Disclaimer: I don't own them...I wish I did...but I don't. Many many thanks go to those who do. Suing me is pointless, I own nothing that you would want.
Author's Note: This is a departure from my normal writing style.
This is not a fluff piece, it is dark. If that bothers you turn away now.
It's what came to mind after watching the tape of one of my high school
plays (it contained a scene from Othello), and Hello Goodbye. But
bear in mind gentle reader...this is Teris here...soooo it's quite likely
that everything will work out in the end.
Pain surrounded him, and with every beat of his heart, with every breath it sunk deeper into him. It had long since passed his skin, then his bones, and now it was firmly entrenched in him, heart and soul. She left me…she left me for him. Logan's mind couldn't wrap itself around the fact that she'd cheated on him. If she'd run out of fear, that he could have understood. But to leave him for another man? One that she professed to hate with every other sentence?
Something isn't right here. Why? Why did she do this? The answers were not to be found at the bottom of his shot glass. They weren't to be found in the shambles of his apartment, which he'd torn apart after the shock wore off. He'd thrown the statue of Bast against the wall, as hard as he could. Miraculously it had bounced off the wall and landed on the floor unscathed, staring at him mockingly with those dark eyes that reminded him so much of Max.
The shrill ringing of the phone broke his staring match with the statue, and he hurriedly picked up hoping that it was Max. Hoping that she'd called to tell him that she'd lied, or that she'd talk to him like always. He was hoping that something on the other end of that phone was going to make this not true, or make it go away. Anything to make it stop hurting. Instead of hearing Max's voice, Sam's greeted him.
Great he's going to tell me I only have 6 months to live. That'd be fitting. "Logan, I've got good news. Your body isn't rejecting the blood that Joshua gave you. You're producing your own antibodies against the virus. You and Max are cured."
"Thanks for calling Sam."
"Logan, did you hear me? You're cured! You and Max can go on with your lives…"
"Yeah Sam, I heard you. I just don't give a damn at the moment."
"I thought you'd be happy. What happened?"
"She left me Sam…now if you don't mind, I think I'll get back to getting shit faced like any self respecting dumpee, ok? Good… bye bye now."
Logan hung up on his bewildered friend, and he poured himself another very liberal drink. He'd just raised it to his lips, when it hit him. Wait a minute. I'm cured…that means... There was a moment of adulation before reality set in again. That means shit, she left me. She left me for him…But I'm cured…that means I can go over there and demand an explanation…or I could fight for her. Alec really thinks I'm going to let him have her without doing something to prevent it? I don't think so… You may want her Alec, but you'll never have her…You took advantage of her…Yes that's what she'll tell me…She was scared, and ashamed, she didn't want to tell me…but I'll forgive her, and then she'll be mine again.
A plan formed in his mind. He'd go over to see Max. He'd demand a reason for why she left him. And if for the barest instant she displayed regret, or used fear of the virus for a reason. Well, then he'd tell her. If not then she and Alec could live happily ever after, until Alec got his ass shot off. If he didn't kill the son of a bitch himself. He couldn't think of Max being harmed, not even after the way she'd hurt him could he stand to think of her dying again or even being hurt as she had been so often before. It hurt too damn bad. No matter what happened, he'd always protect Max, always take care of her, keep her safe. Whether she wanted him too or not he'd help her, but her flavor of the month Alec could rot in hell before he'd lift a finger to save him.
But an evil voice whispered in the back of his mind. What if he didn't take advantage of her? What if he didn't have to? What if she wanted him? What if she went to him willingly, happily even? What if she looks at him the same way she looked at you? What will you do then? And those questions remained unanswered as he threw the liquor glass across the room, watching as it shattered into a thousand shards.
The questions remained unanswered, but the seed of doubt had been planted. It didn't look like she was too unwilling, or being taken advantage of when he was hugging her. She smiled at me like that once… What if she does want him? His eyes gazing into hers, his hand on hers, his lips caressing hers…And knowing that she wants him. That's more than I can stand. I love you Max, but I'll be damned if I'll share you.
