Title: Oh Bambi, the Revival
Started: 9/15/11 11:39 p.m.
Finished: 9/16/11 4:01 a.m.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its respective characters.
"Now guys, I know April has had some rough spots, but if nothing else she's always treated us with kindness. So when you see her performing be encouraging, and polite. Alright, let's go," Mr. Schuester told his kids, and led them out of the auditorium.
April Rhodes decided to take a break from her (surprisingly successful) musical to visit Lima, and give them all a little taste of her show. Mr. Schue had told them that she sounded stone sober on the phone and apparently hadn't been drinking since the show opened. Most of them were unconvinced, but since April was nothing but a harmless ditz with a penchant for saying outrageous things they agreed to stay after glee practice to hear her sing.
She was warming up now in the choir room, and they were actually pretty excited for the show. At least most of them. Kurt was sick, so he wasn't at school that day. And according to Finn and Blaine it sounded like he was rather sore about missing April sing. But Mr. Schue had asked the A/V club to record the performance, so he'd at least get to see it on Youtube.
"I'm actually looking forward to meeting her," Blaine said pleasantly, his hands in his pockets. "From what Kurt's told me she's quite the character." He was also pretty sure that if Kurt was straight, he'd be smitten with the woman, but Blaine left that part out.
"That she is," Artie agreed, a small smile on his face.
Mr. Schuester turned around for a moment to smile gamely at Blaine. "And you're in for a treat, because she makes for some delightful company."
"When she's sober," Mike murmured, probably not meaning to be heard.
"When who's sober," Ms. Pillsbury asked, her hands clasped in front of her as she approached Mr. Schuester at his other side.
"April Rhodes. She's giving us a sample of one of the musical numbers in her show," Rachel said informatively, her stride quickening to keep near the front of the group.
Ms. Pillsbury paused for a second, then twitched and continued walking with them. "Oh, well that's wonderful. A-are you sure she's sober?"
Mr. Schue gave her a warning look, but Mercedes piped up. "She sure looked like it when a couple of us saw her earlier today."
The doe-eyed woman didn't look convinced. Mr. Schuester patted her shoulder. "Look, I know we've had cause to doubt her in the past, but…I really think that's just because she had nothing to lose by falling off the wagon. These days she's got a successful Broadway career! I'm sure she'd do nothing to ruin that."
Ms. Pillsbury's mouth tightened, but she nodded. "Well, if you say so. But just remember children," she said, pointing back at the kids. "Underage drinking is illegal, irresponsible, and—"
"Wooo-hoo! Who called UNICEF? Tell 'em we don't take cancelled checks!"
The group stopped at the obnoxious voice, and suddenly April Rhodes popped out of the door to the choir room, swaying and giggling. She stopped immediately when she saw them. "Oh thank God! Will, Will, whoops! There's air there!"
She stumbled over to Mr. Schuester, and Blaine's brow furrowed in confusion at the thought of Kurt admiring this wobbly woman. He leaned back to whisper to Finn, "Is that her?"
The taller boy nodded with a wry smirk, and leaned down to whisper back. "Don't worry, she's funnier this way."
Mr. Schuester didn't seem to think it was very funny though. He ran up to her and caught her by the shoulders, talking to her like he would a misbehaving child. "April, what are you doing?"
"I-I don't know! I think someone slipped me something! I didn't know it was booze! I swear Will, we didn't know! I gotta say though, this school looks a lot prettier this way! Heehee…"
"Whoa, April, who could have slipped you something? The school's empty."
She furrowed her brows, like she was trying to concentrate very hard. "No, no, it's not empty. You're all here," she waved a suspicious finger at the kids and gestured to the room she just left. "And there was that awesome broad in the tracksuit, and—"
"Coach Sylvester," Brittany offered, since their cheer coach was the only person at the school who wore a tracksuit. But in her opinion, Coach Sylvester was a chameleon, and the tracksuit was her skin; it changed color with her environment.
"That's it! Thanks doll," April cheered. "She gave me some free punch! She was telling, me, just, how, outstanding," she jabbed her finger into Mr. Schue's chest with each word, "it was that my new show is finally off the ground. Whooo!" She did a little spin, but her legs got caught in a ridiculously long pair of…familiar, denim pants, and she almost fell on her ass, but Mike managed to catch her.
"Uh…April," Tina started hesitantly. "What are those pants?"
The diminutive blonde looked down at her jeans then pointed a rubbery arm at the choir room. "Skirt has my Kurt. Skirt. Skirt has my…Kurt! Kurt has my…sk…curry!"
She giggled uselessly and hoisted herself up on wobbly legs, the top of her head not even reaching Mike's shoulders. "C'mon! I left him singing and dancing on the risers!"
As they got closer to the choir room they began to hear the music pounding from inside. And when April drunkenly shoved the door open they were met with the sight of Kurt Hummel, sashaying up and down the risers to Out Tonight, from Rent, shaking his hips and running his hands through his hair.
