Going Through Them Like Condoms

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Franken Fran and Sayonara, Zesubou sensei do not belong to me. I'm making no money off this.


'Really, Veronica, " Fran said, shaking her head at her little sister. "I'm running out of schools we can go to. Can't you go for any length of time without killing someone?"

Veronica looked at the pile of assassin corpses behind her. "Hey, it's not my fault I keep running into them. They're like cockroaches. And not the intelligent, civilized ones we have in the basement."

Fran sighed as her burly, faceless orderlies began to sort through the bodies for those still partly living, and Adorea checked for harvestable organs. "I think you need another break, Veronica. Why don't you go to school again?"

Veronica gave her a bland look. "The first time I did that, I ran into a pedophile slaver ring. The one after that, you sent me to a haunted school! Then at the one after that, our crazy sister turned out to be a teacher there. Can't we just agree that education is a bad idea for me and drop it?"

Fran laughed. "Of course not, silly! Schooling important! It allows you to observe humans in a natural environment, and it's great for making friends!" She clasped her hands, going all starry-eyed. "And maybe you'll even meet your true love…"

"Has school done any of that for you?" Veronica asked.

Fran laughed nervously. "Anyway, I've enrolled you in a new school. It's called…"


Veronica had done the 'new school' thing a bunch of times. She'd had to, what with having to leave a lot of them due to assassins, terrorists, and whatever medical and biological horror her sister had cheerfully put together from someone's selfish request. Plus there'd been that time Fran had been recognized for a movie she'd done. Veronica still hadn't seen it, so she didn't know what it was about, but Fran had pulled them out of the school the next day.

Still, this was the first time her entry into the class had not only gone uncommented upon, but the teacher hadn't even done the 'stand up in front and introduce yourself' thing. She'd been a little confused but also a little relieved when her new classmates had just taken her for granted.

It took a week before the teacher had noticed her during rollcall.

"Veronica Madaraki, " he'd absently checked, then frowned. "Wait… who are you?"

It had been so long she hadn't even been expecting the question. "Veronica Madaraki, sensei, " she said. "I joined the class a week ago?"

Everyone looked at her liked they'd only just realized she was there.

"Ah!" the excessively cheery girl with the hair clip said. "This must be the famous Undynamic Entry!"

Everyone looked at her, Veronica included.

"After all, there's the Dynamic Entry, " she said cheerfully, "so there must be the Undynamic Entry to balance it!"

"That's true, " the busty girl with the bandages said. She was wearing a leg cast and supporting herself on a crutch today. "There are things that should make a big splash when they appear, but don't, so you're surprised when you see them."

Veronica blinked. "Um, what?"

"There are many things that make Undynamic Entries, " the girl holding the— Veronica blushed in embarrassment— Yaoi manga said. "The hook up of two important background characters during the time-skip! The fact that last season's superweapon one of a kind prototype became a common massproduction model! Neil Patrick Harris-sama being gay!"

Veronica and the class sighed longingly.

"I'm in despair!" the teacher cried. "Undynamic Entries have left me in despair!"


At lunch, people finally started noticing her.

The loud blonde pointed dramatically at Veronica. "In my home country, having a big X on your face means you're a virgin."

Veronica gave her a look. "You don't have to rub it in…"

"I'm sorry for not noticing you!" the girl with the mole on her face cried, bowing repeatedly. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

The girl with her hair parted down the middle looked at Veronica in satisfaction. "At last, our number of foreign-named girls are even…"


"So, how was school?" Fran asked as Veronica came back home.

Veronica shuffled nervously. "I might need to change schools…"

Fran slumped and sighed deeply. "What did you do, Veronica?"

"It's not my fault! I saw a guy hanging from a noose, thought he was a ghost and panicked when he started talking to me!"

Fran sighed. "Oh. Itoshiki-sensei… that's another school down, Veronica! And it'll probably be weeks before he'll let me harvest more regenerative cells!"



"Veronica, pack your bags!" Fran cried. "I've found one last school for you!"

Veronica sighed. "Where to now?"


"Class, " Negi said, smiling. "Please welcome your new classmate, Veronica Madaraki…"


- END!


A/N: I got to thinking, okay? Veronica is awesome and WAY hotter than Fran. You know the series is a bit messed up when the deadly assassin, no-compunctions-about-killing sister is less scary than the 'friend-to-all-living-things', altruistic, friendly, life-is-precious love freak sister.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.