Max lay curled on her bed in fetal position, knowing only that everything in her hurt. She'd cried until her eyes were swollen nearly shut, and plummeting of her seratonin levels had caused her to have seizures for the first time since she'd come back from Manticore. The shakes were bad this time, even worse than they'd been in New Haven, and they were continuous. For over twelve hours she'd had no rest, save brief two to three minute intervals when her body could take no more and she blacked out.
She was so out of touch that she didn't register the sound of her door being opened, or the sound of foot steps entering her room. She vaguely noticed the dipping of the bed as he sat beside her, but was too weak to respond. She didn't register that it was him sitting beside her, and because of that fact she didn't resist when he brushed the errant stands of hair from her face.
Seeing her so vulnerable momentarily deflected some of his anger. Even though he wanted answers and reckoning he still didn't want her hurt. Where's Alec? Shouldn't he be with you now? To hold you hand like I used to…Oh that's right, he's the love em and leave em type. If you'd left me for someone who would have taken care of you, it wouldn't have been so bad. But you leave me for this. A man who treats you like a whore. Where is he now Max?
She whimpered in distress and he gently brushed the hair off of her forehead. "Hush Max, it's all right. I'm here. You're safe, I'm going to take care of you…everything will be fine." His voice comforted her, and she rested more quietly. He grabbed the tryptophan from her bathroom and went to her fridge to grab some milk, tisking to himself at the mostly bare shelves. Damn Max, no wonder you always loved it when I cooked for you. Looks like Alec's a lousy provider too.
He grabbed the carton of milk and rushed back to her bedroom. He pulled her into his lap helping her sit and swallow both the milk and the pills. Then he held her and waited for them to take affect. All the while she was talking incoherently. She still hadn't realized that it was him holding her, or that it was him whispering soft words of comfort to her. I swear to God if she calls me Alec, I may kill her.
He kept comforting her until the clouds began to lift from her eyes. He continued to hold her until she realized that it was him holding her and not Alec. She tried to bolt, and violently jerked out of his embrace, but didn't quite make it off the bed. "Logan are you insane? You've got to get out of here now! You can't be here like this." He wondered if those exclamations were from fear him catching the virus, or of Alec coming back and finding them in a compromising position.
"What's a matter Max? Scared I'll run into Alec on my way out?"
"Logan…" The fear in her eyes enraged him. She was scared of what Alec would think. He grabbed her wrists through the sleeves of her shirt and pulled her close to him despite her protests . She struggled weakly against him, but it was no use. She was still as weak the stuff they tried to pass off as coffee these days, and his time in the chair had done great things for his upper body strength.
"Don't you dare Logan me! I loved you Max…I was willing to die for you, I risked my life for you! I gave you EVERYTHING! And.. you… leave… me… for… Alec!" Her eyes flickered both pain and regret upon hearing the anguish in his voice, but he was too caught up in his anger to notice. "You leave me for the son of a bitch that abandons you when you're sick, doesn't love you or take care of you, and treats you like a cheap whore." The heated anger of the beginning of his outburst gave way to the painful grinding of each word between his teeth.
"It will serve you right if he does catch you here with me and thinks the worst. It will serve you right if he thinks you're the lying slut that I know you are. Tell me Max, do you think he'll hate you? Do you think he'll leave you and break your heart like you did mine? Or maybe he'll be so damn jealous he'll kill us both? Now there's an appealing idea? I mean, what the hell? Not like I've got much left to live for now anyway!" She started to speak, but he violently shushed her. "No Max…I don't want to hear it. Any thing that comes from those lovely lips of yours will just be a lie anyway. God I wish I could hate you…but I can't…I love you too much to hate you."
He shifted rolling her onto her back with him leaning over her holding her wrists above her head. He reached to caress her face, and his anger and hurt only intensified as she recoiled. "Logan, you can't…the virus." He grabbed her wrists tighter, pushed her hard into the bed and leaned down over her letting her feel the full pressure of his weight. His warm breath flowed over her face, and he leaned close enough that he almost touched her. Almost, but not quite. The story of our whole relationship.