"Ohhh, my God. This…is…awesome!" Puck shouted, laughing behind his fist as Finn gave him a light punch before running up to his stepbrother.
"Kurt, what the hell are you doing? Why are you wearing…a skirt," he whispered, as if everybody else in the room hadn't noticed that Kurt was strutting around in a tight, short-short leather skirt.
Kurt looked down at himself and smiled widely to his stepbrother, swaying a little. "April wanted to hear some music to inspire her performance, so I plugged in my iPod. But she wanted me to sing Out Tonight…and I couldn't! 'Cause I'm not wearing a tight skirt! So she put on my pants, and I put on her tight skirt!" He declared proudly, and placed his hands on his hips before proceeding to strut across the risers like a model on a runway.
April shrugged at Mr. Schue and her hands flopped to her sides. "Cutie-Kurt walked in here. He said he wanted to at least hear my song if he couldn't go to school. And it was just so, so, super sweet that I just had to share my punch with him." She turned around and flung her arms into the air. "Just like old times, beautiful!"
Kurt grinned and ran to her, picking her up with ease and twirling her around the room. But he quickly stopped and put her down, grabbing at his head with a smile. "Whoo, bad idea."
"Hey, dude. Blaine," Puck said, nudging at the shorter boy, who was utterly poleaxed at the sight of his boyfriend…drunk. Drunk, yeah, that was it.
"Kurt looks cute in a skirt huh?"
The ex-soloist blushed furiously and shoved Puck away as Finn tried to subdue April. "That's none of your business Puck," he scolded, and went to the upper-most riser to look for his jacket.
"Will," Ms. Pillsbury said quietly, though it sounded a lot louder when Rachel turned off the music. "Don't you think somebody should take Kurt home?"
"I don't wanna go ho—," Kurt started to lash out, then he saw who made the comment, and his eyes rounded. "Oh…Bambi! You again!"
Ms. Pillsbury let out an alarmed squeak and hid behind Mr. Schue while most of the guys started laughing, except for Finn and Blaine. The latter had finally found his jacket and cautiously approached Kurt with it.
"Kurt, I'm just gonna put this around your waist, okay? We've gotta get you covered."
"I don't wanna—oh." He paused when he saw Blaine, and though his eyes were bleary, they started to shine as he smiled a very awkward smile. It was probably supposed to be something approaching seduction, but in his current state it just looked ridiculous. Shaking hands reached out and played through gelled hair. "Ooh Prince Naveen. I wanna be your Evangaline!"
At that, the girls burst out laughing, and Mr. Schuester had apparently had enough. "Alright, guys, stop it! Finn, why don't you take Kurt home? Emma, take April to the cafeteria and get her some coffee. Everybody else, go home. I'm gonna find Sue," he finished with a growl, and stormed out of the room.
Ms. Pillsbury hesitantly extracted a sobbing April from Finn's arms, making sure to stay as far away from Kurt as possible. But the countertenor had bigger concerns at the moment, like wondering why he was wearing a hideous jacket around his waist. It covered his gorgeous skirt.
The guys approached him while the girls joined Ms. Pillsbury and left for the cafeteria. "Kurt, haven't you learned anything? Never take a drink from April Rhodes. Especially if it comes in a thermos," Artie lectured.
Kurt shrugged and blew a raspberry. "She said she was sober." He giggled and tapped Blaine's shoulder. "But not no more," he giggled in a stage whisper.
Blaine's eyes watered at the offensive smell and passed the countertenor off to his brother. "How about I go with you Finn? Somebody's gotta get Kurt's car home."
"What about your car," Finn asked, prying his brother's fingers from his hair.
Blaine just shrugged and dared a soothing hand over Kurt's back. "We can figure it out later. Right now we've gotta get him home and sobered up before Burt gets off work. And it won't help if his Navigator isn't in the driveway."
Finn tapped Kurt's shoulder, and the brunette rolled his head up to meet his eyes. "Kurt? Where are your keys?"
The younger boy grinned and looked at Blaine, shimmying his hips. "In the usual place."
Blaine blushed, and lifted the jacket from Kurt's waist. The other guys watched with wide eyes as he perfunctorily thrust his hand into the back pocket of the skirt, barely fishing before coming up with the car keys.
Kurt pouted, thrusting out his lower lip. "That was too fast," he whined.
"Uh…Blaine," Finn said slowly. "How did you know that's where he keeps his keys?"
"Lucky guess," Blaine said, his voice high and squeaky. He cleared his throat and strode out of the room, ignoring the snickers of the other boys. "Alright, let's get him home. And if I were you I'd pack a puke bucket for the road."
Yeah, I meant it. Totally pointless fun, lol. I don't normally explore drunk Kurt, but I've had the idea for a while, and their real-life relationship is adorable! Definitely not on par with my usual work, but I just felt like going slightly kitschy. And the Naveen thing? Well…everyone's always comparing Blaine to Prince Eric, but frankly I always thought he looked more like Naveen. I don't plan on continuing this, but if anyone wants to attempt a part two, just send me a message; I'd love to hear ideas!