Chapter 1. The despair and the dreams

(Three years after Sesshomaru dropped Rin off in Kaede's village)

It had been so long since I had seen her face. It actually wasn't that long only 2 weeks but what was 2 weeks felt months maybe perhaps years. With Rin gone Sesshomaru had so much fighting that he needed to do. Demons from all around the world came to try to take the lands of the west. Most were pathetic, weak demons who never stood a chance but with so many trying to claim even the slightest portion of land he had most of his time spent defending his territory. Whatever "relaxation" time Sesshomaru did have was dull, lonely and dry without Rin like a desert.

Sesshomaru tried to change the subject of his mind to no avail. He couldn't stop thinking about her. She was like the flowing rivers of the mountain next to a huge field of flowers. She was peaceful, majestic and seemed to have an aura of inner beauty pour out of her body. That thought gave him an idea of his next gift. He had often left gifts for Rin. He wanted her to remember about him. He didn't want to disappear out of her life. He decided to give her a bouquet of flowers. He had already given Rin the finest white porcelain vase with orange and green vines. The colors were similar to those on her old kimono. Sesshomaru cursed under his breath. There was not a day that went by that she was not on his mind. He missed her and her smile more than his common cold, calm exterior let on even if he didn't want to admit it.

He remembered the first night he left Rin at the village where Inuyasha resided. That day would be unforgettable. He still loathed the fact that he had to give up Rin, but he would not let some lowly, old, weak mortal woman take her completely away from him. The only reason he even agreed to the old priestess' deal was for Rin. She needed to know how to live among humans. She needed to know there was another option for her. Although every night consciously or unconsciously he secretly wished that when she matured she would chose him.

For now though, Rin's face haunted his every dream. There were two faces. He couldn't decide which one was worse. One was of her warm smile. It was the smile of when he asked her about the bruises inflicted on her. It was the same smile that was given only to him. He was surprised that he actually made anybody smile least of all Rin. She practically had all the warmth of the blazing fire sun inside her heart, her soul. It was that warmth that made Rin have a special place in his black heart although even Sesshomaru had to admit that his heart wasn't so dark anymore. It was all thanks to the lovely girl. The girl who made simple walks into delightful memories. The girl who saw something angelic in him that he himself did not see. It was that same girl that wasn't allowed to see him often. It was thought of not being able to have that smile around him all the time that made a huge gaping hole in the center of his chest. A hole that could not be filled.

The other face was of that night when Rin had to leave his side. That night when the warmth of her blazing soul seemed to die out leaving only the embers of great despair. He could remember it clearly. She cried out to him in fear, shock and sadness. She started to cry. He clearly remembered the twinkling diamonds spilling out from warm, sweet chocolate brown eyes. She cried in a way that seemed to make his heart jerk and twist with anguish. She sobbed for what seemed like hours. It was a horrifying experience enough to put him on the verge of tears, but he would not go so low as to show them. They were a sign of weakness. He could not afford to show that now. She didn't have to suffer this. She touched his soul in ways no one ever dared. How could she deserve this? When she started to cry he put his right hand on the left side of her face went close and whispered in her ear, " Remember when you asked me to never forget about you?" The fragile innocent girl was still sobbing heavily and could only manage a weak nod. "You don't have to worry" Sesshomaru said in his soft deep gentle voice specifically only for Rin. "I will never forget you. How could I?" What he said seemed to only make the child sob more, but he could tell that this comforted her by the way she nuzzled her cheek into the palm of his hand. Then he stared at her with his deep soft golden eyes the eyes she seemed to love so much. He had heard her discussing his eyes to herself while picking flowers. Her exact words were, "Sesshomaru, I will wait for you with your amber smile." He thought carefully about her statement and realized that both of them kept certain motions or characteristics only for each other. This reassured him that Rin would not forget him and that somehow they were connected.

Still he agonized over the thought of Rin forgetting him. He thought he would go see her soon even though she could not see him. Anger flared up in him at that very moment like the way heat flared in the sun, blistering and fiery. He still couldn't believe Rin couldn't see him. His self control slipped for a spilt second and he bared his fangs. As brief of a moment it was, it was enough for his loyal servant, Jaken to notice.

"What's wrong Lord Sesshomaru?" Jaken asked him nervous as ever. Sesshomaru didn't normally show his emotion except when it was too much to control or when he simply didn't care. The only time he remembered Sesshomaru showing his emotions because of both reasons was when Rin died while she was in the underworld and when his mother revived her. He had never seen Lord Sesshomaru so happy before. It really made him ponder some times if it hurt him that she was not around. There was no need to wonder if Sesshomaru missed Rin. A fool could tell you that, but Jaken wondered how much it really wounded him.

Sesshomaru didn't have the patience to deal with Jaken's questions so he simply ignored him. Jaken took the hint and was silent. Then suddenly there was a rustle in the trees and the bushes. Damn, Sesshomaru thought. He had been so lost in thought he didn't realize that he was surrounded. Not that it mattered but the other demons begun to notice that he was becoming less and less focused.

Sesshomaru flicked his wrist and a long emerald whip came out of his two fingertips. In a swift, but elegant motion he twirled the deadly whip in a smooth circle around him splitting in half everything it came into contact with. The demons did not expect this and were instantly killed.

"Magnificent my Lord!" stated Jaken proudly stepping in front of Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru simply responded by putting his boot into Jaken's face and stepping down. Jaken whined underneath him, but Sesshomaru simply ignored him and began drift off into the air.

"Wait for me Lord Sesshomaru!" cried out Jaken. He caught hold of Sesshomaru's fur right before he took off. Sesshomaru headed straight for the sweet, warm, innocent being known as Rin.