"It would be so damn much easier if I hated you. Then I could just walk away, and not give a damn. But you won't even allow me that. And you know what Max…wanna know the really funny thing about the whole thing. I know the truth now…I know that you're a lying bitch, and I still can't hate you. You've lied to me, you've stolen my heart and ripped it in two, you've betrayed me with another man…And I still love you …"
He fought back tears at this point, and lowered her lips to hers in a punishing kiss. It was a kiss unlike any of their previous encounters. But he was done being tender, done being gentle, kind and sensitive. After all look where it had gotten him. Maybe he should be more like Alec after all…Maybe he should just take what he wanted. He couldn't have her fidelity, he couldn't have her heart, but her warm beautiful body was there for the taking. Maybe if he satisfied his lust for her, maybe then he could let her go.
"Tell me Max? Why Alec?"
"Logan, are you completely and totally insane…You've got to get outta here before you catch the virus again, if you haven't already…"
"No Max…you don't get out of this that easily. You can't use the virus to push me away anymore. I won't let you. Joshua's DNA is close enough to human for my body not to reject it…I'm cured…And you're not off limits anymore. I can do this…" He caressed her face, and cupped her cheek. "Or this." He kissed her deeply and this time she didn't fight him. Tears came to her eyes, but instead of recognizing them as signs of joy, he saw them as tiny drops of rejection.
"What's wrong Max…I thought you wanted me? You sure as hell gave a pretty damn good pretense of it. Or am I not good enough for you anymore? Is it because I'm not him?" He stroked her face, his touch and voice deceptively tender. "Or is it that I was never really good enough for you in the first place? What was I? A way to get information on the X-5's? Someone who could keep Manticore off your back? A protector? Or was I just a mercy fuck because you felt sorry for me?"
"Logan…no…it wasn't…it isn't…" Max was finding it hard to form words with him this close. Granted the fact that she was already greatly weakened, and he was lying on top of her weren't helping. That she finally had what she'd wanted for so long, only to have destroyed it with a lie. She could finally hold him and touch him, but instead of being able to love him as she wanted to, she was faced with his cold unyielding anger. It was too much to bear, and she began crying harder. "Logan…let me explain please…it wasn't like that. I swear, it's never been like that."
His fingers trailed down her face and neck, and her body involuntarily leaned into his touch. Then he reached her shoulder and griped it painfully, startling her. He couldn't bear to hear another word and wonder if it was the truth so he pressed his lips to hers again, silencing her with a violent kiss. There was no gentleness in him at the moment, he was too focused on his pain and her betrayal. He pulled away when his lungs screamed for air, leaving her mouth bruised from his onslaught. She gasped and there were still tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Don't cry for him while you're in my arms Max." His fingers pulled her chin up harshly as he looked at her, letting her see the deadly seriousness of his words. "Because if you do, I swear to God I won't be responsible for my actions." Her tears as if knowing they were forbidden, sprang forth more intensely. "So be it…" He kissed her again, not quite as harshly as before, but still lacking the gentleness and love she'd always savored in his kisses.
He couldn't stop at just kissing her. Once he tasted her, he wanted all of her. He wanted to possess her, to imprint himself so firmly upon her that no other man would ever threaten his position in her life again. He bit and sucked down her jaw and neck. When he reached the neckline of her shirt, he gripped it in his free hand, and ripped it down the middle. She struggled against him again, but he still had the upper hand. All she won herself with her efforts was a painful tightening of the grip on her wrists, and the further darkening of his eyes. His hand played roughly with her breasts as his mouth sucked and bit a her neck.
She sought out his eyes, hoping that by making eye contact with him, she could reason with him, end this madness. But the gentle man that she'd loved and admired was lost in a sea of pain and loss. And all that left here with her was this stranger with hateful words and hurting hands. This act of love that she longed for, wanted for so very long was being profaned. And all she could do was cry, struggle in effectively and plead for him to stop. But plead she did…for she could not simply lie there as her dreams were shattered. "Logan…please….stop…."
