I shut my ears. I refused to hear, refused to listen. Marry Sarah? He wouldn't, he couldn't! He was my John. My John and no one else's.
The silence I was giving him juxtaposed the noise of fury in my head. John was happy, I could tell, and he wanted me to be pleased for him, but at the back of his mind he knew that I didn't like Sarah. That I hated her. And yet even now he couldn't understand why. He had told me so many times that she was smart, beautiful, normal, the latter hurting me more than he could know. She was normal. She was boring. "Why would you want to spend time with her when you could be having fun with me?" I often asked him. The first time he replied with "Sherlock, you may be asexual, but I am not." After that any time I asked him he just ignored me. And it wasn't like I was asexual by choice. If I could have my own way, it would be very different…
"Sherlock!" John brought me back from those memories. I took a deep breath in.
"Congratulations." He was surprised I could tell. His eyebrows rose and his shoulders relaxed.
"Oh, well, thank you. I will start packing tomorrow. It's late now; I think I'll go to bed." I was thankful he didn't want to stay and talk about it. I lay down on my sofa and thought back to the first case me and John ever had together. John had asked me if I was seeing any one. People had always told me I was married to my work and that was why I never found anybody and I had started to believe them. But the truth was that nobody had hung around long enough for me to truly fall for them. And then along came John. This character that was so unlike me and yet had that same hunger for adventure. He had stayed around long enough, but even he was leaving me. I felt a wetness on my cheek as a tear ran down my face. I hadn't cried for over a decade, I swore I never would again, but this single person, whom I couldn't imagine a life without, had caused me to break this promise to my teenage self. John was leaving me, and there was nothing I could do about it.