
"Ron I think I brought home a cross dresser. I need to know who I was with last night." Harry said petrified
"I'm eating" Ron said smirking
"Eggs and jello shots don't qualify as breakfast, who was I with Ron?" Harry shot back, slamming his head down on the table, "and stop judging me."
"Man, I just got done masturbating in footie pajamas. There's no judgment here." Ron finished as Hermione walked down stairs clad in a barely there bath robe.
Harry shot her a look, mentally begging her to remember what happened last night, " Harry, the only think I remember last night, besides conquering the mountain of sex that's still upstairs, is when everyone was drunk and dancing on the bar and you started screaming about how you're a star." Hermione said grabbing coffee, two cups of coffee.
"I did not." Harry shot back, Hermione just smiled and started for the stairs.
"And Ronald, tell your pants it's rude to point." She said as she walked up the stairs. Ron looked mildly horrified and just kept poking his now half liquefied jello drink with a straw.
Harry sat down and slammed his forehead down, which turned out to be a horrid decision as his headache had since started to bully his brain for room within his skull. He heard someone walking behind him but decided not to look.
When someone started speaking he lifted his head to see Blaise Zabini and Neville.
"What the hell were we drinking last night man?" said Blaise
Neville shrugged and looked at Harry, "Jaegermeister" said Harry
"What's Jager-mister?" replied Neville who was still slurring his words
"It's German for, 'You will black out'." said Ron who smiled as Zabini just rubbed his head.
"What's Jaegermeister?" said a light airy voice that drifted in from off in the far hall. Luna, Luna was currently walking from the area around Draco's bedroom. Harry stood quickly looking down in the most conspicuous manner, for her toes. As she walked into the kitchen, he finally saw sparkly blue paint. Blue wasn't pink; and Draco wasn't going to kill him.
"Well Luna" started Blaise in his ever so arrogant tone, "You know how in the fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the prince starts kissing her?"
"Yes, I'm familiar with fairytales." She replied searching around the kitchen for something
"Well it's kind of like that, only you don't wake up in a castle. You wake up in the Slytherin Common Room with a bad reputation." He finished laughing at his own joke.
At that moment, Harry heard someone walking in from the same direction as Luna had come moments prior, Draco Malfoy. Harry waved nonchalantly at him as he walked into the kitchen. As Draco came closer Harry read his shirt, "Live like a rock star, Fuck like a porn star." Nice he thought before trying to delve into his problem once again.
"Oi, Malfoy, Do you have any clue who I was with last night?" shot Harry
"Nope sorry mate." He said walking into the kitchen
"I think I brought a girl back from the bar." Harry muttered,
"Potty, I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong." Said Malfoy from the kitchen
Harry just shook his head at the comment and starting walking upstairs to face his fate. When he got to the room he noticed the door was slightly cracked. He walked in to see Lucius standing at the foot of the bed a smile wiped across his face.
"Harry, look who I found." Harry would swear his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He couldn't yet see the bed, and he was bloody afraid to step out from behind the corner.
When Harry finally found his courage he notice Hermione still standing on the other side of Lucius. He took one more step and looked at the bed. Ginny was sitting up against the head board her pink toes clashing violently with her red hair. Harry about passed out, it was just Ginny. He slept with his best friends sister, but still he didn't sleep with a cross dresser and that's all that mattered.
"Ugh, I want to punch you so bad, my fist has a fucking boner." Harry said. Someone must have known that he was with Ginny. So much for friends.
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am." Said Lucius as he started to grope Hermione with a bathrobe on.
"Thanks Lucius" Harry replied
"No problem, friend." Lucius said
"You know you drink too much, you cuss too much, and you have questionable morals. But you're everything I ever wanted in a friend" Harry admitted, overly thankful that he hadn't slept with a man, or Draco's girlfriend
Lucius just laughed, "I told you banged, broke or blitzed a wizard never quits."
AN: Let me know what you think :)