"You think that after what you've done you have the right to ask anything of me?" He growled before resuming his assault. More tears followed his harsh dismissal, and they served only to anger him further. Her tears turned to sobs, as his mouth descended once again on hers, making a mockery of all the kisses they'd shared. Finally he pulled away, and returned to the act of claiming her by leaving marks upon her pale skin.
She trembled as she cried, and wanted nothing more than the tender lover he'd been in the past to return to her. She gathered her strength to plead with him again, because she wasn't sure she could survive his ministrations much longer. Every touch felt like a deadly blow to her heart, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could retain her sanity under this siege. "Logan…you're right, I have no right to ask…but I'm asking anyway…please stop…I want you…but please God not like this."
"Not like what Max? I always thought you wanted romance, and affection…Those smoldering looks that we used to give each other…I thought you wanted me to lavish you with love and attention, treat you like you were special, make you feel like you were the only woman in the world that mattered. Which wasn't a real stretch for me, because you were the only woman in my world that mattered."
He stroked her check and laughed a bitter humorless laugh before continuing. "But then after all we've been though, you leave me for Alec. All that time I spent courting you, wooing you, pining for you, protecting you, fighting for you, loving you. None of that made you love me? None of it meant a damn thing to you. But it sure as hell looks like you love Alec, and I figured it out. All that time what you really wanted, what you really were looking for was a good fuck, you wanted someone to take control of you and take what he wanted."
He kissed her again, ignoring her protests and tears. Never had she been afraid of him, but at this moment she was starting to become frightened. What am I going to do if he doesn't stop? If I can't make him listen? I can't fight him, and even if I could…I couldn't bring myself to hurt him. Scratch that, I've already hurt him, that's why he's here. Maybe I deserve this?
"Does he touch you like this Max? Is that why you love him? Why you left me? I wasn't aggressive enough for you?" He shifted so that one his knees lie between her thighs, pressing against her softness in a way that wasn't painful but carried a meaningful threat.
"I never loved him Logan…never…never Alec…Only you."
"So you didn't love him…"
"No…never…How could I love him?"
"So you didn't love him…but you still slept with him…" He kissed her gently for a moment, as if he believed her, and truth be told he wanted to. He really did, but he couldn't. Not after she'd already lied to him once. Unless? "Were you in heat?"
"No…Logan you don't understand…"
"I understand perfectly Max. You're lying here swearing that you loved me, but you still cheated on me. I could forgive you going after another guy when you were in heat Max, because as much as I hated it I couldn't hold what Manticore did to you against you. But this, how can I forgive this Max? And why should I even want to?"
Part of her wanted to scream. Wanted to say: 'because I love you and I didn't betray you'. But all she could manage to get out was his name. "Logan…" His name emerged from her lips in a voice filled with desperation, and longing for both his love and his forgiveness. Any other time and he would have died to hear her say his name like that, but now he was too far gone to give a damn.
"You betrayed me Max."
His lips descended forcefully on her's once again trying to silence the painful words that he knew would fly from them. She sobbed, and shut her eyes in defeat. She could think of nothing else to say to him. Nothing to make him realize what had happened, nothing that would make her love him again, nothing that would make him stop. She sobbed as his hand trailed over her collar bone, and harder still as it dipped lower to trace over her breast and ribs. Well at least he wasn't hurting her now, physically anyway.
When his hands reached the waist of her sweatpants and began to pull them down, her eyes flew open. No matter what lie she'd told, no matter what she'd done, no matter if she deserved it. She couldn't let him do this. Because if he did she'd never be able to look at him again. She'd never be able to remember him again without remembering this, and that would kill her more surely than any bullet ever could. She gathered a breath and said the only thing she could think of that might possibly reach him. And as she spoke she knew the words would save her, or damn her.
"Logan…please stop…If you love me…If you've ever loved me, stop. Please don't do this."
Well that's the end of chapter one.
Am I an evil, sadistic bitch? Does he stop? Do they forgive each other?
Review...lemme know what you think should happen. Cause if not...This fic
dies...and Max and Logan get left here....now be kind to the characters...gimmie
a review? Please?